#big trigger

[dying-weeds]

Hey big TW under the cut for my trauma so be warned

I hate so much that my body was literally traded for money. Like all money is is a piece of cloth paper, I'm literally A HUMAN BEING. Someone paid the price for my body to use for the night but i will pay the ultimate price forever.

Fuck You fuck You fuck You fuck you fuck

[dsmvotion]

ughhhh can people pleeeeeasse not knock on my door early in the day when I'm usually still sleeping

[dying-weeds]

TW TMI AND SA MENTIONS/ TALKING ABOUT MY PHYSICAL PROBLEMS FROM IT

Big tw also nsfw because I'm talking about my body

I just need to talk about it because it bothers me so if this will trigger/offend you please do not read

Last warning seriously I'm talking about my physical problems caused by multiple sexual assaults over the years so it is about my privates and what happened to them and how it affects me emotionally as I go through life with it and my relationships

Okay so here's something kinda weird about me is like I don't have a taint. Like I think it's called a perineum. It's the space between your vag and your but. Like I really don't have one?

Idk if I do have one I guess it's really small like I'm talking maybe 3 centimeters or like half an inch max. I also have like a scar in that area that causes a lot of problems for me like especially with anything intimate.

And it really sucks that I have it because it makes sex SOOOO PAINFUL like 80 percent of the time it just burns and hurts because of the skin right there at the bottom. It's weird it's like it didn't heal right and the skin covers like part of my opening at the bottom so every time I get entered the wrong way it rips.

Yes I said that. It rips all the time. And like I can feel exactly when it does and it makes me so upset and frustrated because I know it's just going to hurt me so badly the rest of the intercourse.

I mean I've never seen a doctor about the ripping but I'm almost certain it was from being assaulted many times and maybe the rip didn't heal right and maybe that's why it continues to re rip itself every time.

It just hurts and it reminds me of the pain I felt before when I was being assaulted and it really makes sex hard for me. There's been many times where I have been in the middle of sex and he rips me and then I'll cry and ruin everything.

I've always wondered if anyone else deals with this too? Like if any of you read this far and are a survivor of csa or sa, do you guys deal with anything similar to this or do you have any physical problems that popped up after your abuse/assault(s)?

Thank you for reading I just wanted to get this off of my chest.

[vmprwtch]

" i didn’t know that. i’m sorry. " ( nahuel, about alec being burned at the stake probably :( )

                                      trauma starters  // not accepting *!

        a face of marble and jet remains impassive as ever, but it’s stillness radiates an instability more poignantly than any tear or snarl. with lips pursed, his gaze falters, flickering towards the floor while the visions of flame and smoke flash across his eyes, murky with time and the terror in them. it’s clear in the twisting of pale fingers and the stiff feline posture he adopts that he is more uncomfortable than ever. the burn of imaginary flames in his throat reminds him of the horrible pain, the charring of his skin, the blackened flesh peeling off of his hands. eons later and he still recalls how the smoke of his own charred body choked him, how the sparks lit his hair before the flames reached his chin, burning him from both ends. he’s forthcoming with the story, unashamed and full of bitterness, but beneath it lies the fear and the hurt. but to show such a thing is prohibited. while the story comes freely, the show of its lasting effects is a secret only to be observed but never discussed.

       ‘ it’s fine. we all have a story. we all died somehow. it’s not important. ’

[lifegoeson-wecarryon]

You’re pretty cool Simon. Love, Simon.

yes i am the coolest mofo on this side a the tungle

[theeclecticprint]

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