Author’s note : Hello y’all !! Last but not least, this post is for Hardzzello Week 2019 - 2020, thanks to @lapofthemusicgods for this week this is fun !! This writing is supposed to fit the prompt ‘I know what I’m doing’. I hope you enjoy. As always, thank you for your feedback, I deeply appreciate. Also note English is not my mother tongue, please forgive my mistakes ^^
Warnings : this is a smutty thing. If you are not confortable with this kind of writings, just pass. (Ideally, only +18 please). Also note that during an intercourse, consent must be given and communication is also required.
Summary : A very Happy New Year with Joe and Ben
Words count : 3,018 words
Permanent Taglist : @anotheronebitesthedick, @reavenedges-lies (as always love feel free to ignore ^^)
This time, they all had agreed the New Year’s celebrations would happen at Joe Mazzello’s. Well, now it was Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy’s. Yes the two actors were now living together, as the blonde had moved in his lover’s New York apartment.
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It had been quite a journey for the two of them. The two actors had met on the set of the movie about lead singer of Queen, Freddie Mercury. Rami Malek had eventually been picked to portray the singer himself. The tall Gwilym Lee had been chosen to play the role of guitarist and astrophysicist Brian May (his partner in life Anita had herself been puzzled by the resemblance between the two of them when the welsh was wearing his wig.) The talented Lucy Boynton was to play Mary Austin and Alleen Leech Paul Prenter.
As for the drummer Roger Taylor and the bass player John Deacon, the production had had a hard time. For the man seated behind his drums, they had eventually picked Ben Hardy. The latter had lied about being able to play drums, but this did not affect his performance. And eventually, Joe Mazzello, the kid from Jurassic Parc as he liked to recall everyone, had been chosen to portray the bassist of Queen.
Very quickly, the whole group they were forming had become real good friends. Gwil rapidly introduced his girlfriend and Allen his wife. Very soon as well, Lucy and Rami had become closer and closer, eventually confessing they loved each other, sharing a very sweet kiss. They were then three couple among their group of friends.
Joe and Ben, as a result, had also become closer. Never wanting to disturb the lovely couples, they had got used to stay together, merely playing video games, chatting in front of a cup of tea (as Ben was British, there was no way he would not have made Joe understand the importance of a very well balanced British tea), reading books or magasines together on the same couch. Just the two of them. Back then, they had been nothing but best friends.
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It was Joe who began to ask himself questions about their relationship. During the production of the movie, the two of them were spending most of their free time together. Was it too much of their free time? There was no denying. He loved being with any of the cast, dancing on the fake Live Aid stage with Gwilym on Boss Ass Bitch, making Lucy judge their wig in a very official contest, singing off key on purpose while Rami was training or organizing crazy night parties with Allen. Yet, with Ben, it was not the same. With the blonde, it was as if it was natural. Soon, when they were in the same room, they did not even need to speak to each other to guess what the other was thinking. They just knew. And at first, Joe felt quite puzzled about that.
Ben on the other hand, was quite relaxed about this. Joe was not his very first buddy and even if it was the first time for him as well he got along so well with his partner on screen, he tried not to worry too much. He just wanted to enjoy his experience on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody and prove he was a good actor, not in the movie because he was gorgeous, but because he was talented.
After the movie had been wrapped, properly promoted and released in theaters, their path did not part though. Joe was staying in London with Ben. Or Ben would come to America, either Los Angeles or New York, just to be with Joe. Two best friends hanging together. Until.
Again, Joe was the first one to think about it. He was staring at Ben when they were together in New York, as the latter was smoking his cigarette on the balcony, shivering a little because of the fresh air. As he looked at him shiver, Joe suddenly found it particularly difficult to swallow. The man who was standing on his balcony, wearing a mere tracksuit, his blond hair swinging a little to the wind, his pink lips making circles with the smoke of his cigarette. Joe stood there, unable to proceed. What was happening to him? As a human being, he was conscious Ben was attractive. Who would not be physically attracted by this young man? But Joe knew now he was both beautiful on the inside and the outside. The American considered the British as his best friend. But. Was it possible to have more in the relationship?
“You okay, buddy?”, Ben asked as he closed the bay window behind him.
“What?”, Joe replied.
“You’ve been standing there motionless.... Are you okay?”, he repeated.
“Yeah, yeah....”, Joe shrugged, lying. Of course he was not fine. He was actually falling in love with his best friend. Well, if there were only these feelings, Joe thought he could eventually handle them. Hiding them deep down inside, keeping on pretending everything was very fine. But now, he had a physical desire for Ben. And it was making him blush in many a situation.
