Unused Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever Chapter 17
Noon of the restless Mario Characters (Chapter 17)
Created: like a month ago -5/16/17
Disclaimer: Why do I bother? I don't own Mario and co.
Author note: Long chapter, go!
Real note: Last edited May 18, 2017. Not technically unused since this was the original draft of this chapter. Still, the current one was edited down making this version ‘lost’.
Mario strolled into the bustling Toad Town. This was going to be a beautiful day, he thought. The weather was warm and the sky blue, the only thing ruining it was the frequent smell of exhaust fumes. The town really had urbanized in recent years with more and more people owning their very own kart to drive around. Mario could even spot a Mercedes-Benz or two pass by. Foot traffic wise, Toad folk and other local Mushroom Kingdom species went about their daily business, going up and down the sidewalks in waves not entirely different from what Mario would see back in Brooklyn. The Usonian resemblance didn't stop there; recent structures and vehicles were designed to be sleek and modern and only a few buildings still shaped like the mushroom structures of old.
After a moment, Mario approached town square to meet a bigger crowd. Men and women in business suits, parents with children, and teenagers on cellphones among them, no one seemed to care that Peach had put the Kingdom in a state of emergency not long ago. In the past, such an announcement would shut up the citizens in their homes until the moment Mario and his brother saved the day. Now it was like any other day. Just another Bowser attack. Mario wasn't entirely surprised, because Peach wasn't actually kidnapped in this "emergency", and she also omitted the fact that Mushroom Flu was apparently being spread by secret agents, for the sake of avoiding panic. For all the kingdom's citizens knew, the emergency involving Bowser could have been him invading a land on the other side of the globe. Still, the change of social climate from what he used to remember made Mario feel older than he was.
After waiting forever to finally be able to safely cross the street, because he refused to jay walk like everyone else, Mario made his way to the post office. Despite recent developments surrounding the humble wooden structure, it hadn't changed a bit on the outside. As he entered, he was greeted by the aged but active Postmaster, a Paratroopa with a busy grey mustache and thick glasses.
"Long time no see. You have no letters, guess no body's worried about you!"
"Oh I just have a little something to send off," Mario said walking up the counter. He noticed that the inside changed either. Same wooden floors, yellow walls, and fake house plant. "And you know, a lot of people don't really get written letters anymore."
"That's tomfoolery!" the Postmaster exclaimed. "I get letters all the time, son! You need more friends!"
Mario laughed at the irony as he handed him a letter labeled for 'Smash Mansion'. "I need first class mail. I have the money."
"Mario, it's on the house for you. No need to fret, we deliver no matter what, remember? Who's it for?"
"Can't say. It's a secret," Mario said with a wink.
"Ah, fair enough. Whatdaya think of this Mushroom Flu issue?" the Postmaster chucked.
"What..was that again?" Mario asked, trying to hide his surprise.
The Postmaster put a label on the envelope. "Mushroom Flu. You heard of it, right?"
"Yeah, but why would you bring that up?"
"It's all over the papers. See here?" The Postmaster pulled out a drawer and gave Mario the day's paper. This particular one was 'The Kingdom Enquirer'.
The headline read: MK citizens struck by 'MF'!
Mario gasped and immediately read out loud front page article. "According to rich entrepreneur 'James Monty', the president of the ministry of health, Toad Toadstool and Princess Daisy Bloom were stricken by Mushroom Flu, known as MF. According to him, he has no idea where it could have came from, but he suspects aliens. Citizens of MK, watch out for aliens! Suspects include Tatanga, Shroobs, Kirby....." Mario stopped reading and looked up confusingly.
The Postmaster smiled. "I know Mario, that was my reaction as well! Completely idiotic, right?"
"Well," Mario muttered, taking another glance at the headline, "it didn't sound like they knew what they were talking about...At all."
"Right. Tomfoolery as well. I caught wind of people being sick at the hospital but that's just crazy. These journalists really think we'll believe anything, except Kylie of course."
"Kylie...Koopa?" Mario mused.
"Right. You getting sick of me saying 'right'? Anyway, she's the writer of the Koopa Kronicle, and a darn good one. That's the only paper I trust now a days. So anyway, I'll have this sent out right away. That all?"
"Right. See you later, Mario!"
