Bond meets the new 007
(Because yes. Yes, something fresh and new in this fucking franchise and I hope that Lashana gets to stay as 007 once the movie is over because this is the only casting I will accept. I mean, I have hated every single name that's been thrown around in the past few years; I was literally dreading the casting and if Lashana is it, I'm gonna be e-fucking-lated ok??? I was writing the penultimate issue of my omega!Bond series but this takes precedence)
Bond, like the asshat that he is, immediately perks up and decides that he needs to test the new 007 because he can't stand the idea of being pushed aside
He's a cantankerous kid
M is so done with him and sits behind Q's station with a lapful of popcorn so he can watch the new 007 kick Bond's stupid old ass
As soon as he sees that the new 007 is a woman he tries the seduction(TM) to prove that she's easily distracted (the hypocrite) and he's 100% shocked when she flirts with Madeline. And Moneypenny. And literally every single woman she walks past
(He's a little awestruck but he won't admit it to anyone but Felix who's just... not in the mood to be dragged into another insane adventure with Bond: he still remembers how the last time went. Thank u, next)
So, he fails to distract her
And decides he will go back to London to show everyone that without him, the agency can't stand - yes, he will graciously come and save your ass since the new 007 apparently isn't capable
Obviously, the first person he harasses in there is Q but he's not having it because 1) the bastard stole another fucking car 2) he left champagne behind - champagne is supposed to be shared, what the hell 3) his pining has turned into bitterness 4) moneypenny has reminded him daily of how much of an asshole Bond is to make sure he wouldn't fall at the man's feet as soon as he came back
"Have you missed your favourite agent?" *wink wink*
"Yes" *turns towards the new 007 and beams at her when she gives him all of her equipment, stored appropriately in the case*
Bond dies a little inside
(He dies a lot more inside when he discovers that he's been called back just because the terrorist du jour is his brother - what the fuck: what's with prisoners escaping from mi6???)
Now not only he has to prove to M that he's a man of poor choices but he also needs to win Q back because excuse you miss 007, that's his emotional support Quartermaster and he's not into sharing
Reluctantly Bond plays nice
And along the way he starts admiring the new 007 because she's a b a d a s s - she reminds him of himself at her age, minus the manpain(TM) and the pigheadedness
I mean, not only she's hot but she's also deadly, fast, drives like she belongs into a f1 championship and her quips are almost as bad and cheesy as his and he's got to admire that: he made an entire career on sheer luck and stupid one liners
Q starts to soften a little when he sees that Bond treats 007 with the respect and professionalism she deserves (he can't wait to forgive the bastard ok??? It feels wrong to be forever pissed with him and he wants to go back to crushing hopelessly on the man)
Bond immediately laps that up because yeah, she's good and he actually likes her but Q is still his ok? Ok. Glad that we've cleared that up
You know what? Maybe she has some advice to win him back
"Bring back your fucking equipment, stop stealing cars and running after every skirt you see - his standards are that low"
(Of course he's not pleased at any of that and not because he can't do it but because stopping those behaviours feels like having to give up his 007 persona for good and he's been an agent for the better part of his adult life, he doesn't know how to be civilian)
She understands because she can't imagine being a civilian either but he's got the opportunity and he has to take it - for himself; for the colleagues who couldn't; for her too because she likes the idea that if she doesn't die, there is the proof somewhere in the world of another agent who managed to enjoy their well-earned retirement
And you know what? For once, he fucking gets it: he's been waiting his whole career to die and he didn't and he doesn't know what to do with that - with the life that desperately clung to him and he doesn't want to be the next Silva just because he doesn't know for sure that he can let go and be happy because nobody else before him got to retirement age
So they work well together and they bond and when Bloefeld is obliterated for good, he's proud to call her 007 in front of the whole mi6
And she's proud to call him her personal quartermaster because he's fucking good and it makes no sense for him to waste his knowledge
Also, she's THE wingwoman(TM) and gives Bond the opportunity to romance Q day after day until his stupid ass is forgiven
The end
