SOTM: Various, online chatter; that’s enough internet for today
For the prompt: How hot is Jared? Twitter's best explainers
Forgive me any formatting sins -- I aimed for clarity over authenticity, but who knows if tumblr will oblige on that front.
“How’s the internet doing?” Dave asks.
“Well,” Andreas says. “It’s — technically good news, but in a way you probably don’t want to hear the details of?”
“That sounds ominous,” Dave says.
“Do you know what shipping means?” Andreas asks. “Not the—“
“You know, you’re right,” Dave says, literally backing into his office. “I don’t want to know.”
“I didn’t think so,” Andreas says, saluting Dave with his coffee, then goes to check out what’s happening on twitter. He thinks he’s had more than enough of AO3 for the foreseeable future.
~
On Twitter:
I’ve decided to block everyone who says something shitty about Bryce Marcus or Jared Matheson in the next while and I think my hockey twitter experience is going to greatly improve as a result
This is absolute genius I’m doing it
WAIT JARED MATHESON IS CANUCKS DILF’S SON?
HOLY SHIT JARED MATHESON IS CANUCKS DILF’S SON
OH MY GOD THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
Damn now we know he’s going to stay beautiful.
So does Bryce clearly. Lock that upppp.
HOW COME THERE ISN’T A WHOLE JARED MATHESON FANDOM.
Nevermind fam just found out there is in fact a fandom and they are losing their dang MINDS right now.
~
A selection of tweets liked by Bryce Marcus’ lurking account:
Look if I landed Jared Matheson I too would tattoo his signature on my chest.
I would tattoo his PICTURE.
How is it that Bryce Marcus is a multi-millionaire who routinely is in the top twenty in scoring and clearly takes care of his appearance and dresses better than 95% of hockey players, and yet I’m still like ‘nice work landing that husband, bro’.
You know that if Marcus and Matheson could reproduce they would have the most beautiful children
Sweet mitts too
Every single picture or video I’ve managed to find of Bryce Marcus and Jared Matheson in the same place Jared is like 😐 and Bryce is like 😍 how did we just figure this out now
I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST REALLY HAPPY TO BE IN VANCOUVER 😭
~
“Babe,” Jared says. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” Bryce says. “I’m not doing anything. Go back to sleep.”
“It’s the middle of the night,” Jared groans, slinging an arm over Bryce’s hip as he buries his face in Bryce’s good shoulder. Bryce’s hand comes up to absently pet his hair, and Jared falls back asleep that way, Bryce’s fingers carding through his hair as he scrolls through god knows what with his other hand.
~
On AO3:
Tags: Bryce Marcus Matheson/Jared Marcus Matheson/Julius Halla, I was really tempted to put Julius Halla Matheson but I think that’s enough chaos for right now, this is how I’m coping as a Hallason shipper, with OT3s, and threesomes, au just in that erin matheson doesn’t exist, sry erin it’s not personal
Tags: Bryce Marcus/Jared Matheson, no plot just vibes, soft shit, I literally just got here but, Bryce Marcus is a bottom you cowards,
Archive Warnings: Underage
Tags: Bryce Marcus/Jared Matheson, Rafael Sanchez, Just like the regular level of underage jared was when he met bryce nothing sketchy, or sketchier than reality lol, meet cute, my hc of how they met,
~
“If this is about Jared I’m hanging up on you,” Stephen says as he picks up his phone.
“You knew, didn’t you!” Beth says.
Stephen hangs up the phone, and puts it back on the table, face down.
It, of course, immediately vibrates. Gabe looks at it, then at Stephen.
“Don’t give me that look,” Stephen says.
Gabe continues to blink mildly as it goes to voicemail, then starts to vibrate again.
“You talk to her then,” Stephen says.
“Hi Beth,” Gabe says. “How are you? Yes, I did know who my linemate was married to. No, I didn’t think to tell you. Well, because I’m not sure how it’s relevant to you, Elisabeth.”
Stephen smirks at Gabe as his face grows continually wearier. His fault for not just hanging up — it may be mercenary, but it means Stephen doesn’t have to listen to whatever Beth’s telling Gabe.
“Let me give you Stephen,” Gabe says.
Sometimes Stephen forgets that Gabe has spent a little too much time around him for his own good.
‘Fuck you’, Stephen mouths, but Gabe just smiles and continues to hold his phone out.
~
On tumblr:
The Bryce Marcus/Jared Matheson tag has doubled in the last 36 hours. You guys okay?
Can’t sleep gotta write fic.
I think I speak for all of us when I say, from the bottom of my heart: no.
But like in a good way!
Where my Julius/Jared shippers at? How y’all doing?
Well we found out Jared Matheson is actually gay and married to a man literally from the lips of Julius Halla…in the context of telling us he’s married to a completely different dude and also now I’m legitimately worried about their friendship since he just outed his bestie so idk you tell me.
This.
Do we change it to ‘Jared Marcus Matheson/Bryce Marcus Matheson’ or Jared Matheson/Bryce Marcus’ or is it chaos or —
The AO3 tag wranglers have been by and they’ll all redirect to ‘Jared Matheson’ and ‘Bryce Marcus’ so don’t worry.
But why isn’t it redirecting to ‘Marcus Matheson’?
Show us the papers and we’ll do it. Legal name change documentation please.
You have all been shoving these definition of Average Dude hockey players in my face all ‘look at this beautiful man’ and none of you showed me Jared Matheson, Actually Beautiful Man? What is the MATTER with you people.
You have been in the wrong corner of hockey fandom trust me. his beauty was Known
east coast bias even in hockey rpf smh
Want some fic recs? OBVIOUSLY.
Hey remember a few years back when we all made fun of Bryce Marcus for not knowing his own initials judging by that JBM necklace? Wikipedia says Jared’s middle name is Bradley
JARED’S MIDDLE NAME IS BRADLEY!!!!!!!
I would like to submit a formal apology to Bryce Marcus who a) can spell b) is the most romantic man alive and c) has clearly been TRYING to get caught this whole time.