As they were spending most of their time together, Ben had obviously noticed. Yet, he still did not feel ill at ease with Joe. On the contrary, he loved this situation. Ben was younger than Joe and less experienced in many a field, but on this very point, he was very confident. The British did not really want to ask himself too many questions, even if they sometimes popped up in his head. Was he gay? He did not know. Did it bother him? He could not care less. What was he looking for? He did not really know, he just knew he wanted to be with Joe and it was all that mattered. Yet, he had a plan.
The two of them were lazily sited on the couch, as the TV was on and the screen was showing silly programs neither of them was really watching. They had ordered food and there were still slices of pizza on the coffee table, with sodas. Joe was playing a random match three game on his tablet and Ben was scrolling on his phone. As usual, they both enjoyed each other’s presence without having to be talking or doing the same activity.
“Hum....”, Ben frowned a little, still looking at his screen.
“What’s up?”, Joe asked, his tongue coming out a little as he was trying to make a really long chain to get bonus points.
“My agent sent me a script.”, Ben announced.
“This is great.”, Joe replied, really happy for his friend. He paused the game and turned towards him.
“This is not a big part really, but still, it seems interesting.”, Ben nodded.
“Cool.”
“The thing is.... the dude I could play is.... gay.”
“And? You’ve got a problem with this?”, Joe asked, putting his head on the side.
“Of course I don’t, we were partners in a movie about Freddie Mercury.”
“What is it, then?”
“Well, there is a kissing scene.....”, Ben said, almost in a whisper.
Again, Joe felt his cheeks were burning. Suddenly, too many thoughts were rushing in his mind, full of what ifs. What if he gets the role? What if he has to be far from him? What if he ask Rami or Allen how it feel? What if he actually loves kissing the other dude in the movie?
“Joe?”, Ben brought him back to reality.
“Hum.”, Joe tried to pretend it was all fine in his brain.
“Mate, I need to try first. I.... I mean.... Could we?”, Ben quite awkwardly asked.
“Do you mean you want to kiss me?”, Joe was even more puzzled.
“I know with you it will be okay.”
Joe looked at him in the eyes. Gosh they were so beautiful. Two gems, two emeralds shining with the light of the TV screen. Joe was staring at his face and noticed a little bit of Ben’s tongue passing on his gorgeous lips. He swallowed a little and eventually nodded, without even realizing it.
Ben smiled and put his phone on the table. He slowly came closer to Joe and looked at him in the eyes. With anyone else, the latter would certainly have bursted out laughing, but not with Ben. He tried to control his breath, but it was as if his heart was ready to come out of his chest. Ben took his face in his hand and gently pulled him closer to him, as Joe closed his eyes, surrendering.
Joe had already kissed and had already been kissed before but nothing and certainly no words could describe what he was feeling at this very moment. In his brain, his cells were doing all at once, dancing as if there was a slow music, partying, jumping all around, laughing and crying at the same time. Never before had he felt such a sensation. This kiss was nothing but perfection. And he wished it could last forever. Ben’s lips were soft and hot and delicate and it felt so good, as if the world had stopped its rotation during this moment.
Ben was about to part, but Joe felt a sudden move of bravery in his muscles and pressed his lips on the blonde’s even harder. He was even audacious enough to slightly let his tongue out to get to Ben’s. Understanding what Joe was now wanting, Ben carried on kissing him, even more passionately. He slowly pushed him back, so that he could be now on top of him of the couch, their lips never parting. He caressed him a little as well and Joe could not help but let a moan escape from his mouth, making Ben stop. Joe was trying to catch his breath, still not daring to open his eyes.
“Are you okay mate?”, Ben asked.
“I am. I.... I mean I just.... Well, it was....”, Joe mumbled.
“Twas....?”, Ben raised his eyebrows.
Joe suddenly opened his eyes, looking at Ben still on top of him.
“This was the most perfect kiss I’d ever got. Ben.... you’re....”, he started to say.
He could not finish his sentence for Ben lips were back on his, and his hand everywhere on his body.
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It was the very first day of the year and Rami and Lucy had spent the night at Ben and Joe’s. It was not that late in the day. The four friends had been really responsible : drinking one glass of champagne after they had kissed each other when they had all screamed ‘Happy New Year’ when it was midnight sharp.
In the morning, Ben had wanted to run a little, while the streets of Manhattan would still be quite quiet due to the date. Rami and Lucy had decided to go for a walk as well, holding each other’s hand in the parc. Joe was left on his own, tidying up the place a little, preparing the lunch for the four of them.
Ben came back and kissed his cheek, making him smile, even if he was all sweaty.
“I’m going to take a shower and then I’ll help you with the preparations.”, Ben said as Joe nodded, focused on his dishes.
Joe truly felt blessed at this moment. He was going to have a great day with his dear friends and his lover was by his sides. What more could he wish for? Still peeling the potatoes, his mind suddenly began to wonder a little, picturing Ben under the shower, steam all around his muscled body, drops of water in his hair, taking a towel to get dry.
