I kinda wish Ant was in that scene with Violet and Benedict. The one where Violet clocks that Benedict truly loves Sophie. The one where he calls her out on always wanting a love match for her kids and he, like his siblings before has finally found someone he loves and can’t be with her because of societal rules Ben doesn’t even care about.
And the biggest reason he has to care is because Benedict loves his family. His family is in society. There is only so much protection that can be afforded to him and Sophie should they choose this but he IS CONCERNED about how his actions would impact his family. He cares.
And essentially it’d be a clash with his parental figures. Only he’s old enough to remember when Ant was just his brother/best friend and not his father. He had Edmund too. And he should call out hypocrisy or double standards or bring up the spare/heir thing again — because I really wanted it to ring out so loudly that Benny B is essential to the Bridgertons not because he is the second son but because he is BENEDICT and more moments of those reminders? I want. I WANT.
I wanted other reminders from the Bridgerton family that Benedict is the heart. That losing him would be devastating to them all. Not being able to celebrate in his life would be heartbreaking.
Ant and Violet fall back on propriety to ensure their family is protected but when love enters the chat?
To watch Violet prioritise the fact that he is in love vs Ant’s objections. Only to remember that Ant isn’t objecting out of judgement but of fear of losing his brother. Of their family suffering more loss. Of fear that his brother would be alone. Without family. Living in the shadows. What kind of life would that be for Sophie, future children, for Benedict? Knowing that losing Ben would wreck them.
It’s an on going struggle for Ant- wanting to protect his family from pain but giving them space to make their own choices. And this time (unlike art school), Violet could remind him “you cannot protect them from everything, sometimes, you can only prepare them”. Which makes her resolve clear. She loves her children and wants them to know love. Also given that Ant has his own kid now, isn’t just a father figure but a fatherrrrr, it would hit harder.
And Ant goes off to attend to John’s estate matters and leaves Violet to help Ben. Help Ben with what, he doesn’t know but his brother deserves love. That he believes. Even if it would break all their hearts.
I will forever believe that Ben is the fave bridgerton brother. The heart of his family. And while this might not be my most eloquent thought post, the point is— I wanted more moments where his held ideas about his position in his family were called out (either to his face or not), more moments the audience could see the impact he has and why he is so important.
That it’s not just him losing them if he chooses love. It’s them losing him.
(We see Sophie clock that, I wish we saw Ben realise it too).
Summary: Ben comes home stressed and you help him calm down
Pairing: Ben Barnes x fem! Reader
Words: 1.7k
○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○
Warnings: a little bit of suggestive content, one or two curse words
A/N: I just want Ben Barnes I’m not asking for much
𝘣𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵
○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○
You just got off the phone with Ben and you can tell he has had a stressful day. So you decide to cook his favorite dinner that was his comfort food when he was little. You had asked his mom for the recipe the last time you had visited his parents.
As you’re finishing cooking dinner, you hear the door open and so you wash your hands and greet Ben. He sets his stuff down near the living room and he hears your rapid footsteps and he sees your beaming smile and he feels the tension in his shoulders relax a bit. You rush up to him and engulf him in a big hug and the rest of the tension he had in his body relaxed at your touch.
You both sigh from being in each other’s arms and stay like this for a couple of minutes just soaking in each other’s arms. You pull away just to see your beautiful boyfriend’s face.
“You okay babe?” You murmur to him as you brush some of his hair from his face and cup his cheek.
“Better now, since I’m in your arms,” Ben says while leaning into your hand.
“Even tired, you’re still a charmer.” you lightly tease him and he chuckles at your remarks.
“I could tell you were stressed and tired, so I made you your comfort food, and while you eat I was going to run you a bath,” you tell him as you are easing out of his embrace. He notices you escaping his grasp so he tightens his arms around you. You yelp at the unexpected tightness around your waist. “No, eat dinner with me since you worked so hard making it for me,” Ben asks you.
“I was just going to eat while you were taking a bath.” You told him your plan.
“Nope, nope not happening we are eating together and spending time with your lovely boyfriend,” Ben tells you and starts to drag you to the kitchen to eat the food you made.
You shake your head and start to laugh at Ben’s silly antics but you let him drag you to the kitchen. You guys sit down at the table and eat the dinner you made and while eating you had let Ben rant about his day.
“Then as I was supposed to go on set, a new intern bumped into me and spilled their drink on me.” Ben huffs out while rubbing his eyes remembering how frustrated he was. “The director and producer saw how frustrated and tired I was, so they let me go home early.” Ben finishes his story off with a sigh and his shoulders sag in exhaustion.
You frown a bit and get out of your seat and go behind his seat and drape your arms around him to give him some form of comfort. He grabs your hand and starts to play with your fingers as a distraction from his frustrations.
