I just realized that you've made some of my favorite fan fics!! I didn't realize it was the same person lol. I love blake, they're so underrated, and your Blake fics were soso good! Would you perchance make another? No pressure ofc!
Beside Me (Blake Hoang x M!Reader)
Pairing: Blake Hoang x M!Reader
Category: Fluff/Angst
Tags/Warnings: Social Anxiety/Awkwardness, Swearing, Several Cases of Misgendering Blake, Sexism, Alcoholism, Drug Use (Weed/Vape), References to Sex, Abandonment Issues, Vomit, Blossoming Romance/Slow-ish Burn
Word Count: 3.8k+
Summary: During a school trip to Disneyland, your classmate's inner struggles are revealed to you.
A/N: Hello lovely! Thank you for your request. I'm so sorry this one took so long. :( Still, I hope you enjoy!
You fiddled with your iPod as you made yourself shrink in your seat. The bus was filled to the brim with rowdy, talkative teenagers. The cheerleaders laughed and giggled, the art kids swapping their sketchbooks. Most of your class was ecstatic to be going to Disneyland for your senior trip. You? You just wanted to snatch your diploma and head off to Rhode Island School of Design (aka RISD) as soon as possible. Many people in your grade were eyeing local universities, but not you. Not when RISD offered the best photography program in the whole fucking nation.
You flinched as you felt the person beside you lean their head against your shoulder. Your eyes soaked in the sleeping form of Blake Hoang. You didn’t know them too well - hell, you barely spoke to them (or anyone for that matter…then again, they were almost the same). You plucked your headphones out as they mumbled something before letting out a quiet snore. You couldn’t help the small smile that crept over your features. They smelled, well, interesting. Like a mix of clean linens and something…musty? You couldn’t quite put your finger on it.
“Hey, look at that,” a man nearby snickered. You blinked, your head snapping up as two athletes before they smirked and nudged each other. Heat filled your cheeks as Blake’s cheek squished against the sleeve of your shirt. “Aw, such a cute couple,” one of the jocks, a tan, blonde one, leaned in closer. “Tell me, is she good in bed?” he whispered huskily. Your brows furrowed as you flared your nostrils.
“It’s ‘they’,” you huffed. You tensed when Blake suddenly held up a middle finger, one of their eyes cracked open.
“Yeah, and I guess you’ll never know if I’m a good fuck, will you, Travis?” they added with snark. The jocks simply rolled their eyes and slid back into their seats. You still felt the heat permeate through your cheeks as Blake shifted and stretched their arms above their head. A soft yawn escaped them as they grunted. Your eyes wandered down to their slightly pudgy belly that poked out as their faded UCLA shirt rode up their torso. You swallowed and quickly faced forward when they glanced in your direction, a bolt of panic shooting through your chest. They rolled their shoulders as you fought the urge to stare at the curve of their busty chest. You clutched your iPod as you took a deep breath, your leg starting to bounce. A heavy, pregnant pause lingered between the two of you as you gripped your shorts.
“So, uh, ever been to Disneyland before?” you asked, silently cursing as your voice cracked. They hummed, a bored expression remaining on their face as they shrugged.
“Yeah, a few times,” they droned, though there was a hint of fondness in their eyes. “My brother and I would ride Goofy’s Sky School over and over. We drove our parents crazy,” they said with a quiet laugh. You chuckled, your anxious expression starting to relax as your shoulders eased up. “You?” they asked before taking a swig of their water bottle. You caught a whiff of an acrid smell, though you dismissed it as that trend of people putting citrus juice in their water.
“Hm? Oh, uh, I’ve only been once. I was super little,” you confessed and rubbed the back of your neck. They gave a quick nod while screwing on the top of their water bottle.
“Did you like any of the rollercoasters you rode?” Blake questioned. Your throat grew tight as your brows scrunched together. You didn’t want to admit that you actually haven’t ridden any roller coasters, period. You made a strangled grunt as your eyes rapidly flicked between their face and the window.