“Towels....”, Joe suddenly realized he had cleaned towels for his guests but they were still unfolded in the laundry basket. He quickly washed his hands and headed to the bathroom with the towels.
He softly knocked on the door and sighed in relief as he saw Ben was still in the shower. The picture he had in mind was far from being wrong and he stood there a little, staring at this beauty. He came back to reality though, when Ben stopped the water and opened the door to get out.
“Towel.”, he said, feeling he was once again heavily blushing.
“Thanks, buddy.”, Ben said as he took one and began to get himself dry. Joe bent a little to put the towels in the drawers, making sure the next person to take a shower would have easily access.
Ben put his head on the side a little, staring at Joe’s butt and he bit his lips. Joe stood up, facing the mirror and noticed Ben was looking at him with ardent eyes as he put his towel around his hips. Without a word, he came closer to Joe, pressing his back against his still a little wet torso. Ben began to kiss his lover’s neck slowly, trying to find a very special spot he knew Joe loved so much.
“Ben, what the hell? Lucy and Rami will come back any minute now.”, Joe tried to protest.
“Don’t you worry. I know what I’m doing.”, he replied, between two kisses still in his neck.
His hands began to wander on Joe’s body, caressing him here and there, and Ben was now smiling as Joe was softly moaning under his touches. He very slowly started to unbutton Joe’s shirt, one button at the time, kissing his neck between each of them. Joe was looking at his reflection in the mirror and Ben looked at him and passed his tongue on his lips, making Joe almost faint. Ben pressed his body even closer to Joe’s, creating a little friction between the two of them. Both their breathes were getting heavier and Joe had stopped thinking about Rami and Lucy. All that mattered at this very moment were Ben’s hand on his body, teasing him to heaven. Still looking in the mirror to guide his hands, Ben reached out for Joe’s belt and loosened it, and he slowly found his way in his pants, yet making sure his fingers were still on top of Joe’s boxers. He began to play with his lover’s cock, which was already hard. Yes, Joe had already had some thoughts in the kitchen.
“Oh my god, Ben, don’t stop”, Joe almost begged him, as he was still slightly moving as well, trying to create even more motion between both their bodies.
Ben unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, as Joe was still moaning, creating the sweetest sounds the blonde had ever heard. He eventually freed his cock and carried on teasing it, very gently. Feeling Ben’s right hand working miracles on his dick, his felt fingers teasing his nipples, his lips still on his neck, his cock getting harder against his back, Joe knew he would not last long.
“Can you come for me, buddy?”, the blonde asked after he bit his lover’s lobe very softly.
“Yes....”, Joe was panting already, his eyes closed as he was almost blinded by the sensation Ben was giving him.
“Come for me, now, love. I want to see you come....”, he almost ordered, still keeping his pace, the two of them moving together.
“Gosh.”, Joe said and Ben felt his warm cum over his hands and spreading a little in the sink.
“Good. I’ve loved to see your face in the mirror when you reached climax.... You’re so beautiful Joe.”, Ben said as he was still placing soft kisses in his neck.
“I would like to see you too....”, Joe said, still trying to catch his breath, yet, putting the towel Ben had around his hips on the floor.
“Oh, you would, would’t you?”
As an answer, Joe nodded. He bent a little, grabbing the furniture he had in front of him. At this very sight, Ben felt an nerve impulse in his cock. He finished to undress Joe, revealing a nice and firm butt. He found his entrance very easily and began to come in and out really slowly, making sure he would not hurt his partner. Joe was doing alright though, as he was biting his lips in pleasure. Joe put his left hand in his back and Ben understood and grabbed it as he accelerated his pace a little.
Not thinking about anything else, Joe was now loudly moaning. The only thought that came to his mind was that he was about to get another orgasm in a row, this time just because Ben was fucking him and he could see both their faces in the mirror. Even if Ben was a little shorter, his motion was perfect and the pleasure they were sharing was incredible. Feeling he was getting close, Ben’s cock entered even deeper and harder, making Joe grab the furniture even harder. The latter looked at his own dick, almost ready to come as well again.
“Fuck....”, Ben said and Joe felt his cum inside him as the blonde carried on fucking him a little, slowly reducing his speed. All those feelings combined made Joe climax again, this time whispering his lover’s name.
Ben gently got out and made Joe face him to kiss him again, on his lips this time. The two of them smiled at each other and tried to catch their breathes.
“Is there any other way to properly start a new decade?”, Ben asked, getting his clothes to get dressed.
“You often said I’m lacking exercice.”, Joe shrugged. “And this is definitely better than running.”, as he was buttoning his shirt properly.
