Summary: After a day of going too hard in the gym, you're shocked with surprising yet not unpleasant news when you come to.
SR’s Note: Eeeee this one is short, but sweet. I hope you enjoy, I appreciate your patience as I work to get to all of your requests!
Tags: @mellowmusings @rcarbo1 @lilah-asteria @bookofriverr @kitsunetori @velarisdusk @nctsawrus @lreadsstuff @freakishfandomfiend @littleemissperfecttt @loveofmychips @bodhidurrans (inbox me or comment if you'd like to be added!)
You huffed out a breath, sweat slicking the back of your neck as you rolled your head. The tension knots forming between your shoulderblades only added to your exhaustion -- reguardless, you rolled your shoulders and raised your fists once more.
"Try again; just how I showed you."
You lunged, aiming for Bodhi's torso. Once again, you were too slow. He could see your move coming the instant you stepped forward, and again his arms caught you at the waist. You yelped as he flipped you onto your back, landing you straight onto the mat. The wind rushed out of you, a massive weight pinning you to the mat as you coughed and gasped for air.
"Alright! She's tapped out," Garrick called. Most of the marked ones had hung around the training center after hours, sparring with one another before challenges began tomorrow. Bodhi loomed over you now, his eyes narrowing with concern as the corners of your vision darkened.
"Something's wrong... somethings wrong!"
His frantic shouts were the last thing you heard before the blackness consumed you whole.
･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:
When you woke, you met a pair of familiar brown eyes. They stared down at you, hard and assessing, full of concern. However, they didn't belong to the male you'd hoped for.
"Oh good! You're awake," Garrick said, his eyes softening a bit. You moved to sit up straight, wincing as pain bloomed in your lower back. A small ow escaped, and Garrick immediately reached for you.
"Woah! Take it easy," he soothed, helping you to sit comfortably upon your pillows. You sank back against their plush, relaxing once again as you looked sidelong at him.
"What.. happened?"
Garrick sucked in a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh.
"Well, one minute you were training with Bodhi, and the next..."
Your cheeks reddened, embarassment flaring within as you were reminded of earlier's events.
"Anddd he put me on my ass," you finished for him. He grinned sheepishly, shrugging as though he didn't know what to say. You shook your head, working to rid of the memory but it didn't work.
A thought occurred to you, and you halted your stewing.
"Where is Bodhi, anyway?"
As if on cue, a soft knock sounded at your dorm room door. A moment later, Bodhi appeared from behind it, his features dark with regret.
"Y/N, I'm so sorry, I-"
He halted upon seeing Garrick, his words cutting off as he paused in step. Garrick met his eyes with a grim look, rubbing his hands together uncomfortably.
"Am I... interrupting?"
Garrick's eyebrows shot up, and your eyes widened.
"No! No, nothing-"
"Absolutely not, man. She's all yours."
You both responded at once, and Garrick only dained you with so much as a farewell glance before quickly exiting your room. Bodhi still stood in place, watching the door shut behind his friend. You cleared your throat, redirecting his attention to you again. A long beat of silence stretched between the two of you as he studied you from afar. You decided to be the first one to break it.
"So... did you come in here just to stare at me? Or,"
The corners of his mouth tilted upward, a small smile stretching his lips. You raised a curious brow, and he finally took a few steps toward you. He approached your bedside, kneeling beside you to look straight into your eyes. The incessant butterfly fluttered its wings within your ribs, and you did all you could to continue its suppression.
"I came to check on you," he said softly, his rounded, kind eyes peering into your soul. You nodded wordlessly, encouraging him to continue on.
"I feel really bad about earlier, Y/N. I never meant to hurt you, that's the last thing I'd ever want to do-"
You reached out a hand, placing it lightly on Bodhi's shoulder. The small touch halted his rambling, and his gaze jumped to where your skin connected with his.
"I know Bodhi, you'd never do something like that on purpose. You're my trainer, I trust you, truly." His eyes found yours again. There was something there, some emotion swirling in them you'd rarely seen before. When he spoke again, his voice was deeper, quieter.
"I shouldn't have gone so hard on you today," he mumbled, looking down at your bedsheets. "I just... sometimes, I think you're stronger than you think you are. I just want you to always be prepared, you know?" When he looked up at you again, his voice was raw with emotion. "Someone may really try and hurt you one day, and I won't be there to protect you-"
"Bodhi, hey, Bodhi," you said comfortingly, both arms wrapping around his neck. He raised up slightly, his hands bracing against your biceps as you clung to him. "Bodhi, it's not your job to protect me, you know? You've been a fantastic trainer, and I feel so comfortable with you, I mean, I really care about you," the words spilled out. The soft brown curls near the nape of his neck tickled as you buried your nose in them, hugging him tighter. You stopped rambling when he leaned away from you, looking up into your eyes again.
"What if I... want it to be my job?" He whispered. Your body stilled as you stared at him. Heat rose to his cheeks as he gazed at you, his eyes searching yours for answers he was desperate for. You blinked, once, twice, before answering.
"W-what... what do you mean?"
His eyes closed to slits as he leaned in, his nose nearly brushing yours. Your heartbeat fluttered frantically, the butterfly inside threatening to break free. His clean scent of pine and soap flooded your senses, especially with him so close.
"I'm ... in love with you, Y/N," he said softly. "Not just as your friend, or trainer, or anything else. I love you. And I-" You cut him off, pulling his lips to yours in an instant. Your heart exploded when his lips finally touched yours, the yearning for this moment finally finished as you'd done what you waited so long to do. Bodhi, the true love of your life, was here, kneeling before you, his lips pressed to yours.
His hands moved slowly as one cupped your face, his thumb grazing your cheek as his lips slid across yours. The other softly traced over the skin of your arm, over your shoulder, and down to your waist where it settled. He groaned softly as your lips parted, granting himj further access to explore you -- which he gladly took.
When he did pull back, he was breathless, panting through a megawatt smile as he gazed at you. You giggled, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest and the way his eyes studied you, taking you in as though committing you to memory.
"Garrick said I'll likely heal just fine," you said. His smile faltered at the mention of the other male's name, but you leaned in to press a quick, reassuring peck to his lips.
"But, I might feel better if you stayed here with me?"
after rsc, bodhi helps take care of his girlfriend, getting her healed, washed up, and comfortable in his bed.
✧ : had to get at least one fic in for bodhi week on @empyreanevents, here’s day 6: soft bodhi!
Never before in your life have you felt so completely disoriented. You’re not sure how long you were in the torture chamber with your squadmates - has it been hours since you’ve seen been exposed to the outside world? Days? You’re in so much pain from RSC that you’re no longer sure where you’re injured, you just know that your body feels like it’s on fire, and you need to get yourself to the healers immediately.
Your squadmates all headed in the direction of the infirmary immediately after being released, but with the daze that all of you are in, no one seemed to notice when you accidentally made a wrong turn and ended up separated from them all. The fact that your eyes are nearly swollen shut doesn’t help - you can barely see where you’re walking, completely unable to do anything but limp forward in hopes of coming across someone that can direct you to the healers.
As you trudge forward slowly down the corridor, you can barely make out two figures approaching you head-on and you send up a quick prayer to Zihnal that they’re kind hearted enough to help you out instead of taking advantage of your situation.
“RSC?” a sharp-but-familiar voice cuts through the silence, and you feel your nervousness subside upon realizing it’s Xaden, your wingleader, in front of you. For a moment, you think you’ve injured your head and eyes so badly that you’re seeing double, but with a few blinks to clear your vision, you realize it’s your boyfriend Bodhi standing next to him, the duo looking more like cousins than ever.
You want to nod, but you’re in so much pain that you can’t even move your head forward enough to execute it. A gentle pair of arms wraps around you, holding you up, careful not to touch the areas where you’re visibly hurt. You’d recognize the careful touch anywhere, and your body sags into the man’s arms, letting him take the brunt of your weight.
“What are you doing here, love? Shouldn’t you be going to the healers?” Bodhi asks softly, though you can hear how tense his voice is, likely angry from seeing you in this state.
“Got lost,” is all you manage to get out, your voice raspy from the rawness of your throat. You’re severely dehydrated, and every single one of your senses seems to be currently impaired.
“I’ll take her to the healers, you go on without me,” Bodhi says to Xaden. You can tell that he’s being considerate by trying to speak quieter than usual, knowing that you’re extra sensitive to sound.
Xaden pauses before he moves to head off. “Sure you don’t need any help?”
Bodhi shakes his head, “I got her, go.” Xaden nods and walks off, leaving you and the younger cousin alone in the corridor.