“How about I run you a bath and we can just cuddle for the rest of the night” you suggest to Ben. “I’ll feel better if you join,” Ben suggests with a cheeky grin while wiggling his eyebrows. You raise an eyebrow at him and give him a “really” look. “Fine, you better not wet my hair.”
“Well there’s no promises there,” Ben tells you smugly. You glare at him and go to start his bath.
After the bath (you ended up getting your hair wet), and now you guys were dressed and in bed just cuddling. You were about to fall asleep when Ben suddenly asks you to read to him. You were going to decline at first but then he was giving you his signature puppy dog eyes and you know that always hits your soft spot (his entire being is a soft spot for you) and you eventually do break and get up to grab the book you were reading together.
As you were reading the book in a soft voice, Ben never took his eyes off of you. He was absolutely enraptured with how you read the book and how you were able to make him absolutely star-struck by being in the same room. It’s safe to say he is absolutely whipped for you.
You feel his stare as you read the book and you were about to ask if there was something on your face. So you stop reading and put down the book, then suddenly you feel a pair of lips on yours. Your eyes widen a bit in surprise but then melt into the kiss. As you guys keep kissing, Ben starts to push the book off of you and get on top of you.
The kiss starts to get heated as Ben swipes his tongue on the seam of your lips. You decline him so he starts to run his hands up and down your body until he squeezes your thighs as he moves in between your legs.
You gasp at the sudden movement and the pressure on your thighs. Ben takes that opportunity to ease his tongue in your mouth and fight for dominance. He wins and grins at the fact that you surrendered fairly quickly.
Before everything becomes too heated, you both slow down the kisses from a heated make-out to soft pecks. Ben can’t stop himself and kisses everywhere on your face which makes you laugh softly at his actions and he kisses your forehead, nose, cheeks, and finally one long soft kiss on your lips. You pull away with a soft smile on your face, with Ben mirroring you and staring very intently at you. You’ve always loved how you could see emotions in Ben’s eyes and his eyes are full of love and admiration for you.
“What are you thinking about, you have that look in your eye,” you ask him softly.
“Just thinking about how much I’m utterly in love with you and how lucky of a man I am to have you in my life and as my girlfriend,” He tells you while tucking a piece of stray hair behind your ear and his voice thick with emotion. You smile up at him and just give him a kiss that tells him how much you love him since you think words can’t describe how much you love him.
You both break away and you realize how tired you are so you turn off the light on the nearby nightstand on your side and you settle down curled up next to Ben.
He wraps his arms around you and intertwines your legs together. Ben smiles at the fact that you pull yourself closer and tighter to him. Both of you have soft smiles as you fall asleep in the warm atmosphere that you both are engulfed in.
Warnings: Angst, voyeuristic bits, Depression, Smut 18+, Unprotected sex
Writers Notes: My birthday is today and here is my gift to you!-Re-watching Season two of the punisher before netflix destroys me, and felt compelled to write a mini two parter with Jigsaw Billy.
Billy stood over your bed, admiring the soft way your breath huffed in and out in small sighs. His thoughts circled his head, each memory and touch remembered and brought to new light. He wanted to focus on those but his body was also reminding- far too well. Desire flushed along his skin, skin that hadn’t been treated to a soft caress in god knows how long.
He was a starving man and you were the feast he didn’t know he’d been craving for so long. He moved along the side of the bed up to where you head lay, hair splayed along the pillow messily. Taking a lock in his fingers and taking a shaky sigh as he relished in the feeling, it was so much and not nearly enough. Feeling braver he brushed the backs of his fingertips along your jawline, he could have cried at how soft you felt, a sweet scent of your hair and skin mingling in his nostrils. His pants felt far too tight, but he knew nothing he did with his own hands could compare to the angel lying in front of him.
Billy couldn’t help it, it was a dangerous game, to not just leave and disappear into the night, but he couldn’t bear to leave you. Not in this state, not when he had so much time to make up for. His hand started down the column your neck, the pad of his thumb brushing along your collar bone before tracing a center line down your chest, it took no small amount of self control to not rip your shirt off and knead your breasts in his hands, feeling their warmth, but painfully he continued his journey to your stomach, just out of reach and concealed by covers.
As if the God in the sky heard his frustrated pleas you shifted, eyes still closed in sleep, but turning over back and forth, eyebrows furrowing, as if having a bad dream, kicking the sheets aside before a moment of settling.
Billy watched you eyes wide behind his mask taking in the new expanse of skin revealed to him. Your shirt pushed up to reveal your stomach fully, only a small pair of panties covering you, then legs fully bare. He ached in ways he didn’t know a man could. He needed to taste you, kiss along your tummy and lick a stripe from your thighs to between your legs immediately or he was certain he’d explode.
Venturing a touch forward pushing aside all reservations, allowing his hands to graze the sides of your hips, lingering as his movement drew downwards, soaking in every curve and divot that he was grateful enough to stumble upon.