Ben laughed at his remark. “Yeah, we should do this more often.”, he suggested with a smile on his lips.
Joe looked at him, still wondering what he had done in this life, or maybe another one, to be lucky enough to have Ben by his sides. His best friend back then and still now, his lover. And definitely the best fuck of his life, he wasn’t ashamed to think. Yes, this very new year had just begun but it was already full of great surprises.
what do u think a threesome with ben and joe would be like
honestly i think about this one a lot ngl this is my dream but in my head i always picture it like
you’re all hanging out together like you’re all good friends and you’re chillin on the couch watching a movie and you’re smoking and drinking and just having a good time
and ben just kind of unconsciously places his hand on your thigh and you lay your head on joe’s shoulder
and whatever you’re watching has like a sex scene or something come on and you’re like ooof awkward and all kinda laugh about it
and then ben like gets up to go to the bathroom or make a drink or something and you and joe are just kinda like talkin and you put your legs on him and you guys just end up making out. and he pulls you into his lap and you can feel him getting really hard and then you hear ben kind of like shuffle in and you’re like oh fuck sorry and he’s like oh it’s perfectly ok i think it’s kinda hot and you’re like ok well why don’t you come join us.
and you just kinda sit in between them for a bit going back and forth between making out and you all end up with your clothes off. and joe pulls you into his lap again and you’re all like ok are we doing this? and you all agree so you start riding joe and ben stands up next to you and you’re blowing him and eventually they both cum and you’re like fuck that was hot but now i wanna switch so you start riding ben and blowing joe and you all cum again and then you all go lay in bed and snuggle together all night and yeah this is my dream
Summary: After a long day of failed auditions, Joe can’t stop thinking how he’s never quite good enough. Funny how love is always there to drown out doubt and remind him of how loved he is, especially by his two boyfriends.
Pairings: Ben Hardy x Joe Mazzello x Gwilym Lee || poly!borhap boys
Genre: Fluff, slight angst
Word Count: 4k
Warnings: None!
A/N: Hello lovelies!! I promised I’d give you some fluffy bxjxg by the end of the day, so here it is! That pic of Ben and Gwil on Gwil’s insta got me so soft that it actually kickstarted my dumb brain into writing for them again, and of course I had to write Joe in too. I hope you like it! ♡
Joe didn’t know exactly what it was that had made his day so horrible. Maybe it was the traffic, which he despised but usually tuned out of by calling one of his boyfriends. Maybe it was the fact that his phone had died just as he tried to call, leaving him stuck in the motionless car with no distractions. Maybe it was the same five songs that every radio station seemed to play, those top hits that he liked to dance to when he was tipsy but really would be happy never to hear while sober. Maybe it was the words of the casting director that kept echoing in his head without anything to drown it out, repeating over and over choice phrases that he’d been no stranger to in his acting career. We just don’t think you’re right for the part. You’ve got some good ideas but we’re going in a different direction. Sorry, Mr. Mazzello. We’ll give you a call when we decide.
Yeah, he knew what that meant. He’d get no such call, he could guarantee. Maybe it was arrogant on his part, but he’d thought that after landing Bohemian Rhapsody, casting directors everywhere would be begging for him to come audition for them. He’d found it was kind of the opposite; no matter how much money Borhap had made, Joseph Mazzello still wasn’t a big name in Hollywood, and people were looking for big names. Names that had made it onto more than one A-list movie in the past two decades.
He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter than necessary - really, traffic was crawling, so he could have put the car in park - and took a steadying breath. One rejected audition didn’t mean his whole career was coming to an end. He needed to be patient. He needed to keep trying.
He needed to stop hearing that damn casting director’s voice on repeat, is what he needed.
He fiddled with the radio again, tuning it to the station that played oldies and actually played Queen pretty consistently. No such luck this time, though - David Byrne’s voice crooned out through the speakers in its clipped way, oddly grating to Joe at the moment.
He turned the radio off with a huff. “Yeah, I’m about to be a psycho killer if this traffic doesn’t start moving.”
He was ready to be home. It had been a long and disheartening day, and he was just ready to be home and lay on the couch in sweatpants and watch reruns of X-Files on Fox. Maybe have some wine, possibly take a long and boiling hot shower. Anything to self-soothe from having to submit to the mortifying ordeal of giving his all to an audition only to be rejected, yet again.
“Finally,” he muttered to himself as traffic began to move. He eased the car up to the speed limit after inching forward for nearly half an hour and felt some of the tension in his shoulders ease.
He got home over an hour after he said he’d be back, night starting to fall over Belgravia and easing the temperature down with a cool breeze through the darkening sky. Looking up at the second floor windows of the brownstone, he couldn’t help but feel comforted at the warm light spilling between the sheer curtains and onto the street below. Double checking the car was locked, he headed up the steps to the front door, straightening his shoulders so as not to immediately give away how tired he felt.
