#blievprobs

[bridgeoverriverqueer]

Got tumblr in one hand, and pizza in the other. 👌

[bridgeoverriverqueer]

how heterosexual relationship communication goes

girl: *says lots of things, many questions asked in one text*

boy: yea okay haha idk

[bridgeoverriverqueer]

I need help about my sexuality. I don't know what to recognize as, and there are a lot of different attributive tags to the sexual world. I am an a relationship with someone, and I have sex with my significant other, but I don't see sex as this sexual thing that everyone tells me it is. I see sex as a stress release, and more importantly my partner wishes to have sex and I wish to please them. I feel like I might be asexual, because sex isn't something that drives me, but I fear telling my Bf/gf

I’m definitely not an expert on asexuality, so I would look into some resources to find a better picture of asexuality (like on tumblr or even youtube, quick google search,etc) But if you don’t have a drive to have sex with your significant other, you should probably ask yourself what you like/don’t like about it. Like, do you not enjoy sex with that person because it isn’t very fun with them? or is it just sex in general that is nice, but not something you really want to do? 

If you are asexual, thats totally okay. Sexuality is a fluid thing, there’s so many different sexualities and sexual identities, and thats what makes up an awesome rainbow. Telling your partner might be scary, but if you really care about them and they care about you it will be okay. They should be understanding of your sexuality. If they are not, don’t worry about them. You can’t apologize for being you.

if you don’t feel that you are asexual, look into other sexual identities, and maybe you’ll find one that you relate to more.

Remember, your sexual identity/label is defined as what you feel you relate most to right now. It could change in a week, a day, a year, etc. And it’s only defined by your choice. (i.e. if you like girls but date a boy, you can still identify as a lesbian if thats what you feel best describes you.) sexual identity labels can often be helpful for people to feel validated in their identity and sexuality. but if labels aren't fun for you, fuck em!

Hope any of this helped? if not you can always ask me another question or ask someone that might have more experience in this.

[bridgeoverriverqueer]

"Have fun being a goddamn bitch all. the. fucking. time."

[bridgeoverriverqueer]

bed

idk why, but we're sleeping head to toe in a bed that's barely big enough for me. your hand is wrapped around my ankle, and i said i'd go to sleep an hour ago. 

[bridgeoverriverqueer]

Ex Why Zzzzz

I'm now on good terms with one of my exs out of a lot. That's really not a good ratio. I guess I'm pretty easy to hate. But i mean, if I'm this easy to hate i don't know why my exs dated me in the first place. Must've been for my tits.I get really frustrated though when my exs are so mean. Cuz I want to confront things that need to be confronted, and I can't deal with people pushing things under the rug. Also, I don't understand why somebody would stop caring about me so quickly. That's so rude. (Almost as rude as when they don't answer their phones). I never want exs too close after the split, but being on good terms isn't a bad thing. I'm just really bored of having someone who acts like sunshine, then the sunbeams turn to hellfire the next week. 

But it's really hard for me to act like I didn't ever care about my exs, and that I don't want them as friends in my life because I genuinely care about their happiness and I enjoy their company.(at least a few of my exs) But they sure as fuck don't want me in their lives. goddamn.

I think it just really bothers me when people walk out of my life. Especially cuz it feels like a lot of people now and that makes me feel alone and lonely. I don't really know who to text/call/talk to when I'm sad at college. Which is pretty frequently cuz things are rough. I can't even talk to my cats in college, and they're nicer to me and less volatile than my exs. 

Cuz after tonight I'm just thinking that it's got to be me. I'm clearly really selfish and bitchy and bad at personal relationships. I've got to stop blaming my exs ( i am still wondering how they did put up with me) and try to be better. Better at life or something. Cuz I truly care about all of my friends a lot and I guess i don't know if they really believe that. I want to try to show them that I want to be a good friend and that their happiness is actually really important to me.

[bridgeoverriverqueer]

Boys are sulky.

Long story short, my best friend at college liked me (even after i spent two or three months repeatedly saying "i don't like you, i never will." and him never actually stating that he liked me) and now I'm dating his roommate (who i was also friends with) and now ex-friend is not speaking to either of us. 

Instead of speaking to us or trying to be civil, he constantly does little inconsiderate things to piss me off. Which usually doesn't work cuz I'm pretty oblivious as is. But every time I sleep over here, ex-friend wakes up at 5 (cuz he's insane) and plays the same goddamn song for 3-6 hours straight, and keeps the room door open. Which really really makes me uncomfortable because the guys on this floor gossip so much, like they're kinda mean (at least some of them). And they've definitely gossiped about me before so it makes me very uncomfortable when they walk in to talk to ex-friend about homework and see me and my boyfriend sleep cuddling and me not wearing pants.

cuz okay I never wear pants, and I usually don't care who sees that, but anything i do on this floor that is the slightest bit provocative is like "she's a ho" like they've already thought i was fucking like 4 different guys. And newsflash, I haven't been fucking anyone. If I was fucking someone on this floor, you would hear me down the goddamn hall. I'm just saying.

Plus like, I'm fucking sleeping. I don't really want to be on display when I'm sleeping. Anyways, plus the music he plays is really really shitty and yesterday omgosh yesterday! I was fucking going on a feels trip with Monsters Inc and my boyfriend had left for class and ex-friend, without saying a WORD to me, comes over and turns the tv volume down by 40 decibels. and I said, really sincerely, "oh i'm sorry, you could've just asked me to turn it down it's not a problem." and he continues to turn it down without looking at me and then goes and turns his music up really loud.

really fucker? how fucking dare you try to come between me and Mike Wazowski. how very dare you.

I know these are very small incidents and I shouldn't be so angry. But i'm very angry because I can't stand when people aren't confrontational but still act shitty about it. If you're going to refuse to acknowledge the problem/try to work it out with me then don't be a fucking child about it. This whole situation is just making me very uncomfortable and kind of upset. Or maybe it's that I had an 8 page paper due yesterday and I haven't started it yet. That might be it...

[bridgeoverriverqueer]

I love you, I miss you. But I'm happy on my own.

I'm starting to hate myself less and less, and I feel like I'm allowed to be happy now. I'm definitely at a work in progress stage in my life, but that doesn't feel like a bad thing. I think things can only get better from here.

There's a lot of things you always made me feel bad about, that I don't ever want to feel bad about again. I'm trusting myself for once.

But I miss your hugs often. I definitely think I'm more guarded with affection now. I hope you're happy with where you're at as well. I'm really hoping everything is working out for you and you're succeeding at what you want to do.