Seeing you, touching you, with new eyes, all over again sped his heart rate up, the blood pounding in his ears intensified by the thin layer of plastic still over his face. He wanted to take it off but couldn’t bear the thought of you rejecting his new more monstrous form that he had seen far too many times at the hospital. His hands had reached the end, gentle rubbing along your dainty ankle bone, desperate to place a soft kiss along the supple skin.
Billy let his touch linger a second longer before he felt you move again, this time though your eyelids fluttered open seeing his large frame by the foot of your bed.
You gasped, eyes shooting open wildly and jerking your legs away from this stranger in your apartment, diving to your nightstand and grabbing the gun that sat in the drawer, pointing at him expertly. He remembered teaching you to shoot, how to Line your eyes up with the shot, breathing into pulling the trigger, and how to be absolutely positive that you were ready to take the shot. He remembered.
“Who are you?! Get the hell out of my apartment!” You shouted, gun still pointed to his chest. All he could do was stare back at you, hair wild, eyes focused, legs tucked to the side ready to leap up if need be.
“It’s me.” Billy said softly, almost too quiet. Raising his arms up to show he had no weapon.
“I don’t know you-“
“Yes. You do”
Hearing him speak the second time you realized that yes, you DO know him. That voice, the height, the…mask. You had seen it before it was covered in markings that he had added himself, his way of translating the trauma from mind to reality.
Billy… what are you doing h- how did you get out?” His eyes looked downwards, was it shame, or something else that flitted across his gaze? You still held the gun, unsure if it was smart to put it down, but your gut said it was safe, he was safe. He’d always been a safe place for you, never wanting to hurt you ever, you chose to believe that that hadn’t changed. Setting the weapon on your nightstand, still within quick reach, and easing back a little against your headboard, not letting your eyes leave him.
He watched each of your movements carefully, you could see his shoulders drop a millimeter when you put the gun aside. He moved forward a foot until his shins were touching the end of your bed, still keeping his safe distance, watching you for any more sudden moves.
“I remember. Everything.” He said, letting a hand dip down and touch the duvet cover where he stood. Eyes shining behind his mask, glancing around your bedroom. His bedroom. “This apartment was mine. Those were mine.” He turned towards to closet he had been hiding in, racks upon racks of suit jackets, ties, coats, scarves.
“You…were mine.” The darkness of his eyes didn’t seem empty like they had been in the hospital, no, they were filled with clarity, and tinged with wonder, maybe even a dash of sadness.
“I still am.” You managed, hating how dry your throat sounded but meaning each word, no matter how difficult the road ahead might be. He made a noise, almost a growl but more of a grunt, muffled behind the plastic he kept on. You pushed yourself to your knees, moving down the bed slowly, noticing how his gaze never left you, once you were right in front of him you shifted, lifting your upper body so you were almost face to face with him. “Billy.”
You drew a shallow breath, moving your hands upwards to cover each side of his head, fingers wrapping behind the plastic, feeling him begin to pull away you made a hushing sound, assuaging the panic that showed in this eye slits in front of you.
“It’s ok.” Feeling his tension go lax you pulled the elastic over his head and the mask along with it. Taking in the man in front of you. Your fiancé. You recognized each feature, the curve of his nose, the arch of his brows, the softness of his lips that would so often have a smirk playing across it, and his eyes, bottomless and full of promise, just like before.
He had an array of scars scattered across his face, some bright red, others subtle pink, but healing nonetheless. When the moment seemed to last too long for his comfort you could feel the unease pick up in his breath. “How did you find your way back?”
He shifted his feet, but not enough that it ripped his face from between your hands, eyes dancing along the room, refusing to meet yours.
“I-I don’t know…I just remembered somehow…” Warmth bloomed in your chest and it must have shown in your eyes as Billy moved forward, leaning against the bed further, breathing in deep and turning his face to nuzzle into your one hand. “How long have I…not been myself?” He asked as you scooted to the side so he could sit beside you. You barely heard the question, too wrapped up in how much you had missed his scent, the feeling of him, warmth and strong muscles rippling under his clothing with each slight movement.
“Months. Far too long.” He hummed in response turning towards you more fully and you seized the opportunity to wrap your arms around him, like you’d been dying to since the day you found out he survived his encounter, that had scarred him for life. Billy melted into your embrace, willingly, twining his arms around your midsection, face buried in your shoulder. You felt yourself shake with a silent sob, not truly believing he was here, he remembered you, he was letting you touch him again.
A moment passed and he moved to more fully look up at you, rising in his seat and surging forward, hand behind your head, to press his lips to yours, kissing along the edges and corners, no section of your mouth forgotten. The room felt like it was spinning, you were dizzy and drunk on this feeling of his mouth on yours, opening to let out a moan of pleasure and his tongue entered your mouth, running along your own, the roof of your mouth, a soul devouring kiss that left you shaking in his arms as you two pulled away a beat for air.
