Overthinking and Worrying
[Hawks x GN!Reader]
--SPOILER WARNING--
[Hawks is concerned because Y/N isn't sleeping--]
It has been a while since Hawks stayed up late, as he always sleeps after 2-3 hours after arriving home, leaving you awake by yourself. You didn’t complain honestly, you loved seeing your fiancé sleeping peacefully curling up to you and you especially loved how he has this childish smile of comfort and safety while sleeping when you pet his head gently.
While the winged hero could sleep peacefully, you on the other hand had a hard time catching sleep, and this problem has been occurring for a while, however you did not want to worry him so you kept it to yourself. After all, this isn't the first time you go through this problem before. But how come you cannot sleep? Anxiety and the stress of everything weights on your shoulder during the nights. Overthinking and worrying very much for your fiancé takes its’ toll on you, leaving you with so much adrenaline of stress to be able to catch sleep. And how the media (and even villains) keeps an eye on you and Hawks isn’t helping your case either…however you were able to get a bit of sleep and the sleep deprivation wasn’t very visible on you…
This has been going on for a while, however after recent events and after Hawks told you about what the commission have been planning as he trusts you enough to tell you as he knows you would never utter a single word or be suspicious when someone asks about Hawks, though, let’s say this alone have kept you up at night. You can’t fantom the idea of how in the living heck does the hero commission throw your fiancé out in such a dangerous mission without a second thought. This lack of sleep problem of yours has gotten worse after the war incident and Hawks gotten badly hurt to the point of almost losing his wings and life in the process.
Obviously the first weeks after Hawks was granted a long long hiatus from hero work to focus on his health was hard on both him and you. He kept waking up in cold sweat, tears and panic in his eyes and out of breath as he kept having nightmares of the fight with Dabi. When you asked him about what exactly went down, he couldn’t bring himself to say it which you respected and told him to tell you when he is ready. You kept being awake the first weeks for his sake, rarely caught sleep as not only your anxiety for his wellbeing is crash up the roof, but also you want to be ready whenever he was about to wake up in panic. This made your sleep deprivation even worse but you made sure to hide it as you wanted him and his wellbeing to be your priority #1.
After few weeks has passed, he has gotten better and he got the help he needed in order to deal with this borderline traumatizing event he went through and you were with him throughout the whole ordeal (he thanked whatever up there to have blessed him with someone like you in his life). However you on the other hand haven’t been able to get any sleep or any rest. And after a while it was nearly impossible to hide the sleep deprivation anymore as it was visible on you. Not to mention the fact that after Hawks managed to calm down from everything he did notice off stuff about you…
…he noticed that you barely have energy to continue with the day but keep pushing yourself as well as he is the first to sleep and last to wake up which proves his theory that you’re not sleeping.
He is concerned because you’re sleeping at all.
Hawks decided to confront you about this as now he is worried about your wellbeing. So while you two were cuddling in the couch, with him laying on your lap while you leaned against the couch cushion, he decided to ask you—
”Dove?”
”Mm?”
”When was the last time you’ve gotten a full 8 hour sleep?”
”…uh”
That question of his caught you off guard. How come he asks about your sleeping habit. This low-key made you nervous as you did not want to worry him with your problems-
”Ahah oh— w-w-well you see honey…I do get enough sle—”
”Don’t lie to me (Y/N), I know you well enough that when you begin to talk like this means you’re hiding something” he replied as he sat up and turned to around to face you, his face expression says it all. He is very concerned
”(Y/N)…dove…talk to me”
For some reason, the way he gently said that and the way he held your hands in his, looking into your eyes with love and care made you breakdown and cry which made the winged hero not hesitate to pull you into his embrace and hold you close.
”I’m sorry dove…I can guess partly on the reason for the lack of sleep…” he said in a low voice, feeling guilty over the fact he made the love of his life this worry to the point of lack of sleep
”N-No honey, it i-isn’t only because of what happened to you” you managed to say, clutching to his shirt. After that you two didn’t say anything. Just you quietly sobbing onto Hawks chest while he held you close, not bothering hiding the pain he felt for seeing you in such state.
After a bit, you managed to calm down and Hawks handed you napkins to blow your nose while brushed away your tears.
”…during the night…I have a bad habit of overthinking and worrying to the point I can’t sleep” you said while looking down, feeling a bit embarrassed about talking about this as this is the first time in a long time that you actually talk about the sleeping problem.
”How come I did not know about this?” ”Because…I didn’t want to bother you Kei…”
His expression softened and he smiled gently, caressing your cheek affectionately.
”Dove…you would never bother me…I love you and I want to be by your side the same way you are by my side” Hawks said as he leaned to capture your lips in a gentle kiss, which you gladly returned.
”…Kei…I love you”
”I love you too (Y/N)…but we gotta find a way to help you get more sleep”
”B-But how?” You asked, genuinely not knowing how. Hawks thought for a bit until he thought of an idea
”I think I know how… you said you cannot sleep because of anxiety and worrying right?”
