TRIGGER WARNINES AND THEMES- Racial discrimination, segregation, racism, terms used in the 1940s like ‘’Colored’’, disapproval of relationships, heartbreak, mention of death, mentions of unreciprocated feelings.
This chapter takes place the night of and then a week after the last chapter! Jane and Reader live in Harlem, Bucky and Steve live in Brooklyn. I’ve had a lot of help with this, so I hope it’s historically accurate! Just to recap- Steve met reader and they hit it off nearly immediately. Due to the rules and regulations of segregation at the time, the two can not really be seen together in public. Their safe haven? The dance hall where he works, and she frequents when she is done cleaning house on the weekends. There, Steve and Reader introduced Jane, Reader’s sister, to Bucky, and those two are in love.
collaboration fic with @starsshines-blog
It’s late night when Steve and Bucky walk you and Jane home. Well, they walk you to the corner of your street. You know that your daddy will be sitting on the porch rain or snow or muggy weather whenever you and your sister are out this late.
He knows you two went out for a night on the town.
He knows that you two went to a dance hall.
But if he ever knew that you’d been dancing and not just ‘’enjoying’’ the music, he’d lose it.
Especially if he saw the color of the skin of the man you’d been dancing with.
Jane and Bucky are lagging a few steps behind. His coat is over her shoulders and she’s giggling and whatever he’s saying before he turns her to press a kiss that somehow looks both sweet and sultry to her waiting lips.
‘’Those two are a perfect match,’’ Steve tells you.
Where Bucky is practical, Steve is passionate. Bucky knows that this probably won’t work, but he’s having a good time with Jane and he truly cares for her. And they’re both trying not to fall to deep, trying not to dive into a figurative pool that is just as segregated as the literal pools.
Steve, on the other hand, would probably be willing to risk it all for you, for the chance at a romance that you both know could never really go anywhere. Not right here, not right now.
‘’I think we are too, though,’’ Steve tells you as he gently presses a kiss to the skin on the back of your hand.
He’s far from smooth, but he’s trying. You’re his doll and he want you to feel just a special as he’d make any other girl feel, regardless of skin tone. It’s sweet and it’s a taste of something you don’t often get too much- equality.
It’s something that you’re trying not to get too used to. Because you know where this will end up. Steve and Bucky will marry other women and you’ll probably be engaged to Jeremy within the year. Jane will meet some nice fellow at her job and your parents will be happy that their children didn’t break the mold.
You’ll try to forget Jane’s happiness, the way she broke out of her shell around Bucky. And she’ll try to forget he way all her senses seem to come alive around this man, how she’s willing to take a risk that could end horribly. This may be the least practical thing that either she or Bucky has ever done.
You’ll try to forget how the girl who always seemed to have a good head on her shoulders fell so hard and so fast for a man that she can’t be with. Try to forget the way he told you he loved you tonight as you left the dance hall earlier than usual. Try to forget that just last week he told you he may be falling for you and he most certainly has, even with the fact that you two have not seen each other in a week.
You’re in love with Steve Rogers and it’s probably the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done.
And not because of the color of his skin. No, that couldn’t bother you. How everyone would react does, but Steve himself could never be a problem.
Dangerous because you know no other man will ever compare to him.
Dangerous because you already know you don’t want anybody else but he attainable yet unattainable man in front of you.
Dangerous because you know the extent to which he cares for you, and in this hazy, romance filled, rush of emotions, you’ve come to realize one thing.
This is the love of your life, and you can’t even ever enjoy having him in your life.
Being with Steve and Bucky was for you and Jane, respectively, like being in your own little bubble. The eyes of the club diverted themselves to ignore your love affair, knowing that Steve was okay and anyone that he is friends with must be okay, too, right?
And who would’ve thought that two boys from Brooklyn would fall in love with two girls from Harlem?
Too bad that you and Jane did not know about two pairs of eyes watching your every movement at the dance hall just last night, and the week before, wondering why you were out with Steve Rogers and not Jeremy.
Those two sets of eyes? Belonged two your brother’s girlfriend and Jeremy’s sister herself.
‘’Don’t you look lovely in that dress. Red is most definitely your color,’’ Bernadette gushes, washing her hands in the porcelain sink of the women’s restroom.