“Uh…I’m more of a Grizzly River Run kind of guy,” you said with a shaky smile. Blake raised their brows as they poked their tongue against their inner cheek.
“Oh, I see,” they finally replied. “So you’re a pussy” they added bluntly. Your eyes widened.
“EXCUSE ME?!” you yelped a little too loudly. Several heads whipped around as eyes locked onto you. You lowered yourself in your seat as you grumbled. “I-I’m not a pussy. I just…never got around to riding the coasters. The lines were too long, it was too hot-” you began to ramble. Blake rolled their eyes and crossed their arms.
“Listen, you gotta at least try one coaster while we’re here,” they said. Your brows shot up at their emphasis on ‘we’re’ instead of ‘you’re’.
“Uh,” you cleared your throat, your hand resting between your and Blake’s thighs. “Sure. Any one in particular you’d recommend?” you asked. A mischievous smile fell over their features, their freckles pushing up as their cheeks lifted.
“Hmm, well there’s one…but I’m not sure if someone like you could handle it,” they said with a teasing tone. You scoffed.
“Oh, come on. I think I can,” you replied with a roll of your eyes. Blake snickered.
“Alright,” they said and leaned closer. “Let’s ride the California Screamin' then,” they continued with a smirk. You felt your heart drop into your ass as you visibly tensed.
“Wh-,” you paused and rubbed your temples. “You know what? Fuck it. I think I can take it,” you said as you slightly puffed out your chest. Blake clicked their tongue and slapped your back, making you lurch forward and grunt.
“Atta boy,” they snickered. It wasn’t long before the bus pulled up to the gates. You could practically hear the massive sea of people cheering and screaming with joy through the windows. The class filed out after the driver parked the long vehicle. Blake slipped on their shades, and you noticed a slight indent below their armpit, as if something was slotted beneath their clothes. They cleared their throat, causing your eyes to snap back up.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” they teased and tightened the strings of their loosely-hanging bag. You stumbled over your words as you held up your hands.
“I-It’s not like that, promise!” you yelped. They simply shrugged, took another swig of their drink, and waited for you to move. Your feet felt glued to the floor before you shuffled out with the rest of the group. One of the teachers and chaperones, Mr. Garcia, cleared his throat before rambling off the list of rules, including the “buddy system”. Blake sighed as they rolled on the balls of their feet.
“Guess that means no going solo after the coaster,” you heard them mutter with a hint of annoyance. You frowned, trying to not feel like a burden to them as the feeling of shame burned in your chest.
“Alright, everyone,” Mr. Garcia said as he adjusted his glasses. “Just a reminder to stick with your buddy or group while you’re in the park. We’ll meet at the City Hall on Main Street around 8 PM. After that, we’ll head to the hotel”. Another teacher, the art instructor Ms. Johnson, clapped her hands with her classic, bright smile. “And remember…make sure to stay safe and have fun!” she chirped before leading the group towards the main entrance. You cast a sideways glance at Blake as you cupped your palms around the straps of your backpack.
“So, should we head to California Screamin’ first?” you suggested with a hopeful glint in your eyes. Blake only gave a quiet hum in reply, your heart sinking a little. “Did I already ruin their trip? They said ‘we’ earlier, but now it’s like their attitude completely changed,” you thought as you walked in-step with them. The security check went fairly smoothly, though for some reason you nearly got an earful from one of the guards for bringing in your polaroid camera. You had to reassure them that yes, it was JUST a camera, nothing more, before you were finally ushered into the park.
“Jesus, what was up his ass?” you mumbled as you and Blake wandered onto Main Street. Kids and adults alike strolled about, some wearing Mickey Mouse ears and others wearing colorful t-shirts. Blake looked around before suddenly splitting off towards the bathrooms. You furrowed your brows as you followed, glancing this way and that as you trotted behind them. You flinched when they suddenly slipped into one of the family bathrooms and slammed the door shut.
“Blake?” you asked with worry laced in your voice.
“Just go on without me,” they said. You heard them inhale deeply after a few seconds, clenching your hands on the bottom of your shirt. A flicker of bravery flashed through you.