The sound of “Funny How Love Is” greeted him as he closed the front door behind him, drifting in from where it was playing softly in the living room. He put his keys and his wallet on the little catch-all table in the foyer as he closed the door behind him.
“Honey, I’m home,” he called.
“Oh, fuck you!” came Ben’s voice from the living room.
Joe gave a surprised laugh at the reply, a smile crossing his face for the first time all day as kicked off his shoes. He made his way into the living room and found Ben on the couch, intently playing Mario Kart.
“That’s one hell of a way to greet your boyfriend,” Joe teased.
Ben gestured hopelessly to the screen. “I was in first place and Toad ran me right off.”
Joe saw Ben was playing Rainbow Road, and he could understand his boyfriend’s frustration. “So, that wasn’t directed at me?”
Ben looked mildly panicked. “God, no, sorry.” He gave Joe a smile. “Hi, honey. I’m glad you’re home. Come here.”
Joe sat next to Ben on the couch as he paused the game, tossing the controller aside in favor of taking Joe’s face in his hands and giving him a few gentle kisses.
“There,” he said. “Better?”
Joe couldn’t help but smile. “Much better, thank you.”
He propped his feet on the coffee table and leaned his head on Ben’s shoulder, enjoying the closeness. “You can keep playing if you want. Gotta show Toad who’s boss.”
Ben laughed, a warm and comforting sound, taking the controller in hand again as he started another race.
“And if you can’t beat Toad on Peach Beach, I’m officially disowning you,” Joe added.
Ben snorted. “Okay, dad, thanks.”
Joe was content to sit in silence and watch Ben play, listening as he sang along with Queen in his warm voice.
“Funny how love is everywhere, just look and see,” he sang almost out of habit. “Funny how love is anywhere you’re bound to be.”
Joe closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief, sinking into the sound of Ben’s voice and the feel of his warmth. Ben was practically a furnace; he usually wore his dozens of soft hoodies not because he was cold but because he was a very tactile person, enjoying physical touch and substituting with sweatshirts when he couldn’t have any.
“So… how did your audition go?” Ben asked as the track switched to “Seven Seas of Rhye”, distracted by the video game but still wanting to engage with him.
Joe started to say that he didn’t want to talk about it, but he was saved from answering Ben as Gwil appeared on the stairs. Gwil smiled as he came down to the living room with a hoodie in hand, the corners of his eyes crinkling behind his round glasses.
“Thought I heard you come in,” he said. “How was your day, love?”
“Fine,” Joe said, trying for nonchalance. “Do you have a headache?”
While Gwil usually wore his glasses closer to bedtime and both Ben and Joe adored it, thinking it made Gwil’s sharp-featured beauty look a bit softer, they’d also learned that he wore them when he got headaches.
“No, thankfully,” Gwil said. “But my contacts were bothering me a bit.” He tossed the hoodie to Ben, who paused his game to pull it on.
“I couldn’t find the one you asked for,” Gwil said. “So I just grabbed one of mine.”
Ben gave him a smile. “‘S perfect, love, thanks.”
Gwil watched Ben go back to the game with a gentle smile on his face. That was Joe’s favorite part of being in a relationship with the two of them, seeing how they looked at each other like they hung the moon.
Joe warmed as that same gentle affection was turned on him, Gwil studying his face with a shadow of concern in his own before holding his hand out to Joe.
“Come on into the kitchen with me, Joey.”
Joe sighed and took Gwil’s hand, standing from his spot next to Ben on the couch. He almost wanted to stay with the blonde, knowing that Ben wouldn’t ask him questions about his day while he was focusing on the game. Gwil, though, had no such distractions, and Joe felt the weight of his admittedly vague answer between them.
“Tea?” Gwil asked, filling the kettle at the sink.
Joe took a seat at the bar. “Sure. Thanks.”
“There’s dinner leftover if you want some,” Gwil said, setting the kettle to heat on the stove. “I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten, since you came home later than you said. I tried to call but it went straight to voicemail.”
Joe ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, my phone died right as I left and I got caught in traffic. What’d you make?”
“It was Ben, actually,” Gwil said with a smile. “Chicken parmesan. I can heat some up for you if you want.”
“That’s ok,” Joe said. “I might have some later.”
In all honesty he felt kind of queasy at the thought of admitting that he hadn’t gotten the job. He stared blankly at the kettle on the stove, the casting director’s voice kept ringing in his ears. You’re just not what we’re looking for.
“Joe,” Gwil said.
He looked up to see Gwil taking three mugs down from the cabinet. “Hm?”
Gwil’s smile was colored with a bit of sadness. “I asked you what kind of tea you wanted.”
