#beingcrowetic

[verycrowetic]

The Moon

The Moon is a great listener.

She doesn't judge me when I cry about the same thing three times a week

When the Sun rises, she doesn't talk about me to the stars. (Not that I know of.) And she always comes back. Even when she needs time to renew herself, at least she always comes back

[verycrowetic]

Reeling

I started looking for us,

In social media posts.

Or rather our months,

And zodiacs,

And initials,

And seasons and anything else

That can be used to grab people

Like me.

The romantics.

Hopeless or not,

I hope I’m not hoping this lasts.

Not because I don’t want it to,

But because every time I do,

Something in the world decides

It wants to spite me.

And every time, I lose

The one thing I want to keep

The most.

And if I’m hoping,

That means it’s probably you.

[verycrowetic]

dead dove

do not open me, my contents will disappoint you.

no matter how low your expectations or how high your hopes the reaction will be the same.

i can not take another repackaging.

i do not wish to seal myself shut once more.

do not open me my contents will disappoint you.

as they have done with all who’ve come before.

[verycrowetic]

End My Stay

It's time for me to go. I've pretended not to know for long enough. No one likes an overbearing guest. I've extended my stay as long as I could,

but I fear I'm growing too attached to these walls.

There's familiarity in this game. Where I pretend to be stuck, and you pretend you can contain me.

But this wooden chair is starting to rot, and these chains are rusting into somethin brittle, and the unlocked door I've been ignoring is now open for me to walk through.

[verycrowetic]

Home

Hope is where the heart is.

A message that got lost in translation.

Maybe even an explanation to why I long estranged places—

Because hope lies where my heart is.

And hopeful I am, always praying for the impossible:

For time to bend, burned bridges to be mended, or maybe just a better ending to a dusty story.

Or maybe I’m rubbing salt in my own wounds.

You knew I couldn’t stand things too sweet.

That’s why things had to be torn, jagged, rough— Cut with rusty blades, not scissors.

I needed something to hope for, so my heart had somewhere to be

[verycrowetic]

Gratitude

You ever meet someone and think, “I wanna get to know you”?

Then, “I wanna get to know you” becomes “I wanna be the one that holds you”

Then when you finally get to hold them, it’s “I’m never letting go of you”

And then you smile, hold them a little tighter, and think “Thank God I get to love you”

-🐦‍⬛

[verycrowetic]

What If

“What if the sun didn’t rise tomorrow?” “What?”

“What if the sun didn’t rise?” “What if the world ended?”

“Well, isn’t that the same thing?” “I suppose, but you can’t live on ‘What if’.”

“Well, no, you can’t. But it’s an interesting thought.”

“For example, what if the next time you blinked, was the last time you opened your eyes.” “Must you be so morbid?”

“Why must Death be morbid? You’ve never died before.” “No, I haven’t. But-”

“What if Death was sweeter than Life? Free and liberating. As far as we know it could be paradise!”

“That’d be such a shocking discovery, right?” “Why, yes…Yes I guess it would. I suppose there is only one way to know.”

“You’re right, but I don’t wish to die. Why there’s so much I want to do! Besides, what if I’m wrong?”

“Which makes me think… You were right.” “Right about what, may I ask?”

“You cannot live, based on ‘What if’s” “No, you can not. But, they do make you wonder…”

-🐦‍⬛

[verycrowetic]

Watching

It’s all burning down. Poisonous air kills my breath.

It’s slow but suffocating nonetheless.

I’m taking as much as I can

But my hands are full

It’s all burning down. I can feel it in my chest.

In my heart.

It’s all burning down.

And I can only watch.