It sounded too good to be true.
I had met him on Grindr, and he’d told me things that I refused to believe. He told me he could trade me a different body, and the life that came with it. He said all of my troubles and cares would melt away as all of my responsibilities fell by the wayside. And he told me that it would be instant, painless and maybe even pleasurable.
I didn’t believe him at first, after all why would I? Swapping bodies and lives? That sounds absurd, that sounds impossible. Yet I was intrigued. I expressed my disbelief which seemed to amuse him. He told me that no-one believes him until he actually swaps with them, that most people think he’s lying. To be honest, I thought he was lying. But he offered to trade me a body and I went along with it.
College had turned out harder than I’d expected. I’d chosen my degree, like so many others, not based on what I wanted, but on what my parents and high school teachers told me to do. I sometimes wished I could just throw it all away and go and do something else. I guess that’s what intrigued me the most, his promise of me being able to start anew, doing what I want for once.
We talked some more and he asked me lots of questions about what I wanted. He was dedicated to customer service, he said, and wanted his clients to be satisfied with their trades. He asked me about hair colours, heights, builds, ages, even tattoos at one point. He showed me a few pictures that matched most of my specifications. None of them matched all of my preferences, but he told me that this was the best he had in his inventory. The one I eventually settled on was a 20 year old guy. He lived in California and was apparently here on the east coast to visit his cousin. He’d sent me a picture so I could get a better sense of him. He was a good looking guy, a year younger than me, and was a sophomore in UCLA, an undetermined major. I didn’t really like the tattoo in his shoulder, but the rest of him I liked.
He offered to meet me at a Starbucks the next day to make the trade and I accepted. At least it would be a public place so he couldn’t kill me or anything. I didn’t really understand what the whole exercise was for, it wasn’t like he was actually going to transform me into this hot guy. But I went anyway, not too sure what to expect but using it as another excuse to procrastinate.
I walked into the Starbucks and saw him, the same picture of the guy that I thought was hot. He waved me over, as I’d sent him a face pic so he knew what I looked like.
“It’s...it’s actually you!”
He laughed, “In the flesh. But not necessarily the mind.”
I sat down.
“Is he to your satisfaction?” he said. He’d worn a tank top and shorts so I could see the muscles in his arms and legs.
“I guess so.”
“You guess? If you don’t like him I’m sure there’s another...”
“No, no, he’s fine.”
“Okay. I should warn you that he has to catch a flight this evening back to California, so you’re gonna have to do that for him.”
“Wait, I’m going to California?”
“Yes. And I’ll continue your life until someone wants to trade for your body.”
“My body? What? How? That can’t be...what is it that you do exactly?”
“I trade lives. Well, technically I trade bodies, but it translates to trading lives. People grow bored of their lives and either I find them or they find me. So I switch people’s bodies into one that they prefer.”
“But, you’re only one person, right? You can’t inhabit multiple people, right?”
“True. Take this one for instance. He was tired of California and wanted to be a musician in New York. So I swapped him with someone in New York who had told me that he was tired of being a musician and instead wanted to be an actor. So I swapped him with an actor who wanted to be a basketball player. As as for the basketball player, well, you can see that this thing becomes very complex very quickly. It’s all a long string of swaps. I have a few spreadsheets to keep track of it all. Usually, people have to wait a few months for me to get their preferred swap. You just happened to like the one I’ve got now.”
“This is quite an elaborate joke, I’ve got to hand it to you. Who put you up to it?”
“Oh, it’s not a joke. It’s real. Now, before we swap, there are some things you need to know. Firstly, don’t worry about trying to keep perfectly in character, just be yourself. Your new friends and family won’t notice anything’s changed, though I recommend not doing anything too drastic too soon. Just enjoy your new life for a few moths before you start making any long lasting changes. People tend to be happier that way.
Secondly, no peanuts. I know it might seem strange, but you can’t eat them. You’re gonna become very allergic to them, in fact, you ought to carry an epipen with you. Your throat will close up and you might die.
And thirdly, this swap is irreversible. This means you can’t swap back, but you also can’t swap into a new body. Only one swap per person per lifetime. Otherwise, strange things start to happen.”
“But you’ve swapped hundreds of times and you’re fine.”
He frowned at me. “I’m not allowed to tell you why I’m able to do that. But you can’t. Disobey, and you might just regret the day you were born. But let’s not think about that. Let’s think about your new life, the life and body you so desire.”
He brought out a form and placed it on the table. I read it and it didn’t seem bad, just asking that I shouldn’t try and find him again after the swap. There were also perks too, like improved muscle retention, meaning I wouldn’t have to work out that hard to maintain his physique. His skills were also listed, which weren’t particularly impressive but he did know how to surf and longboard, something that would be fun to try out. He was also straight, which I was bit hesitant about, as it meant I couldn’t even use his body to get hot guys.
“He’s straight?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, “he’s straight. But when you’re in this body, it’ll all feel completely natural. Trust me. You’ll get used to it in a few days. As I’m sure you’ve read, you’ll see that all his memories will be accessible by you, so everything in his life will feel familiar to you. So, if you could sign on the dotted line please.”
I hesitated, surely with an offer like this there had to be some sort of catch? But I desperately wanted to sign, to leave my life behind and start anew on the other side of the country. He assured me that my friends and family wouldn’t even notice I’d changed, so I could rest easy that they would be fine. I’d most likely never see them again and I could never again relate to them in the same way, but I’d have new friends and family for that. So I signed it. Perhaps foolishly, but I signed it.
“I hope you enjoy you new body,” he said and stretched out his had to shake mine. I shook it and realised that I was staring back at my own face. I looked down and sure enough, I was in this new body. It felt great, much fitter than my previous body.
“Remember,” my body said to me, “you have a flight to catch this evening. Don’t be late.” He stood up. “Nice doing business with you.” I watched as my body got up and walked out of the Starbucks.
I sat there, still trying to process what happened. I could feel his memories in my mind, as if they were just a book I had to open. I got up and walked out of the Starbucks and started making my way back to his cousin’s, or I guess my cousin’s house to pack. I knew exactly where it was without having to think too hard about it, and I remembered that I’d take his car to come to the mall. As I stood in the elevator up to the parking lot, I admired myself in the mirror. The tattoo was much better in person, as was the rest of him. I gave myself a little flex and pulled up my tank top to look at my abs. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad decision after all. In fact, I think it might be the best decision I’d ever made.