His eyes were large, a depthless gaze that you felt naked underneath.
“Say you’re mine.” His hands moved along your body, one to the center of your back staking his claim, the other cupped your rear, kneading it, pulling you closer to him, your stomach tipped, and the dampness between your legs intensified.
“I-I’m yours.” You got out, eyes never leaving his lips, core aching, dying to be in his lap, to feel the hardness of him against you. You were always his, in body, mind and soul and damn him he knew it. He’d always knew it.
He groaned, licking and sucking along your neck, nibbling by your collar bone causing a squeak to escape your lips. At that noise, he hoisted you up into his lap, your legs splayed on either side of his and you could feel the hardness of him pressing into your center, hot, twitching at the sensation of you pushing yourself closer, knowing it wouldn’t be enough.
His hands draped along your back, lifting your large t-shirt off, baring your top half to him fully.
“The real crime, was not being able to kiss these for months.” He said low and gravely, running the tip of his tongue around your nipple, feeling your body arch into his ministrations. You ran your fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands when he applied pressure and bit on the pointed tip.
The feeling of his hot mouth on your body sent a shiver of pleasure shooting down to your toes. He felt the movement and lavished more attention to your other breast. He slowly, painfully dragged his tongue upwards, moving back to your mouth where you met him stroke for stroke.
The push and pull of the kiss, like waves on a shoreline, left your face heated, body pliant and weak limbed. Hands groping along his muscled back and shoulders, nails scraping against his collarbone as you pulled at his scrubs. He let out a hiss at the contact, arms loosening their grip on you so you could maneuver the fabric off of his chest and over his head. His pale skin was flushed, peppered in scars and bruises still but just as beautiful as you remembered. Feeling bold you ran the heel of your palm along the length of his clothed erection and the sound he ground out had your toes curling.
“Billy, I need you…” Was all you could manage to say, hair falling in front of your face, both of you barely hanging on. That was all the permission he needed before lifting you up and turning so that your back fell flush with the sheets beneath. His long lean body covering you, bending down to place soft kisses along your hair line and temple. The softness of his touches juxtaposed to how you’d seen him the past few months made tears sting on the corners of your eyes.
His hands deftly discarded your underwear, tossed onto the pile of his clothing that had been removed. You could see your green nightgown peeking out of the corner of his pocket, now bordered by the panties he’d just thrown. He did truly remember. Both your movements seemed shaky, hesitant at first, there was so much time to make up for and you were trapped in these finite bodies that couldn’t move or touch or taste enough at once. His hot tongue tracing your jawline, trailing down your neck, your breasts ached at his touch. He had to feel every inch of you or the madness that had once consumed him threatened to take over once more.
Barely being able to stand his teasing you arched your hips up into his relishing the growl that escaped his lips.
You could feel his cock, hard, twitching, pressed against your thigh and it had your body buzzing. Legs dropping open wider to urge Billy on. Each touch about to send you spiraling over the edge.
“Billy!” You whined, ankles crossed behind his back and pulling him in, with a soft chuckle he planted one more lingering kiss to your lips before lining himself up with you. Edging in slowly, excruciating slow, you both moaned when he bottomed out. The delicious drag of him against your walls almost ended you right there. You had spent so many nights wondering if he’d ever come back to you and the reality of this moment felt like weightlessness and unbearably heavy all at once.
He began moving, in and out, savoring each small noise you’d make, eyes scrunched closed to focus on each individual feeling. You gripped his shoulders, nails digging into the flesh and he grunted, his hips stuttering as you dug in, pulled him in deeper with each push. You let out another low moan unable to help yourself, not caring if your neighbors heard.
“So fuckin’ good to me.” Billy gritted out, sucking a mark onto your chest, hips never letting up, the wall of ecstasy building up inside you. “How could I ever forget this?”
When he was close enough you bit down on the juncture where his shoulder met his neck, licking the reddened skin after, Billy growled at the pressure. “If you keep doing that baby, I’m not gonna last.” You skirted the idea of continuing to tease him, getting him worked up to that point, but no, now you wanted this for both of you. There would be next times. You prayed there would be.
Each stroke growing more impatient then the last, you were trembling beneath him, barely hanging on. He can feel that you’re almost over the edge, coaxing you further and further to the point that it’s unbearable. “Let go. Come for me-“ He manages and you do, you let go. Orgasm shuddering through you, legs quaking, a silent scream on your lips, head thrown back as stars dance behind your eyes.
It’s not a second later Billy is groaning, shaking with his release, so loud that it reverberates through your entire body. Completely and wildly undone. Bucking into you until he was spent, you could feel the warmth of him covering your walls. He collapsed to your side, still inside of you, but chest heaving. You were starting to feel your senses coming back to you, slowly, the breath not fully reaching your belly.
