Kiss & Make Up?
pairing: ben barnes x fem!singer!reader
summary: your jealousy causes a massive fight between you and your boyfriend, ending with the two of you calling it quits. but, despite all of the hate you had for him, you also loved him. after all, two things can always be true.
warnings: SMUT (read at your own risk), oral (f receiving), angst (with a sort of happy ending), mentions of vomit, a lot of cussing, no use of y/n
a/n: this is sort of based of two kelsea ballerini songs (shocker ik), but emerald city is the start and then the whole fic is two things. i didn’t name any actresses cause i low key love all the ones ben has worked with soooo, I couldn’t find it in me to do that lol, so his co star is unnamed.
Tonight was supposed to be a happy night. It was supposed to be a night to celebrate her amazingly talented boyfriend. So she shouldn't feel like this, she shouldn't feel jealous. They were co stars, they worked together for months. She had him, he was hers. He made it abundantly clear to the world that he was spoken for. So she had no reason to doubt his loyalty.
But they just made more sense. They fit, she didn't. If she was being honest, she felt like she never fit into his world. She doesn't understand the acting world. She can only understand the music world. Which, luckily, is what they had bonded over. But, there was something that she couldn't relate to when he would talk about it, and that feeling of not being able to understand ate away at her.
The night of the premier had come to an end, she smiled and told everyone how proud she was of her boyfriend. Which, she was, he was amazing in this new movie, but she felt her stomach turn inside. The thought of him being with someone else made her sick, even if she believes he should be with someone else. She just hung off his arm and smiled all night until they made their way back to the hotel.
New York was always buzzing throughout the night, but it never could drown out her thoughts. She started slowly taking her jewelry off in the mirror, just looking at herself. She knows she's pretty, there's no doubt. Her favorite thing about her had actually always been her eyes, that was always what she got the most compliments on, so that's what she grew to love. Despite all of that, she still felt so insecure tonight. She felt like the only thing she could offer him was a pretty face. Which, is not what he deserved.
She was so caught up in her thoughts that she failed to see her boyfriend walk up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and planted a few kisses on her shoulder. She offered a smile that didn't quit reach her eyes. He noticed, but didn't want to pry.
"Did you enjoy tonight, my love?" Ben asked, pressing a few more kisses to her neck. She hummed.
"Yeah...it was fun" She shifted her hair over her shoulder and silently asked him to help her out of her dress. He hesitated, staring at her reflection in the mirror. He slowly unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the floor. She stepped out of it, and instead of turning to him, she turned to her suitcase and rummaged through it to find something to sleep in.
It's not that he was expecting anything, but it wasn't like her to just walk away like that. He watched her as she finally found a shirt and shorts to sleep in. She finally turned around to see his questioning look.
"What's wrong?" He asks. She shakes her head, moving to the bed.
"Nothing" She says, tucking herself under the covers, still sitting up with her back against the headboard.
"Don't give me that." He mutters her name with a little more of a demanding tone. "Something is wrong."
"Why? Cause I don't want to have sex with you?" She snaps. It catches her and him off guard. She didn't mean to snap like that, but it just slipped out.
"Okay, now I definitely know something is up." He sits on the edge of the bed, facing her. "Tell me" she groans and tosses her head back.
"Ben, it's late, let's not do this right now" She tries to lay down, but he doesn't move, making it impossible for her to do so.
"No, let's do this right now." He responds with the same demanding tone. "I want to know why you felt the need to accuse me of being mad over you not sleeping with me." His arms went to either side of her thighs, leaning his weight onto his hands as he leaned his face close to hers. It was like he was trying to unlock a safe with the most impossible code. She just shook her head and crossed her arms, looking at the wall trying to not break down. His fingers came up to hook her chin and turn her to face him. "Tell me what's bothering you, baby"
She finally lets a tear slip, making his eyes soften and his thumb come up to wipe it away. She cursed herself for breaking so easily. She couldn't help that she was basically putty in his hands.
