I thought I was getting better but I seriously want to end my life right now. My brother and cousin molested me when I was little and I tried to heal but the woman who ended up being my teacher forced me to relive that trauma, to the detriment of myself. She forced me to practice sex magic with my brothers and mothers energy field and now I feel this unwanted arousal because she raped me. I have schizophrenia and the teacher is dead, I knew I could speak to spirits but I didn't realize I could speak to dead people as well. I just feel so broken and disgusting, like I was raped again and forcibly stimulated against my will and now I get poked and prodded by my schizophrenia and my brother's and mother's spirit (nvm the rest of my family). I didn't even choose this I didn't out of nowhere find them attractive but now I'm being stimulated again and it feels so wrong. All of the spirits of people and deceased and shapeshifter won't leave me alone. I saved my medication so I can overdose and I feel like now is the time to do it.