Bernadette Coleman is Jeremy’s twin sister. Whereas he is shy and quiet, she is over the moon with her ideas. He’s more reserved and everyone seems to know who Bernadette is. She’s a socialite in the making, just like he mother. They are, by far, one of the wealthiest black families in the community, if not the wealthiest, after all.
So, you thank her politely, keeping your head low. She’s a gossip, and she’s known for twisting words. You can still remember when she said that your brother must be attracted to her when all he said was, ‘’It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?’’
With Bernadette, it’s better to do just that. Besides, right after work tomorrow, you and Jane are meeting up with Bucky and Steve. You’ve got some exciting news to tell James about how your current employer wants to help you with paying for nursing school.
Sunday morning church service has just ended, and everyone is beginning to go home to prepare for Sunday evening dinner. Your family is no doubt still standing outside. Your mother will be speaking to the first Lady of the church, the pastor’s wife, as your dad discusses the sermon with your pastor some more. Jane is probably keeping track of your younger brother as he runs around with some more of his little friends, reminding him not to get his Sunday pants dirty or he’ll be in dep trouble with mother.
Your older brother is probably talking to Bernadette’s family, telling all about how he plans to marry her one day. Jacob is a charmer, and he knows exactly what to say. It’s probably why he’s currently getting Jeremy to agree to a double date. He wants to make sure you don’t ruin this for yourself, knowing that Jeremy is really into you and that you could be with Jeremy if you’d only give him a true chance.
Oh, and if Steve Rogers didn’t’ exist.
But if Bernadette has anything to say about it, your little fling with Mr. Steve Rogers will be over with before your mother can even set the chicken on the table for dinner later this evening.
‘’I have seen you dancing at the club a couple of times. You are mighty good. You know, some of us just can’t do that swing dancing.’’
‘’It’s a gift I was blessed with, I suppose,’’ you respond, ‘’But my brother and I practice. We like to dance.’’
‘’You should go out dancing with Jeremy then! My brother just loves to cut a rug,’’ Bernadette explains as she swipes some more ruby red lipstick onto her lips, ‘’My daddy would just about have a fit if he ever saw me dancing like that.’’
‘’Oh, believe me,’’ you laugh, fixing your hair in the mirror, ‘’My dad would snap his cap if he knew about me dancing.’’
‘’Yes, yes, I suppose he would. But I think he’d really be more concerned about you spending time all close and comfy with that white boyfriend of yours.’’
You turn to face Bernadette, feeling the blood drain from your face as you use one hand to brace yourself against the bathroom sink.
‘’I knew there had to be some reason you weren’t fawning all over my brother like every other woman in this town. Jeremy is rich, and he is good-looking, I guess. So, I had to ask myself, ‘Now why would this girl not want to be with him?’ Then I saw you twisting and cuddling up with that white boy at the club and I know.’’
‘’Steve,’’ your mouth suddenly feels dry, ‘’His name is Steve.’’
‘’I didn’t ask for all the details, honey,’’ she coos in a voice that is anything but sweet, ‘’You don’t need to explain that to me or to Jeremy. Who you need to be explaining that to is your parents.’’
‘’They don’t know about Steve.’’
‘’They do now,’’ she grins evilly, ‘’I suggest you get home. Something tells me you’re going to be having a slice of humble pie with that dinner tonight. You take care.’’
She gathers her things and saunters out of the bathroom.
The entire way out of the church, you beg and plead silently to yourself that she hasn’t told your family.
From the blank expression on your mother’s face, the confused look on your younger brother’s face, the glares of your older brother and daddy, and Jane’s tear-stained cheeks, you know that she has done just that.
This is the biggest scandal to rock your family since… well. Ever. It’s something that you know your parents will not take very lightly. The entire car ride home is silent, and you know that you’ll have to face the music.
Come what may, you’re determined not to give up the little slice of happiness you’ve found yourself.
Steve Rogers loves you, and he doesn’t care what color your skin is. He fell in love with you and he’s true to his words.
That should be good enough for your parents.
It has to be good enough for your parents.
Your dad is beyond livid, if there even is such a thing. His face is read and he’s pacing. Your younger brother has been sent o your grandmother’s house to eat dinner with her and your grandpa, because ‘’He’s too young and don’t need to see this!’’.
Jacob is staring at you with a mixture of sadness, hurt, anger, and something you can’t quite identify.
