#bodhilyfe

[bodhilicious]

So, I'm feel like I'm getting a little bit of side eyes and shame for having for compassion for the people being asshole bigots, like somehow my compassion is understanding and my understanding is acceptance. People hear the word compassion and think of someone being kind and gentle and people are so angry right now that they think that certain people don't deserve kind and gentle. I've got two problems with that. 1) EVERYONE deserves compassion and kindness. Compassion and kindness deserve to be nurtured. Beliefs are as impermanent and fleeting as a fire, the more you feed it the more it grows. Feed kindness. 2) my compassion towards people to who are being assholes is NOT GENTLE. I have approximately zero time for anger, zero time for hate, and zero time for dehumanising people. Not abiding negative thinking IS compassion. Beliefs are as impermanent and fleeting as a fire, the less you feed it the faster it dies. Starve bigotry.

[bodhilicious]

The thing about breaking up with someone you love

is that it sucks more than you think. The relationship isn't working for you, maybe not for the other person, and all the ideas of forever crumble away into the decision; avoid the problem and lie until the issues get worse or end the relationship and let the healing begin. The healing process hurts. A lot. As the instigator, you go through all the pain of the relationship loss with an additional dose of guilt and regret. And here I am, telling myself it gets better while my heart simultaneously sinks and rises up into my throat. I have been crying for over 30 hours, almost solidly and I want nothing more than to just call him and take it back. But I'm the one that has to be strong. The hardest part is feeling like the asshole. That idea that I broke his heart, that I am the cause of his suffering. I am not the cause, but I'm a heavy condition, and I gotta live with that. Helping myself is helping others. Just because a decision is hard, doesn't mean it's wrong. Impermanence sucks some times, but despite the pain, life goes on.

[bodhilicious]

This lighting is so nice!

[bodhilicious]

Is it weird

I look in the mirror and I'm like "hey sexy *winks* you're mighty fine. 10/10 would bang" but then I look at a picture (selfie or otherwise) and I'm like "who da fuq is dat? I'm not that ugly, am I?"

[bodhilicious]

Buddhist problems (bug edition)

• Screeching when there’s a bug on/near you because you now have to deal with it before someone kills it

• crying because someone killed a spider without asking if someone else could deal with it

• giving out to cockroaches as you try to trap them without squishing them BECAUSE WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THIS IF YOUD STAYED IN THE FUCKING WALLS

• watching that mosquito buzz around your room tryin to convince yourself to kill it for like 5 minutes only to get really upset and just resign yourself to spending the next two hours hunting it

• having friends call you to catch the PARTICULARLY large insects because they’re scary and would sound gross when killed but your a Buddhist so you don’t get scared right?

• constantly fighting down the IMMENSE FEAR of bugs because you can’t bring yourself to kill something living

[bodhilicious]

Computer's panzershafted

I'll be not so active for the next at least month because of it. On the bright side, I'll be getting major academic street cred for doing a chunk of my dissertation on my phone.

[bodhilicious]

me: maybe I'll watch some X-files while I eat dinner.

(watches the first few minutes)

me: maybe I'll watch some X-files or eat dinner.

[bodhilicious]

This essay is great. On one hand, I'm a little antsy that I've got about three sources and none of them are academic, on the other hand, I don't really care and I get to spend 2000 words essentially saying, "you want Chinese to like your hotel? Give them stuff like green tea and slippers."