“Oh, sorry. Um, whatever you’re having. I don’t care.”
That wasn’t necessarily true; Ben and Gwil both knew Joe’s favorite tea was Darjeeling, and Gwil fixed it for him despite his answer. Joe felt a strange kind of ache as he watched Gwil make tea for the three of them, humming softly to himself, wiping up a spilled drop of water with the sleeve of his cozy black sweater. It was the same kind of ache he’d felt before they were together, when he’d found himself wanting to be held and comforted by the tall Welshman but not knowing how to ask.
“Where’d you go?” Gwil asked, giving him his tea.
Joe drew his mug close. “What do you mean?”
“You were miles away just then,” Gwil said. He smiled. “Just wanted to see where you’d got off to.”
“Nowhere,” he lied, running a hand over his face. “Just tired, that’s all.”
Gwil looked like he was about to say something, probably pushing back on the “just tired” excuse, but Ben’s voice cut him off from the living room.
“Did you make tea?” he asked.
“Yes, love,” Gwil called back. “Yours is ready if you want it.”
A moment later, Ben came into the kitchen; he took a seat next to Joe at the bar, pulling the sleeves of Gwil’s hoodie over his hands.
“Thanks,” he said as Gwil handed him a mug.
“My pleasure,” Gwil said, leaning on his elbows on the counter close to them. He bobbed his tea bag a few times, the water turning a honey color as the herbal tea he always drank seeped in.
“Say, you didn’t ever tell me how your audition went,” Ben said, nudging his shoulder lightly against Joe’s.
“You were a little distracted,” Joe said, trying for a joke and also trying to avoid the question again.
Ben smiled. “Yeah, but now I’m all yours. How was it?”
Joe wrapped his hands around the mug, feeling the warmth of it against the sudden chill of anxiety that made its way through him. “Um...” He felt a vague fight-or-flight feeling kick in, and searched for a way to get out from under the question without it being woefully obvious.
“Yeah, I’ll tell you all about it in a minute,” he said, standing. “I’m just gonna… go to the bathroom real quick.”
Oh, good job, Joe. He mentally kicked himself as his boyfriends gave him looks that mixed confusion and concern.
“Is everything ok?” Gwil asked.
Joe rubbed the back of his neck like he did when he was nervous, immediately making himself stop as soon as he noticed he was doing it. It was his biggest tell when he was lying or upset, and if they hadn’t already seen right through him like he was sure they had, his hand on the back of his neck was a dead giveaway.
“Yeah, fine.” Again, he tried for a joke. “I had to pee before I left, and sitting in traffic didn’t do me any favors. I’ll be right back.”
Before either of them could say anything or he could embarrass himself further, he made his escape up the stairs to the master bathroom. He could have gone to the guest bathroom downstairs, but he wanted a whole floor’s difference between him and his boyfriends who were surely talking about him now that they were alone. He splashed cool water on his face, glancing up at his reflection; he was red-cheeked with embarrassment, and he only flushed deeper when he thought of going back downstairs again. They’d probably take the hint and not ask him about it again - doubtless they’d guessed he didn’t get the part - but he’d still made such a huge deal about it that they were sure to walk on eggshells around him.
As he turned off the faucet and buried his face in a towel, he heard quiet bickering coming from the other side of the bathroom door.
“He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it,” Gwil was saying in a hushed voice. “Maybe we should just let it drop.”
“Maybe something’s really wrong,” Ben insisted, his tone matching his boyfriend’s. “Maybe it hasn’t got to do with the audition at all.”
Gwil was quiet for a moment. “You don’t think he’d hide something important, do you?”
Joe could picture Ben shrugging in response.
“He’s been like this since he walked through the door,” Ben said. “I’m worried, Gwil. This seems like a lot of fuss for one silly audition.”
Joe sighed. Why couldn’t he have just admitted he didn’t get the part and gotten it over with? He felt bad that he’d whipped his boyfriends up into a state of panic with his behavior; he knew it was childish. To have to go and tell them that it was indeed just the failed audition that had gotten him this upset, and not some life-threatening news worthy of a whole charade like the one he’d put on, was nearly too much to bear. He couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever, though, and after a few steadying breaths he went out into their bedroom.
Ben and Gwil broke apart from where they’d been talking closely together on the foot of the bed, trying to act as if they hadn’t just been in intent conversation about him. He almost smiled as he shrugged off his jacket and went to hang it in the closet; it was a small comfort that they were as bad as he was at acting like everything was fine. He stayed in the closet longer than he needed to, trying to buy himself some time or wait for them to say something.
Their hushed voices started up again, and Joe heard Ben say he was going to ask.