‘’How very dare you go to that nightclub without permission? Dancing all on those men when you know that you have a perfectly eligible bachelor in Jeremy?! And with a white boy, no less.’’
‘’Daddy, it didn’t start off like that,’’ you tell the older man as Jane sits next to you, clutching the fabric of her skirt and staring at the wooden floor.
You’re sure that all of the other tenants can hear you, and you’re surprised the landowners from next door haven’t come over yet. This may be your house, but the walls are thin.
So, there’s no way they can’t all tell about the scandal that is currently shaking your family to the core.
‘’Out all-night gallivanting with some white boy,’’ you daddy sneers, ‘’He doesn’t even respect you.’’
‘’Young lady, I know that you are upset, but watch your tone,’’ your mother advises.
It doesn’t go unnoticed by you that she never once agreed with your dad in the fifteen minutes that he’s been yelling at you, but she hasn’t said much to you, either.
‘’And you, Jane. I am so disappointed in you,’’ your dad tells your younger sister who squeezes her eyes shut as if that wick shields her against your dad’s judgment and disapproval.
‘’He’s probably just using you,’’ Jacob sighs, shaking his head, ‘’Is this… you know, physical?’’
This is the last conversation that you want to be having right now.
‘’Steve is not like that!’’
‘’How would you know,’’’ your older brother snaps. ‘’You’ve known him a few weeks? Months? You don’t know him at all.’’
‘’I know he cares about me! He loves me, and I love him!’’
‘’Young lady!’’ your dad snaps, ‘’You both are forbidden from seeing those boys ever again. As long as you live in my house, you will live under my rules.’’
That’s an ultimatum. You can be free to see Steve, and Jane can see Bucky, but you’ve both got to leave if you want to do that.
But you work as a cleaning lady and you know that, until you start school, you don’t have the funds or the means to support yourself or Jane. She’s doing her best, even having picked up an extra job waitressing when she’s done at the library. But it’s not enough for the two of you to live on.
So, that night, you lie awake in bed. You can hear Jane’s even breathing in the bed across from yours.
She sniffles once before letting out an exhausted sigh.
You’re not sure if it is from the lack of sleep or because of the day’s events. But she turns on the lamp in between your two beds and she looks every bit of drained as she must feel. Bags are under her eyes and she hasn’t even taken the time to properly prepare her hair for bed.
‘’I can’t sleep,’’ you confess.
‘’So, you are determined to make sure that I don’t either,’’ she raises a brow at you.
Yup. She’s definitely picked up some things from Bucky.
Honestly, Steve and Jane are more similar in mannerisms. Jane is quiet and usually keeps her head down but she’s not afraid to engage in a verbal argument if need be. You and Bucky both take things very seriously while walking on the wilder side of things.
Yet, somehow, you feel for Steve and he fell for you, and the same for Bucky and Jane.
‘’I’m going to keep seeing him. I’ve got to keep seeing him.’’
‘’Have you flipped your wig,’’ Jane hisses quietly, ‘’Daddy will literally disown you. We knew this would have to end someday. Someday is just here for both of us.’’
She lays back down then, staring at the cream-colored paint on your ceiling, eyes fixed on the crack from water damage that you’ve yet to fix.
You can’t help but think about her words.
You knew that something between you and Steve could never be long term. It’s illegal, for one. You’d never even gotten to the point of meeting each other’s’ families because you know how this would end. It was a fantasy, one that you’d foolishly continued to entertain.
And Jeremy still will give you a chance. Just from seeing you at dinner last week and at church today, you know that he is still very much smitten with you. It’d be the obvious thig to do. The smart thing. Jeremy has a good job, especially for a colored man in this day and age. He’d take good care of you, if you’d let him.
You’re brought out of your thoughts by the words that fall from Jane’s lips next: ‘’Bucky broke up with me.’’
You sit up in bed, staring at your sister with a gaping expression.
‘’Last night. At the club. Right before he walked us home,’’ she explains, ‘’He was making jokes, trying to make me feel better. I laughed but it did not feel the same. He says that he can’t do this to me anymore. Can’t end up breaking my heart for his own selfish desires.’’
You mull that over when she goes back to bed, turning the light off and facing away from you so that you can’t see the tears on her face.
You think about it as you make your way into your employer’s house, even as she generously hands you the check that her husband signed.
You think about it when your mother presses your hair on Saturday morning so that you can go on a picnic with Jeremy that afternoon.
