#belle vent

[madamebell]

…and if anyone is somehow curious why this series meant a lot to me? Why I still kept watching despite my frustrations? Why did I become so stupidly passionate about a series that started so wonderfully and ended so poorly?

…Pomni.

I never expressed how much she means to me as a person. I love Ragatha, and I love Gangle, Zooble, Kinger, Jax, Bubble, and I heavily adore Caine when I could.

But my adoration and love for Pomni just…felt…different. I love a ton of fictional characters but she just struck me as someone who…I honestly felt like I connected with.

From Pilot to four and…even sometimes during eight, I must painfully admit she put me in awe as a person as genuinely interesting as she is.

Her empathy is absolutely wonderful, she’s considerate and she….damn it I can’t even describe it. But, I’m gonna let you all in on something personal.

Years ago I had a dream, it was sorta after the Pilot’s release and around before episode 2 came out, and I was with Pomni.

We were both in some sort of twisted mall, being chased by some abstracted, and I can vividly remember just running away with her. I remembered being scared…and her being scared.

Soon we just hid in a room and I just…I hugged her. I know she doesn’t like physical touch but, she hugged me back.

…call me stupid for crying over this because I am but; that hug? Was the most comforting shit I ever felt and I can still feel it. She means everything to me.

…Sometimes I hear people being so cruel to her and it genuinely hurts.

I miss her. I miss her so much. She isn’t dead but I feel like I lost her…I feel like I lost someone I loved so much because of the ending and…

…I’m so sorry darlings for this depressing post I promise I’ll make things happier soon but I just gotta get this off my chest or else I’ll cry myself to sleep.

…I miss Pomni so much..

[madamebell]

-Vent Post Below-

Irony isn’t lost on me how my friends only care for characters from a series that had gotten backlash over it being redundant, and the only reason they still play it is because of a set of characters who may not even have a role at this point.

And I’m the one that gets shit on for loving TADC, and get told that they’re glad it’s gonna be over so I don’t have to focus on it.

Like ok, cool, but don’t forget the series you’re into for the sake of the characters who may as well never appear again and have no personal connection to the story. At least GLITCH will try and bring up the cast once the show ends like Murder Drones. I get it, my hyper fixations suck. 🤦‍♀️

[madamebell]

To the people on TikTok who are already shitting on Gameoverse give it a break? We get it, you’re all moody.

Just because TADC will end doesn’t mean it’s the end of Glitch. Fucking, Knights of Guinevere and Gaslight District still exist, and Murder Drones merchandise is still pouring after the shows ended.

Ya’ll need to relax. And to whoever said “we don’t want new ones, we want the old ones.”

That’s the mentality of someone who likes the Disney Remakes and Reboots. -_-

[madamebell]

The sad and aggravating moment when your friend uses AI to “make art” of your other friends yumeships.

And me debating if I should just offer to draw it next time or not say anything because I really don’t have the time, energy, or patience to become a free-art maker for yumeship art.

[madamebell]

Honestly it’s not a wonder I write Fluff (even Smut) with romance and love that’s both tender and sweet because, wow, I’m apparently lacking love in so many forms in my current real life situation, platonically and romantically.

Cause, wow, arguments with my mother over being “lazy” and “you need to step up” after it not working enough hours…and that’s all I really feel she does?

No wonder my coping mechanism is just making sure fictional characters are happier for my sake. I much rather feel some joy knowing say, Jax and Ragatha have worked hard to make a healthy relationship

[madamebell]

-BELLE VENT BELOW-

-Writing this to get this off my chest, you don’t have to see it if you don’t need to or want to. Just know this is is a hefty one.-

Oh the lovely double standards that happens to me more often than not when it comes to attraction to fictional characters.

A recent topic brought up by some friends of mine made me think back a while ago when I was asked this hypothetical situation,

My female friend asked me,

“If you had a gun pointed at your head and the only way out is to kiss a character as the same sex as you, who would it be?”

And I thought about it, and considering that admittedly Pomni was the ONLY female character I find remotely attractive, I said her.

I of course get hit with “Of course you would.”

And then when she asked me “Who do you think [MALE FRIEND’S NAME] would pick?”

I gave a bunch of possible names because, my male friend likes a bunch of characters (male and female) to the point I question to this day “how the HELL do my friends not realize that he is not straight but bisexual”

Oh apparently he answered he’s rather get shot than not do it, which is proven to be bullshit much later down after the question because I was recently asked if one of the new additions to our character list in our RP group would fall in love with him.

…So I get teased for having an attraction to Pomni, the ONLY female character I am ever attracted to, even being told I would go lesbian for her if given the chance (even though I’ve been notorious for being only attracted to men of many shapes and forms)

But my guy friend gets to fuck with women and men and just be considered straight, even being treated as normal about it. Even to the point where it’s just blatantly obvious.

…I’m not sure what or how I feel anymore.

[madamebell]

Not necessarily something I normally say because, I love a lot of tropes, but I think one I really dislike with a passion is the “Overpowered Hero” trope. Or however it’s called.

Don’t get me wrong, I think anime can encapsulate this perfectly, but when you insert an overpowered character who pretty much has “godlike” powers in a new situation that has lower stake enemies, especially in adventures where things can be achieved easily but isn’t…because the narrative requires for that said character to fail to help or even DO anything different because of “plot”.

I avoid this tripe entirely because not only is it just difficult for me to write, but it’s also really boring.

Like, why would I write Iris, Tatiana, and (maybe eventually in the future) Celeste and Vivianne to have that level of skill? That would make them boring.

Bonus: If the stakes are called, it mostly affects those weaker than said “hero” and it’s all relied on this hero to not right away help them and lets them die (especially if they have HEALING powers or friends with HEALING CAPABILITIES-)

[madamebell]

…uh oh…uh guys, I’m overlooking what I wrote and I realized midway that in hindsight, the situation Caine and Pomni are in is still during an adventure of his own making and, like, I don’t know if I should be worrying this much but it’s going to make what’s happening here feel like a “lie” or Caine taking advantage over Pomni somehow.

But the fact that this date was all planned in advance (not the intimacy), is actually making me second guess how this all plays out, especially since I was thinking of writing Caine to admit midway and there would still be somethings after but..

…Shit. I’m actually stumped guys, this is NOT good. I’m serious when I say, Episode 7 (God forbid I HATE this episode for another reason), is sincerely the worst episode to make do with a plot.

I might actually HAVE to rewrite certain things, (not too much) but ultimately…I want this to be a fanfic where it doesn’t remind you that, in the episode this plays in, it’s all a lie.