I like everything you've said about Mary and how she needs to go and not knowing them beyond sharing DNA so she can't feel close to them yet. And I think thats why it bothered me so much that she said I love you. It didn't ring true. She loves the boys she left, not the present Sam and Dean whom she barely knows. That's why I'm frustrated. You can't both feel like you don't know these men and love them at the same time. There's s disconnect.
Hi! And thanks! Yeah, the âI love youâ was so difficult.
First of all, itâs a phrase weâve heard so rarely on this show that we can count the number of times any of the main characters have actually said those words on one hand. Deanâs said it a grand total of one time, to Mary, in a memory he was reliving in heaven from when he was four years old. The âtell mom I love herâ from 2.20 came close, but still didnât nail the phrase properly. It still only brings his âI love youâ total up to about 1 Âœ.
Mary intellectually understands that these two men are her boys, but she canât make this shocking new reality fit with her memory of them. It feels like mere days to her have passed since they were an infant and a young boy. There DEFINITELY is a disconnect.
But I donât think it was a contradiction for her to tell them she loved them. Sheâs trying to fill in a 33 year gap between when she tucked them in to bed and truly felt and expressed her love for her small children, and this new reality where she knows that they are the same people she loved before, but everything else about them is a huge blank spot. Of course she wouldnât stop loving her children, and sheâs trying to remind them and reassure them of that fact. I think itâs supposed to feel jarring, because everything about this situation is jarring.
But as a mother, I get it. You donât stop loving your kids just because theyâre not what you expected. @dorkilysoulless pointed out that thereâs a queer reading of that scene, and I agree:
And now sheâs telling him that sheâs in mourning, and that being around him just makes it worse, and she doesnât see him because she wants her little boy, and of course he steps away. Â
There is nothing in the world that hurts like the person who is supposed to love you no matter what rejecting you for who you are instead of who they think you should be. Â To have that pain in this context? Â Itâs almost unimaginable. Â
While Iâm not going to commit to this being queer subtext just yet, I am going to say that the real-world equivalent to this experience is primarily a queer one. Â
But Mary, with the reminder that she does love them, and that she needs to leave for âa little while,â is essentially telling them itâs not about them, itâs about her. She canât begin to make sense of anything unless she can give herself a little breathing room.
I think itâs also important to remember that Mary has no idea just how badly sheâs hurt them just by walking out the door, and especially Dean. She doesnât understand that he has the worldâs largest collection of abandonment issues, because how could she? Sheâs got 33 missing years and while her love for her kids jumped that gap with her, her knowledge of the people her sons have become is a vast blank spot for her.
