I prefer not to hang out with anyone. Why? Because people are too hard to figure out.
It sounds manipulative in a way.
“Why only hang out with people you can read? Because you want to predict their moves and alter them for your own personal gain?”
Not even. I’ve no use for people, and if I do have a use for somebody I would certainly pay them for whatever service I need them for. The intentions of the next man are just too mysterious for me. I dislike uncertainty.
Here is an example. Remember her? Of course you do. She was the basis of Entry1.
I met her at a place I go to often. She’s beautiful. Honestly, too beautiful to be with me, but she showed an interest in me that made life seem surreal. Here I was, this below average guy holding the attention of someone I dubbed an angel. Albeit, she has a child, but I’m no stranger to step parents, so I certainly wouldn’t have minded being one.
“Why are you thinking so far ahead?”
Because I was certain that everything would work out in my favor. We laughed together, shared our lunch time, and her hugs felt genuine. It wouldn’t be long until I wanted more of her...
Eventually she would propose the idea of going out on the town and partaking in livelier activities. Something I wasn’t used to as I love to stay at home and surf social media after a few bong rips, but I was willing to end my career as a professional couch potato if it meant I could be around her.
What happened after that...?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. We didn’t ever get around to doing what she suggested, but I didn’t let it die as I reminded her every so often. She’d reply with an excuse of some kind, and my hope would dwindle as time went on.
The jokes came to a slow, we stopped eating together, and our hugs became less frequent. I soon found myself in competition with the guys around me. She would laugh with them, eat with them, and hug them too. It was painful to watch, and that pain was turning me into a monster. During the transformation I could only wonder:
What did I do wrong? How can I fix it?
She insisted everything was fine, but the answer did not satisfy me. Was I too clingy? Was I too... myself...?
My giddiness is gone now. I can’t smile as much as I used to. She has the hoodie I let her wear which she replaced with a garment from some other guy...
Did she just want to toy with me? To see what she could do ? It seemed like it. But why me? Why not literally anyone else around us?
Everyday I wish she’d told me to go fuck myself when I first spoke to her. It would’ve made more sense in the long run. I would’ve gotten over it faster, but it’s okay now...
My transformation is nearly complete. I’ve accepted the changes she initiated as evolution. I want to be somebody I feel she deserves, all so I can continue to be happy alone, because I do not like uncertainty, and people... people sure know how to play the enigma card well...