“I-I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay,” you said firmly. They sighed heavily, and you could picture them rolling their eyes.
“I’m fine, alright?” they snapped. Your eyes widened as your breath hitched. “Jesus, you’re not my boyfriend or anything. Why the hell do you even care?” Blake sneered. You frowned, recoiling a bit like a kicked dog.
“I know-I know I’m not your boyfriend,” you replied solemnly as you placed a hand on the door. “But I just…I-,” your voice caught as you almost choked. A drawn-out pause persisted as your heart hammered against your sternum. You sighed with relief when they cracked open the door, only to wrinkle your nose as a pungent cloud of smoke trailed through the opening. You yelped as they snatched your hand before tugging you inside, the smell of liquor and weed filling your nostrils as you gagged.
“How did you-why-what-“ you choked. Blake rubbed their arms, a vape pen and their water bottle resting on a shelf. “You brought drugs into Disneyland?!” you shrieked. They slid their hands over your mouth and quickly hushed you.
“I know! I know, it’s…” they sighed and let their hands fall back to their sides. Blake ran a hand through their sleek, dark hair. “I-,” they frowned, their shoulders sagging. Your brows shot up as they abruptly began to sob. Your hands shook as globs of hot, thick tears rolled down their freckled cheeks.
“O-Oh,” you simply breathed as they gave a strained cry. You took a step closer, hesitantly wrapping your arms around their trembling form as you gently patted their back. Blake sniffed, their tears soaking through your t-shirt. “Shhh, it’s going to be okay,” you murmured softly as they let out a choked sob. They sniffed and pulled their head back, their eyes red and puffy. Blake swallowed thickly before parting their lips.
“(Y/N)...that’s total bullshit,” they muttered. “I’m not fucking okay. I brought booze and weed to a fucking amusement park for Christ’s sake,” they said with a bitter laugh and tugged on their dark bob cut. They slumped against the wall, their chest heaving as they sighed. “What the hell is wrong with me? W-Why can’t I stop?” they spoke with a cracked voice. You gently slipped their hand into yours before giving it a reassuring squeeze. They slowly locked eyes with you as you wiped their tears with your other hand. No words came to you at that moment, all you could do was hold their hand and cup their face. Blake’s lips quivered before they dove forward, embracing you as they buried their face into your chest. You stumbled back with surprise before letting your hands rest on their back. You smiled ever so slightly as you held them close, resting your chin on the top of their head. The two of you cradled each other for several moments as they let out a quiet sob, while you rubbed your hands over their upper back. A loud knock on the door drew the two of you out of the moment.
“Be out in a sec!” you called. You heard anxious shuffling outside, some poor person probably having to go. Blake suddenly rushed over, quickly dumping their vodka into the sink. They clumsily shoved their items into a backpack and tugged their shades over their eyes before the two of you clamored out into the open. A mother with a baby on her hip had wide eyes as you both stumbled onto the pavement. “Sorry,” you murmured before leading Blake off to the side. They nearly tripped as you escorted them to the bench.
“Do you need anything? Food? Water?” you asked as you helped them sit. They shook their head as they held their hands against the back of their neck. You slid beside them, watching as the crowd came and went like the rise and fall of a tide. Your pinkie brushed against Blake’s as you let your back rest against the wooden bench.
“Maybe some water would be nice,” they eventually muttered. You blinked and gave a small nod, your hand protectively resting over theirs. Your cheeks flushed as they glanced over at you.
“Sorry…” you said as you began to withdraw your hand. Your breath hitched when they abruptly grabbed your palm, lacing their fingers with your own.
“Don’t be,” they said with a lopsided grin. You shared their smile as you slowly rose to your feet, helping them up along the way. Blake stumbled a bit before they suddenly leaned against your side. Your heart skipped a beat as you carefully adjusted them in your arms.
“Do you feel like you can walk?” you asked, almost in a hushed, reverent whisper.
“Mmm,” Blake simply groaned in reply. You frowned and looked around you.
“Blake?” you asked, worry laced in your voice as your stomach dropped.