You turned best you could to face Billy, to see those dark eyes already on you, hand tracing along your hip, kneading at the flesh there, moving up to rest on the side of your cheek, your face warm and glistening with sweat. You couldn’t believe he was here, beside you. After resigning yourself to the fact he may never remember you again, may never love you again.
You leaned forward to run your hand over his face, as if testing this wasn’t some hallucination your fatigue worn body was playing on you. His eyelids fluttered closed as your ran a tentative touch over his forehead, along his eyebrows, his cheekbones- his hand shot up to grab yours and pull the palm flush against his lips as his kissed your open hand, you could feel the warm heat of his tongue in the center and you felt yourself clench again.
Billy pushed up onto his elbow, and to your dismay his cock slid out of you, leaving a feeling of emptiness inside you once more. He cooed a soft sound kissing your eyelid, after seeing the look on your face. You could feel his come start to drip out and Billy hummed at the sight, taking a finger and pushing some of the mess back inside, letting his thumb brush against the bundle of nerves ripping a soft gasp from you once more. Legs already inching open, begging for more.
He grinned, adjusting his position so that you could easily fall back against him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against your back. The pure heat of him, your scents and touch mingling, the fist clenching your heart for the past few months seemed to vanish and you could breathe deeply. You wondered what tomorrow would bring. Would they be hunting for him? Try to take him away from you again?
“Shhhh..I can hear the cogs turning in your head from over here.” Billy said, obviously sensing you tensing up after you had just been so lax.
“Billy, what are we gonna do?” You felt the threatening tears starting to sting up your eyes again.
“We’re gonna be together.” His lips pressed against the back of your heard, his arms tightening protectively around your torso, fingers coaxing your sides. You couldn’t help but let out a deep shaky breath and realize that you were stealing today from both of you. This happiness you’d begged for, finally back if even for a moment.
Billy felt the same. The worries, the fears. He’d just found you again, by some miracle his shattered mind was put back together. The puzzle pieces finding their respective places, and that place was beside you. Regardless of what happened next. The night had started with him watching you, settling into another night alone and ended with him resuming his rightful spot on his side of the bed.
For how long? He didn’t care. Tomorrow was another day, another time to worry about the what ifs and possible consequences of his actions. He felt his mind start to go fuzzy when he felt you move, pushing off the bed to stand and walk over to the dresser. His eyes followed each movement, curious but too tired to consider getting up as well.
Billy closed his eyes for a second, but it must have been longer cause when they opened again you were once more in bed, tucked into his side. He sighed in blissful relief, looking to wrap his arms around you again, retreating to where you had left off. He could tell you were asleep, deep, steady breathing raising your chest and pushing back against him.
Before he drifted off Billy slid his fingers between yours, clasping your hand, hoping if he held it in the waking world it would take hold in his dreams as well- and that’s when he felt it. Cool metal, a stone setting, your engagement ring. You had put it back on when he’d briefly fallen asleep. These things that were once his, had never stopped being his, and neither had you. Realizing this now Billy nestled in closer, giving into the haze of tiredness. Giving into this moment- and all the ones that would come after.
Damaging secrecy [Ben Barnes x Reader] - Challenge
Title: Damaging secrecy
Pairing: Ben Barnes x Female!Reader
Word count: 3.6k
Published: 23 August 2021
Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore
Summary: [x] Your relationship with Ben was everything you could wish for and more. Even the tiniest of attention you received from him was filled with love. But his fear of losing you often clouded his judgement and he didn’t even realise the damage his overprotective nature caused in your relationship, his career creating a gap between the two of you.
Challenge: [x] [x] This is my entry to @sunrisefairy's writing challenge, using the below prompts;
#1. “What am I in your life? Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been nothing to you.”
#2. “We’re in public.” , “I don’t care.”
Ben Barnes and Characters Masterlist | Masterlists
Real People Masterlist
If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3
Ben and you were from two different worlds. He was a famous actor, adored by many, meanwhile you were just an average girl living an average life, working on making your dreams come true. When you met Ben in a simple coffee shop, people completely ignored his presence, as though they didn't even know who he was. Of course, it was a possibility as he had stated that he was usually not recognised when out and about. So, you followed in their steps, not wanting to bother him.
As you woke up that day, you thought it was to be just like every other day. Grab a cup of coffee, work for half a day and get home, throwing yourself on your fluffy duvet. But as it turned out, that day changed your whole life, and it was all thanks to that sweet barista girl who didn't place the lid on your takeaway cup properly. If she had paid attention, you wouldn't have spilled your drink on Ben and you wouldn't have experienced not only how sweet of a person he was, but how easy it was to admire him as an actor, and fall hopelessly in love with him as a regular person.
After 2 years, you couldn't have asked for a better man. There wasn't anyone better for you after all. He treated you like a queen, as though you deserved the whole wide world, and he was ready to give it to you. He had been sweet and kind, funny and playful, passionate, and full of love. There wasn't a single thing you didn't like about him.
