how fucking wild would it have been if in TES IV, closing an Oblivion gate did NOT automatically return all of the soldiers back to Cyrodiil, just whoever was in the tower at the time of the gate's closing?
how monstrous would it have been of the player character to discover this after closing their first gate, then have the choice to wait for the soldiers to reach the tower in all following quests, but still decide to close the gate immediately upon reaching the top of the tower alone?
Author: @elisisland
Recipient: bodacious-energizedprotodermis
Pairing: Dan/Arin
Warnings: Trans Characters, Coming out
Title: Secrets Kept and Secrets Told
Summary: Dan has a secret he can't let Arin know just yet.
Word Count: 1142
“No sexual stuff for awhile, okay?”
Arin sat at his desk, staring at his monitors, replaying the words Dan said to him over four months ago. He knew better than to push Dan into something he wasn’t ready for, but when Dan was starting to give Arin sexual favors, but refusing to accept any, Arin was just a bit curious. Slowly, carefully, Arin derived a plan.
Dan patiently waited for his boyfriend, so they could finally start the day’s session and he could get back to the writing session he had started with Brian. Hearing the door open, he looked over the back of the couch and smiled at Arin. Something in his stomach told him to leave, that the grin Arin had was devious. But still he remained. “Hey, Arin. What's up?”
Arin sauntered over, swing his hips. “Not much, Dan. What’s up with you?”
Opening his mouth to answer, Dan stuttered out, “N-n-nothing. What,” he laughed as Arin placed his hands on Dan’s shoulders, “are you doing?”
“Nothing.” Arin pouted, pressing one knee into Dan’s hip. “I,” he began slowly and straddled Dan, “just wanna make out with you.”
The pit got bigger, deeper, worse. Dan raised a brow, “Is that all?”
“Well,” Arin sat down on Dan’s thighs. “Maybe we could do some other things.”
Laughing, Dan pressed a kiss to Arin’s lips. “You can just say you want a blowie. You don’t have to be all cryptic and sexy.”
“I wanna blow you.”
There it was. Fuck. It wasn’t that Dan didn’t appreciate every offer from Arin, he did. He wanted to accept every offer of a blowjob or handjob or straight up fucking, but he couldn’t let Arin know. Not yet. So Dan shook his head, “No thanks. But I’ll blow you.”
“Why not?”
Dan blinked, forcing the uneasiness down. “Why not what?”
“Why can’t I blow you? Is it ‘cause I have a beard? Is it ‘cause I’m a guy? What is it?” Arin wiped at his face. He didn’t want to cry over this. He didn’t, but it just felt like Dan was hiding something. Like he didn’t actually like Arin.
“No, Arin. Babe,” Dan pressed a kiss to Arin’s forehead. “It’s not you. I swear. It’s me. I got something to work out. But,” Dan gave another kiss, “I will tell you when things are good on my end.” Pulling Arin into a hug, he whispered, “I promise.”
“You promise that when things are good, I can give you a beej?”
Dan laughed, ignoring the twist in his stomach. “You can give me 10 beejs, if you want.”
Arin held him tight, tight enough that Dan would know Arin would wait forever. When they parted, Arin could have sworn he saw something flash across his face, something like fear. But he was not going to press anymore, terrified that Dan would recede into himself. So Arin cracked a joke, “So about that blowjob.”
Dan laughed, bumping his head against Arin’s chest. “If you really want,” Dan said, snaking his hand around to Arin’s chest, “I think,” and down his stomach, pausing at the waistband of his pants, “we have enough time.”
Three weeks. Three weeks since Dan made that promise with Arin. Three weeks since he started evaluating everything about himself and Arin and their relationship. Three weeks since he was given a choice, come out or end the best relationship he’s had in a long time. And only today had he finally figured out what he was going to do.
Dan waited until he had a clearing and knew that Arin was going to be in his office. Steeling himself, Dan gave a quiet knock on the door, more to inform Arin of his presence rather than to ask for permission. Arin jumped, but composed himself at Dan’s soft face. “Hey, Arin. Can, can we talk?”
Pushing his chair out to face the space, Arin gestured to close the door. “Is everything okay? Do you need time off or something?”
Dan ran a hand through his hair, not minding the knots his fingers get caught on. “I think everything is okay. Well,” Dan took a deep breath, “okay. I need to tell you something and I really hope it doesn’t change us.”
Something crawled around in Arin’s stomach. Ignoring it, Arin smiled. “I’m sure we’ll be fine. What did you wanna tell me?”
“You promise not to judge me?”
Arin stood, wrapping his hand around Dan’s biceps. “I would never judge you. Just know, you don’t have to tell me, if you’re not comfortable with it.”
Dan sighed, sagging against Arin. “I am comfortable with it, though. It’s who I am. And I wouldn’t change it for the world.” Burying his face in Arin’s neck, breathing in Arin, remembering him as if this was the last time he could hold him close, Dan hugged Arin. “Promise me things won’t change too much. I can’t lose you.”
Arin hugged Dan, hugged him with all his might. “You won’t lose me.”
“I’ve lost too many people before because of it.”
Arin pulled away, just enough to press a bruising kiss on Dan’s lips. They parted and Arin wiped a stray tear from Dan’s face. “I promise you won’t lose me.”
Dan gave one last squeeze before taking a step back. Sniffling, he took a shaky breath. He could do it. Brian hadn’t left. Why would Arin? “Okay. So you know people who, um, fuck.” Dan wiped his face. “You know those people that don’t, um, they, shit.”
Arin swore if he softened anymore he would actually melt. “It’s okay. Take your time and remember, you don’t have to tell me.”
“But I need to. I just,” Dan ran a hand through his hair, bunching it at the top of his head. “I’m just gonna say it and you can react however you like, okay?” Arin gave a slow nod, clearly hesitant. “I’m trans.” Dan broke into a grin. “I’m trans. I’m trans.” He started laughing, “I’m trans.”
“Danny?”
“I’m trans.” Dan said a final time, swaying on his feet. “This is crazy. You’re acting like it’s not a big deal.”
Arin blinked. “Being trans or not, it’s not a big deal one way or the other.”
Dan sat down on the couch and Arin took the other half. “How… how are you so chill about this?”
Arin shrugged, “It’s just a part of you. Just like I’m bi or whatever. It’s nothing that can change.”
Dan leaned forward, his forehead pressing against Arin’s. “Are we okay?”
Closing the space, Arin smiled, “We’re good. Wait.” Arin sat back. “Do I need to call you something else?”
“I’m still a guy. I’m still Dan. I’m still your boyfriend.”
Arin broke into a grin, “Well, good. Now I believe I was promised I could blow you 10 times.”
if I see you posting dumb shit about how much you hate men or whatever I'll just block. life is hard enough as a trans man, I don't need your bullshit.
"oh but I didn't mean trans men -" shut the fuck up. shut up. shut up. shut up. I wish you would just call me a slur and be done with it.
