a love letter to sarah dessen and her books...
the first book i ever read by sarah dessen was just listen. i was fourteen, and my eighth grade homeroom and english teacher had a small classroom library she would let us borrow books from. it was the one thing i loved about that teacher, who we all thought was lowkey batty. i didn't like her apparent fixation with talking about the holocaust, or her weird spiritual experiences, or the fact that she never gave any of my essays a grade higher than an 88 because i "used to many run on sentences". but i fricking loved being able to choose a book from her library to take home and read during the weekend. it's from that library that a few of my literary loves first began. i borrowed the first five harry potter books from there, and the remaining two from a boy in my class who was my friend even though i was mean to him from grades 4-8. i also read shakespeare's a midsummer night's dream, before we got to romeo and juliet, as well as jane austen's pride and prejudice. having access to that wide variety of books made my transition into eighth grade not suck. but reading a sarah dessen novel for the first time started a love affair with her books that almost twelve years later is still going strong.
i've always been a voracious reader, if i can read it, and it seems interesting, i'll probably read it. reading YA books was a huge formative part of my teen years, but no author made me feel as seen or as valid as sarah dessen did. most of her books take place during the summer, when everything seems full of promise, or like the end of something. the girls in her books remind me of me, or my friends, or of who we want(ed) to be. they're funny, witty, flawed, fierce friends, vulnerable, scared... real. they felt like new friends i could hang with for like three hundred pages.
when i first read just listen, my heart broke for annabel and the trauma she had endured. but i also deeply enjoyed how her relationship with owen and herself blossomed. as with beloved books, i often remember random sentences from it, such as "everything sounds better in a car wash", which, it does. i also think about the kinds of music owen played on his radio show and how i too enjoy a weird tune composed of cell phone beeps and other experimental weirdness. it was great to read a story with characters who loved public radio, like me and my mom... it was just really fun to go visit lakeview and meet new friends.
obviously, i needed more stories. i don't remember if my next sarah dessen book came from my teacher's library of from the teen section at borders (rip), but it was this lullaby. i absolutely loved reading about how remy and dexter kept running into each other and how they eventually fell in love. it was also then that i discovered one of my favorite elements in the worlds that sarah dessen creates in her books, the appearances of characters from other books. after reading this lullaby, i realized that i had met remy and dexter before. they show up in a super short scene in just listen. after realizing that, i would always mark the pages where the easter eggs from other books show up and tried to keep a list of them. i eventually lost the piece of paper where i had the list.
i started reading these books when i was fourteen, maybe thirteen, depending on the month i grabbed the book from the shelf. since then, i've made it a point to buy and read all her books. from about along for the ride, onwards, i bought all the new books as soon as i could. this became a bit harder after borders closed down and there wasn't a bookstore that carried YA books on the island. i basically begged my dad to buy them for me on amazon. i have them all. i have read most of them more than once. i'm now twenty-five, just finished my masters degree, and have been living far from home for two years. the summer before i moved to boston for grad school was the summer once and for all came out. it felt so perfect that an author who was so important to my formative years published a book right before i moved to a strange city. it felt like a gift for me. now, two years later, i just finished my degree and am in the process of finding a "grown up" job, and the latest book by sarah dessen came out a few weeks ago. i was back home when it came out, and sadly the bookstore that carries YA back on the island did not have the rest of the story, so i had to wait until i got back to boston to buy it. i went to one of my favorite bookstores, brookline booksmith, with the guy i'm dating tagging along, and got the book. i was so excited to finally be able to read a new sarah dessen novel. when he asked me why i was so excited, i basically word vomited some version of this post at him, and concluded by saying "her books feel like summer to me, there's a whole world of possibilities in them".
i've loved sarah's books for so long, and i've loved her tweets and instagram posts for slightly less time, but still a lot. her love of good morning america and its hosts, of UNC basketball, as well as her dogs and her family make my timelines more enjoyable places. i also appreciate how honest she is about how hard writing is for her, how she does not take for granted the fact that she's a successful author. she is always excited for fellow authors when they get awards or publish new books, she is very kind to people who ask for advice on how to be a writer. in general, her social media presence is just as delightful as her books.
i've been wanting to put all this into words for a long time, and didn't have the words or the time for it until i guess today. i finished the rest of the story yesterday, and was very emotional afterwards. it made me want to visit colby or lakeview, to see my friends from previous books. i mentioned that feeling to my mom and she offered to mail me some of the books soon. i can't wait.
thank you so much for your stories and your kindness, sarah. i know it's been a long and hard journey for you, but i'm so grateful your words and stories were a part of mine. they have made me feel at home during times of big changes and have calmed me down in times of great anxiety.
