Journal # 8 Family
I say this in almost every damn journal I write but...Ancestors. I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. I’ve been in an almost constant state of exhaustion and frustration since those nightmares started wrackin’ my brain. I wish the past would stay behind me for once, ‘cause this is startin’ to effect my mentality.
What’s troublin’ me is that my desire to fight has dropped to almost a non-existent level- I’d rather fill out paperwork and trade contracts with some of the local boards instead of spar, I suppose this is where the most recent trouble has begun to brew.
In the last several months I’ve gone from bein’ a lone wolf, with no family, to havin’ Brothers in Tyliron and Rulo’Fon, a mother of sorts in Hakita, a lover in Sabriel, and a sister in Xuin..
Xuin...Ancestors I don’t understand Pandaren and this is makin’ me incredibly frustrated- As it would appear, the original host of th’ body I now inhabit had a younger sister, this sister found me, and became enraged that I was in this form- Her sister has to of been in a coma for a while before I got this body, so the spirit’s been long gone. The first interaction with this pup is her tryin’ to strangle me- normally I would’ve put her in her place, smacked her down and told ‘er to get lost but...For some reason I just stood there lettin’ this kid try to take me out, I even gave her enough coin to get her food, shelter, and better gear--But as it stands, she’s technically blood, and therefore I’m in charge of keepin’ her safe. Bah..That just makes me feel worse ‘bout last night.
Hakita challenged me to another fight, I had initially refused, until Nagorag challenged me, Hakita took offense, and stormed off, meanin’ I went after her and accepted her challenge, I lost--miserably, Given the last time we fought I ended up gettin’ her good with an axe to the side I held back a bit more than I should’ve and ended up layin’ flat on my back, she ended up givin’ me the good ol’ boot to the face and broke my snout, damn thing is still bent outta shape despite bein’ healed, which is fine- I don’t really care ‘bout a bit of a bent snout.
No matter how much’s changed with me, I still hate losin’ and bein’ healed, so I was already in a foul mood, that’s when Rulo tried lecturin’ me about how not all the horde is bloodthirsty orcs and orc-hearted folk like myself, tie that in with Xuin tryin’ to lecture me on how I’m treatin’ her sister’s body and I snapped. I...Backhanded the pup pretty damn hard- knocked her to the ground- That’d be the second sibling I’ve harmed this past week. Tyliron bein’ the first.
Tyliron doesn’t like my choices, or my decisions- he tried tellin’ me what to do and what I was doin’ wrong- sayin’ that I was easily manipulated and that folk were usin’ me for their own personal gain. I snapped, grabbed ‘im by the neck and bashed him against the wall a few times...Then dug my claws ‘cross his face. He hasn’t been takin’ visitors since then, I only hope he ain’t...dead or somethin’.
Then there’s the Andowynn thing...Damn woman didn’t follow protocol and a damned Ebon Knight broke in and tried to kill her- I got the information and then I killed ‘im despite Ando’s wishes to turn him back over to the Ebon Blade...Bah...Had to lock the damn woman up in the infirmary so she wouldn’t go gettin’ herself killed. She too has stopped takin’ visitors--Must be an Elf thing.
If I could figure out what was wrong with me I’d fix it, but it’s like the fight ain’t in me unless someone pushes me there, which isn’t good, I’m Warlord, a leader, and folk look up to me, and with all the new blood in the camp, I can’t falter now, I suppose I should be countin’ my lucky stars that the Boss’ pet isn’t roamin’ around, he’s make things so much worse.
Sindonia-A new forsaken in the clan has offered to help me and Xuin communicate with Tsurin--the original body holder, and see what ‘er opinion is on the whole ordeal--If she accepts my taking over her body, then that’s gonna be great, if not...Well...I may be draggin’ my old ass outta the ice and figurin’ out a way to be put back into it. The amount of problems I see with that is mountin’ high...Rega would be angry with me, I’d be angry at bein’ in my old body given that it’s charred, and missin’ most limbs, and honestly...I’ve gotten used to bein’ a Pandaren, I’m faster, and more put together.
Speakin’ of Rega...I’m worried ‘bout her, she seems to be feelin’ a bit better from the other night, but I can see it in her eyes that she’s still upset, she’s been a bit more reclusive too. I know she knows I’m there for support, but she’s more stubborn than I am ‘bout gettin’ help for that kinda thing.
I dunno anymore- I’m frustrated, tired, and at a loss for what I can do to fix all these damn problems. This time I don’t think a night in some corner of Azeroth is gonna help me. I gotta do something to relight the fire in my heart so I can serve the clan fully.
On the upside, the paints for stainin’ my fur came in yesterday, so I’ll be regainin’ some of my old dyes from my old body, preferably with a bit more blue.