As I hear so many utter "I can't wait for 2016 to be over", and proclaim how horrible and malicious this year was.... It reminds me of two of my most painful years. I remember how it felt like my world was crumbling down around me after a leukemia scare, a car fire, a kitchen fire, loss of work due to all of this, loss of loved ones, and church splits (between the 2 different years). I remembered hoping " this next year needs to be better", and "when will this year be over?" Many times. I hoped with every bit of me that a new date on the calendar would wipe my troubles away. As if a new calendar date fixes your car, takes away leukemia, and mends a broken heart. There was just one little problem.... It didn't work. The date changed, and yet my problems remained.
2016 was rung in with a gong. My dad had no job, and we didn't know where we would be living, or how Mom and I could get medical help by the end of January. We all fought pretty bad depression. We were a mess. Then I was plainly told " just let go and let God" at a church group I was in, and that I needed to just stop worrying and be happy. While all true, can we as a church please take a moment to acknowledge that those words said totally alone, with no prayer, no council, as a person is crushed is neither helpful or life-giving? That was the start of an extremely painful month of more church hurts, and feeling of deep loneliness. Let's just say... January 2016 was NOT my best month.
Strangely enough though, in the midst of this chaos, God gave me a knowing that He would work out Dad's job to His glory. And sure enough, God worked his job situation out in such a miraculous way, and just in perfect timing for not having to move, and staying fully medically covered.
My mom's sister battled cancer and lost this year. The presidential elections divided most of the country, and still leaves much brokenness, anger, and fear. And many important, and beloved celebrities died this year. I take on other people's pain far too easily, so as much as I tried to stay out of the darkness that floods social media, I just couldn’t seem to guard my heart enough. But it struck me to see so many angry posts to the year.
May I ask you 2 things? Firstly, do we truly think a new year will be our savior? But mostly may I ask, has it really, truly been unredeemable? Was there nothing to be thankful in? Were there no blessings? I ask this both because I've really had to seek these answers out myself, and because it was the topic at church on Sunday.
In those 2 extremely painful years (and to a small part this year), my mom found herself nearly unable to write the Christmas letter. In those years, it felt like there was no way anyone would want to read something that depressing and she couldn’t bear rehashing it all. But suddenly it hit me that I couldn’t let that be the way I let myself view the year. Was that how I viewed the year? Yes. But that's what it took me to try to snap out of it. I prayed for God to show me something, anything good from the year to write about. And He did. One such year, my letter inspired Mom so much that she was able to write one of her own.
So, my pastor challenged us to share how God worked in our lives in in 2016. And while some of these things take a lot more explaining later, I will try to keep this simple and true. Firstly, God has provided us with our home and health coverage, and a new job my dad really likes. I've had a lot of ups and downs with trust, anxiety, and depression, but someone has always been there for a hug, a text conversation, or a phone call, and when I needed space, God has proved that, too. And when it seemed I was facing even more physical challenges and possibly having to give up what felt like my last artistic outlet, God provided a new love, appreciation and understanding of yet new artistic outlets for me in the way of drawing and painting.
In the midst of one of most chaotic few months this year, as all my plans went haywire, God showed me He has better plans, and I need to trust His more than my own. And this month I've even felt inspired to write more. I don't know how much of it will turn into blogs, but I'm grateful for feeling inspired instead of overwhelmed for once. I still have a lot to work on with my heart, but I do see a lot of little things from this year that have blessed, challenged, and enriched my life. And I was bummed that I didn't get to do nearly the amount of (or quality of) Cups of Cheer as I'd like, but I did get lots of ideas, and have talked to people about pre-filming for next year, which really excites me. And in the lack of posting, I had family time.
So your turn. What is one good thing you could say of 2016, and are you excited or nervous for this new year? I'll admit, I'm unsure for this new year, but praying to see it with hopeful eyes, and in a prayerful heart.