At least, that's what you have been telling yourself for the past couple of months. You loved him dearly, you couldn't imagine life without him. Whatever you planned, he was in it, whether it be in the near future or part of a long-term plan. But it often occurred to you that he might not imagine his future with you. He never voiced it of course, but there was one thing that always left an invisible barrier between the two of you. A gap that you couldn't cross with a bridge, a wall that you couldn't climb with a ladder.
That significant barrier you found between the two of you was part of his life, his passion, his love, and you couldn't even think of standing in his way, making him choose between you and his career. Of course, you knew he was doing it for you, he was scared to lose you, scared to throw you to the wolves, but his worry, his overprotective behaviour was the wall you found yourself unable to break. So, you just pushed your worries aside, however painful, and heart-breaking it was to watch the love of your life creating an even bigger gap between the two of you, slowly swallowing your relationship, breaking every simple foundation your shared life was built on. You just sealed your lips and let him destroy your relationship, knowing it was inevitable for the two of you to part at some point, your pleading words ignored for what seemed to be forever.
With silent steps you headed to the bedroom where Ben was adjusting his tuxedo, running his hands through the material, removing every trace of the soft creasing that ran across the clothing. His usually messy locks now sat across his head in a neat fashion, shining like soft silk under the dim light of the bedroom. His top buttons were left undone as he fixed the hem of his shirt, tucking it into his trousers. You leaned against the doorframe as you watched him getting ready, wondering about how long it will take for the two of you to finally walk past each other without realising the damage your relationship had to endure. You knew it was to come, you had anticipated it months ago, but each word that left your lips seemed to have found deaf ears. Ben loved you, it wasn't a question. He was stupidly in love with you and would have given you anything. But he couldn't see the destruction his protectiveness caused between you.
Pushing yourself off the doorframe, you walked up to him with a tender smile and stood between the mirror and him, pulling the necktie you have been holding onto around his neck. "I've been looking for this," he huffed with a playful grin. "You little thief," he chuckled as he leaned down to you and cupped your face, peppering your lips with sweet, but tiny featherlight kisses
"Stop it," you giggled as you tried to push him away, however he had different ideas. He grabbed your hands and wrapped them around his neck whilst his arms sneaked around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest as he deepened the kiss.
"Do you still want me to stop?" His breath tickled your mouth before he captured your lips again, not leaving you time to even consider a possible reply. Ben tightened his arms around you and gently turned you around to lower you on the soft mattress of your shared bed, not even leaving an inch between the two of you as he laid down on you, keeping most of his weight on his arm beside you. The proximity made you feel like you were melting into his body, unable to comprehend where his body ended and where yours began.
However, you had to stop him regardless of how difficult it was. Ben was to attend a gala, and he had to leave sooner than later. "Ben," you whispered against his lips, but he seemed to enjoy occupying yours more than to leave them any time soon. "Ben," you breathed his name weakly, but you didn't have the power to push him away as his lips wandered down your jaw and settled in the crook of your neck. "You need to go," you tried once again, but he didn't seem to share your need to part. "You will be late," your attempt to reason with him seemed fruitless, he continued devouring you without a care for anything beside you. Placing your hands on his shoulders, you pushed him farther away from you until your eyes finally met.
"Why are you trying to make me leave you?" He asked with a mischievous grin across his face. "If I'm not mistaken and I'm not, you were enjoying yourself just as much as I was. Why did we have to stop then?" His tone was like a childish whine, making you giggle.
"Because you have a gala to attend to, mister and you will be late," you chuckled as you tried to push him off you, but he didn't budge.
"I don't want to leave you," he scoffed with a grimace as he buried his face in your neck.
"Well," you started, knowing what you were about to say could possibly start an argument, "if you took me with you, you wouldn't have to leave me," you finished, expecting a frustrated reaction from him and within seconds he removed his face from the curve of your neck and met your gaze with an irritated scoff.
"We have talked about it," he said as he pushed himself off you and rolled to your side, his eyes studying the plain white ceiling.
"We have and we always seem to end up arguing about it. Exactly because we don't agree, don't you think? One of us will have to give in at some point," you smiled softly, not wanting to make a scene.
"Believe me, I would be the happiest person if you could come with me, if I could finally scream to the world how much I love you. But I'm scared. I'm afraid if we go public, it will ruin us, it will chase you away," a heavy, lung expanding sigh left his lips as he ran his fingers through his neatly done hair. "You know I like to keep things private. I don't want all the reporters and paparazzis digging into our lives. And that's what would happen. They would try to take pictures wherever we went, they would dig up all the information about you that they could find. They would make our lives miserable, and I can't risk losing you. I love you too much to lose you," his tone was weak and desperate. Everything about him screamed how much he loved you and you felt guilty for arguing with him, but it hurt you to keep hiding.
