I took 5 months of my life off this year. I needed to step away from the life I was used to... and believe that it could better. I’ve done countless things in my time off - it wasn’t the relaxing hermit life I had envisioned but this turned out better actually. I accepted opportunities, I fell in love, I cried (a lot), I reconnected with my Savior up above, i tried new things, and learned a LOT about myself - understanding me and how i can better take care of myself.
I had a lot of mixed feelings about school at first. I was afraid of all my progress this summer falling apart - that what happened before would happen again. I didn’t want school to be the center of my world again because when it was like that, I was miserable and I was never fulfilled.
School is tomorrow and I’m up tonight wondering what it will be like. I’ve stopped paying attention to my fears... because you can’t have both faith AND fear at the same time: and I choose faith. I suppose that this is one of those times in life where you’re through with thinking - all that’s left is the moment at hand.
I’ve been here before. Withdrawing and coming back. This is the 2nd time. Each withdraw was a difficult choice and both times I’ve ended up at that crossroads thinking whether I’m strong enough. I realize now that asking that is a waste of energy. I learned in church today that a part of overcoming trials is to change your attitude about them. Up till now, I haven’t been one to positively say that I was strong, that I was capable, and that I was smart. Now more than ever is the time to say “I’m ready to be like Nike and just do it!” “You are strong, smart, and kind Alissa” “Just be yourself - you’ll be fine”.
Being fine and being yourself, I realize doesn’t mean being perfect. Knowing that in my gut now more than I ever have, I can walk into class tomorrow with a smile. Pray for me please because there will be days when I won’t want to smile. Doubts will undoubtedly come again. Anxiety will build up time and time again. Assignments will be hard and I will probably want to cry. Pray for me for courage in my trials, for the humility to lay down everything to God, for the tranquility and peace that comes with keeping God in my everyday thoughts and prayers. That all the lessons I’ve learned this summer through both God and the people in my life stay by me when I need them most. That this time, I do not give up but prevail - for with God, the victory is ALWAYS HIS.