Mario left and stood on the street corner, deliberating on his next course of action. It was clear to him now that mass hysteria wasn't about to spread just yet. Peach was wisely discreet with the state of emergency warning, and horrible journalism had diluted any sense of panic that could come from the surprisingly correct assumption of Mushroom Flu, apparently revealed by MKDCU agent Jimmy M., assuming he was that supposed "rich entrepreneur president of health" person quoted in the paper, and Dr. Mario would have the letter by tomorrow for sure. Considering the situation, things we're going as well as they possibly could.
But wait, he thought. He still just need to get to Bowser before Luigi! How would he pull that off, considering they would have already gotten an hour head start on him? There were no shortcuts he knew of that Luigi didn't, and his Sky Pop plane had been out of service for ages. Mario would just have to hope Buckenberry could slow them enough. The thought of the young hero brought up his spirits up a little. If Buckenberry could humble himself and get it together, he could too. He was just disheartened that he couldn't reveal to him that he DID know of Dr. Mario's whereabouts. Mario had promised to keep it a secret for the doctor, and Mario knew he couldn't afford to break anymore promises.
Just then, Mario gasped as someone rounded the corner to met him. "What are you doing here??" Mario asked.
The person beckoned him to follow them to a more secluded area.
At the Mushroom Press, Jimmy continued to entertain the reporters with stories of his past misadventures. After the coast was clear of Richard and Wiggletron, he'd slipped back in. He couldn't let the offer of free coffee go to waste!
"-And I said to em 'he's red as the dickens! Just dunk the guy in the cream', and they did! You haven't lived until you've seen an 300 pound Toad jump in a giant tub of anti-itch cream!"
The Toad next to him, Mitch, laughed harder. "Aww man! This is going into the Mushroom Enquirer next! Hear that, Kylie?"
"Kylie? The girl's been gone ages ago," the desk receptionist said restlessly, putting some more hot water in the coffee maker.
Mitch looked around a bit. "Oh. Ah-hem, I knew that! Well anyway, how long are you sticking around? I uh...." Mitch suddenly stopped and put some sunglasses on.
"You should probably go outside," Mitch said with sudden seriousness.
Jimmy stop lounging on their chairs and looked at the wall clock. "Oh! Didn't realize I'd been here so long! Guess I should go, ladies and gents, the work of a MKDCU agent is never done!"
The writers and reporters clapped as he got up and proudly marched to the door.
The moment he exited, he was greeted by Sebastian and Parabilly on the sidewalk, both shooting daggers at him.
"Boys? What's happenin? And where's the- Whoa! Stop!" Jimmy yelled.
"No can do sir," Lakitu said. He had the van secured with a giant fishing hook to an oversized cloud. On the side of the cloud, it was printed, "Lakitu's Independent Towing Company".
"Shouldn't you be fishing up go-carts or something?!" Jimmy screamed up to him.
"Sucker, this is my day job. What else I'm gonna do? Not like we'll be having any sports games any time soon by the looks of it. See ya!" The cloud began to float away with the van.
"First the hospital, then the coppers, now the towing companies?! I hate the Mushroom Kingdom!!!" Jimmy yelled at one in particular.
Sebastian crossed his arms. "What did you think was going to happen?!? I'm I still in Subcon? Because this a nightmare, and I'm sooo tired!"
"Me too!" Parabilly piped up as Lakitu took off, "He said this was the most illegalest parked car he ever done seen! All I'll have you know that we're tired of it!"
"What? You twos gonna quit too??" Jimmy asked harshly.
"Well....maybe! Ain't that right?" Parabilly asked, turning to Sebastian.
"Uh huh. Why did we make you leader anyway? Your actions have just made everything worse. We could have been at the bottom of this yesterday, and why aren't we finding a cure for their disease? Aren't we the health experts?"
Jimmy threw his hands up. "We ARE! Do you really think you can lead a disrespectful team while dealing with a deadly plague better than me? Cause this is a severe violation of protocol and I can fire you all right now!"
"Then do it. There's only five dern dollars at stake!" Parabilly spat, making Sebastian look to him questionably. "I quit myself! I ain't learned nothing and we ain't done nothing. We got em all locked up somewhere and we can't even help em. We might as well have never showed up! I got a home, a family to feed, and real job opportunities down home, and you can't keep me here any longer!"