"Fuck...Ben, I don't belong here" She cries, his face scrunches in confusion.
"What are you talking about?" He asks, cradling her face and wiping her tears away. She gently pushes his hands away to create some distance. She can see the flash of hurt that crosses his eyes.
"Here" She motions around the room. "In your world." He was even more confused now than ever.
"Why on earth would you think that?" He asks, his voice was laced with hurt and sadness. He was sad because he also knew that you weren't letting him help you or make it better. She sniffles and wipes her tears away, smudging her perfect red carpet make up.
"Because I don't know anything about acting or that side of fame. I felt like a complete outsider tonight." She cries, he felt even more hurt that she thought that. He felt mad at himself but also at her for not voicing it sooner. He may have let his anger take over his next words,
"Well it's not like you tried tonight." Her eyes snapped to his, he instantly regretted his choice of words after he saw the look that flashed across her eyes. It wasn't sadness or anger, it was betrayal. How could he say something like that?
"What the fuck does that mean?" Her legs shift up closer to her chest to create even more distance between them. His heart broke at this.
"I just mean..." he sighed. "You were...distant tonight...I just thought- I don't know...that you would try to converse with my friends." Her mind immediately draws back to how much time he spent with her. The woman he had shared most of his screen time with and the one that made her question everything about herself. She just scoffed.
"I'm sure you did..." She threw her legs off the bed and stood up, pacing around in front of the bed.
"Okay, now what does that mean?" He shoots back, annoyance clearly back as he tried to read between the lines.
"It means that you wish I was like them, like your friends. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not. I'll never be like them." He stands up and walks in front of her.
"When have I ever said that?!" He argues.
"You don't have to! I can clearly tell that you want someone who understands that side!" She shouts. He flinches at her tone, but then anger fills his eyes.
"You sure that's it? Cause this is clearly not the whole reason you're acting like a pain in the arse right now!" It was her turn to flinch at his words. Angry tears filled her eyes now, how could he speak like this knowing everything that happened with her. She shakes her head.
"Maybe you should just go be with her!" She says her name, the woman that she had been comparing herself to for weeks now. "Everyone wants you too anyway! So go!" That was the answer he was looking for, he scoffs and shakes his head.
"I can't believe you right now..." He runs a hand down his face. "Damn it, we're just friends!"
"Doesn't look like it" She says in an accusing tone, throwing her arm up. He lets out a dry laugh.
"God, when did you get so fucking insecure! This is not the same woman I met last year." That was the final blow, the last straw that made her break.
"Then fucking leave! Go find someone else!" She yells, throwing her arms up again and motioning towards the door. He just glares at her, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
"Fine" He mutters, turning and throwing his things into his suitcase. She finally felt it, they were done. She had just ended it.
"I hope you get everything you wished for, Ben" She says sarcastically through her tears. He scoffs as he shoves his things into his suitcase.
"And I hope that you realize you don't have to fuck things up just because they get real." He zips his suit case and starts towards the door. She lets out a loud sob.
"Ugh, fuck you!" She screams as the door closes. As she hears the click, she drops to the floor. Her sobs are uncontrollable and she clenches at her chest. She felt physically hurt. It was over, she had ended it.
The next morning was awful. She woke up with her head pounding and her bed empty. She couldn't help but cry more, feeling the bed cold beside her. This was his hotel room, and yet he left her in it. She felt sick staying in it any longer. She got up to start packing her things. She found a flight home and booked her ticket.
She had freshened up to the best of her abilities, wiping off the makeup that wasn't taken off from the night before. She sighed as she got her things together and started out the door. She opened it and almost tripped over something. She looks down to too a bouquet of flowers. Sunflowers, her favorites. She grabbed them and looked at them for a second. There's no way these were for her. There was a small note attached to it:
I won't act like I didn't hurt you, I did, And I hate that I ever gave you a reason to doubt my loyalty. Just know this isn't easy for me either. Missing you is already a whole-body thing. If you don't want to talk, I get it. I just needed you to have something beautiful from me, since I couldn't be that for you yesterday.
