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Swings and take-offs of the crazy MIND!!

It is a usual mid day of the week and work is not so hectic as it used to be. It is in those times that my thought process usually has a take so extreme to the level of complete detachment from the actual surroundings.Unreasonable.With nothing to cast a blame on. Illogical enough to not to let us realise that it is actually of NO LOGIC. So many thoughts ponder instantaneously. But there is one dark gloom hole that seems to take that smile off from my face.Or to be worse,the same gloom makes me smile a little too much.

  Now to what shall I attribute this wierd or rather dark state of my mind. So fragile. Of nascent nature. Devoid of immunity. Easily hyped by even a Re.1 chocolate and utterly depressed even for a "hi" missed from a friend. I find all possible ways of occupying my already pre-occupied mind.

  The first thing I do is to read news!! The cheapest form of really valuable asset would be a quality newspaper. Inspired by the quote that says "Information is wealth".So much wealth in less than 5 rupees. You might think it is the best way to divert oneself from personal issues as the pile of issues out there would make anything else negligible. But that did not heed up to the benchmark. All that I was reading were being filtrated out as invisible letter chains the very next second i was done reading each line from the filled up news.Now this did not help me at all. Just a mere content feel that "OK I am now aware of at least 10 percent of the happenings". 

  I get back to doing something else.. My darkness fonded mind uses this gap to its extent almost making me unconscious. 

  I browse my phone gallery.Good old times.The more I see those,the more I end up in craving for present life betterment."I wish I could go back to such times!!!".. NEVER!!! This thought is a catalyst to the fragility of my mind and I immediately lock my phone and keep it aside. 

  Ok.I might become the so-called normal again if i have a coffee may be!!Yeah it does give a better feel but a cup of coffee is too small to quench my thirst of betterment. Once the coffee is over,my mind takes off!! ZZZZzzzz.. 

  I take a walk around my colleagues desks.Everyone has something or the other to do. All they talk and do sounds and looks gibberish to this ignoramus mind!! I blink,blink and just blink. And again it all starts with the question "Why just me and Why now?!?!" I run to my place the very next minute.! 

  There is nothing I feel interested to do presently.Music!! Ohh yeah that has had its constant presence from the very beginning.. I think of doing some brain work!! Puzzle.. Pulling my completely uninterested mind to solve it and I could hold on to it only to maximum of ten minutes before it could lead to my complete exhaustion which is the last thing I could do to myself!! And then I realise I am devoid of energy and fresh air. 

  I go out.. Amazing weather.Cool breeze bringing an instant smile as it withers my skin. After a few minutes of engrossment I look around to find people around.OMG everyone are happy and have something to talk about/chat with their fellows. The very thought that my dark mind doesnt even let me chat when so many around me could happily do so itself pushed me to the core of sadness. :( Nooo!! I need the old,talkative,crazy me back which I consider normal!! I rush into the lobby off to my desk. I wonder why do I want to be what I used to be!! I keep wondering.Why cant I just take this whole thing easy!! But come on,I dont even realise I am breathing!! Worse than a coma state!!A voice from within keeps compelling on the thought of so-called normalcy rather usualness.

  I am talkative.But only in times of normalcy and happiness!! During times like these,i find an invisible plaster on my lips that just keeps me quiet and tight outside( loose inside :P).So letting this out to some good soul and to get relieved by what they call SHARING!!. Never works out!!  I come to my friend "Google". I type "Why do i feel so gloomy on such a nice cool weather?!". And to my surprise I did get results out of which one was a survey outcome that found out more than 50% of the people get to the worst of the moodswings in winter!! Another excellent add-on!! And my mind now has a justification for being so! OMG is there no cure for this?!!! Another sadness badge added to the basket! 

  I try with all my might to find the ends of a big,dark cloth just fallen on me so that I can see the bright day outside.How much ever I try,I fail to catch hold of the ends and I see not even a pin-hole light!.

  And finally,I open a word document,type random lines and the more lines I type,the more I see myself involved and feel energetic!! The best let out for me and may be a nightmarish take in for those who read it :P 

I can feel the dark cloth wrapped around me is of comfort.It is no longer hindering my vision or enveloping me to its hollow dark bottomless pit :) Had I started typing before,this very blog would have been just 2 lines saving all of you! :D 

I thus realized this relief,this light feeling is only because I could accept my state as it was while writing this down. Mere acceptance and letting it go made me feel light. I was just jotting down whatever I went through and there were no imposed feels on why I should be normal again. So yeah I am gonna try this way to accept and let things go by doing something that makes me comfortable,even being idle for that sake,If that's the only thing that might work out, to relieve my wandering mind  from take offs to the dark world,whatever it might be :) Try it.. it works!! Big time ;) :) Good day :D