“Are you feeling strong enough to walk, or would you rather I carry you?” your boyfriend asks, softly swiping your damp hair out of your face so that he can get a better look at you.
As a rider, you want to be strong - you want to have the courage to have walked away from an interrogation, and walk yourself up to the healers to prove your worth. But, considering that you so quickly lost your squad, and the agony you were in making it this far, you allow yourself to be vulnerable and let the man you love take care of you.
“Need help,” you rasp out again, hands weakly going to grab ahold of Bodhi’s arms.
He hums in agreement. “I’m going to pick you up, tell me if I’m hurting you at all, and I’ll stop.”
He crouches, slowly going to pick you up bridal-style, his hands moving slowly as he carefully watches your features for any sign of discomfort. With a few winces and small adjustments, he finally has you in his arms in a way that doesn’t cause you any more excruciating pain, and he begins walking towards the infirmary.
Bodhi mutters quiet encouragement as he walks, seeing your face scrunched up in discomfort from your injuries.
“Nolon’s going to mend your injuries and you’ll feel better soon, I promise.” he whispers, soft kisses being placed against your temple. All you can do is exhale in response, but you’re fairly sure your nose is broken, so even that sends a shooting pain across your face.
You’re even more disoriented when you make it to the infirmary, the boy needing to do the explaining on your behalf. He places you down on a vacant bed near where your squad is being treated, and one of your squadmates looks over, newly mended.
“Wondered where you went,” he mumbles, still loopy from whatever medication they had given him. “Wanted to go back but we weren’t really sure where we lost you. ‘M sorry.”
You want to respond but you’re still in too much pain, so Bodhi gives the boy a half-smile on your behalf.
While you wait for Nolon to arrive and mend your injuries, your boyfriend doesn’t leave you for a second. He sits at your bedside, gently stroking your hair to calm you down. He keeps you distracted from the pain by catching you up on what you’ve missed while you and your squad were secluded - you learn that you were gone for three days, and in that time Xaden has had some… romantic developments with Violet that Bodhi can’t help but laugh about.
You wince as you laugh, your broken rib sending a jolt of pain through you, and Bodhi pivots the conversation so as not to hurt you further. After what feels like an eternity later, Nolon appears to mend your injuries. Bodhi holds your hand through it all, murmuring soft praises as your leg is mended, then your ribs, then your face. Your arms aren’t severe enough to warrant mending, so you’re left in a sling and sent on your way with instructions to rest for a few days.
To say that you’re in a daze afterwards is an understatement - you feel like you could fall asleep at the foot of your bed. The weight of the last few days hangs heavily over you, paired with the pain of the torture and mending, just keeping your eyes open is a challenge in itself. Luckily, you have your boyfriend to help you back to your room, otherwise you would have stumbled around aimlessly for a second time that day.
One arm looped around your waist, the boy begins leading you back towards the second-year dorms in the riders quadrant. Only when you pass the hallway where you’d normally turn to your room do you look at him confused.
“We passed my room,” you mumble, your head snapping in the direction of your room. The sudden movement makes you dizzy, and you stumble slightly, only for him to hold you more firmly.
“I know love, we’re going to get you washed up first, then we’ll go to my room to rest,” he responds, continuing to walk in the direction of the showers. When you arrive, he takes a peek inside to make sure there’s no one there before leading you in. He helps you sit on one of the benches, before glancing at the door. “Give me one second, I’ll be right back.”
Too out of it to question anything, you follow his command, and before you can even wonder where he’s gone, he reappears in front of you with a towel, toiletries, and a fresh change of clothes.
“Okay, let’s get you washed up.”
“It’s okay, you’ve helped me enough today. I can take a shower myself,” you try to protest, moving to stand up, but you feel the blood rush from your head and dark spots flicker through your vision. You stumble, and before you know it, Bodhi’s arms are around you again, holding you upright.
“Wanna try that again or are you gonna let me help?” he asks, a cheeky smile on his face, knowing you have no choice but to accept his aid.
“Fine.” you concede, allowing him to help lift your tattered shirt over your head, and undress yourself fully to step into the shower. He turns on the water so that the warm temperature will soothe your aching muscles, and he guides you under the stream.
You sigh as your body finds relief at its warmth, and you see your boyfriend grin out of the corner of your eye. He begins washing your hair, lathering it with shampoo, and you can’t help but shut your eyes at the feeling of his hands running through your hair, massaging your scalp. He hums a quiet tune as he works at cleaning you off, your body fully at ease in his presence.
When he’s finished with your hair, you open your eyes again as he begins scrubbing off the blood caked to your body. He lets you clean the blood from your face and your injured arm so that you don’t feel utterly useless, but when he can tell you’re too weak to properly clean your back and your legs, he takes over once again, his touch never anything short of wholly gentle.
When you’re moments away from nodding off in his arms, he turns off the water and hands you a towel to wrap yourself in. You dry yourself off, and put on the fresh set of clothes - he’s picked pyjamas that are loose on your body so as not to strain your newly healed injuries, and you’re completely grateful at the consideration he’s given to making you as comfortable as possible. He helps you re-sling your arm, eyes never leaving your face for a moment, watching for any sign of pain.
Taking the toiletries from your hands, the boy loops his arm in your own uninjured arm, bringing you back to his room.
“Lie down, I’ve got everything else handled,” he says as soon as you step past his warded door frame, moving to put the toiletries away in their proper place. You shake your head, pulling him towards the bed with you.
“Tomorrow,” you mutter, voice now less raspy from hydrating in the infirmary, “Come lie with me.”
Bodhi doesn’t protest as you lead him to the bed. You flop down onto the mattress immediately, earning a soft laugh from him. He gently lifts the covers, allowing you to clumsily wriggle in beneath them. He follows you in, and allows you to rest your head on his chest. He gently rubs your back as you lie next to him.
“Thank you for taking care of me Bo,” you whisper, eyelids heavy as you’re finally allowed to rest, feeling safe after everything you’ve been through in the last few days, “Don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“Good thing that’ll never happen,” he whispers back, a soft kiss being placed to the crown of your head, “I’ll always be here to take care of you.”
You hum a garbled thanks as you nestle further into his side. “RSC was scary, but I got through by thinking about finding you after.” You’re not sure where the confession came from, but despite your delirium, you feel that you need him to know how much he helped in getting you through it all.
“I hated being apart from you and seeing you so injured.” Bodhi moves his other arm to pull you closer into him. “If anyone tries to pull anything like that on you in the future, they won’t make it out alive.”
You let out a tired laugh, the exhaustion finally starting to pull you under. He can tell by the way that your responses start to slur together that you’re barely able to hold yourself together.
“Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” He begins raking his fingers slowly and gently through your hair, knowing it’ll comfort you to feel safe enough to finally rest.
“You promise?” you ask, all too aware of the possibility of RSC nightmares plaguing you through the night.
“Tonight, and always,” Bodhi whispers, placing another soft kiss on the top of your head. “Now rest, I’ve got you.”
Summary: Finishing the book you're reading proves impossible with Bodhi and Xaden next to you, needy for attention and unable to keep their hands to themselves.
Warnings: Cousincest, making out, allusions to sex
Written for @empyreanevents's Bodhi Week Day 7: Free Day. I had something entirely else planned for today but it turned out terrible so you're getting this instead because I saw @xadensbiceps and @theoppositequeens write Bodhi x Xaden this week and got the urge to join the fun (except I made it a reader-insert because apparently I don't know how to write anything else lol)
AO3
Fully engrossed in the book propped up against your pillow, you ignore the dip of the mattress where Xaden's elbow digs into it near your waist as he leans over you. You can feel his body heat against your back, just distracting enough that you stumble over a word and have to restart the sentence you were reading.
To your left, Bodhi also shifts. His fingers — previously tracing nonsense shapes on your arm and shoulder — still for a second, then leave your skin altogether. You instantly miss the contact.
Briefly glancing over your shoulder to see what they're up to, you find Xaden and Bodhi locked in a kiss. Both their torsos are bare, miles of soft, brown skin and toned muscle on full display, practically begging to be touched.
Fuck. Do they have to look so stupidly hot while you're just trying to finish your book?
It takes all your willpower to avert your eyes and focus back on the text before you. Only two more chapters, you remind yourself — less, actually, seeing as you're already halfway through one of them. If you manage to ignore the distractingly perfect men on either side of you for just a little longer, you can finish the book and then focus solely on them.
Naturally, that plan doesn't work out.
