➵ @bleiddyd - dimitri //:
[ starset lyrics ]
❛❛ Why’s it always touch and go? ❜❜
☪ //: ➵ GREEN HUES SHIFT to glance the other when words had been muttered.
QUIET, it had been -- save for the crackle of wood from the fire. Everything else, though, had stilled. It was the dead of night. Many others ( perhaps everybody else ) had gone to bed. Not them, however. They are both awake. as awake as they could be. Khalid was STRUGGLING to stay awake in the SILENCE, but he was still somewhat aware: he was still there. At least the man was conscious enough to keep a book open. Alas, nothing was being retained -- not at this time, at least. Words within the old pages of the publication had become blurred && mixed together. It was THOSE words from Dimitri that pulled him out of that sleepy trance.
HEARTSTRINGS tug inside him at the thought. Words repeat in like an echo. ( why’s it always touch && go ? ) It is an echo that nags at the man. Desires to say something, anything ! , but words are lost. He is scared -- Khalid is SCARED ! The panic that forms is a quick one. Chest tightens from it. ( what does that mean ? what does that mean ! ) The sharp inhale sounds softly, quickly, but it is released slowly.
SOMETHING stops him from crying out. Just as quickly as it had tightened, something releases. The Almyran Royal calms down enough to PULL himself back into reality. It felt like several minutes for him, but he knows that only a few seconds had passed. He sees Dimitri’s gaze catch with his own -- WAITING for an answer. Unfortunately, Khalid doesn’t know if he can answer that. Why WAS it always touch and go?
you know ... you always know , khalid .
❝ no ... ❞ doesn’t even realise that he’s said anything until after the fact . it was under his breath , but still - a low gasp sounds . another breath is taken . he doesn’t KNOW what to say to him . ❝ a - ah ... ❞
REACHES for the other man’s hand. Fingertips just barely touches Dimitiri’s. Heart pines for him -- he’s almost desperate for that love -- but he HOLDS back. For Khalid, it is a struggle, but he has to. He NEEDS to hold back. This wasn’t about him, it was never about him. This was about Dimitri. He was a guest here in Faerghus. It wouldn’t be very noble of him to do. ( ha , since when were you ever noble ? ) They were ALONE together but that didn’t mean anything -- somebody could still see them... right ? He still needed control. Somebody had to be.
❝ what do you mean ? ❞ he’s feigning the confusion just a little bit . he knows better than to do that . he hates lying to dimitri of al people . yet , at the same time , he desires to push ( perhaps guide ) him to explain for himself . ❝ dima ... a’huvi -- mitya ... please tell me . i don’t know ... ❞ ( i don’t know ! )
THERE’S some true sincerity in the words that come after the first set. Own gaze breaks away from the other for a moment && he looks down. The desperation is OVERWHELMING -- it’s EATING at him -- but he still holds back. He’s moved a bit ( he’s moved closer ! ). Fingers are not so interlaced together yet, but Khalid’s palm rests on Dimitri’s hand.
HE IS WIDE awake now. Any sign of exhaustion is long gone now. Heart beats fast -- its racing actually. The book that had been in the other hand is just about forgotten ( but it hasn’t been dropped yet ). Attention is all on the other. It didn’t need to be this way. All he needs is to HEAR it from Dimitri -- to be TOLD it was okay. It doesn’t need to be this way.
It doesn’t have to be touch and go.