“M’fine, just-I think I need to sit for longer…” they mumbled before their head slumped against your chest.
Shit.
+++
Mr. Garcia’s head snapped up as you yelled and came jogging towards him. Your backpack was strung across the front of your body while you carried Blake on your back. He instantly rushed out of line and towards you.
“Oh my God,” he breathed before clearing his throat. “I mean-(Y/N), is everything okay?” the teacher asked as his thick, dark brows knit together. You panted, the sweltering California heat not helping the fact that you carried Blake every which way across the area.
“Yeah, Blake is sick. Like, throw-up sick,” you explained. You weren’t wrong, either. Before you gave them a lift, they promptly turned their head and vomited over the bench, nearly spilling the remnants of their lunch over your shoes. Mr. Garcia wrinkled his nose before sighing.
“Well, that’s a shame,” he frowned deeply and scratched his cheek. Blake snored softly, their warm breath tickling the shell of your ear as you fought the heat growing in your cheeks. “Alright, I’ll take it from here. You go and enjoy the park, son,” the teacher continued as his brows shot up. Your lips twitched as you shook your head.
“I’d like to stay with them, if it’s okay,” you said, not budging from where you stood. Mr. Garcia pursed his chapped lips.
“Hm,” he simply hummed. “I don’t know. I was going to take her back to the hotel-”
“Them,” you suddenly said. You nearly froze beneath Mr. Garcia’s piercing, dark-eyed gaze.
“Right, er, them, back to the hotel,” he said, using air quotations when he said ‘them’. Blake stirred against your back, their chin resting on your shoulder as they groaned. You kept your stare on the man before you, your stance unwavering.
“I’d really like to stay with Blake and make sure they’re okay,” you insisted. Mr. Garcia sighed and wiped away the sweat gathering on his creased forehead with a napkin.
“Listen, (Y/N). You know our school has a strict policy regarding co-ed,” he began with a stern lecture voice. It took everything in you not to scoff. Co-ed be damned - you just wanted to make sure Blake was safe. “Men and women can’t-”
“I’m not even a woman,” Blake suddenly commented. The tension in the air was palpable as Mr. Garcia’s nostrils flared.
“I don’t care what you are,” he snapped and took a step forward with a hand on his hip. You puffed your chest out a little as you stared him down. “Do I have to spell it out for you kids? Pink and blue combined makes purple, and we can’t have any purple on this trip now can we?” Mr. Garcia spat. God, you just wanted to punch him square in the jaw. Your grip on Blake’s legs tightened as you gritted your teeth.
“We’re not gonna fuck if that’s what you’re getting at,” Blake droned. You snorted out a quick laugh at their bluntness while your teacher’s face bloomed a deep shade of crimson.
“Wh-Why you-” he nearly choked as his eyes bulged out.
“Is everything okay over here?” Ms. Johnson's soft voice cooed. Your shoulders loosened as she came into view. Mr. Garcia huffed and pulled his pants further up his hips.
“Don’t worry, Serenity. I have it under control,” he said with an edge to his voice. Her curly, dark hair danced in the wind as Blake yawned right next to your ear.
“You go ahead, Diego. I’ll take it from here,” she said, resting a hand on his arm. He stiffened a bit under her touch. She gazed at him with her honey-brown eyes, though her dark brows were arched with warning.
“Fine,” Mr. Garcia eventually grumbled before stomping off. You sighed with relief before Blake wrapped their arms over your chest and squeezed you.
“Oh, goodness,” Ms. Johnson frowned and placed her hand over Blake’s forehead. She shifted her gaze between the two of you before letting her eyes lock with yours. “Too much to drink?” she whispered with a knowing look. Your jaw dropped as Blake huffed.
“Is it that obvious?” they said before retching. You nearly dropped them as you flinched, Ms. Johnson gently laid a hand on Blake’s arm as if to soothe them.
