#beingbruce

[novapark]

Dronningslund, two years later. 

[novapark]

If only he had been more sensitive to what she was going through. It wasn’t like they weren’t both lonely in their own way. He was just always too sodding busy trying to find the one that wasn’t there and now... well now he was left with nothing. Nothing but the guilt she put in his heart he knew wasn’t really fair. 

Not that it stopped him from feeling it.  Especially the way he left things. It had worried him back then that he’d be the one to get violent. He had always had a touch of melancholy that seemed to dominate all other feelings so it was strange to suddenly be so angry with her. His mum had always been sort of cruel but he never wanted to be, even to her, even in that moment. He tried to comfort himself, as he always did when the flood came back. I mean how was he supposed to know she’d go and burn the damn house down? 

In retrospect, it made the most sense if she was going to do anything dramatic. He was a fireman back then, she probably hoped with all her spite he’d get there first. 

He should have been but he wasn’t, so there’s that guilt again. 

[novapark]

You Might Be Bruce 

A story about stupid family problems and some cousins who have them. 

**Trigger Warnings**

Death, Depression, Substance Abuse, Suicide 

Yeah not joking around as I get back into this I guess, will tag but just letting people know in advance. 

Main Tag:  #BeingBruce  

Series One  - Last Post | From the Beginning 

[novapark]

“Tris? Why’d ya close yerself in like this? I told ya what ya wanted! Sweet boy please don’t do this to yer mum. Ya said ya wouldn’ leave if I told ya, ya did say that! Don’t ya remember? ... please boy.” After her last admission Tristan wasn’t sure he wanted to know more, his suspicions had been far more tame than the truth turned out to be. He had always just assumed she had panicked as a young woman and didn’t bother to tell his father about him but this... this made it hard to even look at her. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do in the long term but he knew he couldn’t stay there and risk his rage creeping in. Just what she needed was for him to start yelling, then he could be the unreasonable one. He hadn’t realized until then how often she had done that to him until his Aunt had brought it up and he wasn’t going to let it happen again. Not over this. 

“Tristan Javor!! THIS IS MY HOUSE YA HEAR ME?!  I’LL TAKE THE DOOR OFF. YA KNOW I WILL!!” 

Of course right now he had to figure out how he was going to get out of his room without her noticing. 

Previous | End of Series   

[novapark]

“It only happened the once, when I went down to visit my old flatmates from school, ya remember that I’m sure. Hadn’t left ya for more than an afternoon before that.” She explained still showing some degree of hesitation in her nervous fingers. 

“I do, ya cried like a child on the platform when ya were supposed to be boardin.’ Pretty humiliatin’ for me, given I was sixteen summers and a good couple heads taller than ya were at the time. It was alright though, I tried not to show my mind given I know how hard it was for ya.” Tristan cracked a weak smile remembering how often he had ranted to his cousin Gibby about how obsessively protective his mother could be, “That was just before he found out though wasn’t it? Was only a couple a weeks before ma birthday and it wasn’t long after that I picked up the phone. I’m sure he wasn’t terribly happy to get that news. What happen’? Did he just stop callin’ ya mum?”

“Well no actually.. he called a lot at first, at weird times hopin’ to catch ya again himself I think.” 

“But ya had made ma feel bad enough about the last time I didn’t touch it.” The young man felt a snarl shoot up into his throat at he spoke. 

“Right... so I asked him to stop and he said maybe he’d just fuckin’ come up ‘ere himself and see ya. I never told em exactly where I was from but I’m sure it wouldn’t take much effort if he cared enough...” 

“Shoulda just told him to come on up, perhaps he woulda forgiven’ ya for all this.” 

“Ya say that but you don’t know how angry the man was. Also I’d have to explain to Thom where the fuck he came from and why he sounded suspiciously English for an Eastern European.” 

“And why the fuck would ya wanna do right?” 

Previous | Next

[novapark]

The wander home had been uneventful but not as sobering as Tristan had hoped. It was alright though, he was far enough gone now that sleep would come quickly. Unfortunately that plan immediately unraveled as he fell through the door. 

“Well dontya look a bit peely-wally. None surprised considerin’ the state a shite ya livin’ in.” 

Tristan wasn’t sure for a moment if he was actually seeing Gibby or if maybe his mental health had graduated to a new phase.  “...uh...”    

“An a good mornin’ to ya too Tris. How’s about we have a wee chat?”

[novapark]

A painful sigh dropped from his lungs as his mind wandered into what ifs once more. A thousand times he’d played it differently in his head but every time he wasn’t there. Every time he saw Willa’s tears, every time he heard his Aunt scream in a way he’d never heard  a human scream... and Thom, well he didn’t deserve Thom. He never had deserved any of them. So when all was said and done, when what was left of her was in the ground, he did what he did best and left.  

[novapark]

As he swayed along the canal he wondered if it had been this easy for her to fall into the ocean. If the drops had ever been vile, if the smell was ever too strong. If she ever thought she’d never be that person that’d get lost in the glass. He thought he could remember a time she didn’t, she wasn’t always a drunk but of course either was he. Well not till now anyway.