You manage a single page before one of them nips at your shoulder, ripping you out of the story again. A kiss to the same spot follows, then fingers trailing down your spine and soft curls brushing your arm as Bodhi's head enters your field of vision and obscures the view of your book, his hand coming up to caress your cheek.
He smiles up at you like the very definition of innocence — acting as if he doesn't know damn well what he's doing.
Xaden kisses his way along your shoulder up to your neck, his hand sliding under your shirt.
Your eyes squeeze shut.
"Guys," you whine. "I only have like a dozen pages left. After I'm done reading you'll have my full attention, I promise."
"Oh, I think we already have your attention," Xaden's low voice sounds right against your ear.
He's right, of course. It's impossible to concentrate on anything else with the two of them being all over you like this.
Opening your eyes, your gaze meets Bodhi's.
He's half lying on your book, dark curls obscuring the words, but you know he's taken care to not wrinkle the pages lying down. He takes your jaw in his hand, gently guiding your face down to his. His mouth brushes yours in a barely-there kiss.
"Your book can wait," Bodhi mutters against your lips. "We can't."
"Yes you can. You just don't want to."
Unsuccessfully fighting a smile, you don't sound nearly as stern as you'd intended. It simply isn't possible to be irritated at their interrupting your precious reading time — not with the way Bodhi is purposefully being all adorable while Xaden continues to cover your neck in open-mouthed kisses.
Bodhi shrugs and claims your mouth with his own, effectively shutting down any further retorts. With his tongue roaming your mouth, it gets increasingly hard to remember why you would even want to complain in the first place.
Releasing you from the kiss, Bodhi expectantly looks up at you.
You know if you really insisted on going back to your book, he and Xaden would accept it. They could keep each other occupied. But you also know your thoughts would keep drifting back to them and the fun you'd be missing out on. There is no resisting the temptation they provide — Bodhi sprawled before you like a mischievous angel, Xaden wrapped around you from behind, nuzzling against your neck like the devil whispering in your ear.
With a sigh, you pull the book out from under Bodhi's head and close it. You'll just have to read the remaining chapter another time, no matter how badly you want to know how the story ends.
"Alright."
Bodhi's beaming smile makes it instantly worth it. Still, you can't help but tease them a little, jokingly complaining that the two of them are like a couple of needy puppies begging for attention.
Payback follows instantly in the form of Xaden biting your neck — hard. If he's trying to beat the puppy allegations that's not the most efficient move, but before you can say so, he starts to suck on the sensitive skin and the thought dissolves in a rush of warm pleasure.
"What ha— nhh— happened to not leaving any marks?" you gasp.
Bodhi answers for his cousin, locking eyes with him over your shoulder, the grin that spreads over Bodhi's face mirroring the one you feel against your neck. "We can't leave marks on each other, but we can leave marks on you, actually."
Xaden's hum of agreement vibrates against your skin. His mouth glides higher up your neck, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
"Ah. That's reasonable, I guess. But—" You interrupt yourself with a breathy moan when Bodhi licks up the other side of your neck. "But hardly fair. You could let me mark up one of you, at least."
"Nope."
Though you're not exactly happy about it, you understand Xaden's reasoning, and can't claim to disagree. Rumors are the last thing the three of you need, and if someone were to see all three of you with lovebites at the same time, rumors would ensue. And even if it's just you and one of them alternatingly, there would be talk. People probably wouldn't jump right to the conclusion of a polyamorous relationship, but they might think you're hooking up with both of them behind the other's back. Either way, it would only lead to unnecessary drama.
"Aww, come on, Xay! I want hickeys too," Bodhi pouts.
"Next time. We can take turns," Xaden decides. "But we have to be careful it's really just one of us getting hickeys, and not all the time."
Bodhi grumbles something unintelligible and pulls you on top of him. His hands are at your waist, toying with the hem of your shirt.
You sit up and lift your arms, silent permission for him to take it off, which he wastes no time in doing.
The fabric isn't even fully over your head when Xaden's hands are already on you, following the curve of your ribcage with what feels like reverence, like no matter how often he's already done so, he can't wait to explore every inch of exposed skin again.
Bodhi's teeth scrape over your throat, hands joining Xaden's, groping and caressing until you can no longer tell whose touch is whose. It doesn't matter. There is only their skin against yours, searing kisses and mingled breaths. Their lips on yours and each other's, Xaden's bare chest warm against your back, your hands in Bodhi's hair.
Angling your head to give him better access to your neck, your gaze falls on your book, laying abandoned on your pillow. It'll have to wait a little longer — in this moment, reality is much more appealing than any story could ever hope to be.
summary: You trace his bare shoulder. “Is there anything I can do? Make you feel better?” “Marry me,” he mutters, and you’re absolutely certain you didn’t hear him right.
notes: second person pov, no use of y/n. heavy onyx storm spoilers. literally the whole thing is an onyx storm spoiler. poe dameron-ification of bodhi durran. fluff and a lot of angst and im so sorry. came to me in a dream. i heard it was bodhi week, so my nod to @empyreanevents even tho this doesn’t really fit any of the prompts, i just can’t let that slide by without writing something bc i love this boy! and i miss him! and just reread onyx storm twice. he reminds me of a labrador puppy. in my head this is bodhi and baby from toml. guys onyx storm messed me up so bad. this is kind of all over the place. sorry again. (proofread while sleepy)
There’s a reason the expression “heavy is the head that wears the crown” exists.
Squad leaders and Wingleaders, captain and generals, kings and queens and viscounts. People in power were under a burden, a visible, tangible one with nasty effects. Good leaders wore the burden on their chest, and bad leaders put it in their back pocket, trying to hide it away and ignore it. Often, the weight of power is mixed with the confidence it bestows. Assurance in stride and worry in raised shoulders. Perfect posture and a scrunched brow. Easy confidence accompanied by tapping fingers. There was no way of knowing what was going on in someone else’s mind—the Navarrian law made sure of that—but it wasn’t hard to decipher someone, if you knew where to look.
For example, it was easy to compare one Wingleader to another. Dain Aetos wore power with less grace than Xaden Riorson. He felt the weight like a strung bow, carrying it on his shoulder with a soft heart. Whereas his predecessor favored a mask of cool indifference. He wore the weight in the tick of his jaw, and in his grasp of control.
Or, one could compare the Commanding Generals of Basgiath. General Sorrengail wielded her power like a dagger, sharp and succinct, and carried it with perfect posture and a broken heart. General Aetos wielded his power like a battle ax, and carried it with a menacing stride and blackened soul.
Royalty tended to carry power differently than Leadership. The quiet acceptance of a bloodline bestowed upon a person, versus the fight to prove oneself as worthy of it.
There’s a reason royalty doesn’t wear rider black, they say. But what happens when it does?
｡･:*˚:✧｡
The day Xaden Riorson was named Duke of Tyrrandor, Bodhi Durran had a panic attack.
You could not believe it was his first. Ever.
“Honey,” you croon. You nestle your fingers into the curls at the base of his neck, using your other hand to bring one of his to your own heart. You keep your voice low, as comforting as you can be. There’s no real danger, and for a second, you can’t really understand why he was reacting this way. “Breathe for me. Feel my heartbeat and try to use it to slow yours.”
Bodhi drops his temple until it rests against your collarbone, but he obeys. His hand splays against your chest, and he sucks in a breath. He’s trying. His breaths are coming in ragged gasps, all hiccupy and sharp, but he is trying.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” he chokes out. “This feeling—”
“Shh,” you soothe, brushing your hand over his shoulders, down his back, and up to his hair again. You curl the fingers holding his hand between his own, careful to keep his palm pressed to your skin so he could feel the steady beat of your heart. “It’s a panic attack. Just try to calm down for me so you don’t make yourself sick.”
He’s propped against a desk, with you standing between his thighs in an empty classroom. When he’d found you, he’d barely been keeping it together, a choppy rise and fall to his shoulders and unshed tears shining in his eyes. The second you got him alone, he broke down, tears flowing freely until he was gasping for air, and you had a brief moment of panic yourself before the problem solving part of your brain kicked in. You sat him down, trying to get him to speak, but it was nearly impossible between his sobs. Okay, regulation first, questions later.
“I feel like I’m going to throw up,” he says, low and muffled by your jacket.
“You’ve got yourself so worked up that you’re not breathing,” you respond. You go to take his face in your hands but he shudders and coughs, and you reach for the water skin at your hip instead, holding it to his lips. “Just take a sip.”
