I know who you are
What if Alina didn't run away after hearing the story from Baghra? What if she went back and listened to Aleksander instead? This is if Alina had a working braincell or two. And she's going to be thinking things that are my thoughts because like...I wish she thought of some things that I had thought of.
This was requested by @sexibarbi92 Hopefully it's what you wanted.
(I wrote this based on the show and then went from there).
Alina came crashing down when Baghra revealed herself. She had been waiting for Aleksander's return, her heart pounding at what that meant.
She had never felt so alive. Or, she had, when she let the light burst free. But this was different. Her blood rushed through her veins and she wanted to know exactly what would happen when her lights and his shadows mixed.
"Come with me."
"Baghra? What are you-?"
"Stupid girl. No time to dawdle." Alina let her hands drop, the ball of light extinguishing. The feelings of earlier, the confusion she left now, gave Alina a headache.
"Wait. How long were you standing there?" Baghra didn't answer. Alina wasn't sure if she should feel horrified or disgusted to know that Baghra had heard...things.
"You need to leave this place."
"What? Why?" Baghra pushed her through the hidden passageway, once again ignoring her question. Alina glanced back once before the passage closed, hoping to spot Aleksander.
"I'm trying to save you from living the rest of your life as a slave."
Well sure. She didn't think any Grisha wanted to serve the royal family, but what choice did they have? Kill them and take over? That was a sure way of increasing the already heightened hatred of Ravka.
She followed her teacher down the stairs, a million questions in her mind that she didn't bother to voice. If her previous questions revealed something, was that Baghra was terrible at answering things.
"Whatever's wrong, I should go back and find Aleks...General Kirigan."
"I'm trying to save you from Aleksander." Alina thought back to his passionate kisses, his burning touches and felt her face warm. She shook her head, clearing her mind from wandering. She knew Baghra wasn't talking about that.
"He intends to use the Fold and expand it as a weapon. That's what he created it for in the first place."
"The Black Heretic created the Fold."
"Child. Aleksander is the Black Heretic."
"You're lying." Baghra summoned the shadows.
"But only Kirigan's bloodline...You're his mother." Alina thought back to what she knew about Baghra and Aleksander, the way they behaved around each other. She was his mother? No wonder Aleksander never mentioned anything.
And if that was true, why did it take so long for Baghra to tell Alina? She had so many opportunities. Why wait until now, when Alina had let go of her past and was ready to embrace her future?
"He's had many names, served many kings, faked countless deaths, waiting for you." For her? Alina had never heard of a Sun Summoner before, not until it was revealed that she was one. Did Aleksander know one? Or, did he assume that since he existed, his balance would as well?
Baghra pulled a covering off a portrait. Alina squinted, trying to see who that was with the faint light. Was that a relative? But she only knew of Aleksander and Baghra. She peered closer. Not an older member of the family. The portrait did not look that old.
"He's had centuries to master lying to naive girls."
Wait. Was that Aleksander? Alina knew her priorities wasn't straight, but who painted that? This just looked like something someone painted who heard a vague description of the general. And Baghra expected her to believe that was a painting of her son?
"Did you tell you how lonely he was? Give you a glimpse of the wounded boy?" He did. Alina tore her eyes away from the hideous painting to look at Baghra. Though, if what she was saying was true, Aleksander had been alive for centuries. Anyone would be feeling lonely if they lived that long.
"He isn't a boy at all. He is eternal. And you never stood a chance." But she thought she would live a long life as well. As a rare and hopefully powerful Grisha, she should be living as long as Aleksander. And while eternity sounded like a long time, if he was there, wouldn't that fight away the loneliness that would come find her one day?
Alina listened as Baghra kept talking, her eyes straying back to the portrait.
She had been...sheltered wasn't the right word, but privileged, even if she was an orphan. Joining the army, even as a cartographer, offered a glimpse to a world that was suffering. Realizing she was Grisha, arriving at the Little Palace, studying, talking to Genya, training with the others, seeing the way Aleksander looked as if he carried the entire world on his shoulders...well, Alina learned that she was behind, that she had so much to learn and understand before becoming the Grisha people thought she would be (not saint. Never a saint because that was not who she was). She would be a complete fool to turn her back away from everything.
And could she believe Baghra anyway? A cruel teacher who whacked everyone, belittled them, acted like teaching Grisha to understand and control their abilities like it was beneath her...Alina would be an absolute idiot if she trusted her before asking to hear about the other side.
Alina headed through the passage Baghra had shown her, her instructions still in her ears. She took the path not mentioned by her and eventually emerged outside. The cold wind helped clear her mind. And then she circled back and headed inside, walking to the war room.
"Aleksander?" Silence. Alina slumped down on a chair, rubbing her temples. Perhaps he was still occupied by whatever it was he was occupied with.
Or did he already know that she was told to escape.
"Alina." She looked up. There was a silent fury burning in Aleksander's eyes, that he tried to push away as he took her in. It melted away, revealing slight surprise.