Sebastian gasped. "Billy? You-"
"I already said It! That's it!" Parabilly threw his badge to the ground. "I'm outta here!"
Jimmy fumed. "You know what? It don't matter, you're right! We gotta get em to the Special World hospital but that's it. It's done, and I don't need you all anymore anyway! Get outta here!"
Parabilly wordlessly flew down the sidewalk and disappeared around a corner. Jimmy turned around and went the opposite direction, leaving Sebastian forlorn in front of the Mushroom Press entrance.
He turned around so see someone peering through the glass door and knocking. When their eyes met, the person motioned him to come inside. He brought Sebastian to his office space and told him to take a seat.
"So you're Sebastian Bullet of Subcon, right?" Mitch asked.
"I still got!" Mitch said with a twinkle in his eye. "By the way, I'm Mitch T., writer of the Mushroom Enquirer, most famous newspaper ever!" He reached out to shake Sebastian's hand. "Okay, so you got towed by Lakitu. Right?"
"Uh yeah??" Sebastian responded.
Mitch leaned back in his comfy office chair and put his arms behind his head. "Great, well not for you I guess. Sorry I didn't see it sooner." he said somewhat flippantly. "I've gotten so used to blocking it out now, but never mind. James was full of crap anyway, you probably won't miss him."
"Now that I can agree on!" Sebastian said.
Mitch then leaded towards Sebastian. "Listen, I put out a nice fairytale for the paper but I know is really a big deal. I need you to me what really happened," he whispered.
"Well..." Sebastian hesitated.
"I'll pay ya!" Mitch added.
"Sure thing! And I have lots to tell." Sebastian started from the beginning and Mitch wrote down his account studiously. Sebastian felt better about getting fired now that he'd met Mitch, though he still had an odd feeling about him.
Outside, less than five minutes later, Jimmy took a wrong turn, being unacquainted with traveling on foot, and hit a dead end in a dark alley.
"Well this is just great. No van. No equipment. No agents. No directions! No respect! The Mushroom Kingdom can kiss- what the?!"
In the darkness, Jimmy saw a cloud of some sort stirring up in front of him, coming up from the ground. He was about to turn back to run when he was frozen in shock by a wicked laughter.
"Hehehehehehehehehehehehe! Stop right there!" someone cackled. "I've been looking for you!"
"I'm sorry! P-please Eldstar, no!" Jimmy bawled.
The cloud settled down to reveal a dark Boo, its face twisted in a psychotic smile. "Stop crying! Laugh, or else you fool! Hehehe!"
"A Boo?! W-what do ya want with ME?"
"I saw the whole thing in front of that Mushroom Press place, hehe. You must feel sooo sad.."
Jimmy didn't respond and continued to shake in fear and hold back tears.
"I said, LAUGH OR ELSE!" the Dark Boo barked.
"Ha ha ha ha haaaa!" Jimmy cried.
"That's better, hehe. They call me Z by the way. Let's have some fun!" Z moved closer. "You hate the Mushroom Kingdom, I hate the Mushroom Kingdom, we're a perfect match. Yaayy!" Z hugged Jimmy. "Come with me, buddy!"
"Hold on, now!" Jimmy said, pushing Z away. "I have a job to do. I ain't no Boo Hunters candidate. What's the meaning of this?"
Z scowled at him briefly, flashing some sharp teeth in the process, then went back to a smile. "Aww, not scared anymore? Well good, maybe we can talk, hehe. You are James Monty of the MKDCU."
"Uh huh? And?" Jimmy crossed his arms, trying to seem unafraid.
"Well, I'm only your biggest fan! We're both from Donut Plains, and I've followed all of your medical journals. I've always admired you more than the others and well," Z looked away bashfully, "I just really wanted to work with you. Please let me help you!" Z latched on to Jimmy again in a tighter hug.
"Alright, alright! Uh, you can help, uh somehow!" Jimmy yelled, his voiced muffled by the bigger Boo's embrace.
"Great," Z said flatly, "but first I need you to help me, hehe. Let's go on a little trip..."
"What? Let me go you- Ahhhhh!"
A Purple cloud engulfed them as Jimmy screamed, unable to get out to Z's grasp. His screams died down as the two disappeared into the shadows...
