#bongrip ideas

[jedibongrip]

au where obiwan is anakin's guardian angel and he's been putting in overtime since day one because this idiot keeps trying these insane stunts and nearly gets himself killed once a week until finally obiwan goes "THATS IT!" and manifests himself as a human to talk some sense into anakin directly

it absolutely does not work because anakin just looks at the very pretty stranger who's telling him off about trying to mountain bike down a canyon wall and his brain short circuits and all he manages to take away from the conversation is "hey every time I do something crazy this man says he'll show up to stop me"

obiwan's job gets infinitely harder until he realizes that anakin is now just trying to impress him. and it seems that the only way to dissuade him of that idea is to take him on a date. And then another date. And then another. And suddenly they're living together and obiwan is able to preemptively convince Anakin that no, arson isn't a very good idea but if he wants an adrenaline rush, obiwan found a coupon for bungee jumping and they could make a day out of it.

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[jedibongrip]

modern au where Anakin loses his license after getting slapped with a reckless driving charge and has to take driving lessons and redo his driving test again and obi-wan is his driving instructor

[jedibongrip]

au where obi-wan and anakin both have dogs (or perhaps obi-wan has a cat that he walks outdoors) and instead of it being a 'aww our pets love each other <3' its a 'our pets cant fucking stand each other. if they see a single hair of each other they will become the most violent creatures ever seen. i dont understand it theyre usually so loving and social and well behaved??' situation

so instead of exchanging phone numbers to meet up for pet play dates its a frantic exchange so that theyre literally never outside with their pets at the same time

(Hey im about to take artoo out for a walk, ur not out right? it's literally 2 am why would i be out? what kind of strange and tired life are you leading? you could just say no instead of berating :/)

they end up chatting a lot in between these exchanges and eventually they decide to meet up without their pets (both of them have to suffer when they return home and their pets are like 'welcome home cheater') and eventually start dating and have to figure out how to make their pets not kill each other when they move in together

[jedibongrip]

au where the jedi council gets word that palpatine has a child bride hidden away on naboo so they're asked to arrest him and go in and rescue the child. they don't know much, so they don't really know what to expect they approach the lovely villa that was bought under a fake name, paid for with an off-planet account.

they certainly don't expect to find a surly sixteen-year-old who is VERY pissed off when he finds weird people in his home, who gets even more pissed off when he finds out that they arrested his husband.

(after a few hours of anakin screaming at them, and obi-wan, shaak ti, and mace all trying to calm him down, they find out his name, that palpatine bought him when he was 9, married him on tatooine, where even there he was too young for it to be legal. palpatine has been keeping him in many lovely homes on many lovely planets. anakin insists that palpatine should be released, that he loves his husband, that palpatine has never hurt him, at least not on purpose.)

anakin technically doesn't have legal citizenship for any planet or system except tatooine, since his marriage was never legal, so palpatine's citizenship and diplomatic privileges don't extend to him. anakin tells the jedi that palpatine told him that all his remaining family died after he took anakin off planet. he's never had a job or friends (but he insists his husband is his friend) or any life outside of slavery or marriage. in the end, the jedi bring anakin with the coruscant, and ask obi-wan, who anakin seems to like the most (which isn't saying much, he hasn't stopped glaring at any of them since they found him) to keep an eye on him.

(if this is an a/b/o au then maybe >:] anakin also has a kid with palps. he spends the whole trip back cuddling his baby and snarling at anyone who tries to touch them. it's only after his kid throws up (space motion sickness) that he even THINKS about letting obi-wan touch them, if only to help anakin clean up. this also means that as much as anakin refuses to testify against sheev, everyone knows that he's going to prison. anakin is 16, still underaged, and he has an almost two year old kid. they know the dna will match sheev. as much as anakin fights them when they try to take a sample from his baby, by the time the results come back, he's so numb with fear and despair that he hardly reacts)

anakin ends up staying on coruscant while the trial plays out. obi-wan spends the most time with him, trying to get him set up in an apartment, trying to get him set up with school and friends and helping him figure out citizenship. he's surprised when he finds out anakin can use the force and he often brings anakin back to the temple, sparring with him and letting him use the training sabres that they use for younglings. (and anakin looks so young when he's laughing and having a good time, in the moments between when he remembers how angry and alone and betrayed he feels). obi-wan makes the mistake of letting anakin drive once, before he makes him sign up for a driving test.

in the end, palps is found guilty (as everyone expected, not even the best lawyers in the galaxy could fight the fact that anakin was bought and married younger than any system deems legal) and all the friendship and trust that anakin built with the jedi is shattered again. obi-wan does his best to keep in touch, sending little trinkets and letters and dropping by. but with palpatine in jail, the jedi have other matters to attend to.

basically obi-wan spends a few years just occasionally sending letters and gifts to anakin, hoping that he's alright, and then one day he runs into anakin again, all grown up, and somewhat well adjusted. he's still angry about how everything turned out, but he's not angry at obi-wan, not anymore. and he'd actually really like to be friends with him again, maybe, if obi-wan wants to as well.

