💞 + quite interested in how nessa dealt with the wardens that underestimated her. how did she cope with the bullying? does she wish she reacted differently — aggressive, or otherwise? did anyone help her through it, or did she have to learn how to manage on her own?
send 💞 + a question about my muse's relationships for my muse to answer
ok i think it's worth noting that at first, almost no one thinks she has what it takes to be a warden. she turns up at weisshaupt, a teenager, much slighter than she ends up being after her joining, sheltered enough that she's oddly in awe of the world, and blonde and pretty in a way that's better suited to a lady or princess. no one sees her determination, or her steel-willed stubbornness, until she clocks them over the head with it.
all that to say that at first she does everything she can to prove herself. she's sixteen and no one is going to tell her she can't be a warden. she's going to be the best goddamn warden she can be. she probably pushes herself too hard at times because of it, but it also makes her better, stronger, more confident. everything she accomplishes in her training is undeniably hers. and by the the time of her joining, most have laid off and, if not heartily welcomed her, at the very least begrudgingly accepted her.
which then leaves the stalwarts: the traditionalist senior wardens and commanders who she can never win over, and our dear dudebros who honestly just get a kick out of taunting her. their doubts and snide comments bite at her until she takes the joining, but she grows in confidence after and copes much better, coming to a point where in general anyone's lack of faith tends roll right off her, and any needling she responds to in kind.
for the traditionalists, there's a very brief period early on in which she does try to conform to their strict rules and orders. she's not very successful at it and its lasts about as long as it takes for an order to clash with her own morals and her own sense of what it means to be a warden. so not very long. at which point she doubles down on her convictions and radically accepts she's going to spend the rest of her service butting heads with the higher-ups. oh well.
the dudebros... she takes the same tact initially as she does with everyone else, trying to prove herself. only they don't let up even after her joining— or especially after her joining. caius is the ringleader, and sanson the next worst after that. rene and arn on their own aren't so bad, but certainly aren't blameless. the problem is cauis is interminably jealous of nessa's relationship with owen, and then sanson dies during their joining while nessa lives. it becomes less about their underestimation of her and more bitter and personal. so there really isn't anything she can do. caius has it out for her, arn and rene are willing participants. eventually, she just starts giving it right back to them. or outright ignoring them, aggressively leaning into whatever it is they try to belittle her for.
the only person she really had to help her through it was owen, who both knows the importance of stepping back and allowing nessa to manage this on her own, while also feeling the need to protect her for his part in causing the bullying. he's very aware that he does not have the best relationship with the weisshaupt brass, and that they've taken one look at nessa and pinned her as his pet recruit. he also knows that among wardens like caius, the bullying is in part due to jealousy, though he was as surprised as anyone that he feels so attached to nessa. his reputation, both good and bad, is impacting her and though he wants to he knows he can't swoop in and save her from it. though that's not to say there aren't instances when his insticts to protect her get the best of him. for nessa's part, she doesn't need him or anyone to fix it for her; all she wants is to know owen is there for her, which he is. and the nickname "o'rinn's puppy" only stings for a second— she's proud of it, no matter how demeaningly it's spat at her.
she doesn't really regret any of it, except perhaps the time she wastes initially trying to conform. but, hey, at least she can say she tried. she comes to have enough friends and respect amongst her fellow wardens to ease the terse interactions she has with the few that want to make her life difficult.