On another street, Parabilly waited at a bus stop. He had already phoned his relatives down in Southern Mushroom Kingdom. The 'city folk' life and the stress that came with it wasn't for him after all, he had resolved. He'd be better off as the local prairie physician like he always was. Soon the bus pulled up and he hopped on. He was heading out of Toad Town, possibly forever...
Toadsworth knocked on Peach's door. After a moment it opened, revealing Toadette, who was wearing an apron and holding a feather duster.
"Mr. Toadsworth? What's wrong?"
"Princess? Wait, what were you doing in here?" Toadworth asked.
"Uh...I was just cleaning."
"And why, young lady? Where could she be?? She isn't OUT is she?" he asked harshly.
Toadette was about to remind him that she was authorized to clean Peach's room when ever she felt, but she held her tongue.
"Is she out?!" Toadsworth repeated.
Toadette kelp silent. When Luigi texted Peach an hour ago that Mario was put out of the mission, Peach immediately made plans to meet him. She had some unresolved feelings about Bowser's message and wanted to speak to Mario about it. Toadette didn't know what she meant by that, but she promised to keep Toadsworth at bay in the mean time. Still, she didn't feel good about lying to the oldest and loyalist servant in the castle...
"Answer me! This is no time for childish games!" Toadsworth scolded her.
"Umm, so why do you think she's out, Mr. Toadsworth?" Deflection, maybe that would work, she thought.
"I have been all over our dear castle, except for her room of course, which brings me here. Is she inside?"
Toadsworth pouted. "I need to speak with her about a private matter. You are a higher level servant and I appreciate your hard work, I really do. I am sorry, my dear, for yelling so much. These are just dreadful and stressful times, you understand?"
"Indeed! What I have to say involves her safety. You know, with secret agents of Bowser running amok and whatnot."
Toadette shook her head. "I understand, but you can't come in!" Toadsworth looked to her surprisingly. "-Because...she isn't dressed! And..she's in the bath!" So much for not lying, Toadette thought. "Besides, the water was taking a while to heat up, but if you must tell her something now, you could just tell me." Toadette smiled sweetly which mollified Toadsworth further.
"Hmm...Thank you dear, but I will just come back at a more appropriate time." Toadsworth smiled. "Good day for now, Toadette."
Toadsworth walked back down the stairs, relieving but also disappointing Toadette who was very curious about that info. She retreated back inside the room and collapsed on Peach's bed, letting out a deep breath. Now she'd just need to keep this charade up for the entire day!
The Mushroom Bus stopped at the Peach's Castle stop. This bus stop was usually used for castle tours or employees but the locals also used it to get to the the lake near Peach's castle or the private racetrack. A group of fifteen or so people exited, including Jelectro Bond, Kylie, Dick and Wiggletron. There was now only a short walk to the castle up a sandy rural path.
"Have y'all ever visited this place before?" Dick asked, breaking the silence that been between the four since getting on the bus.
"Yes, as an young child," Wiggletron answered. "Have heard that it has not been redecorated since."
"Well I haven't been inside but I've heard it's drab. You know, empty rooms with only giant paintings in them and a flooded basement and an endless staircase?"
Kylie, who was leading the way, suppressed a laugh. "Who told you that? Super Mario 64?"
"Umm, yeah? You're trying to tell me that game isn't accurate? What ever..." Dick looked to Bond. "Hey Bond? You alive?"
Bond mumbled something and walked along in the rear, deep in thought.
Kylie glanced back his way and then looked ahead again quickly. "Stay focused, brother. The game plan is this, when we get there, let me do the talkin'. First, we tell them a little of what we know. Make them think we know a lot, okay? Then we get them to tell us what they know. Easy as pie.. or cake considering where we are. Think Peach ever made pies?"
Dick rolled his eyes. "You must be hungry, girl. Anyway, I thought you and Bond knew everything by now!"
Kylie took a quick glance at her phone. "Yeah and no. It came up on my phone that Peach has put the kingdom in a state of emergency-"
Kylie pouted. "You don't know?!"
"We are not natives to the Mushroom Kingdom," Wiggs reminded her.
"Oh yeah. Sorry bout that, brother," Kylie said apologetically. "Peach does that when there's trouble. Back in the day, this would put everyone's lives on hold until we knew we were safe. I would know, I've time traveled. Now? Pffft! So since she has the emergency out, Mario and the rest must know on some level that trouble's a brewin'. But we still don't know a few key points, okay?"
