Curious how "I’m sorry" isn’t my true first response when it comes to every four out of nine situations in my life.
Funny how, even if repetition of that word takes up the space between you and I, and my tongue rolls around the syllables effortlessly like a practiced prayer from a sinner looking for redemption, it’s not my first response. But I use it.
Because I Am Sorry is what almost everyone wants to hear even if it is not true. Its gotten to the point of pleasantry and I’ve been fed small talk and manners ever since I was wild and empty and young. I was raised to seek tolerance, generosity, and politeness as my true ideals. Which I do.
However, even then, I’m a selfish, sickeningly honest mind, if not with everyone surrounding me, with myself. And I can’t hide myself from me:
The fact my first thought is Fuck. I should’ve lied instead.