-B
She felt tears fill her eyes again. Fuck, why did he have to be so sweet? She was mad at him. She couldn't look at them without wanting to sob. She plucked one from the bouquet before walking to the nearest trash can and throwing them away. She kept a small one though, to use as a book mark. A book mark in the book that she definitely wouldn't be reading on the plane. Definitely not her and Ben's favorite book to read together.
Ben was no better than she was. He had left early that morning to fly to London for press. He knew that she would probably be flying home, he couldn't stand not being able to talk to her. He hated not being able to call her, but she had made it very clear last night. They were over. Still, that didn't stop him from checking her location to make sure she got home safe. He still had it, I mean that had only broken up less than twelve hours ago.
He was on the plane next to his pr manager, she had told him he looked like hell.
"Yeah, well it's not nice when you get into a massive fight with your girlfriend and she breaks up with you." His PR manager's head snapped towards him.
"What?!" She asks, he shrugs.
"She broke up with me" His PR manager whispers a sorry before an idea pops up and she smiles. He looks at her questioningly. "What?"
"Well, now that you're a single man, I think we should kick off the press in London with a killer marketing strategy." She grins. He already doesn't like where this is going, he sees the look in her eyes.
"What do you mean?" He asks. She says his co-stars name, making him even more confused.
"You and her need to flirt. During interviews, at the London premier, everywhere. It will get more viewers and you'll gain more followers and become more known." He immediately shakes his head.
"Hell no" He knew that would only make things worse with her, she would think that her thoughts were right, and he couldn't let her do that.
"Ben, you need this. You don't have to date or even pretend to, just flirt. It's not that hard." He still said no. She groaned. "Look, I wasn't going to tell you this, but clearly you need to hear it..." She says and his head snaps to her.
"What?" He asks. She sighs.
"The views aren't looking that good. The movie needs something bigger to add on so that it doesn't tank in theaters. So, please, just until press is over. Then you can go back to sulking." She asks, he groans. He didn't want to do this, not when she had voiced her worries so loud last night. This would hurt her, a lot. He had to think about it. He was thinking for the rest of the flight until they landed. He decided to just do it, for the movie. He figured he could just text her and maybe soften the blow.
When he went to send her a text explaining the situation, it didn't go through. Fuck, he was blocked. The situation just got a lot worse.
It had been around a week and a half since the break up. Rumors had already gotten out, to her knowledge it was just because they saw her arrive at her hometown airport alone. She was dying inside, it felt like a piece of her was missing. She missed him so much, she was starting to regret her decision. She kept telling herself that he was probably going to find someone better anyways. She was just stuck with her thoughts, writing them down and hopefully making her next big hit.
Suddenly, her phone buzzed, it was her manager. She opened it and there was a file attached. She read the "WTF?!" message and her heart dropped. The file was a screen recording from and interview of Ben and his co star. They were flirting...heavily flirting. She felt her stomach twist at the sight. She was right, she knew it. Holy shit, did he cheat on her then? They were acting close at the premiere. He had to have cheated on her!
She didn't hold back this time, she ran to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet. She felt sick, so sick that she ended up throwing up at the thought. How could he do this? How could he do this knowing everything he did about her? She sat up and wiped her mouth as she started sobbing. She was on the floor of her bathroom for what felt like hours.
Before Ben, she was in a pretty long relationship. It lasted for almost eight years. They were actually engaged. But, the last year that they were together it felt like things were going horrible. They were constantly in couples therapy trying to work out their problems, but it only made her grow sadder and sadder. He felt like she pressured him into proposing. So, she broke off the engagement.
About a year later, she met Ben. They've known of each other for years, she knew him from the Narnia movies. He had heard a few of her songs on the radio. They met at a bar when he was filming for Shadow and Bone. She friend zoned him for almost a year, not ready to give her heart away quit yet. Finally, she admitted her feelings for him and they started dating. Ben knew all of this, all of her heartbreak. And he still did this to her, how could he?