“Oh, honey,” she spoke before rubbing Blake’s back. You noticed all the tension was slowly ebbing away from your muscles; Ms. Johnson always had a way of calming the storm, whether it was in or out of her art class. Blake hiccuped before your teacher led the two of you towards the bus. “Don’t you worry, I’ll make sure you two make it to the hotel,” she smiled reassuringly. You grinned and nodded, feeling a sense of ease wash over you.
Blake spent the bus ride there with a plastic bag between their legs, retching and dry heaving the whole way to the hotel. Ms. Johnson helped you two check in, her gaze fond as she handed you the room key.
“Never mind about Mr. Garcia and that whole ‘co-ed’ nonsense. I trust you two,” she said with a wink. You smiled, Blake now clinging to your side like a baby koala.
“Thank you, Ms. Johnson,” you spoke with an appreciative grin. She nodded before helping you with your luggage. You almost had to drag Blake into the hotel room before gently guiding them towards the bathroom.
“I wrote my cellphone number down on the notepad next to the bed. Let me know if you all need anything,” Ms. Johnson said as you rubbed Blake’s upper back. They hurled into the toilet, just barely making it. You patted their shoulder before turning to your art teacher and giving a quick nod.
“We will. Thank you,” you said. She gave you another kind smile before dipping into the hall. The door clicked shut as Blake coughed and spluttered.
“Shit, I’m never getting wasted again. I fucking swear,” they grumbled and spit a few times into the toilet. You sighed softly, knowing the sentiment held little weight unless they were genuinely willing to accept that their habits were spiraling. It would be an arduous journey, and a long one at that. But a part of you hoped they’d let you take that journey with them, no matter how painful it would be. You blinked as you were pulled from your thoughts when their sunglasses fell off, revealing their glossy eyes.
“Hey, hey. I’m here,” you gently reassured them. Blake sniffed and swallowed thickly, wiping their arm across their eyes.
“Please, don’t leave me,” they choked. “Don’t leave me like everyone else,” Blake cried. Your brows shot up as you rested your hands on their arms.
“I won’t,” you spoke with a firm determination. You found yourself with the urge to kiss their temple, but refrained for now. Instead, you rested your chin on their shoulder as they continued to sob. “I promise,” you murmured softly as you held them close.
Epilogue - Three Months Later
You took a deep breath of air as you exited the auditorium. You tugged on the straps of your backpack, your camera bag slung across your shoulder and resting on your side. Freshman orientation was…interesting. You weren’t sure what you were expecting from UCLA, but at least you had your partner there with you to make fun of the cheesy performances.
“You didn’t have to wait for me, you know,” a familiar voice called behind you. You turned and grinned as Blake came strolling out of the building wearing their brother’s UCLA sweatshirt.
“Clearly you underestimate my desire to walk you to your first class, Hoang,” you teased. They rolled their eyes and playfully nudged your shoulder. Ever since they started going to a support group, life seemed to return to their eyes and color slowly fading back into their face. Sure, they weren’t always consistent, but they were trying. You held out your hand before they clasped it with theirs, your arms swaying as you strolled across campus. They took a deep breath and let out a shaky sigh, their hand trembling in yours.
“Nervous?” you said lowly. Blake scoffed.
“Of course not,” they replied despite the slight quivering of their bottom lip. You gave them a reassuring smile before leaning over and kissing their cheek.
“Hey, we’ve got this,” you said with a wide grin. The corners of their mouth turned up a little as they nodded. The two of you continued to walk along the sea of people, the California breeze rustling some of the trees in the green spaces.
“You know, you didn’t have to go to the same school as me,” Blake spoke up as they glanced at you. “I know how badly you wanted to go to RISD”. You hummed quietly and tilted your head side to side.
“I know,” you paused before squeezing their hand. “But I’d rather stay with you,” you added. A faint blush dusted their cheeks as they pursed their lips.
“S-Sure, great,” they simply replied and cleared their throat. You chuckled, walking in-step with them towards the Law Building.
“C’mon, future DA Hoang,” you teased and threw a wink at them. They couldn’t help but smirk at that as the two of you continued to walk. Despite not going to your dream school, your heart has never felt fuller, finally being with the one you adored.