"Ben," you whispered his name as you sat up and so did he, his eyes attached to every tiny movement of yours. "You know I love you, right?" You asked and he nodded reassuringly. "I would never want to lose you. I would never want to hurt you, hurt us. But you must understand that we can't keep hiding our relationship forever," you let out a heavy sigh as you turned away from his gaze and nervously fidgeted with your fingers in your lap. "You keep saying that you don't want to lose me. Well, nor do I want to lose you. But you must see the pressure it puts on us, the strain it has on our relationship. We will lose each other if we keep going on like this," you shook your head more to yourself, but Ben reached for your face and cupped your cheeks, gently turning you towards him to meet your eyes.
"What are you saying?" He asked in a pained tone, his voice slightly shaking.
"What am I in your life, Ben?" You asked as you turned away from him, his hands falling to his side, a stunned gasp leaving his lungs. "Because as of lately I'm struggling to understand what we are. We love each other. I can't possibly doubt that. I see the way you look at me, the way you touch me and kiss me, the way you speak to me. I've never felt more loved in my life. But we can't go on dates, we can't go on holidays, I can't hold your hand or kiss your lips when we are out. I can't even go near you when we are in public. We are confined to your house like it's a comfortable prison," a bitter chuckle left your lungs. "I feel as though I've been nothing to you outside of this prison and I can't keep living my life within a 200 square meter confinement."
"I— I didn't," Ben tried to interrupt you, but you had to let your thoughts out before they suffocated you, so you cut him off.
"You are trying to protect me from your world, and I couldn't be more grateful for how considerate you are, but can't you see that it creates a gap between us? I understood that you wanted to wait with the announcement of our relationship. I understood that you were afraid of our relationship being destroyed by all the attention. But we can't keep doing this forever," You sighed as you finally turned towards Ben, his eyes wide open, stunned by your words, his lips parted in surprise, a pained expression spread across his face. But you couldn't stop. You always let him win, let him ignore how his protectiveness affected your relationship. It was time to make him understand the damage he was making. "I agreed with you at the beginning because I knew we needed to see if we were compatible, if we were going to last to make sure that it wasn't just a fling. However, after two years I expected our relationship to be stable, to be ready for a future that we can plan together."
"But it is," he said in a desperate tone, swallowing nervously as he began processing the weight of your words.
"But is it?" You sighed heavily as tears welled in your eyes, attempting to slide down your cheeks, but you forced them back, not wanting to seem weak. "I love you, Ben. More than I've ever loved anyone. But I can't wait for you forever to feel confident enough to finally make an announcement. We can't hide forever, you must understand. Frankly, if you don't feel ready to do so after two years, then I don't see a reason to be together," you couldn't keep your tears at bay any longer, they escaped without your consent, but you couldn't care. It hurt you to think about having a life without Ben in it. "It breaks my heart to say this, but if you are not confident enough in the strength of our relationship, if you are not sure about the future we could possibly have, if you don't have complete trust in me then I don't think it's good for us to be together. All the secrecy— it just damages our relationship," you said as your voice shook and you sniffled, trying to get rid of the tears soaking your cheeks.
"How did we end up here?" Ben spoke up with an incredulous look as he shot up from the bed, a deep frown spread across his brows. "I just told you that I didn't want to lose you and within minutes we are talking about a potential break up?" He asked as he turned to you with a gobsmacked expression, eyes filled with pain. He averted his gaze from you as he walked up and down the room as though he was thinking about something. He was so lost in his thoughts he couldn't even hear you calling him.
"Ben? Can you please talk to me?" You pleaded with him, but he didn't seem to be able to hear you. Or just didn't want to. You couldn't possibly tell what was going on in his head.
"Dress up," he stated as he headed towards the bathroom to redo his hair once again.
"Excuse me?" You asked with a surprised expression, eyes wide as you followed him into the bathroom, needing an explanation.
"You are coming with me!" He stated in a stern tone.
"What?" You scoffed with a single chuckle, before you realised the serious expression he wore. "Are you for real?" You asked with a questioningly raised brow.
"Do I look like I'm joking?" He retorted and stepped closer to you, standing right in front of you, leaving only a tiny gap between your bodies. "I will not lose you. If you want to leave me, if you fall out of love with me, if you decide you don't want to be with me, however heart-breaking it is, I can accept that. But I will not lose you for something so trivial. We will make that announcement today," he stated firmly as he leaned down to you and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, awakening thousands of butterflies in the pit of your stomach. You needed a good second or two to finally find your voice.
"Ben, as much as I would love that, don't you think it's a bit rushed? You shouldn't make such hasty decisions," you tried to reason with him, but he just shook his head.