Gwil took Ben’s hand as he stood, trying to get him to sit back down. “Wait, Ben, just - ”
“Joey,” Ben said in his regular speaking voice, the baritone colored with concern. He gave Gwil’s hand a reassuring squeeze before letting it go and coming over to the closet.
“Please tell us what’s wrong,” he said.
Joe brushed past him and went to take off his watch, setting it on top of the dresser. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said, feeling a flare of frustration. Why couldn’t they have just let it go?
“Come on, sweetheart, you’ve been acting out of sorts since you came in the door,” Ben said. “We’re just worried about you.”
Joe huffed and carded his hand through his hair. “Fine,” he said. “I didn’t get the part, but you already knew that. That’s what’s wrong. Now can we please not talk about it any more?”
The words tasted bitter on his mouth, and now that he’d said them instead of just implied them, they couldn't be taken back.
“So…” Gwil ventured, “it is just the audition?”
“What, that’s not enough?” Joe snapped. He didn’t like that he was talking to his boyfriends like this, but he couldn’t seem to get a hold of his frustration and shame.
“No,” Gwil said, a bit surprised at Joe’s tone. “I mean, not getting a part is never fun, sure. But you’re not usually like this about it.”
Joe gave a derisive laugh. “Yeah, because I’ve had so many failed auditions that we know how I’m going to react to them.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Gwil said, pained that he’d wounded his boyfriend further. “We’ve all had plenty of failed auditions before. What I meant was that even out of the three of us, you’re usually the one who takes it best.”
That was true, and it was probably most of the reason why they were pressing him so hard about it this time. Gwil would brood and mull over his audition for hours on end if he didn’t get one, trying to see what he’d done wrong; Ben could get downright sulky if he got turned down. Joe, though, was always the one to crack a joke, to say that he hadn’t wanted the part anyways, to say they were probably going to go with someone else because the industry had a thing against redheads. He’d rarely taken a loss like he had this one, and he didn’t blame his boyfriends for being overly concerned.
Joe ran a hand over his face, annoyed at the sting of tears he felt.
“What was it about this one that made it so hard, Joe?” Gwil asked. “I don’t remember you saying you wanted it that badly, but I’m sorry if you did and I forgot.”
“No, it’s ok,” Joe said tiredly. Truth be told he hadn’t been very excited about this part, but at this point he figured he’d take what he could get.
He almost laughed. Of course, he’d been scraping the bottom of the barrel and had still come up empty. That was par for the course, wasn’t it?
“I just…” He shook his head. “Maybe it’s time to throw in the towel, you know?”
Ben and Gwil both frowned, surprise and confusion warring for dominance in their expressions. Ben sat at the foot of the bed again next to Gwil, both of them waiting patiently to hear what Joe meant even as they worried over him. Gwil put his hand over Ben’s to let the younger man know that it had been good to get Joe talking about this.
Joe sighed. “It’s been months since awards season, and I haven’t gotten any jobs.”
“That’s nothing to worry about, though,” Gwil said. He gave a wry smile. “You don’t get jobs lined up like that unless you work for Marvel or something.”
“You did,” Joe protested. “Both of you got jobs as soon as you got off Borhap.”
“Not big ones, though,” Gwil said. “Top End’s only playing in Australia, for god’s sake.”
“And I’ll only be in Six Underground for ten minutes, tops,” Ben agreed. “It’s not like I’m headlining my own box-office hit.”
“Still,” Joe said, unconsoled. “They’re still jobs. You’re still actors that people want to cast. I’m just…”
You’re just not what we’re looking for, the casting director’s voice filled in for him. That had been the constant, through all of it - everybody else could get a job, but Joe was never what anybody was looking for.
He hung his head. “Maybe I’m just not good enough.”
If he’d expected wild protest from his boyfriends, he didn’t get it. For a split second he had the dreadful feeling their silence was agreement, but no sooner had the thought crossed his mind than he felt Ben’s arms around him, pulling him close. He let himself be held, burying his face in Ben’s hoodie.
“Oh, Joey,” Gwil said, running a hand over his back and gently kissing the parts of his face that weren’t hidden against Ben’s chest. “That’s not true and you know it.”
“Why can’t I get a part, then?” he asked, his voice muffled by the fabric of Ben’s hoodie.
Gwil sighed. “I dunno, love. All I know is that every one of those movies would have been lucky to have you. You’re incredibly talented, Joe. You just haven’t found the right part yet.”
“And everybody who said no to you has no idea what they’re missing,” Ben agreed. He pulled back to look at Joe’s face, brushing away the few tears that Joe hadn’t managed to keep at bay. “Okay?”
Joe nodded. “Okay.” He knew he wouldn’t be fully convinced until he landed another job, but for now it was enough to lean on his boyfriends’ confidence in him.
“Sorry about…” He sighed. “Everything. I should have just told you.”