He does, and for a moment, he seems to have calmed down. You bring your hands up to brush along his jaw, interlocking your fingers behind his neck. His hand falls from your chest as he brings his gaze up to meet yours. The sight breaks your heart clean in two, the feeling so prevalent in your chest that you’re glad his hand was no longer pressed there, since you were fairly certain he would have been able to feel it. His skin was splotchy, tear tracks staining his cheeks, eyes rubbed red and puffy, lashes stuck together with the moisture. His eyes fell shut, and his body heaved with a shuttering breath. And you pressed a delicate kiss to his temple.
“Talk to me, Bo,” you whisper into his dark curls.
“That’s never happened to me,” he says, still breathless and hiccuping. “I feel like I can’t get a deep breath.”
“You had a panic attack,” you say, rubbing circles into the place his neck meets his shoulders. He was still shaking, and a sob wriggled its way up his throat again. You sit him up, placing one hand on his cheek, one hand on his chest, crooning, “Hey hey hey hey hey, none of that. Breathe with me.”
You take a dramatized deep breath in, counting to five. Hold for three. Exhale and count to seven. You repeat that a few more times, until his hiccups are few and far between, and he’s slumped against your chest.
“‘M sorry,” he mumbles, low and slurred and electric against the skin of your neck.
“For what?” you ask, and you can’t help but laugh. “Sorry for having your first panic attack?” He nestles his nose against your skin, and you feel him take a breath on your counts of his own accord. “Which is insane, by the way. How are you that well adjusted?”
That earns you a small laugh. “Well adjusted is the last thing I’d say to describe any of us here.”
“Never had a panic attack,” you muse, containing your path over his shoulder, letting him wrap his arms around your waist and pull you closer. “Well, first time for everything, as they say. Guess I’m just glad I was here to witness it. Gods, no one is going to believe me!”
His face is smushed against your clavicle, so his words come out muffled and unintelligible, but you think he said something in between shut up and I love you—three words you had yet to speak aloud to him, but that played on repeat in your mind day in and day out. Bodhi was fond of them, though.
Across the breakfast table, picking at your eggs until your appetite manifests in the later hours of the day? I love you.
A stumbling dismount off your dragon after so many hours in the seat you were pretty sure your ass had scale imprints and you would never move properly again? I love you.
When he has you pinned down after losing yet another sparring match, curls falling into his eyes when you’re both breathless and worked up? I love you.
After he places a kiss to your knuckles as you walk hand in hand through Basgaith, the weight of the day heavy on you and exhaustion tugging at the corners of your vision? I love you.
When he slips two fingers inside you, makes you shudder and arch against him in a way no one has, when you should be getting up to face the challenges of the day or sleeping to better prepare for them in the next? I love you.
When he holds you tighter than anyone ever has before, skin against skin, limbs so intertwined neither of you are sure where one person ends and the other begins, his hand splayed over your back and your fingers in his curls? I love you.
You were dumb for not saying them. You were so wildly in love with the man it often made your chest hurt, feel like you could explode with it. But, at this point, it just felt awkward. Like when someone has your name wrong and you let it slide and then realize they’re going to continue to have your name wrong and by now it just feels too late to correct them? That.
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on now?” you whisper.
He slowly excavates from your person, blinking up at you, expression bleary and hazy. “Lindell and Lewellen got sanctioned for hiding Aretia. We all knew it was going to happen, but the Senarium is so scared of losing our numbers in the riot, they gave it to Xaden.” He shakes his head, and your mind whirls. “I feel so selfish.”
That brings a furrow to your brow. You smooth your thumb along the line of his bottom lip, shaking your head like you can shift the puzzle piece into place. “Why are you selfish?”
“Xaden is the Duke of Tyrrendor, and all I can think about is that it makes me next in line.”
Your heart falls straight out of your chest, past your stomach, and hits the floor. You swallow hard. “What?”
“He has a seat in the Senarium. He found me, and he told me, and he basically benched me. Said I have to be safe in case something happens to him, and that—” He cuts off, screwing up his face, trying to bury himself in your chest again, but you hold him there. You wipe at the tears still staining his cheeks.
“I don’t—”
“I can’t tell you,” he says, with so much hurt in his voice. “Just look, please, and then I won’t have to have told you.”
“Bodhi,” you chide, nearly a reprimand. “I won’t.” You never use your signet. He’s the only person who knows, who knows the extent of it. The only person you trust enough not to get you killed for your inntinnsic abilities.
“Please,” he whispers, and you can feel the moment his shields drop.
Your own dragon is, thankfully, quiet in that moment. The issue is that you never use it, so you don’t have it honed very well. You look at him, and it’s all to easy to slip into his mind. Your terrified to take more than he’s offering, but—
Red. You see red. You’re not angry, but Bodhi definitely is. The fury associated with Xaden’s red-rimmed eyes is the first thing you feel, then your own shock. He’s a fucking venin.
You can’t help the gasp that escapes. “He’s—”
“Shh.” Bodhi stands. He’s shaken, unsteady, but his hands are firm on your waist as he brings his temple to rest against yours. “You cannot tell anyone. Only Garrick and Imogen know. Well, and Violet. And you, I guess.”
“And now he’s the Duke of Tyrrendor. And if he goes too far, or someone else finds out,” you breathe.
Bodhi looks at you, and it’s fucking intense. In that moment, he is the physical manifestation of every term in a psychology tome. Tense, worried, anxious, manic.
“Then I’m the Duke of Tyrrendor.”
｡･:*˚:✧｡
Above all else, you’re glad to be the one person Bodhi doesn’t have to pretend in front of. He gets into fights with his friends now. He’s bull-headed and tenacious in his unwavering loyalty. But he argues, with Xaden mostly. With Violet sometimes, with Garrick and Imogen once or twice. He’s stubborn in the way he refuses to back down, just to let Xaden be reckless because he knows there’s a successor to the throne. That Aretia and all of Tyrrendor are safe, just because there’s a back up. A spare.
Before you knew him, you’d always thought Bodhi handled leadership with grace. He was solid, unwavering in his choices. He went above and beyond to help those under his command. But the more time you spent together, the more you saw just how much it weighed on him. How worried he was he would make a wrong choice. This latest development only added to that. He would crawl in bed next to you, crashing the second his head hit the pillow. Physical exhaustion was one thing, mental exhaustion another. But emotional exhaustion? That shit was heavier than an anvil.
You did your best to support him, but most of the time it seemed futile. The way he would wrap around you, rest his head on your chest and play with your hair made it all seem worth it, though. Like maybe you were helping. Lightening his load, if only for a moment.
It wasn’t until Violet’s Quest Squad returned empty handed that all hope seemed to be lost.
He crawls in bed that night, hair still damp from the shower and a bone-deep sort of tired lining every inch of his body.
“I don’t know what to do,” he mumbles into the pillow. “I love you.”
“Bo,” you whisper, lying down beside him. “You’re doing enough, I promise.”
“He won’t let me do anything.” He cracks an eye open, the dark brown of his iris nearly black, no demarcation line to see where his blown pupil begins and ends.
You trace his bare shoulder. “Is there anything I can do? Make you feel better?”
“Marry me,” he mutters, and you’re absolutely certain you didn’t hear him right.
You sit up. He follows.
“I didn’t mean—okay. Yeah, I do.” He shakes his head, dropping his face into the palm of his hand. He’s fucking smirking. He looks back up at you. “Marry me.”
“Bodhi.”
“My mom would have fucking loved you,” he says, and your eyes go wide. “Almost as much as I do. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, however much time I have left. Forever, or something close to it.”
You can’t breathe. There’s no air left in your shared bedroom—his bedroom. The one he basically moved you into, since leadership gets their own bunks. “Is this because of—”
“No. Yes. Kind of. I really love you. Will you marry me?”
You stare at him.
“That’s usually a question that requires an answer,” Shocair chimes in helpfully.
“Butt out,” you hiss down the bond, into the deepest crevices of your mind.
“I love you. You love me. I think we know where this is heading—”
“I do,” you say, cutting him off.
He blinks. “That’s usually saved for the vows—”
“I haven’t said it yet,” you scramble to explain, like suddenly you don’t have enough time. Like this moment will slip through your fingers if you don’t get the words out fast enough. “But I do, and I should have so much sooner—”
“Is that a yes?” He’s laughing! You’re making a fool of yourself while your boyfriend proposes and he’s laughing!
“I love you,” you spit out. “Yes. Yes, I love you, and I will marry you.”
He looks elated. His smile is the brightest you’ve seen in months—at least since you left Aretia—and his hand goes to the chain he wears around his neck. The one with the gold band you’ve never asked him about.
“This was my mom’s,” he says, unclasping the chain so he can slip the band off. “She gave it to me before the execution, and I swear the first time I kissed you I knew I would be slipping it on your finger.” He takes your hand in his and does just that.
