Aug 30, 2021
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before: ben, san, the new guy
Hey Benji!
I know we just talked like the other day but I felt like we didn't really talk about your new boyfriend enough. Or more like I didn't talk to you properly about it. About him I should say.
The thing is I know I said some not-so-nice stuff about Hux before this but really honestly TRULY I'm happy for you. On prom night I said that I wanted you to try to be with other people and be happy, and you did it! You did exactly that. And that's good. It might not seem like it sometimes, I know, but I always want what's best for you, Ben. It's been that way since we were little, hasn't it? And it's never gonna change.
I guess I'm writing because you seemed sort of hesitant when we were talking. Like you might be having second thoughts about dating Hux, or you were dwelling on thinking about you and me and what it was like when we were together. And you know, I think it's like this:
remember when we used to 'camp' except it was just your dad pitching a tent for us in the backyard and your mom making banana boats and your Uncle Chewie pretending to be a bear attacking the tent? How fun it was and how we went on that camping trip at school and I got really upset because it was in the stupid woods and we had to use that gross camping toilet and eat disgusting camp food and I hated it and wanted to go home and you kept promising me it would get better if I just calmed down and tried to have fun?
You were right, and you know you were right even if I never actually admitted it, because I had a good time on that trip in the end. That's how we should look at this. You and me was flashlights in the backyard, and you and Hux is real tents. It's real camping, with somebody who understands camping and can do all of the things that make it fun and fulfilling and whatever else it should be.
I had a good time on that trip in the end -- but I haven't been camping since, Ben. I'm not cut out for some things.
Anyhow I won't drag on. I'll call you in a couple days and if you want we can talk about it more? But I wanted to get it down on paper, to give you a chance to think about it and mull it over and decide if you want to talk. If you don't that's fine too, you know I don't mind. I can see how your brain works even if it's over the phone.
Love you always, Santa bean
ps. I kind of am envious of you, you know that? Dating is hard. I don't really like anybody and nobody likes me. I've been doing my usual thing of a few dates and blowies and handjobs and that's as far as it ever goes before we lose interest (I mean some of them have wanted to fuck me but I'm not that kind of girl). Guess I gotta keep frenching those frogs.
Ignore the second one but that guppy story is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT BENJI
LOL San and Ben in one of their fights obviously
and omg San's knee and elbow pads I'm dying
San likes to choke Ben out too! Equal opportunity <3
UH this is so so sooooo Ben