"I met Baghra."
"So she told me." Alina could tell by his posture that he was still angry.
"Did you know you have an ugly painting?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Baghra. She showed me a painting of you that looked nothing like you at all."
"I am not aware of such a painting." Alina let that comment settle. Maybe he was lying to further manipulate her, as Baghra said. Or, Baghra was lying and Aleksander had no idea what she was talking about.
"She said you are the Black Heretic." Something flickered in his eyes.
"And if I told you that I am?" Alina opened her mouth to ask why he didn't say so, but paused, closing her mouth. They had just met. Sure, it had been months, but he was a general. It didn't matter if she was expected to save the world or that Aleksander took her to a beautiful fountain or that he looked at her with those eyes. He didn't know much about her anyway, besides her worries. And that her favourite flowers were irises.
"You created the Fold?" For a moment, Aleksander closed his eyes. When he opened them, Alina saw the haunted look he got sometimes.
"I did."
"Why?"
"I had lost someone dear to me. Luda. She was murdered by a former king's soldiers in front of my eyes. She was always on my side, helping with my plans in creating a safe place for Grisha. Nothing has changed, Alina. We are still hunted down and killed or feared for our powers, yet they want us to show off their powers as if we were entertainment?" His voice shook with fury.
"I was desperate. I couldn't keep losing Grisha. I needed to do something! And did you ask my mother what she did? Nothing. She wanted to act as if everything had happened because of me, as if she hadn't seen villages slaughtered, as if she didn't do that herself!"
"If you were fighting for Grisha, why didn't she help?"
"She didn't care. I was always the foolish one, clinging to hope, even if people have died over and over again. She made me who I am, teaching me everything she knew. She told me how to fake deaths and return when Ravka needed a Grisha to solve a problem. She gave me many names that sometimes wondered if I'll forget my real one."
"Is that why you told me? So that you'll never forget?"
"I...I didn't think. I just wanted someone to see the real me that had been in hiding for so long, I don't know what it's like to be Aleksander."
"I know who you are, Aleksander. Or, at least, I hope one day I'll earn your trust to know about the real you that lives right here." Alina had stood, and now that she was standing in front of him, placed a hand over his heart. He stilled under her touch, jaw clenched as he met her gaze.
"Alina-"
"The Aleksander I've seen so far is a strong and powerful man who would do anything for Grisha. He is someone who still cares for his mother, despite her lack of support. He is someone who plans night and day for ways to protect Ravka from its enemies and Grisha from Ravka. He is someone who is searching for the Stag in hopes of making me stronger, though I don't know why. He is someone who cares for people, even if he's afraid of losing them. I don't deserve to know the truth, Aleksander, especially if you think I will believe Baghra. But I want to know. I want to know the real you."
Aleksander stepped away from Alina, his eyes distant. He took in a shuddering breath.
"There was once a little boy named Eryk..."
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Alina was horrified. She knew he wouldn't appreciate her pity, but the image of a young boy betrayed by someone he thought would be his friend, his panic as he used the Cut for the first time to protect himself from selfish people...it would haunt her forever.
"That's why you were closed off. And the Fold?" He told her about that as well.
"You can use it against Fjerda. Or Shu Han," Alina said, once he had finished. She mourned the Grisha he had lost, wondering if he would ever let her share his burden, from what he hoped to accomplish, and the ghosts he carried with him.
"I will not run away, Aleksander. You have my word."
"Baghra-"
"I am capable of making my own decisions. Your mother had every opportunity to tell me the truth, but did not. She was listening to us - I won't go down that path - and most importantly, she is your mother. Why did she hide who she really was? Why did she let you carry this weight by yourself? I may not know much, but I can still see. I refuse to let Ravka stay the same, to let the royal family be the same."
Alina thought of Genya and what she had implied about the king. Beware of powerful men, she had said. But who should Alina be wary of? Someone doing something for people like her or someone who didn't seem to care about Grisha?
"Allow me to grow stronger, Aleksander. Allow me in. I know I have no right to ask of that, but how can I help you if I don't know anything? I'm not asking you to reveal everything about yourself right now. If you decide I am worth that knowledge, I will be honoured, but I won't force you to do it. Let me be by your side, in whatever ways I can. You are not alone, Aleksander. I won't let that happen."
"Even if it means turning away from everything that you had known? Your past in Keramzin, your old friends, your old self? Even if it means making decisions that you might not like or staining your hands with blood?"
Alina tilted her head, meeting Aleksander's eyes. She hoped he could read the truth in her gaze.
"I have never felt like I truly belonged until I came here," she said, repeating the conversation they had earlier. "I never thought I could be seen as myself until I met you. Give me this one chance, Aleksander. Let me prove to you that I mean what I said: I will fight for Grisha or I will die trying."
Aleksander smiled.
"We shall see what you can do, Little Saint."