The second the metal touches your skin, you plant both hands on the side of his face and bring his lips to yours.
“Now we both get to be in line for this stupid crown,” he says in between kisses, nipping at your skin and moving down your neck.
“Don’t remind me, or I might change my answer.”
The ceremony is small. The closest temple and the closest priestess you can find the next morning. Xaden, Garrick, and all of Second Squad—which Bodhi had argued made it less than small, but you refused to do something like this without first real family you’d had.
It was jovial, and Ridoc made you promise to get drunk afterwards. You were married in your flight leathers, and all felt right in the world, for just a moment, as you took his last name, and made the second most important bond of your life.
For a moment, forever seemed like a tangible concept.
｡･:*˚:✧｡
Moments are never meant to last.
Bodhi realizes this, mid-battle, as he watches you ride away on your massive blue. He couldn’t watch you be hurt, couldn’t watch his wife succumb to the evil all around them. They were losing. Losing hard, and the battle wasn’t nearly over.
Bodhi looked to where Xaden stood, utterly still and furious. He’s staring up at where Seagyl is ensnared. The venin have fucking dragon catching nets. And he realizes—he’s next.
The venin looks to the sky, at your retreating form, and raises his hand.
Bodhi’s signet doesn’t work on venin. That doesn’t make any sense, his signet is always be balance. It’s in the name. But he’s not powerful enough to stop them, not powerful enough to save you from whatever is about to happen next.
“Don’t!” Cuir roars into his mind. “She will live, and be pissed at you if you do this.”
“I have to save you both,” he sends back to him. Cuir had an annoying habit of being able to talk him off a ledge, but this time, it might not be enough. “I have to do everything I can.”
He feels it. The thrum and churn of the power of the earth beneath his feet. He could be complete with this. It would amplify his signet, and then it would work. He would be able to fight the dark wielders, and it wouldn’t matter if he had to become the thing he hates most in order to do so. It would keep everyone here safe. Basgiath, Tyrrendor, Navarre—everyone would be safe. For the price of the soul he had just promised to you the night before. Forever.
He would keep you safe.
Bodhi placed his hand on the ground and drew, and moved you one step closer to the Tyrrish throne.
tags: no use of y/n, gn!reader, set during IF, Bodhi is feeling insecure
summary: After an offhand comment made by an Assembly member, Bodhi is struggling with feeling inadequate in Xaden’s shadow. Good thing he has you to remind him of who he is.
written for day 2 of Bodhi Week @empyreanevents
Bodhi Masterlist
The door creaked softly as you entered the bedroom you shared with your boyfriend in Riorson House, the familiar scent of the vanilla candle you loved greeting you. You deposited your weapons on top of the dresser, your bones aching from the long patrol flight. You were covered in sweat and mud, but none of that mattered the moment your eyes landed on him.
Bodhi didn’t move.
He was sitting at the vanity, elbows on the polished wood, eyes fixed on the mirror in front of him. His fingers were loosely laced together under his chin, his expression unreadable in the fading evening light. He didn’t turn when you shut the door. Didn’t even flinch when your boots hit the hardwood floor with a dull thud.
A heavy feeling settled in your chest.
You approached quietly, setting a hand on his shoulder. Still, nothing. Your other hand found the opposite shoulder and squeezed gently.
“Bodhi,” you said, your voice soft and concerned. “What’s wrong?”
A long pause.
Then, in a voice so low you almost missed it, he murmured, “They’re right.”
Your brows furrowed. “About what?”
He exhaled slowly, his shoulders rising and falling under your touch. “That I’m nothing like him.”
Your heart sank.
You stepped close enough to smell his cologne, kneeling slightly so you could see his reflection in the mirror beside yours. His eyes were tired and filled with emotions you hadn’t seen in him in a long time. Guilt. Shame. Insecurity. Bodhi was a lot of things—sarcastic, brave, loyal—but not this. Not often.
“Suri said it during an Assembly meeting,” he said, voice flat. “Xaden couldn’t make it, he had to help Violet with something, so I stepped in. I gave a full rundown of a new patrol route. It was solid. I knew it was solid.” His mouth twisted. “And after I presented it, she just smiled and said, ‘Well, you may look like Xaden, but you sure don’t think like him.’”
You blinked, a flare of anger rising in your chest. Suri. Of course it was Suri.
“Bodhi…” you began.
“I know she didn’t mean it in a cruel way,” he cut in, waving a hand. “She probably thought it was funny. Or some backhanded compliment. I’ve heard worse.”
“But it still hurt.”
He finally met your eyes through your reflections in the mirror. “Yes,” he whispered. “It hurt.”
You wrapped your arms gently around his shoulders, your chin resting on top of his head. “She wasn’t right,” you said. “She was so, so wrong.”
He huffed a dry laugh. “Was she, though? I’ve always been the mess-up. After the Apostasy, I could barely dress myself, let alone gather marked ones to start planning a revolution. Xaden was what, seventeen? Already planning how to take care of us all and taking the necessary steps for the revolution. Meanwhile, I was…” His voice cracked. “I was just trying to survive.”
“Bodhi—”
“I didn’t fight like him. I didn’t lead like him. I spent years feeling like a fucking liability. I know he never said it, but I saw it in people’s eyes. Like, ‘Oh, there’s Xaden’s cousin. Wonder what that one’s good for.’” He gave a bitter chuckle. “And I can’t even blame them.”
You stepped around the chair and knelt in front of him, hands gently gripping his. “Those people don’t know you.”
“But it’s true,” he insisted. “He’s the one who’s always been strong. Who made the right calls. Who held everyone together. Me? I freeze when I’m overwhelmed. I make jokes when I should be serious. I’m soft. And I know you say that’s not a bad thing, but it feels like it is when I’m sitting in his chair and everyone in the room is looking at me like I’m an imposter.”
You opened your mouth to argue, but he wasn’t done.
“And sometimes,” he said, voice smaller now, “sometimes I wonder if you would’ve chosen him. If he wasn’t with Violet. If you had met him first, would you have picked him instead?”
You blinked. “Excuse me?” you asked, your head rearing back like you’d been slapped.
“I know it’s a stupid thought, but I—”
“A man who spends his time brooding in dark corners and has the communication skills of a brick wall is not my type,” you deadpanned.
Bodhi blinked.
A laugh burst out of you. “You think I look at him and think, ‘Ah yes, the one who glares at anyone who so much as breathes too loudly and is about as warm as an ice bath. Dreamy.’”
Bodhi snorted, a reluctant smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“I chose you,” you said, softer now. “Not because you’re Xaden’s cousin, because you’re you.”
His smile faded slightly, eyes flickering to the mirror again. “Why?”
You took his hands and kissed his knuckles.
“Because you know I’m getting sick even before I do. Because you plate my food for me in the dining hall so I don’t have to wait in that ridiculous line when sparring runs late. Because you lay out my flight leathers the night before every patrol because you know I like to sleep in as long as possible and still be on time.”
His eyes started to glisten.
“Because when I’m having a bad day, you never ask questions—you just pull me into your arms and hold me in your cocoon of safety. Because you remember how I take my tea, how I hate the hours after it’s rained and it’s muggy, how I get nervous before debriefs even though I pretend that I don’t.”
Tears slipped silently down his cheeks.
“Because you’re the first person to notice when something’s wrong, and the last person to ever judge me for it. Because you make me laugh when I want to cry. Because you believe in people, even when they don’t believe in themselves.”
You climbed into his lap, cupping his face in your hands.
“And because when I look at you,” you whispered, “I see the man who always puts other people and his duties before himself. I see my Bodhi.”
He swallowed hard. “Your Bodhi?”
You nodded, smiling gently through your own tears. “The man I love. The one I feel like the luckiest girl alive to have.”
A broken breath escaped him as he buried his face in your neck, arms wrapping around your waist tightly. “I love you,” he murmured. “I love you so damn much.”
You held him, rubbing slow circles on his back. “I love you too.”
For a while, you just sat there with your legs draped over his lap. Eventually, his breathing steadied. The tension in his shoulders loosened.
You turned both your gazes back to the mirror.
“Others might see Xaden’s cousin,” you said quietly. “But I’ve always just seen you. The best parts of you. The ones that don’t belong to anyone else.”
He looked at your reflection, then at his own, eyes soft. “You really don’t wish I were more like him?”
“Bodhi,” you said, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “if I wanted someone who frowns professionally and has a dramatic monologue prepared for every crisis, I would’ve started dating one of the actors who work at the theatre in Chakir.”