"Do you love me?" He asked and although you frowned with a confused expression, you nodded. "And I love you, so what's the matter? You said I would have to be confident enough in the strength of our relationship, that I would have to be sure about the future with you, that I should have complete trust in you. Well, I do. I have confidence in us, in our relationship, in our feelings, in our future and especially in you. So, I'd have to argue with you. It's not rushed. Am I still afraid it could destroy us? Yes. But it isn't based on our relationship because I have never believed in anything as strongly as I believe in us. My fear comes from losing you. And I surely won't let it happen over this. So, we are going," by the time he finished his monologue, a sweet smile spread across his face that you couldn't stop yourself from mirroring.
"I– erm, okay, let's go," you chuckled as you stuttered through the words and quickly headed to dress up and do your hair and make-up. In other circumstances you would have been angry for not having enough time to prepare yourself, but your excitement overpowered your frustration and so you readied yourself with a wide grin across your face, stealing glances at Ben every once in a while to make sure you weren't dreaming.
Within half an hour you were ready to leave the house and headed down to the car Ben rented, with the driver seated at the front. Ben's large hand engulfed yours as he interlocked your fingers and kept it in his grasp for the whole journey. His warm touch started off the tiny butterflies in the pit of your stomach over and over again, making you feel both giddy and nervous about what was to come. But Ben's strong hold around your hand provided you with a certain comfort, a silent reassurance.
As you arrived at the event and Ben stepped out of the car, you saw the rapid flashes of cameras and a sudden fear took over your excitement. You felt as though you didn't think things through, and froze both physically and mentally as you sat at the backseat still holding onto Ben's hand. He gave you a questioning look, before he crouched down in front of you, right beside the opened door of the vehicle.
"It's alright," he smiled up at you. "We can do this together," he squeezed your hand, reassuring you that he was right beside you and would not let go of you. You nodded in a reply, but didn't make a move. It took you a few seconds, maybe even minutes to gather all your courage and chase away your fear but you were still anxious and your attempted breathing techniques seemed useless in your situation. Your chest tightened and your mouth felt like it was filled with sand, but as you lifted your head to look at Ben, he wore a tender smile, one that made all your worries banish. Finally you heaved a heavy sigh and stepped out of the car, closing the door behind you. Within seconds cameras flashed in your direction and thousands of questions were directed at Ben as he held onto your hand. You lost complete focus of what was happening, you were simply following Ben's movements and listened to his soothing voice as he talked to the reporters, each bombarding him with questions you couldn't even comprehend. "Are you alright?" He asked as he placed his unoccupied hand on your cheek, gently stroking your skin.
"Yeah," you whispered in a hushed tone, unsure if he could even hear you with all the noise.
"Let's go in," he smiled softly and gently nudged you towards the entrance. Reporters were still shouting his name as you stepped inside the building, but he just offered them an apologetic look and led you forward, not wanting to overwhelm you. By the time you walked past the reception, he pulled you towards a secluded corridor that possibly led to a kitchen, the scent of delicious meals filling your nostrils.
"What are we doing here?" You asked under the dim light, your eyes scanning the place, watching as guests walked inside the venue at the end of the corridor where you came from.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he said as he cupped your face, gently stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. "It must have been overwhelming," he added and though you wanted to deny it at first, you decided to be honest and nodded in a reply. "You don't have to act strong. If you are tired, if you feel like it's too much, just tell me. It took me a while to get used to it and it doesn't happen from one moment to another," he reassured you, earning another nod from you.
"I'm okay, Ben. I promise," you offered him a sweet smile as you lifted your hand and caressed his cheek. "I'm not going to lie, it was scary, but I'm alright now."
"Good," he said and stepped closer to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, leaning down to press his forehead against yours. "I have a couple of ideas on how to ease your worries though," he added with a mischievous smile and a playful twinkle in his eyes.
"Oh really. What would they be?" You raised a questioning brow as a wide grin appeared across your face, mirroring his excitement.
"Well, for starters, this–," he planted a tender kiss on your forehead, making you giggle, "and this–," before he went and placed a kiss on your cheek, "also this–," he left another kiss on your nose "but the most important one is this–," he pressed his lips against yours, your arms involuntarily sneaking around his neck as you returned the gesture, his warm embrace, the feel of his lips making you forget about your situation. But it was only momentary. Your mind quickly rid itself off Ben's addictive presence and started off an alarm in your head.
"Ben," you breathed his name against his lips, trying to contain your own desires. "We're in public," you tried to reason with him, but he didn't seem to mind.
"I don't care," he hushed you and pressed his lips against yours, basking in the intimate moment you finally shared in a public place. Sure, it was fairly hidden and no one passed by the two of you, but at last you had the opportunity to hold his hand regardless of the prying eyes. You were able to kiss his lips whenever the craving felt too unbearable. You could go on holidays and arrange dinner dates and the like. Finally, you could spend as much time with Ben as you wanted without hiding how madly in love you were with him.
Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don’t forget to leave a like, comment and/or reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^
If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3
