#beingchinese

[baritonekeith]

G U N G | H A Y | F A T | C H O I Happy cock year y'all! #chinesenewyear #yearoftherooster #lunarnewyear #beingChinese #beingAsian #me #selfie #gay #instagay #gaysian #torontogay #scruff #inked #fit #red #guyswithtattoos #gongheyfatchoy #everyonelovesanasianboy #photooftheday

[seabreeze-greentea-blog]

#beingchinese

[chonger66]

I Thought Being Miserable Was Just Part Of Being Chinese American

New light shed on my own life from this piece by Kristina Wong. I never really thought of my balancing act between two cultures could correlate with a psychological issue.  How ironic that is seeing as I majored in Psychology and took a huge interest in observing people. Maybe because my whole life was about this balancing act that I thought things in relation to working out how to be Chinese and how to be American was just normal and didn't contribute negatively to my psyche.

One of her points stuck out to me the most. "I was never raised to be happy as much as I was raised to be successful. " Am I in the same position as her? Upon reflection on my recent posts, I strive for stability and my stability comes hand in hand with being successful. Is it in part because it has been drilled in my brain that in order to be happy, one must be successful?

Sometimes I'm feeling lonely, miserable and depressed but normal at the same time. It's as Kristina Wong said, it's not the pop culture definition of depression, but is it depression? A deeper depression than we care to admit perhaps? When I'm sad because my job prospects aren't going well or sad that my life is not where it should be, does it extend even deeper than I thought? When did it become established that needing my life to be in a certain place or having a certain type of success equate to happiness? Is it because of the way I was raised or do non-Asians feel the same type of association? Of course, personally I'm going for the stereotypical positions of success. I had been on the medical track and now I'm on the law track but my older brother and my cousins, they are not following that track yet they still seem more depressed than I do.

We just all seem miserable. All through our lives we have seen how destructive money can be, in times when we had it and in times when we did not.  But growing up, I think we gradually associated money with happiness because when our family did have money, they were a tad bit happier. They still had their problems but they were happier because life was less stressful, bills were less stressful and they could have things. In time, that passed onto us. Money meant happiness and success brought money so success meant happiness. My cousin, I think, refused to let money "buy" happiness but in watching her struggle, especially recently, even she can't refuse the need for money and the comforts that more money offers. I don't think I am where Kristina Wong is but I do think she offered a different perspective in my struggles as a Chinese-American. Another perspective on when life is feeling dismal, could it be caused from some other point of my life that I never considered?

Hopefully one day, I'll be able to verbally state what happiness means to me.