”And overthinking…s-sometimes” you said while looking aside a bit flustered
”Overthinking, right. So I wanna know, what exactly are you worrying and overthinking about to the point of not sleeping- is it nightmares?”
”N-no!! I barely get these nowadays b-but” you looked down, a bit too shy to say it out loud, but at this point, Hawks is your fiancé, you two should tell each other everything, including insecurities ’He gotta know…he needs to know…’ you took a deep breath, looking up at Hawks who was waiting for your answer attentively-
”I…feel like I am a huge burden to you…I see what the media is saying about our relationship and I know the villains are still after not only you but me- d-don’t get me wrong I don’t care most of the time!!—” You tried to explain yourself, but then looked down and continued ”—…but…I feel like I am an extra burden to you, I feel like I’m holding you back…I feel like the media and the villains are always keeping an extra eye on you because of me as they think I am your weakpo—”
”You’re my weakpoint, as in I would do anything to keep you safe and alive!”
”R-Right. B-but yeah anyways” you continued ”I feel like I am holding you back and that I am an extra baggage that you need to deal with as the same time as you deal with your own shit” you sighed, taking a deep breath.
”Not to mention…how much I worry for your well being and how much the hero commission is pushing you beyond your limits and to the extreme…” you looked up at him with worry in your eyes ”Keigo I am worried about you and about your reputation”
Hawks was silent for a moment, taking in everything. He understands it all now.
”I see…(Y/N) I am so sorry I caus—” ”N-No Kei honey it is not your fault!!” You quickly reassured him to which he smiled gently to.
”I love you (Y/N) and I want you to know that you are never holding me back, you are never bothering me and I don’t give two shits about reputation or what the stupid hero commission wants from me. I am so sorry that I keep worry you tho, you don’t deserve to be sleep deprived over me but just you know—” he leaned close so that his forehead touches yours, smiling at you with love and affection in his eyes
”—that I love you. So much dove, the fact that you worry for me means that you care about me and…just thank you, for everything”
You looked at him with a gentle smile yourself and chuckled a bit.
”No need to thank me sweetheart. You are my everything”
He leaned to give you a kiss on the lips, filled with love and affection, a kiss worth thousands of words of love.
”Tonight (Y/N)…it is all about you” he said after you two pulled away from the kiss. ”Tonight…let me take care of you”
You smiled, a bit doozy after the kiss. You did not complain or protest against it. After all— when Hawks is being the big spoon and in charge, he knows how to make you feel comfortable and loved, safe and protected, tucked away from the cruel world in the bubble of love.
”Alright…” you said as Hawks stood up, carrying you bridal style up to your shared bedroom—
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As you two are laying on the bed, with you laying on Hawks’ chest, his heart-beatings calms you down a lot, however before those thoughts even had the time to creep up into your head, Hawks began softly speak reassuring and loved filled words while gently running his fingers from your neck down to your back before caressing your head.
”I’ve got you (Y/N)…I’ve got you” he managed to say which made you smile. Oh how lucky you are to have someone as loving as him in your life. However as soon as he began speak about how you two’s future will be after marrying and after creating the family you both want with each other and how much he is looking forward spending the rest of his life with you, you felt a feeling of happiness and joy within your heart. You’ve forgotten to even think of how you both will have your future with each other because of the negative overthinking. This felt so nice to hear and you even imagined how your and Hawks’ kids will look like and how the wedding will be.
Not gonna lie, this lulled you to sleep slowly and surely. You yawned a bit before snuggling closer into his chest with a dorky smile on your face.
”Thank you Kei…I love you”
And soon, you found yourself drifting to sleep and not long after staring to snore a bit. When Hawks heard you snore a bit (which he adores by the way), a smile plastered on his face and leaned to kiss your head adjusting himself before cuddling you close and drifting to sleep himself.
”Good night dove…the love of my life”
To say you two had the best sleep that night is an understatement and for the first time in so long, you slept properly and long enough as well as—
—this was the best sleep you’ve ever had and it is all thanks to your birdman fiancé.
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AUTHOR NOTE: Hello!! This is my part of the collab with my friends at BNHA Sanctuary (btw, I love you all so much over there, dope ass people 100/10 I would forever protect).
I also wanna apologize if Hawks is a bit OOC and I wanna apologize for my English and grammar errors as well as the inability to properly express the fic properly, English is not my first or second language and I am still learning it ahaha. *Sweats in Swedish*
Anyways! Reader is gender-neutral here and I’m gonna try to be as inclusive as I can be. I based the events in this fic loosely on the manga and on what I went through back when I had a very bad case of insomnia, ahaha enjoy!!
P.S-- please don’t hesitate to tell me how to improve as I am still working on being a better writer. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS ACCEPTED AND ENCOURAGED IN ORDER FOR ME TO PROVIDE BETTER CONTENT AND FICS FOR YOU GUYS!!