“That’s ok, love,” Gwil said. He brushed back Joe’s slightly mussed hair. “Why don’t you have a bath, hm? Wind down a bit before bed, how does that sound?”
“Only if you two join me,” he said.
Smiles surfaced on both of their faces.
“I think that can be arranged,” Gwil said, at the same time Ben said “do you even have to ask?”
Ben and Joe got comfy pajamas laid out for the three of them while Gwil drew the bath, leaving the bathroom lights off. They came into the bathroom greeted by the scent of rose bath salts and the warm glow of the candles they’d bought for just this purpose. Joe wasn’t even in the bath before he felt the tension leave his tired body, his boyfriend’s gentle hands helping him out of his clothes and into the warm water enough to erase a lifetime’s worth of worry. Gwil got in behind him and Ben across from them, their legs tangled together in the middle. Joe leaned back against Gwil’s chest as Gwil comfortably wrapped his arms around him. Ben traced up and down Joe’s thigh with a gentle touch.
“Okay, Benny?” Gwil asked.
Ben smiled. “Perfect. Though you both owe me lots of cuddles when we get in bed.”
Both Gwil and Joe gave a soft laugh.
“Come here, you,” Joe said, leaning forward to kiss Ben. The feel of Ben’s mouth on his and Gwil’s warm hand on his back made Joe almost lightheaded with happiness. He rested his forehead against Ben’s for a minute, drinking in the closeness of the two people he loved most in the world, the two people who showed him tirelessly that he was good enough, even when everything else was telling him he wasn’t.
He leaned back against Gwil and kissed his scruffy jaw, feeling Gwil’s smile.
“Thank you,” Joe said. “Both of you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Gwil twined his fingers with Joe’s. “Lucky for you, you’re stuck with us.”
Ben took their entwined fingers in his hands and brought them to his lips, peppering them with gentle kisses and tracing circles over their knuckles with the pad of his thumb.
“Gwil and I love you so much, Joey,” Ben said against their hands. “You’re perfect, you know? Absolutely perfect.”
Joe’s cheeks pinked and he turned his face to hide against Gwil. Gwil chuckled and kissed his temple.
“It’s true, love,” Gwil said. “You are perfect. And pretty soon some casting director’s going to see that as plainly as we do, I promise.”
“I love you,” Joe said. That one was just for Gwil, and he knew it; he drew Joe closer and gave a sigh of contentment.
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
Joe lightly nudged Ben in the ribs with his heel, drawing a giggle from the blonde as Joe had hoped it would. Ben was very ticklish, and his innocent laughter was one of the most beautiful sounds Joe had ever heard.
“I love you,” Joe told him. He couldn’t help but smile at Ben’s grin.
“I love you too, Joey,” he said. “Even more than Mario Kart.”
Gwil gave a huff of a laugh. “Charming.”
“It’s okay, Gwil,” Ben said. “I love you more than Mario Kart too.”
“Did I ever mention how irresistible your skills for romance were?” Gwil asked.
They all laughed and settled closer to each other, limbs tangled in the warm water, Ben’s skin fairly shimmering in the gold light, Gwil’s big hands belying their true softness as they traced over whichever parts of his boyfriends he could reach. Ben hummed “Funny How Love Is” in the companionable stillness, and Joe felt it was rather appropriate. Funny how love is everywhere, just look and see. Funny how love is anywhere you’re bound to be.
Even if he never got cast again in his life, he’d still gotten Borhap, and that was the only that mattered because it was what brought him to Ben and Gwil. Tomorrow brings love in the shape of things. Even if tomorrow brought audition after failed audition, it would still bring him another day with the two loves of his life. It would still bring him to loving and being loved in a hundred different ways by the two people who made everything right in the world, no matter what.
Joe groaned as he could feel his orgasm approaching, lacing his fingers down through Ben’s hair, which had gradually fallen into his face, tickling at Joe’s groin each time he bobbed further down onto his dick.
Ben was moving agonizingly slow, as he loved to do. Normally Joe wouldn’t mind, as he always wanted to draw their love making out as long as humanly possible. But he was so close that he just needed one good minute of fast hard friction and he’d be there. He whimpered as he dared to roll his hips upward into Ben’s mouth, going at a slightly quicker pace than before.
A hand came down hard on his hips, pinning him back in place. “Don’t speed up.” Ben said roughly, licking his bottom lip, about to go back down on the older man, when they both locked eyes and took a moment to process what Ben had just instinctually said.
They both erupted into laughter, at the familiar line that Ben had uttered so many times before. Ben blushed and buried his face in the crook of Joe’s hip. But Joe reached down and pulled him up by the chin. “Oh, okay then. C’mere Rog,” he said, smirking and bringing Ben’s lips to his own in a kiss through their fading giggles.
