#beingunderpressure

[thatwasprettyawkward]

The bus, part 2

One day on the bus a fat man fell asleep on me, leaning especially hard on me when we went around corners. And all I could do was giggle under my breath about it, struggling to breathe, until the bus driver lurched to a halt and the fat man slammed his head into the seat in front of him, and then he woke up and proceeded to have a semi-normal conversation with me while I stifled a smile. Neither of us acknowledged that anything out of the ordinary had happened.

[thatwasprettyawkward]

Silence in conversation

I believe there is a saying about, "You know you're really friends with someone when you can hang out and just shut the fuck up." Ever since I heard that expression, I have made a concerted effort to be able to hang out, shutting-the-fuck-up, and keep cool, no matter who I'm with. I'm cool! I can kick it. Look at me! Silence, silence, silence. Not saying a word. Just a person breathing in, and breathing out. Am I breathing? I don't think I'm breathing.

However, this sort of scenario is reserved for riding in the car; long walks; watching a movie; horseback riding, tandem massages; and etcetera. Specifically, activities where both parties are looking forward, and not forced to look at each other. I will give you that there is room in a dining situation for the occasional silence, because eating is going down. I'm okay with that. But if it goes on for too long, I don't feel awkward, I just feel depressed, because it reminds me of those couples who go out to dinner and don't talk to each other for the entire time. This disturbs me so very much, that I end up not talking to my own husband, gaping at the couple who is not talking, wondering when one of them is going to say a word, and calculating on a scale of one to ten how much they hate each other. I will digress now.

There is a time and a place when silence in conversation is truly unacceptable, dear readers! And it is: when you are in a face-to-face conversation with someone. There have been people in my life who made me feel slightly unsettled, and I couldn't put my finger on why. It wasn't until discussing with my husband that we realized that said parties are not very good conversation reciprocators. They don't smile very easily in conversation. Straight faced, they only answer questions that you ask them, and usually briefly. They don't ask you questions, or elaborate. If you were to judge their behavior, you might think they don't like you, or are trying to get out of the conversation, but this isn't true! They are always like this. It's not that they are shy, either, no -- they are confident in their silence. They might even seek you out in a room-- In fact, they might even try to make plans with you to hang out more often! What is this person's deal? You just start to get the impression that the onus to continue the conversation rests solely on your shoulders. If you stopped talking, they would just stand there, staring at you. 

Instead of making them appear shy, lazy, or socially strange, the effect is quite the opposite! No, these people seem like they are too cool for school. Why won't this person reciprocate this conversation? Is this person FAMOUS? Is this person James Dean? All of a sudden you start talking faster and giving them more compliments. Soon, you feel it necessary to disclose long standing secrets, yet you can't stop, even though you feel like you are there solely for this person's amusement. Dear god! Are they sociopaths? How can this be?

I'll tell you how. They are simply not awkward, something that makes awkward people feel off the charts on the awkward-o-meter. 

So next time this happens to you, I challenge you to not-reciprocate back. See who wins this cold war!