#bestworstmanager

[happiestwhenhomeless]

About to take 25 of my employees camping (in a thunderstorm) because a month ago I drunkenly thought it would be a good idea.

[happiestwhenhomeless]

So, a young man and his mother walk into my shop today. Well, the mother walked, the young man hobbled in on crutches. I could tell whatever he had done that it was recent, because he clearly was not comfortable using them.

I say ‘ello to the two and then demand that the kid gives me his crutches. He looks pretty reluctant, for good reason, and so I slide a chair over to him. He hands me the crutches and I start bouncing around on the nearby staircase and asking him what happened to him. Turns out it was a knee surgery just a few days ago. Then, I assure him that he’ll get pretty comfortable using the sticks in the next month and not to worry too much.

He’s like, “well, shit, you look live you’ve spent some time on crutches yourself...”

And I’m like, “well, that’s what happens when you get a hit by a truck!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

Meanwhile my co-worker is watching the whole scene rolling her eyes.

And so the kids like, “what! Wait? Really?!”

And I’m like, “maybe,” and then toss him a wink and return his crutches to him.

So then I head back behind the counter and theres my co-worker giving me a dirty look.

And she’s like, “I don’t know why people like you. But, people like you. It’s disgusting. Also, you’re not fucking funny.”

So then I’m like, “Funny? You think getting hit by a truck is funny?! HAHAHAHAHAHHA”

[happiestwhenhomeless]

Spent the day doing inventory at one of my shops today.

It’s an incredibly repetitive and brainless activity, really. And so, as the day progressed, doing little more than punching numbers into a weird palm pilot device that only half-sorta works, I did what I needed to do to keep my head in the game. This included, but was not limited too, playing lots of jam band music, loudly, as the day drew to a close.

Now, I love the jams. I do. But, I manage a family friendly retail environment, and so jam bands, heavy metal, and rap have all been determined to be off limit music selections. Sorry, but that’s retail for ya. But, on the other hand, I needed some grooves to pull me through, and so I made that executive decision to kick out the jams, and to do it loudly.

But, here’s the real fun part. So, I’m closing up shop for the day, and I’ve got more work to do at that particular store in the morning. So, I leave things kind of a mess, and I toss the breaker switches, knocking out the lights and my sound system (but not turning it off or lowering the volume). Then I left a note for the employee scheduled to open that particular store tomorrow. Something along these lines:

“Dear So-And-So,

DO NOT attempt to clean the store. I’m in the midst of inventory. Really, don’t move anything. Cool yo shit, gurl. But, also, never leave the store in this condition. And DO NOT touch my god damn music. Really, just hang out, open the store, and hang out some more. I’ll be in shortly after you.

Love,

- Mgmt”

But, anyways. When she throws the breaker switches in the morning she’s gonna get bombarded with some Phish or Grateful Dead or some such and it’ll probably startle her good.