#blu vents

[maverickcalf]

Looking at my hits vs kudos ratio makes me sad.

[lightblu-lovecore]

when i’m not wishing i were gone from the universe i’m usually wishing i were with you

[blufeniix]

BWH tryin not to be a bit stressed but boy I’m just vvv tired. I don’t know if I’ll even open up commissions this month cause it seems pointless at this rate when I get one (1) small com the entire month, and then nothing after that. Not that I’m not grateful for the com, but there’s so much I need to take care of, and the one small com just isn’t enough to cover it.

I still need to get a webcam and apply for this job, but this month is going to be so tight, and there’s already new things piling onto the list of things we need, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to push it. :U

And that’s optimistically thinking I’ll GET the job once I apply, if I don’t the only thing I can rely on right now is commissions, but I get so few of those and there’s such a huge stretch in between, and I’ve really no idea what I’m doing or not doing, or what people would want to see from me so I’m in a near constant state of ?????

Anyway just needed to get thoughts out of my head so they weren’t trapped there, I know I’ll think of something eventually, and I’m always gonna work on art when I can. More digital would probably help but it’s a bit of a hassle to work on atm and pencil sketches are just so much easier but it feels like no one WANTS those?

[maverickcalf]

...i just want to cry

I don't wanna work today, cramps are awful, but i can't justify taking time off when I am really not ill. Who cares if this is the first period I have had two years, i should be able to handle it. who cares about the fact i just want to cry all day.

i have been very sad lately and i hate it

[blufeniix]

So not only have the neighbors been coming over here as if we’re best friends and trying to get us to let them borrow things and money, but the woman is leaving her cigarette butts on/around our front porch and???? I’ve never been so ready to get the fuck AWAY

[blufeniix]

Pretty sure I didn’t get to sleep till at least 5 this morning because a) Dad decided he needed to work on the fridge around 1 am JUST as I started to doze off, which meant going through the spare room just down the hall from our room to get what ever tools, and using the vac to clean some of the fridge parts. 

b) Bandit decided he needed to play. I played with him till I was sure he was wiped out (kiddo was panting and just laid down for a bit). Then he decided he wanted more attention, and kept stealing things from our room, sure to make noise while doing it. Remembered Dad has been up late/early this last week or so, and has been feeding Bandit while he was up so Bandit doesn’t wake me at 6:30/7 am for food. So now Bandit’s schedule may have been a little altered, and of course this kiddo comes to me when it’s feeding time. Even after feeding he decided he needed to run around and get into things for a while.

c) my shoulder ACHED so badly, and today it has migrated to my wrist so I’m?? eugh

Needless to say, I’m exhausted.

[itsblumunn]

i need you guys to be extra nice to me right now i just cried for like half an hour simply because i remembered that a woman looked at me angry because i wanted to take the elevator today even though she could see i was visibly limping

[itsblumunn]

That's the last time I try to verbalise my thought process and workarounds to my parents because why did they get so upset at me saying that I have a system to go around my executive dysfunction and demand avoidance. Why are you so prickly about me saying I'm manipulating my brain into thinking it was my idea to do something I was told to do. The thing gets done anyways. Why does it matter to you that I'm roleplaying having agency and free will. The fuck.