To define a fulfilling career
After college, most people try to forge their own paths to whatever career they have chosen in life. Maybe some would say that they simply didn't have a choice due to some difficult life circumstances.
There are some of my friends who, after college, started with having families of their own. And then, there are those who seems like they just couldn't find the job they want or are just the unfortunate members of the unemployed population. There are also those who happen to find jobs and then were hit by the reality that life doesn't get any better or easier when you've got a job and start earning your own allowance from your own hard work.
"Give justice to your course," my professor once said during one of my most memorable seminars. I was busy backstage for all the seminar preparations but I heard those words and it created a huge impact on me. After four years of painstakingly taking a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, where do we go? It was such a hard question. It almost resembles the financial stability versus the career growth argument we almost always have.
Some of us were blessed enough to have our choices. We hop from one job to another without our families sacrificing too much. It is like we can get to be a bum for a couple of months and then start job hunting, get the job, if it doesn't fit well with our ideal job, we could always resign or just finish our contracts and start with being a bum all over again. At 21, we can have more risks to take before settling down and begin grudging over unwanted jobs and positions.
Some people (to be more specific, my former employer) often tells me that fresh grads, most often than not, do resign after a couple of months on their first job. After hearing this, I just thought to myself that it sounds completely ridiculous and absurd (and I wish I have recorded my interview so I could always play it back and listen to how confident I was before getting the job).
I lost trust and confidence with my self when I resigned from my first job after two months. I was crying back then and telling myself, "No way that I am ever going back in that job," (and that was a bit exaggerated). Adjusting to the working environment wasn't easy. And yes, my former employer was right, first jobs most often are the shock-absorbers.
Thank God that my former employer was such a considerate and good-hearted man (only not about my airconditon issues) that he supported my decision and wished me well in my life endeavors. He advised me to take a break for two months and then start again. I did.
Those two months were the most appreciated vacation of my life. Yes, I was a bum but it felt great to finally have my life back again to normal. I slept late. Eat whenever I want. Surf the net as long as I can. Be with friends and family whenever I can. Do self projects like focusing on my blog, starting a blog contest, building an organization and so on and so forth.
My second month as a bum was concluded with my grandmother's death and my family's reunion. It was such a huge event for me and I felt really renewed. I felt the responsibility of being a role model to my younger cousins. I realized how crucial do finances play in our lives especially how we, the young professionals (even I in my bum mode) could contribute to our families needs.
Partially decided, I went back to job hunting and then the opportunity presented itself. I was hesitant at first because, I don't know, I don't feel like I am cut out for that kind of job. I took it anyway just to faint the idea of me finding a job so as my clan wouldn't think I am contented being a bum.
At the end of the final interview, I was decided, I am getting the job.
It is almost three months now since I started as the HR of our companies' largest headcount.
I have now rejected the idea that I am not cut out for the industrial field of psychology. I really now think that this would be my turf. I love the job or maybe loved it. And there it is, I am, yet again, considering another resignation.
To get things straight or to make it clearer, I love being an HR. I love the office work. Only that I do not know how much do I have to give for the job.
I do not know if I am fulfilling my career or my career fulfills me. They aren't the same.
I have chosen career growth over financial stability. My family could hold on even with my meager provincial rate salary. I could still blow off 800 pesos for my friends on rare occasions that we get together. My salary, even if it is too small in comparison to the grandiosity of my duties and responsibilities was the least of my problems.
I have learned a lot of things in my chosen field that my four years of studying failed to provide me.
However, I am tired. Extremely tired.
Perhaps it has always been my fault. My colleagues often tells me to take it easy and get some nap on lunch breaks. I tried but the workaholic part of me isn't just getting it.
My superior most frankly tells me that I cannot handle the job alone but still, I insisted that my assistant is a superhero so the job would still be possible when in fact my assistant is non-existent.
Three months and only last week did I ever feel completely tired and burnt out. I knew I am. Because my workaholic part is ready to give up. The job is impossible. I am fulfilling too much for my career. Rather it became a demanding career.
I cannot tell how much I have done and how come I have grown to be extremely tired as such I was crying while encoding yesterday.
