#bleep blips

[lunarconstruct]

Super-shortcake more like super-CUTIE hnnnnng I see you so often on my dash and I followed you for UTAU reasonms (I think) but I jsut gotta tell you how cute you are yo

oh my gooodnessssss -screeches- thank you so much >////w////< i always see you reblogging stuff from me, i thought i was following you already! do you have an UTAU as well?

also thank you again for calling me cute /)w(\

[lunarconstruct]

*worries about friend*

*refreshes their blog every like two seconds to make sure they got my ask*

[lunarconstruct]

i feel like if i didn't exist people would be so much better off

theres no real reason im here. i cant do anything with my life and im a burden on people. i make their lives more difficult and why should i do that to people

as i come into people's lives theirs just gets worse and they dont deserve that

[lunarconstruct]

i just want my friends to be happy

is that too much to ask???????

[lunarconstruct]

rant about my mom under the cut, sorry

she doesnt even talk to me about anything when she comes into my room

she just walks in (not to mention that she gets mad at me when i walk into her room without knocking, because "im your mother its diffferent") and starts yelling at me about some random thing. the first thing i get in the morning when i go out to get breakfast is "you better have cleaned your room, i also have to bring you to work" and then she goes on and on about how i need to call in sick for work even though i already went in and told them i cant come in this weekend because i will be in sacramento but then she was like "no, you freaked out and left before you could go back and tell her blah blah blah" when in reality i had a literal panic attack because i was afraid of talking to them

i asked her "and is that my fault i had a panic attack?"

"YES!!! IT IS!!! STOP MAKING YOURSELF OUT TO BE THE 'VICTIM' ALL THE TIME!!!"

i cant fucking do this anymore

she would tell me that "i used to have anxiety when i was a kid. i got over it." but then says that its my fault when i have it

she doesnt fucking understand that she is half of the reasons for my anxiety and depression

she'll also guilt trip me for things that she should be doing anyway. "you should be grateful that i feed you." like what the fuck. were you considering not feeding me?? taking care of youR FUCKING CHILD IS NOT SOMETHING I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR. YOU SHOULD BE DOING THAT TO BEGIN WITH.

FUCK YOU

[lunarconstruct]

I WANT T OSCREAM AND CRTY BUT I CANT BECAUSE MY FUCKING MOM IS STILL AWAKE AND SHE'LL MAKE IT WORSE THAN IT ALREADY IS

I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY WHEN I CAME HOME TODAY BUT OF COURSE SHES GOTTA FUCKING RUIN IT AS SOON AS I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR SHE STARS QUESTIONING ME ABOUT WHAT I TOLD MY GRANDMA ABOUT SCHOLARSHIPS AND I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IM DOING WITH MY LIFE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING I WANT TO JUST BE HAPPY AND CUTE BUT OF FUCKING COURSE TO BE HAPPY YOUVE GOTTA BE POPULAR AND RICH AND I AM NEITHER OF THOSE

I WANT TO MOVE OUT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOM BUT HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO TAHT IF I CANT TAKE CARE OF MYSELF

I WANT TO PERSUE MUSIC BUT I HAVE NO CREATIVITY OR MOTIVATION OR DRIVE I CANT DO JACK FUCKING SHIT BESIDES MAKING MUSIC WHAT ELSE AM I GOOD AT

FUCKING NOTIHING

IM NOT EVEN GOOD ATY MAKING MUSIC BECAUSE I CANT FUCKING DO ANYTHING

why cant everything just work out

it never does

[lunarconstruct]

ive been feeling really like

abandoned and replaced lately

like i know that they probably dont mean to but i feel like my friends are finding better friends and i feel so left behind

like jake met some old friends again this year in animation and i feel like he's been talking to them and wanting to hang out with them and not me

as selfish as that sounds i dont mean it to be i just dont want to be alone anymore

i finally made friends in high school but i feel like they're slowly going to leave me...

[lunarconstruct]

i cant tell if they were talking shit about me behind my back or if im just making things about me again

either way im fucking mad whether its at them or at myself