He chuckled again, properly this time.
“Besides,” you added with a wink, “your hair’s better.”
He grinned, finally—wide and full and unmistakably Bodhi.
“You think so?” he teased, leaning back slightly.
“I know so. And your eyes are softer. Your voice is warmer. You give better cuddles. And don’t even get me started on how good you are with kids—”
“Okay, okay,” he laughed. “You’ve made your point.”
You leaned your forehead against his. “You’re not supposed to be Xaden. You’re supposed to be you. Sweet, loving, loyal, selfless, Bodhi. The man who makes me feel safe and like I’m at home.”
His eyes shimmered again, but this time, the tears weren’t from pain. They were from love.
He kissed you, slow and reverent, like he was trying to taste the truth in your words. And when he finally pulled away, he whispered, “Thank you. For seeing me.”
“Always,” you said.
You tucked your head under his chin, smiling when his fingers started to play with your hair.
You knew your reassurances wouldn’t fix the real problem, the lifetime of constantly being compared to his cousin, but you could do your part in reminding him that he has always been enough for you. That the only man you see in a crowded room is him. That while he may think he’s the sidekick in Xaden’s story, he’s the main character in yours.
Thank you to everyone who participated in Bodhi Week!! We had a grand total of 101 entries! That is AMAZING! You all really showed Bodhi the love this week. Below is a compiled list of all the works submitted this week. You can also check out the AO3 collection to view some of them there.
Day 1: Right Hand
Mo Laochan by @serahadmoni
Look Around, Look Inside by @theoppositequeens
Wherever You Stray, I’ll Follow by @/theoppositequeens
Right Where You Left Me by @ellebellewritesfic
Wherever You Go, That’s Where I’ll Follow by @laursdomain
Blood Runs Thicker Than Water by @xadensbiceps
Bodhi Durran (7) by @siobhanbooks
Collage by @/siobhanbooks
Offhanded by @oh-no-its-dragons
Poem by @b3anieperson
Heartbreak Anniversary by @slytherin-pen
In The Shadows by @fictionalrelapse
Burnout by @callsign-rogueone
Product Of War by @arcadian-litterateur
The Right Hand by @she-whatshername
Glad You’re Alive by @lightningnshadows
Right Hand by @sliebman10
Day 2: Mirror
Her Reflection by @/oh-no-its-dragons
The Person In The Mirror by @writinginatree
Don’t Let It Break You Down by @/laursdomain
Do I Look Like Him by @simplyyspring
The Archer by @/ellebellewritesfic
Just Wait And See by @/theoppositequeens
Two Reflections In One by @/theoppositequeens
Calm Before The Storm by @theseinfernalangels
Don’t Look Too Close by @/xadensbiceps
The Only Man I See by @/slytherin-pen
Mirror by @she-whatshername
You Deserve The World by @/fictionalrelapse
I Am Perfect (If By Perfect You Mean Totally Flawed) by @/arcadian-litterateur
Mirror by @/sliebman10
Day 3: Signet Counter
Signets by @/writinginatree
Counter Shenanigans by @/oh-no-its-dragons
Chasing Pavements by @/laursdomain
This Is Me Trying by @/ellebellewritesfic
Nobody Comes To Save You Now by @/theoppositequeens
Weakest Link by @/simplyyspring
A Familiar Strength by @/theseinfernalangels
Signet Counterer by @/sliebman10
Born From Loss by @dragonridersandhighlords
In Every Way by @/fictionalrelapse
Never Again by @/slytherin-pen
I Was So Ahead Of The Curve, The Curve Became A Sphere by @/arcadian-litterateur
We’ll Defy The Rules Until We Die by @/theoppositequeens
Poem by @/b3anieperson
Day 4: Perfect
Step One by @/oh-no-its-dragons
Chromatic (Interlude) by @/serahadmoni
You Look Perfect Tonight by @/laursdomain
A Letter To Bodhi by @/writinginatree
Daylight by @/ellebellewritesfic
The Best People In Life Are Free by @/theoppositequeens
Target Acquired by @/xadensbiceps
Perfect by @/sliebman10
Poem by @/b3anieperson
Perfect by @/she-whatshername
Day 5: Window
Step Two by @/oh-no-its-dragons
Window by @/sliebman10
I’m Addicted To The ‘If Only’ by @/laursdomain
I Look In People’s Windows by @/ellebellewritesfic
Does It Feel Alright To Not Know Me? by @/theoppositequeens
Point Blank by @/xadensbiceps
Loved And Lost by @/slytherin-pen
Poem by @/b3anieperson
Windows In The World by @/arcadian-litterateur
Afterglow by @/Katherine_Tripp1209
Day 6: Soft
My Lover’s Keeper by @/theseinfernalangels
Step Three by @/oh-no-its-dragons
Soft by @/sliebman10
I Want To Drive Away With You by @/laursdomain
Simple Gestures Of Love by @/writinginatree
All Of The Girls You’ve Loved Before by @/ellebellewritesfic
It’s So Quiet In The World Tonight by @/theoppositequeens
Gentle Touches by @togeppy
Taking Care Of You by @/simplyyspring
Safe Place by @violent-little-thing
One Of Those Days by @/slytherin-pen
Spill Your Guts by @/xadensbiceps
You And Me, Bubs by @/Katherine_Tripp1209
Poem by @/b3anieperson
Soft by @/she-whatshername
Day 7: Free Day
Comic by @/oh-no-its-dragons
False God by @/ellebellewritesfic
The Book Can Wait by @/writinginatree
Glad You’re Alive by @/lightningnshadows
Free Day by @/sliebman10
Today Was A Fairytale by @/ellebellewritesfic
Poem by @/b3anieperson
Forever by @fireheartpages
Perfect Love by @/laursdomain
What He Wants by @/simplyyspring
When I Could Finally Breathe by @/theoppositequeens
synopsis: Waking up with Bodhi Durran was always your favorite thing to do. Especially on the weekends, when you two had nothing to do–you can’t help wanting to stay in bed with your boyfriend all day long. You two do exactly that, soaking up the feeling of the way he softly loves you.
warnings: established relationship, tooth rotting fluff, reader is kinda an academic weapon, soft!bodhi, reader is utterly in love with bodhi, bodhi is utterly in love with reader, takes place during IF part 2
w/c: 2.2k
a/n: song ➳ paper rings by taylor swift; day 6: soft!! @empyreanevents
ྀིb.d week masterlist
・❥・
Sunlight peeked through the curtains, aiming right for you. You softly groaned, not ready to leave dreamland just yet. Though, you relent, listening to what your boyfriend calls Nature’s Alarm. You chuckle to yourself at the memory of that conversation, one that happened the first time you two had a sleepover during the end of your first year.
now i wake up in the night and watch you breathe
You notice the heavy arm draped around your waist, admiring the tawny skin against your complexion. You trace a couple fingernails along the large arm before turning to your other side, coming face to face with your boyfriend. Bodhi Durran always looked so beautiful and so soft when he slept. The permanent wrinkle between his eyebrows during the day was finally smoothed, there was a small smile gracing his lips as he slept–a stark contrast to the tight line he wore during the day, and his curls were even more messy.
Bodhi laid on his stomach, his back on full display while the sheets pooled at his waist. His relic-clad arm was stuffed under his pillow while the other protectively and comfortingly stayed on your waist throughout your sleep. His head faced you, giving you a perfect view of how beautiful he looked while he slept.
Your eyes fall onto his bare back, drinking in the toned ridges of his back muscles. His back was always your weak point–you’d spent too many sparring sessions watching his bare back as he sparred Xaden or Garrick. The sun went from only pointing into your eyes to grazing Bodhi’s skin, making him look ethereal in the light. He looked like an angel, and to you–he was your angel.
One of your fingers reaches out, lightly trailing his spine, your touch like a feather. Your finger reaches the tail of his green dragon relic, decorating his lower right back. You admired the color against his skin, it matched each other perfectly, just like how Bodhi matched Cuir perfectly. You begin caressing the relic with your fingers, too absorbed in your admiration for your boyfriend to realize he’s slowly stirring from your ministrations.
wrap your arms around me, baby boy
They weren’t bothering him, that’s for sure. Bodhi loved when you caressed his body, it was his favorite way to wake up. He may complain constantly that he should be waking up before you, but he secretly loved waking up to you admiring him. Without opening his eyes, the arm laying atop of your waist tightening, pulling you a little closer to his body.
You glance up, knowing he was awake even if his eyes were closed. You could tell by the way he was breathing–the easiest indication that he was awake.