You think about it when you tell Steve outside of the club that night that you can’t see him anymore.
That you don’t want to see him anymore.
You look away when his blue eyes begin to water, and you’re glad for he shadows that conceal your own tears.
‘’If that’s what you want,’’ he crosses his thin arms over his chest.
There’s a silent that you couldn’t cut with a steak knife, it’s so thick.
‘’I still love you,’’ he clears his throat, ‘’I am always going to be in love with you. You’ll always be my best gal.’’
So, he asks you if you can still be friends.
And you agree that you can be pen pals.
But you can’t see him anymore.
Jeremy begins seriously courting you a week later, and you are engaged six months later.
You and Steve continue to send letters.
You get married two years after you get engaged, on a bright and sunny day. The whole town is there, and your brother sits with his now wife as Jane sits with the man that married her just two weeks ago and her child.
Your mother is dabbing at her eyes, stopping the tears.
Your dad Is looking on proudly.
Bernadette and Jeremy’s parents roll their eyes, wondering what Jeremy even see in you.
You say your vows, committing yourself to Jeremy.
But your heart is still focused on the love that you lost, the love that couldn’t even something great if not for the way people view a man with Steve’s skin tone and a woman with your skin tone being together.
You continue to receive letters until one day, in 1942 they just…
You’re sitting on the porch with Jacob as he rocks his own newborn daughter back and forth. She’s asleep in his arms, and Jacob smiles down at the near carbon copy of himself.
‘’Have you ever loved someone so much?’’
He sighs, because he knows you mean Steve.
Jacob has been very vocal about his opinions on his sisters’ relationships. He wants the best for you and Jane. But with he world you live in, you could never be with Steve and Jane could never be with Bucky. It would’ve gotten all four of you hurt, thrown into jail, or both.
But he can tell that Jeremy is putting his love into you and he’s happy, and you’re trying to love Jeremy while being just content.
That’s not okay with him.
‘’I know you loved him. I really, really wish we lived in a world that would’ve let you two be together.’’
Sincerity shines in Jacob’s eyes, and you can see something.
He’s not upset with the fact that you’re black and Steve is white, oh no.
His hurt comes rom the world you live in.
‘’This came to mama and daddy’s house yesterday. I got to it before they could see it.’’
He hands you a crumpled-up note, one that makes your heart leap into your throat.
And you don’t know why the telegram comes to you.
‘’You’ll always be my best gal.’’
Those words both simultaneously crush and invigorate you. They wrap themselves around you like Steve’s arms would and bare down on top of you the way Jeremy’s love does because this is all just a bit too much.
And you never even got the chance to say goodbye.
So, you cry and scream along with your niece that you wake up, and Jacob just lets you get it all-out.
Because you purposely broke Steve Roger’s heart to protect him.
But he broke your heart protecting you and others.
That’s something that you don’t think you’ll ever forget: his selflessness.
You think about that at night, and Jeremy can tell that something is wrong. He knows that you love him but you’re not in love with him. Knows that your mind is very far away from this and your heart has never been in it.
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t say anything when you announce that your college is experiment with new technology by Howard Stark that could preserve someone- keep them alive and not let them age.
‘’You’d rather be frozen in time than without Steve Rogers. Am I right?’’ Jeremy doesn’t look up from his peas, rolling them around on his fork.
That night, tears are shed, and a heart is broken, and dorms are slammed but you’ve made up your mind.
Jeremy doesn’t flinch as you continue to stay with him pressing loveless kiss to his lips and smiling with eyes that show you’d rather be anywhere else.
‘’I can learn to love you.’’
You say it so earnestly that he believes you and decided to keep the divorce papers hidden in his desk drawer.
Stave would want you to be happy. And you know that, with time, you can be happy with Jeremy.
So, you do your best to step into the role of being Jeremy’s wife.
And Jeremy does his best to love you the way you wish Steve could.
You learn to love Jeremy three years into your marriage and tis good. It’s solid. You’re content.
Three months after your third wedding anniversary, you agree to be apart of the test run. They’ll freeze you for a week and see what it does to you.
Jeremy doesn’t like it but he agrees.
Because is in love with you.
But a little part of you will always belong to Steve Rogers.
Because he will always be the one that got away, the one you couldn’t let stay.
You will always be Steve Rogers’ best girl.
Reader will return in Epilogue.
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