She was so mad at him, she wanted to hate him. But, she also really missed him, and loved every bit of him still.
Ben was sick. He absolutely hated every minute of press tour. He hated every minute of acting as if he could be attracted to someone who wasn't her. The second it was over he knew that he had to find her. He knew that he had to try to fight for her. He felt like an absolute asshole for the way he treated her that night. He should have just listened and not been so quick to be mad at her.
He booked the quickest flight he could to get to her. His heart raced the entire flight. What was he even going to say to her? Would she forgive him? Could she forgive him after everything he had said to her? He felt sick just thinking about it. It probably didn't help that he was thousands of feet up in the air.
When he landed, he immediately ran to try and get a uber, Lyft, taxi, something. Whatever would be the quickest to get to her. The drive felt like hours instead of the thirty minutes it actually took. He ended up on her doorstep. It took him a few minutes before he worked up the courage to knock. It took a few minutes before the door opened. The sight broke his heart.
Her eyes were red, her hair was a mess, and the look on her face was filled with anything but love. She looked about ready to shut the door in his face. But, he knew he needed to be quick enough to at least let her hear him.
"Before you slam the door in my face, please hear me out." He pleaded, she almost didn't listen. She almost closed it and he would've let her. If that was really what she wanted, then he would let her. When she didn't shut the door, he took that as his cue to talk, despite the look on her face. "I fucked up. I know, I'm an absolute piece of shit."
"Tell me something I don't know" She says through her scratchy voice that made his heart break even more. He sighed, he deserved that.
"Please, just-...can I come in?" He asked, pleading with his puppy dog eyes. She usually would give in, usually, but tonight, she felt the need to let him have it.
"No" She says, holding her hand out to create distance. "You don't get to come here like some romance movie character and try to win me back after the shit you pulled these past few weeks!" He stayed silent, letting her get her anger out.
"That was fucked, Ben!" She said through a broken sob.
"I know...I know...but just let me-" He tried to step forward but she immediately shoved him back.
"That was fucking malicious! You knew how I felt about her and you decided to pull that shit?! Whatever the reason was doesn't even matter! You knew how it would make me feel, but you did it anyway!" She shouted, she could honestly care less if her neighbors heard.
"I know! Baby, I know!" He shouted back, knowing that she wouldn't hear him otherwise, especially given that it was supposed to rain. "But, I'm trying here. I want to make it up to you. Let me make it up to you. I will do anything you want me to, baby." He pleaded, taking her hand in his. He could still see the anger in her eyes. All of the sudden, she just started hitting at his chest. She didn't hurt him, of course not. It was just a way to get her anger out. He let her do it, he knew that she needed it.
"Fuck you! I hate you!" She cried as he pulled her close. She kept hitting his chest, he didn't care. He just wanted to touch her, even if that meant she beat the shit out of him. He knew she didn't mean what she said, she was just mad at him.
"Baby-...Listen- Listen to me!" He finally got her to calm down. Well, sort of. She just started sobbing into his chest, he held her there for a minute, just letting her cry. He would press a kiss to the top of her head every now and then. "I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry. Tell me what you need, beautiful. Tell me what you want from me." She let out a few more broken sobs before pulling back and looking at him.
"I don't know..." She says, she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She was mad at him, so mad, but she missed him way too much. She wanted him so bad the last few weeks. His hands drop to her waist and start to walk her back into her house. His forehead was pressed to hers and her hands went to his chest.
"Will you let me apologize? Show you how sorry I am?" He asked in a low, pleading voice. She was silent for a second, but the second he kicked the door close, she nodded. In a second, his lips were on hers and he was pulling her impossibly closer. His hands roam her body as his tongue slips past her lips. She lets out a soft moan against his mouth. His hand grab her thighs and hoist her up into his hold.