“Good morning, love,” you whisper into the solace of the morning, your finger mindlessly caressing his skin.
“Morning, Princess,” he mumbles, his voice deep and thick from sleep. He nuzzles a little closer to his pillow, thoroughly enjoying the way your fingers feel on his back.
“How’d you sleep?” You question, wondering if he’ll open his eyes if you stare long enough.
“Good,” Bodhi comments, acknowledging his dreamless sleep. He hasn’t had any nightmares since sleeping in the same bed with you every night. He’d still have dreams–good ones–and he didn’t mind. He always had a good sleep with you by his side. “I woke up even better.”
You giggle, the sound intoxicating and soft at the same time. “I’m glad.”
“How did you sleep?” He asks this time, adjusting his arm around you. He slides his hand under your silk tank-top, lightly dragging his fingers up and down your spine, caressing the skin.
“Mm, good. I didn’t have any nightmares. But the sun woke me up too early.” You complain, pouting at your boyfriend’s closed eyes.
He chuckles, the sound raspy. “Nature’s alarm, Princess.”
You rolled your eyes, you knew he’d say that the moment you began complaining about the sun. He always said it, like clockwork, whenever you’d mention the sun woke you up. It always happened at Aretia, never at Basgiath. You secretly think he makes you sleep on this side because he knows the sun is demanding early in the morning.
darling, you're the one i want
“I have an idea,” Bodhi brings you out of your thoughts, eyes now opened. You smile at the sight of his warm, brown eyes. Your hand abandons its spot on his back, cupping his cheek as you caress his cheekbone. “Let’s stay in bed all day.”
You chuckle, “I’m sure Xaden has some orders for you.”
He rolls his eyes, “Garrick can handle it. Besides, I’m practically trapped here, in this bed, with a very beautiful girl.”
You cock a brow, “trapped? Xaden can easily drag you out of this bed, my love.”
Before you can even process it, Bodhi goes from laying on his back to his side, using the arm around you to haul you onto him. His relic-clad arm steadies you, watching you recover from the quick movement. Both hands steadily hold your waist, caressing your skin that hides under your silk shorts.
“See? Trapped,” he feigns innocence, smirking at you.
You scoff, adjusting yourself to straddle him as you prop yourself up by steadying your hands on his bare chest. You sigh dramatically, “staying in bed all day does sound tempting.”
“Then let's stay in bed all day,” Bodhi gives you his puppy eyes, knowing how easy you can cave.
when you jumped in first, i went in too
“I want to,” you mutter, moving your hand up to caress his jawline.
He groans, “there’s a but isn’t there?”
You giggle, “there is. But, I have some things to do.”
“What is so important that they are more important than laying in bed?”
You roll your eyes, “laying in bed isn’t important.”
“Let me rephrase that, Princess. What’s more important than laying in bed with me? Your wonderful, charming, perfect boyfriend.”
You raise a brow, “you hold yourself to a very high standard, Cadet Durran.”
“Answer the question.” Bodhi props himself against the headboard, bringing you with him. The position allows you two to be face to face, and even closer than before. It was also more comfortable for you, as you were no longer craning your neck to look at him.
“I told Violet I’d look through some tomes about the wards,” you begin, lightly slapping Bodhi when he rolls his eyes. “We have an essay due on Monday, and I promised Quinn and Imogen I’d spar with them before dinner.”
“First, the tomes can wait, Violet won’t be that mad. Second, the essay can be written tomorrow. Third, Imogen and Quinn won’t care if you show up or not.”
“I don’t wait until the last minute to do an essay,” you point out, leveling a look at him. He knows your right, he was the procrastinator in this relationship. You always envied the way he could do things last minute, while you needed your homework to be done two days before it’s due.
“I’ll write it for you,” Bodh offers, giving you a grin.
“Then we’ll both get in trouble, nice try.” Your hands find their way to his hair, tangling a couple of his messy curls in your fingers as you play with them.
Bodhi leans into your touch, always adoring the way you mess with his hair. “This Saturday to-do list sounds more like a Sunday to-do list.”
“Sundays are for sleeping in, not doing work. Why do you think I’m always in a good mood on Sundays?” You tilt your head at him, a small smile grazing your lips at the sight of your boyfriend.
“Baby, I can’t remember the last time you were in a bad mood. Probably RSC interrogations.”
“Whatever,” you scoff, knowing he was right. It took a lot to kill your mood, and simply doing work never manages to succeed in doing so.
kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright
You go to open your mouth to speak, but Bodhi quickly silences you. His body slightly moves forward, connecting your lips in a tender kiss. You instantly forget what you were going to say, smiling into the kiss. Bodhi’s arms wrap tightly around your waist–not hurting you–simply holding you there, not allowing you to leave his embrace. You tilt your head, taking the lead as you deepen the kiss.
You sigh in content from the kiss, feeling your boyfriend’s tongue sneak into your mouth at the open seam of your lips. You two stay like that for too short of a time, until you need air, forcing yourself to part your lips from Bodhi’s. He chases after your lips, relenting when he notices you need air. Instead, he begins littering kisses along your sternum, his kiss-swollen lips caressing the sensitive skin.
“Bodhi,” you sigh, far too content with where you were.
“Yes?” His words are muffled by your neck, the vibration sending a shiver down your back.
His teeth lightly sink down on that one part of your neck that is too sensitive, sucking the skin in his mouth, surely leaving a mark. You grip his hair in response, loving the feeling of your skin between his teeth. He releases the skin with a pop, running his tongue over the new mark to soothe it.
You forget momentarily what you were going to say, not until Bodhi pinches your skin. “Tell me what you were going to say, Princess.”
“I have a compromise for you,” you lean your head back, allowing him to litter more kisses along your throat.
“And what is it?” He questions, moving his kisses to your collarbone.
“We can lay in bed for a couple more hours,” you breathe out, gasping when his lips suck a mark at the junction of your neck and shoulder. “But then I have to go do my work.”
you're the one i want, one i want
His lips leave yours, the corner of his mouth tilting up when he hears the involuntary whine that leaves your mouth. “That’s a pretty convincing compromise.” This time, you’re the one who teases him. You place gentle kisses along his jaw, feeling the way he turns his head to get closer to your mouth. “You got yourself a deal, Princess.”
You giggle, lifting your head back up to place a chaste kiss on his swollen lips. He smiles into the kiss, rolling you two so you lay on your back. His knees cage you in, one hand on the small of your back while the other tangles itself in your hair.
You expect him to kiss you again, but instead, he lays on top of you, putting his entire body weight. You welcome the feeling of his weight, it was like a weighted blanket. You giggle, placing a kiss on his ear before resting your head against his. One arm wraps around his toned chest, scratching his back while the other tangles itself in his hair.
“You’re my favorite person on this entire Continent,” Bodhi whispers into your hair.
You giggle, “you’re mine too, even beyond the Continent.”
He places a kiss against your hair, “I love you.”
You smile, “I love you more.”
“No way,” he argues back.
“Yes way,” you can’t help but giggle at his antics, knowing you two will go back and forth until you give up.
“How about we agree we love each other equally,” he speaks in a posh accent that sounds awfully like Aaric’s, but you ignore it.
“Deal, Mr. Durran.” You respond in the same accent, earning a laugh from the boy above you.
i like shiny things, but i'd marry you with paper rings
He pulls away from your hair, looking down at you. “Can I ask you something?” His hand goes from your hair to your face, caressing the side of your face with a touch so light it feels like a feather. “It’s a crazy one.”
“Yes,” you whisper, nuzzling your face closer to the hand that caresses your face.
“Would you say yes if I asked you to marry me?”
Your eyes widened in surprise, not expecting him to ask that. The answer was a quick yes, you knew that. But you couldn’t help but wonder why he was asking.
“Before or after graduation?” You question, tilting your head at him.
“Does the answer differ?” He asks back, not answering your question.
“I would say yes, no matter what,” you confess, watching the way his chocolate eyes swirl with love.
He leans down, placing a tender kiss on your lips. You smile into the kiss, you always loved the way his lips felt on yours. It always felt as if two puzzle pieces were coming together–you two were perfect together. Like two puzzle pieces.
“Mrs. Y/N Durran has a ring to it,” his lips brush against yours as he speaks, a smile stretching onto your face at the words.
“It does,” you agree, looping your arms around his neck, pulling him back into an embrace.
You two stay like that for a couple of hours, whispering affirmations, confessions, and plans of a wedding and future being shared in the solace of Bodhi’s room at Riorson House. The compromise you proposed to Bodhi moments before was long gone, easily staying in bed with your boyfriend for the entire day–at least until hunger demanded your attention during lunchtime.
in paper rings, in picture frames, in all my dreams
You didn’t study the tomes for Violet.
