Band aid
Recently, with the weight of being closeted, I wanted to come out to my family.
My girlfriend told me to wait. She said that there was no hurry.
I at first, I didn't agree. I just wanted to rip off the sexual identity bandaid. Sure, I would probably bleed, but why delay the inevitable?
Here’s why:
Being seen and identified as a bisexual woman by adults is not something I’m used to. Even amongst kind people who openly support me, my internal fear of rejection can result in an anxious and cloudy state of mind where my sanity dies slowly in a dark tunnel.
For example, here is a transcript of what happened when I met my girlfriend’s kind and supportive adult family members for the first time:
What they said to me: “Oh it’s so nice to meet you. Tell us all about your life! Here’s a cookie. We feel so blessed this Christmas to have you. Will you visit us again?”
How I think they thought of me: “There goes that non-conformist, not good enough young person who we will pretend to like. How does she even have sex? And why cant she just be straight?”
So..... I’m still working on establishing my comfort level with coming out to adults. My girlfriend’s family was gentle and they gave me love and support. My family, on the other hand, would probably step and spit on me.
As such, the bandaid of my closeted experience has not fully finished its job. In many ways, I still need to to protect me and keep me safe.
One day, when I’m older and more confident, I will come out. Hopefully then, no matter how my family reacts, their words and anger won’t destroy me.