Perhaps, I can tell a bit. 567 to one. One being me. 567 plus 70 plus on processing applicants equals to 637 to one. 637 plus an occasional 3 to four additional processed applicant from a very helpful office mate equals to 640 to one. 640 plus two to four irritating and over demanding citizens of the planet equals to 650 to one (4 irritating duded equals to ten normal employees). 650 plus everyday walk-in applicants, whom each I recite my everyday explanation of how do they apply equals exhaustion to the limit.
It's not like the number only gets staggering high. There are some helpful ones and there are times I get help from some friendly officemates. But then, it just won't lighten things especially when issues surround the company. People misunderstanding and misjudging your actions. My friend calls it normal office environment but it really sucks.
Last week, the pressure has finally made its toll on me. I broke down. Even if they tell not to trust anyone, I cannot live with that. I would even trust the most dangerous or let's say tagged as the most dangerous person in the company. I cried in front of my coworkers. I cried alone while I was rushing my report. Tears just keep rolling down my cheeks.
A personnel from the other department just came the other day with an instruction for me to do a certain errand. I did as instructed without validating where did the instructions came from. It was found out that she just made it up. She gave me instructions which ended with terrible endings. I was caught up in a mess that I should have least to do with and I barely managed to finish my tasks that day. Imagine, I was conducting interviews for clerical posts and at the same time conducting an orientation with 9 applicants and at the same time administering psychological test at the same time my client company is fuming because I wasn't able to get back to them on time and at the same time I am worrying where on earth could I find the necessary forms that my client company requires me to get them before 12 noon when in fact it was already 2 PM (commas intentionally omitted so you may feel a bit out of breath like I was that day).
It was Tuesday then, and the following days where worse. Just yesterday, I had my deployment at 8 AM. I wasn't able to get up early and move fast because I was really really tired. I and my employees were late. We rushed their IDs. They were supposed to be 15 but that morning, there were only 12. I panicked since I promised to deliver 15. I called my client and she worried. I know she's a panicking hell like me. I loaded my phone and made calls. I tried desperately hard to get 15 and thank God, really thank God, I did. But it was too early to rejoice. I still have to visit client companies, each with their own concerns. My bosses are calling my phones (I handle three phones plus one telephone but the latter was cut). They require me this and that and one gets mad that I wasn't able to answer the phone after 5 missed calls.
At 12, I was staring at nothing. Then there came the greatest shocker of the week. I am terribly terribly tired and I just tried so hard to come to office that day because I have promised to deliver 15 employees for deployment that day but I was really not feeling good at all. And then after lunch, my boss called and she wants me to stay in the office until 8PM so we may move our things to our new office several blocks away.
I used to work overtime until 8PM but that day was different. I am not feeling well. I pleaded but she just won't budge. I gave up. I was the only person available to do that. I wait for the delivery truck till 8. They came, we moved till 9. I got home at 10. I thought, it would be fine then since my boss gave me a consolation of not requiring me to do OT the next day to fix things in the new office.
That was today, Saturday. At 8:59 AM, I woke up. My colleague calling me. He has no keys. I went to office today. We fixed tables. Literally fixed them like puzzles. We hand carried our documents and stuffs from the parking lot to the 4th floor without elevator. Just the stairs.
I went home today before 6 PM. I have paint on my arm. A part of my arm is purplish in color. I don't know where and when did I get bruised. I have a head ache. But still I am an HR. I just wonder if I still look like it.
I don't wanna see Monday coming. It would be February 27. The day we bill. The busiest day of the month. I do not do billings. But some people make me do it. Like I have a choice. Then it would be Tuesday, February 28. It's pay day for my 600+ employees. They would be giving me calls for sure to check on their salaries. The it would be Wednesday, February 29. It's payslip day since payslips always arrive a day after payday. It's also our monthly meeting with our employees. The day we get crushed with an awful lot of concerns and grievances.
Then it would be Thursday, March 1. It's my Renaissance. It's the day we move to our new office. The day I longed for. The day where I hope to get some things better. The day I hope I'll get my superhero assistant for real. Only that, of all the days mentioned, the most impossible of all is March 1.
To my professor, I hope I am giving justice to my course. And I also hope, my career would give me some justice.