You didn’t finish your essay.
You didn’t spar with Imogen and Quinn.
But, you did enjoy a much-needed day of cuddling and kissing your boyfriend. And to you, that was a win. There’s always Sunday.
Summary: Bodhi tries to comfort you after you're left feeling inadequate.
Word Count: 1.8k
A/N: Feelings of low self worth and mentions of depression, no real spoilers, Angst/Comfort
Just a little something for Bodhi Week, because we couldn't leave out our soft boy. (At least he is in my mind.)
“Did you see the way I took down Denton today? Seems like all those lessons are finally paying off.” You croon as you sit down at your usual table, directed specifically at Garrick and Xaden. They had been working on your sparring and you’d only hope they were proud of the way you handled yourself.
Though it isn’t until you pick your head up from sitting down that your brows furrow. Searching the faces around you, Garrick and Xaden are still in a discussion and haven’t even turned their heads. No single inkling on their faces that they even heard you speak or noticed your presence at all. Imogen is talking with Quinn and Bodhi looks enraptured in whatever they are discussing as well.
As you take in the scene around you, your face falls. This isn’t the first time that you’ve felt yourself passed over, but the way no one even acknowledged your presence had you shrinking in on yourself.
Knowing the look on your face well, you get up, before even sitting for a full minute. Appetite entirely forgotten, you pick up your tray and head straight for the door. Before you walk completely out, you turn and look back towards the people that you’ve grown accustomed to calling your friends, maybe even family. Eyes meeting the table, you aren’t shocked to see that not a single one of them has even looked your way.
Dumping your tray, you let your gaze fall as you begin the slog back to your room. You don’t let your head rise the entire time that you walk back. Failure making a home in your bones.
‘You need to speak up. You should never let them dictate your feelings about yourself.’ Dearmad huffs in your mind.
There’s no reason to respond, this wouldn’t be the first time your bonded would berate you for your feelings of inadequacy and unimportance, and it won’t be the last. Reinforcing your shields, you continue until you hit the end of the hallway of the first years. Shutting out your dragon the only way you feel you can move forward.
Staring at your own door, you can feel the way the tears swim, there’s nothing less you wanted to do than cry. You’d cried more than enough for one lifetime already, but the walls feel like they’re caving in. The fortress you thought you had built around yourself shattering into irreparable pieces.
Opening the door to your room, you don’t even make it to your bed when the tears come in earnest. Your breaths become shallow, and your knees crash to the ground, the weight of being inconsequential settling on your shoulders like a immoveable force. You don’t try to move, you just let yourself curl in, the emptiness in your mind crushing the small seed of hope that had begun to grow over the last few months.
If someone asked how long you cried, you wouldn’t be able to tell them. You didn’t even rise the next morning when formation came. The knocks on your door emanated, but you just laid there, staring at the beams that crossed your room. Limbs feeling heavy, you don’t move for the next two days. The force of depression holding your limbs down.
A strong rap of two knocks makes one eyebrow raise. You try to think of who it could be, but there aren’t any names that come to mind.
“Cadet L/N.” A stern voice calls from the other side of the door.
You wince knowing that there’s no way to avoid this knock. Trying to comb your hair down with your hands, you walk to the door and open it to see Professor Devera and your wingleader on the other side.
“You have not been to formation for the last two mornings, cadet.” Devera states, though there’s a softness in her eyes you’ve never seen before as she looks you up and down. “Though I can tell you haven’t been feeling yourself, have you?”
You look back at her in slight confusion, is your professor really going to let you off the hook? She turns her head and looks back towards your wingleader, the only thing you can be thankful for at the moment is that it isn’t Xaden.
“She will need to have a punishment, as she did not come to command for leave due to illness. However, I believe we can limit its severity.” She finishes before giving a nod to both you and your wingleader and walking back down the hall.
As you watch her walk away, you catch a glimpse of familiar black curls down the hall before your attention is brought back to your wingleader.
“Looks like it will be dish duty for a week, Cadet L/N.” Septon called as he walked away from your room. Though he surprised you turning around and giving you a small smile. “Next time, let your squad leader know and you can avoid it.”
With a small shake of your head, you pad back into your room and close the door softly. Letting out a large sigh of relief and dread. You don’t even get two steps in before the knock on your door comes, and there’s no doubt in your mind at who is on the other side.
Not wanting to go back to the world yet, you ignore the knocks and sink into your bed, pulling the covers over your head. The knocks sound again, sharper this time, but you just sink further into your bed and close your eyes.
The dreams hit harder than normal, your mind pulling images of taunts and those who claim to care turning their backs on you. But when you watch your dragon fly away without you, you rise clutching your chest, your heart feeling like it may flutter completely out.
Feeling the sweat drop down your brow, you rake your hands through your hair, pulling at the untamed mess. Knowing that sleep will not be finding you again any time soon, you take a deep breath and walk to the communal showers.
The halls are quiet now that it’s the middle of the night, but you still take the time to check your surroundings. It’s then you notice the note that was lying on the floor at your feet, the familiar sprawling script adorning the page.
Y/N,
I don’t know what happened, but we all need to know you’re alright. I’ll come check on you again in the morning.
Your Bodhs
You try to reign in the quiet scoff, but it’s out before you can stop it. You shake your head at the note, a wistful feeling leaving you knowing that its always Bodhi.
Tucking the note on your desk, you head to the bathing chambers hoping to chase away the feelings that have settled over you. The threat of never being good enough biting at your core. As the water begins to warm, you will yourself to drudge up at least one good memory, one instance that will bring a smile back to your face.
When it seems impossible, you shower quickly and turn the taps off, needing some fresh air, something that doesn’t feel like the oppressive weight of Basgiath. Tying your boots tightly, you wrap your cloak over your shoulders and walk towards the clearing, hoping its empty since most of the Tyrs have already been assigned their help.
As you walk through the tall grass, you let your fingers graze over the strands, the sound of them blowing in the wind bringing a soothing melody. Once you arrive at the familiar oak, you let your back slide against the rough bark and look out towards the moonlit sky and the slightly illuminated town in the distance.
“Looks like Garrick is going to owe me, just like I thought.” The familiar voice floats over the light hum of the rustling grass.
Turning your head, you watch as Bodhi’s shape continues to come into view.
“Are you stalking me Bodhi?” You voice comes out harsher than you intended, but it seems to have no effect on the man coming towards you.
“No.” Bodhi replies cooly. “But I do know you rather well, so I’ve been checking out here the last few days.”
Your brows scrunch in confusion at his words.
“You don’t have to look so disbelieving.” Bodhi continues as he finally sits down next to you, long legs sprawled out and hands resting behind. “I saw the look you gave everyone before dumping your dinner and bolting.”
Your brows now rise in surprise at Bodhi’s revelation. For months you’d been feeling like an outsider in the group, a mere spectator to the stellar show that everyone else provided in the quadrant.
“People do see you, you know. Even if you don’t feel like it.” You don’t try to hide your scoff at Bodhi’s words.
“Please, if that were the case, then someone would’ve noticed when I spoke to them days ago.” You let the hurt leach into your voice, a bitter taste coating your tongue.
Closing your eyes at your frustrations, they are startled back open when you feel a warm hand tug against your waist in a bid to move you closer. “I did notice. And you’re right, you should be proud of the match against Denton.”
Your eyes flare as Bodhi continues to haul you closer to his side, his arms wrapping around your shoulders.
“Surprised?” Looking into those chocolate brown eyes, you can’t help but admit to yourself that you were.
“Considering you didn’t breathe a word when I was leaving - yes.” The statement said with a nonchalance you didn’t really feel.
A look of regret passes his face as he squeezes you a little tighter. “I wanted Garrick and Xaden to realize what they had done. But the minute you walked through the door, I regretted not kicking them both under the table.”
There’s no stopping the slight laugh you release at Bodhi’s statement and as you relax, you let your head fall to Bodhi’s shoulder.
“Why is it always you Bodhi?” You can’t help the question as it leaks out. “Why are you always the one to breathe warmth back into me?”
A contented sigh leaves his lips as you both stare up at the stars. “I don’t know about warmth, but I do know that you should never feel insignificant. You are a treasure to this world and we would be missing too much if we lost your light.”
“Thank you Bodhs.” The words pass you lips on the smallest whisper, the feeling of warmth finally crawling its way back through your veins.
As you watch the night sky with a small smile, you let yourself snuggle a little closer to the man that always makes you feel everything, except inconsequental.
