BOOMMMPPPP one of your novice reader anons here and I'm gnawing on your reading omg. I have to say, the idea of the Tower manifesting as an undeniable moment of success? Is so fitting idek what to say. And this? "They think too highly of one another, and far too dismissively of everyone else." I literally said "Yes" out loud. I haven't gotten to read anything of my own yet but I wonder if there is a pattern to this repetition resetting to the top of the cycle whenever H goes home? Like, it reinforces the idea that hiding, retreat, maintaining his old life IS comfortable when he can talk himself out of that the longer he is away? Anyway thank you for the reading and I am looking forward to watching and observing what happens this weekend. Success as the Tower . . . Man . . .
THATāS WHAT I FORGOT TO ADD LOL ('''' ā¢į· į“ ā¢į· ) I mentioned it briefly in the Eros and Thanatos reading, but sometimes when I say āthe horse,ā Iām not only referring to her specifically, but to what she represents: the old life, the pre-fame identity, the audience of people who knew him ābefore.ā The part of his life where the rules already existed and his role inside them was already understood
Identity is relational. People reinforce who they expect you to be. Going home means re-entering an environment where the old emotional architecture is still intact, where everyone unconsciously participates in entrenching the older version of him. So naturally, he internalizes it again: the obligations, the debts, the responsibilities, the old guilt structures, the belief that stability and endurance matter more than personal fulfillment.
So yes, I absolutely think thereās a pattern to the cycle resetting whenever he goes home, because the performance resets too. Suddenly he is no longer new Hudsonāhe becomes the old version of himself reflected back through everyone elseās expectations. Oh, thereās my long-time friend Hudson! The same Hudson Iāve always known! The same Hudson who should still relate to success in the same humble, grounded way as before!
Iām still me, so youāre still youāright?
Which is why āmaintaining the old lifeā feels so comforting in the short term. It allows him to temporarily talk himself out of transformation. The farther away he is from home, the harder it becomes to fully sustain the illusion that nothing has changed. Fame is invasive. It constantly reminds him of the expectations, scrutiny, and pressures attached to it. Honestly, I think that freakout earlier this month came after the isolation of filming because he still had not fully processed the scale of his own visibility.
He isn't an influencer! His level of success demands adjustment, adaptation, little acts of self-editing just to survive inside that level of visibility comfortably. It is not a temporary phase. It is an entirely new performance to learn. But that's dauntingāespecially for someone sensitive, someone who deeply craves understanding and stability, someone whose neurodiversity likely makes abrupt shifts in identity, routine, and social expectation even more emotionally overwhelming to navigate
Familiar pain, even when limiting, often feels safer than the uncertainty that comes with becoming someone new.
But the Tower keeps appearing because the cycle no longer resets perfectly. Something has changed in him, and keeps shifting every time. And once a person becomes conscious of that internally, maintaining the old structure starts requiring more and more effort
Which brings me back to egoānot ego in the shallow sense, again, but the deeper structure through which people organize identity, morality, and self-worthābecause thatās another thread I kept circling throughout the reading and never fully finished:
Just from the insight tarot has given me, Hās ego is attached to responsibility, humility, endurance, and the moral framework of ādoing the right thing for the people who stayed with me when I was nothing.ā His sense of self is deeply tied to masculinityābeing dependable, grounded, morally serious, stable, and present for others as repayment for everything he feels he has been given.
But Cās ego functions very differently.
Cās patienceāespecially with Hāalmost feels sustained by certainty: this underlying belief that authenticity eventually wins in the end. I mentioned it in that April 2nd reading where I pulled so many cards tied to authenticity, selfhood, and ego for him: the Emperor, the Queens, all those cards about fully inhabiting oneās identity instead of fragmenting oneself around expectation. I cannot remember what triggered it exactly, but there was a tiny ābruised egoā moment recently that honestly made me laugh because it fit the pattern so perfectly.
Because C will stay quiet. He will tolerate discontentment because fundamentally, he believes he will eventually get what he wants. Part of that confidence comes from this almost unnerving trust in his own intuition: the belief that his observations are usually proven correct over time if he remains patient long enough.
That creates an interesting contradiction in him: there is genuine care there, but also a subtle sense of certainty that can drift into judgment. Check out my interpretation of his spread pattern here. It doesnāt come from a sense of superiority or manipulation, but from the conviction that reality will eventually have to align with the emotional truth he already perceives as obviousāin this case, that the performance cannot sustain itself forever. He believes authenticity eventually forces its way to the surface, no matter how long people try to delay it.
Even in the VF Oscar āhard launchā reading for K and H, Cās cards kept circling around ideas of whatās right, whatās appropriate, and what relationships are āsupposedā to look like. His frustration isnāt directed at Hudson or the horse itself; it comes from recognizing that, emotionally, things are no longer aligning with the narrative everyone is still trying to preserve externally. Very Air dominant of him: this is not how this was supposed to be.
I think thatās why he is the Sun for so many readers. Not simply because he represents warmth or happiness, but because the Sun illuminates. It exposes what people are trying not to look at. It makes things visible whether people are prepared for that visibility or not. C represents the reality that the transformation is real, irreversible, and necessary: embrace it, or eventually be burned alive trying to outrun it
Which is precisely why he disrupts the comfort of the old life so profoundly for H!! Because C represents the unresolved future for himāthe bright, horribly scary and beautiful expansive future that keeps pulling at H whether he wants it to or not
You think someone as intentional, ambitious, and emotionally discerning as C would casually share milestones like SNL with just anyone? Spend his Met Gala debut hoarding just anyone to himself?
Thatās part of what makes the dynamic feel so destabilizing!! C does not relate to Hudson primarily through the lens of who he used to be, but through who he is actively becoming. Through potential. Through transformation already in progress.
So while C cannot fully enter the "structure" while Hudson remains psychologically anchored inside the old one, H also cannot completely return to that old structure unchanged anymore eitherābecause C now exists as living proof that another version of himself has already emerged elsewhere
Thatās the difference with C compared to the horse(s). He does not represent responsibility in the same suffocating way. C is independence. Comfortable in himself even when alone and willing to stay alone rather than be misunderstood. Someone with a million different interests he pursued long before fame validated them, because they mattered to him intrinsically rather than performatively. Even the way he handles visibility feels different: controlled, intelligent, self-possessed. He moves like someone fundamentally certain of who he is and what he wants from life
And most importantly: C sees through H.
Not just the performed version. Not just the socially reinforced version. The actual contradictions underneath it. The exhaustion. The compartmentalization. The places where responsibility has started replacing fulfillment. The places where endurance has become confused with emotional truth.
Have you ever had someone ask you, āHey, why do you do that?ā
And suddenly, something you had been doing automaticallyācomfortably, unconsciouslyābecomes visible to you for the first time.
You become aware of it. You start interrogating it. Why do I do that? What purpose is it serving? Why? Why, why, why?
And once that awareness exists, you can never fully return to the old, unconscious version of the behavior again. Even if you keep doing it, the self-consciousness remains. You do it, and you remember the time someone pointed it outāeven if it wasnāt malicious, just curiosity. The question lingers in the background every single time: Yeahā¦ why am I doing that?
Thatās what C feels like in relation to H
Not necessarily because he forces change directly, but because he creates awareness. He notices contradictions. He invites questions simply by existing differently. He illuminates. And once someone feels deeply seen in that way, it becomes much harder to continue performing old patterns without eventually recognizing the performance for what it is: an act.