He walks her back to the couch, never breaking the kiss. It was heated, but there was plenty said with it. So much "I'm sorry" and "please forgive me" was underlining the movement of his lips on hers. He breaks the kiss to sit her on the couch, kneeling in front of her. Her eyes were filled with so many things. She was still so heart broken, but that kiss definitely made her ache between her thighs.
He gave her a look at his fingers found the waist band of her shorts, she slowly nodded. He started to slowly peel them from her body, trailing kisses along her thighs as he did so. Next to go were her panties, which were already soaked with her arousal. He pressed kiss all the way up her thighs. He dragged her to the edge of the couch before dipping his head between her legs. His mouth ghosted her dripping folds as she let out heavy breathes.
"Let me make it up to you. Let me make you feel good." He looked up at her with pleading eyes. Almost as if this was more for him than for her. She let out a whine, needing him to close the distance. "Will you let me make you feel good, baby?" He asked.
"Please..." She begged softly. He wasted no time closing that gap. His tongue licked a longe strip through her folds. She let out a louder moan at the feeling. His tongue got to work, licking through her folds, sucking on her clit. It all felt so good. He knew every inch of her like the back of his hand. It was unfair.
"Do you feel how sorry I am yet?" He asks softly, in between his attack on her pussy. She can't do much other than moan at the pleasure her was giving her. She just nodded. He shook his head, "I'll keep making it up to you, baby. I'll make it up to you all night, if you want." She felt two of his fingers slip in to her, she threw her head back, knowing that with every thrust of his hand, she was getting closer and closer to the edge.
He kept it up, every pump of his fingers, every lick of her clit, even apology that somehow sounded dirty coming from his mouth. Then she reached that point. She clenched around his fingers and let go. It didn't stop there, though. Oh, no, it was just the beginning. They stayed like that most of the night, with his head between her thighs. She was so overstimulated and sensitive. They had ended up in her bed after...she can't remember how many orgasms. She was just laying down, with her naked back facing his chest.
He lay behind her, one arm under her head, the other reaching around to lace his fingers through hers. They sat in silence for about half an hour, not knowing how to even begin a conversation. Ben was the first to speak.
“I’m sorry” He spoke against her shoulder.
“You made that very clear” She responded with a sad smile. He turned her slightly to where she was laying on her back looking up at him.
“I mean it. I love you so fucking much. I think-…I think I was shit mad that you never vocalized your feelings” He explained. She sighed, looking up at the ceiling.
“I just…I didn’t want you thinking I was too much. I didn’t want you to think I was a clingy, possessive, insecure, type of girlfriend” She responded, a few tears slipping from her eyes. His eyes softened and he pressed a few kisses to her temple.
“I want to know when you feel uncomfortable. Your feelings are never too much for me” She finally met his eyes, their hands still playing with each other’s. Lacing their fingers and pulling away and back again.
“You know…my therapist always says that two things can be true…” His eyebrows furrowed as he listened intently. “And…I feel like that apply to how I’m feeling right now” She says.
“How do you feel?” He asks, hopeful.
“Well first…I fucking hate you,” His heart sinks, did she really mean that? “I hate that you said everything you did and I hate that you flirted with the one girl I have ever voiced discomfort over” Tears started falling from her eyes again and he just frowned. Maybe he really did loose her…
“But the second truth is…I really missed you” His eyes softened and a sad smile painted his lips. “I missed your touch, your words, your pet names, your random singing out burst” she giggled and so did he. “I missed you so much because I still love you” she said.
He wasted no time pressing his lips to hers. This kiss was different, it was full of love. He knew he would have to be patient during the time it took to win her trust back, but he would wait as long as it took. She was slowly starting to forgive him, feeling the remorse he had over the whole situation. They knew they had to talk it all out, but they knew they could get back to where they were before the mess.
He was such a blessing to her, a curse in some moments. But, she wouldn’t want it any other way.