(and then they fuck and it cathartic for both of them and they fall in love and obi-wan tries really really really hard not to think that he's having sex with the same person sheev did lmao)

[jedibongrip]

next up on my quest of giving obi-wan and anakin the weirdest professions/meet cutes is: obi-wan as a professional declutterer/organizer and anakin as a man with teenage children and slight hoarding habits.

obi-wan, of course, fell into this profession because he often feels like everything is so out of his control that he needs to have perfect control in SOME area, and that just happens to be his home. he has a variety of organization systems, is able to clean just about any living space, and more than anything, he likes being able to exert control and order over a space. he likes being able to give other people that same control too.

anakin, on the other hand, also yearns for complete control but gets that from just... keeping everything. he grew up poor and that taught him to cling to anything he has. no, he can't throw out that rusty box cutter because what if he needs it later on? no, he won't get rid of that terrible drawing leia drew when she was 4, even though the paper is disintegrating and all the sparkles fell off, she draw that for him so its his and no one can make him get rid of it. he keeps canned food that he hates past the expiry date. everything he's ever built is somewhere in his garage. he has a box of the twins baby teeth somewhere in the attic. after a lifetime of accumulating things and after 16 years of raising kids, his house is a constant mess and no one except anakin can see any order in it.

so the twins put their heads together and convince padme that what dad needs is a professional to go in and help him get rid of things. it's not a difficult notion to sell (padme, when they were married, of course tried to bring some order to their shared house, but each attempt ended in failure and frustration for both of them)

so in comes obi-wan, thinking that this job will be basic, by the book, it'll take a week, tops. of course, with anakin, that isn't the case. it takes days just to 'organize' the living room (rearranging items into piles, cubbies, and boxes that make them easier to find. very little gets thrown away).

in the end, the house is still packed to the gills with stuff. people are able to walk through the garage without risking tetanus now, at least. there's no longer any expired food in the kitchen. obi-wan was able to consolidate all the twins oldest (worst) art pieces into a single extra large moving box, carefully labelled so that it doesn't get thrown out, which resides in the attic. and if anything gets too messy, too difficult to live with, well. it's good thing one of the things anakin refused to part with is obi-wan.

[jedibongrip]

this au was so fucking good but unfortunately I was stupid and never finished typing it out and I can't rmbr how I wanted it to end >:(

[jedibongrip]

okay u guys talked me into it. 🥴 anakin pussy thoughts below 🥴

so anakin obviously has a pretty little pussy and he has almost no patience. basically as soon as he feels arousal, he starts fidgeting and squirming and rocking against anything he's sitting on. and he's done this since forever and no one ever seems to notice (or they dont notice its any different from his usual fidgeting) so he kinda just. starts doing it whenever he wants

so whenever he's in his living quarters with his master, if he starts feeling a little hot and bothered he just kinda. starts 'subtly' grinding against the couch cushion, or his own heel if he's sitting cross legged, or sometimes under a blanket he's just fully start touching himself. and obi-wan never says anything !! all through anakin's teenage years, he does this, feeling so sly and with an embarrassing rush of pleasure every time he gets close to coming (or sometimes actually coming) while his master is in the kitchen or is mediating in his room with the door open.

he spends sooo long walking around the temple or various ships with a damp spot in his underwear, either because he's about to get off or because he JUST got off in a fairly public area. when he's old enough to know about sex shops, he's walking around with little vibrators pressed against him, ready to turn on whenever he programs them.

and again, anakin feels sooo sly and proud of himself for doing all this without his master noticing. and it turns him on so much, getting off, when obi-wan is in the room next to him, or the bunk below him, or reading on the couch across from him.

and it isn't until anakin is knighted, but not yet moved out of their shared quarters, when he tries to rub one out and obi-wan finally snaps. because he's known this whole time! anakin is as subtle as a speeder crash! at first obi-wan was in denial - surely his sweet little padawan wasn't doing that in the same room as him! - then it was awkwardness - how on earth does he bring it up? - then it was. self-control barely hanging on by a thread. if he strained sometimes he could hear the slick little sounds as anakin touched himself. sometimes he could see the flush rise on his face and the his eyes glazed over.

when he tells anakin this, of course he's mortified. he's also so ready to come. and he realizes this is what he wanted all along; to get caught, to have his master notice and humiliate him for being so needy and impatient, to bend him over and solve the problem for him.

and from then on, anakin doesn't need to grind or squirm against anything to get off. but he does have to learn how to clench to keep come inside him as he walks around the temple <3

[jedibongrip]

philosophy professor obi-wan who often has classes on the philosphy of violence and pacifism who, like, through a dating app or after going on a blind date, meets anakin. and anakin is WAY younger than him but really likes obi-wan and, against all odds, obi-wan likes him too. and anakin really only wants attention and cuddles and kisses so he doesnt mind that obi-wan doesnt really have any money or gifts to offer him (since most ppl assume a man like anakin would only be interested in obi-wan if it was a sugar daddy situation). in fact, anakin seems to have WAY MORE MONEY than obi-wan, often buying him gifts and suggesting they do expensive couples events. and eventually, obi-wan asks, "hey, anakin. where tf does all your money come from? you're a grad student and ive never heard you talk about a job. what gives?"

and anakin is just like oh 😌 it's just my allowance 😌 my dad pays my rent and sends me money every month 😌

and after some poking and prodding obi-wan finds out anakin's dad is the ceo of the country's largest missile manufacturer and promptly has to take three days off work to grapple with the philosophic and moral implications of dating anakin (anakin screams and bangs on the door of the room that obi-wan locked himself, like he's a feral cat, the entire time)