"What would those points be?" Wiggs asked.
"Well my main one is why Bowser would think he could get away with this. I know he can be more shortsighted than a Bob-omb with a one inch fuse with his plans, but this is so obvious it's stupid!"
"Oh of course you meant that!" Dick said, thinking he was sounding smart. "Yeah, that must be why he was helping Mario earlier at the hospital. You know, be all involved so you can claim it couldn't be-"
"What?!?" Kylie gasped. "Bowser was helping Mario?? When??" She stopped and turned around to face the rest.
"Yes! When?" Bond piped up from behind Dick and Wiggletron. He joined Kylie standing in front of them. Dick gave them a confused look.
"That was yesterday? I thought I told ya? He was confused and junk and he was there when Toad and Daisy when wild. Mario dropped to the floor and he was all about to cry in stuff-'
"Agent Richard and Wiggletron," Bond said sternly, "this changes everything!"
"I should have mentioned it also," Wiggs said, avoiding their gaze. "I apologize as well. The over abundance of new information we have acquired along with the frequent separation of our team has made it difficult to remember who possesses what knowledge..."
"Uh..okay? Well, that's why you record everything in a notebook!" Kylie groaned, scribbling a few more notes down. "Well it's game time now 'cause here's the guard. Everyone stay quiet like I said."
They approached the front castle guard. He was a teenaged red capped toad holding a spear under his arm playing a Nintendo DS. "Halt! All tours are prohibited in times of emergency!" he said in a rehearsed fashion without looking away from the game.
"We aren't here for tours, friend. We are umm, the plumbers that were called!" Kylie said. Even she wondered where she got that excuse from, she had a feeling she had heard it before somewhere...
The guard closed the DS and stared for a moment. "Oh, like Mario or something?"
"Yeah. Just like em. We need to fix that leak!"
"You know, that leak y'all have? We need to fix it. Right guys?" She pointed back to the rest with her thumb.
"Where is Princess Peach?" Bond asked, not bothering playing along. Kylie shot him an annoyed look.
The guard shrugged. "Inside I guess. Look, as long as you guys aren't Bowser, you can come in or whatever. I really don't care." He pulled the door open for them and went back to his game.
"Perfect, young man. Thank you," Bond said genially. When everyone entered, they were then in the castle main room and mezzanine, an open checkerboard tiled area that connected to all of the parts of the castle. The decor was pretty, with lots of flowers and glass ornaments but there was also a lot of dust and dirt pulled up, making the place look slightly unkempt.
"Welcome to the castle- wait. Aren't visitations over?" A purple capped Toad standing at a podium asked them.
"Where is Peach, mon ami?" Bond asked.
"I can't tell you exactly but she's definitely home. We can't have her running around with Bowser's secret agents spreading the Mushroom Flu!"
Everyone looked to the worker surprisingly. Kylie also wrote something in her notebook.
"Do you at least have an idea?" Bond asked hurriedly.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" The Toad asked with sudden suspicion.
The toad smiled instantly. "I'm so sorry, hon! Plumbers are always welcome here! Just go on up the stairs when you get to the room behind me. If anyone asks who you guys are, just tell them that, okay? Have a wonderful day!"
They went to another room that had stairways going up and down and halls leading to other ground level portions of the castle. The room was deserted of anyone except for a Toad that was vacuuming the carpet while wearing headphones. Said Toad glanced their way exactly once and then proceeded to ignore their presence.
Bond turned around to face everyone. "A little lonely here, is it not? Okay mes amies, I have appreciated all of your efforts until this point, but now that we all have the same knowledge, it is not necessarily for all of us to be present when we meet the Princess. It might look suspicious if we are all here and do no plumbing work at all, so-"
"I see," Kylie said, glancing towards the ex-MKDCU agents. "Why don't you two wander around and find something to fix?"
"Ugh, seriously?" Dick whined. "You mean like the flooded basement?"
"Again, the basement isn't- never mind... y'all keep busy okay?" Kylie took sides next to Bond, who was also looking to them expectantly. It irritated Dick when they used their "team power" against him and Wiggs, like they were their employers or something, he thought. Well actually...
"Sure," Wiggs said, pulling Dick closer to him, which made Dick look to him indignantly, "I would like to explore anyway so as to discover what has or has not changed since my childhood visit. You can count on us to assist you in your operation, right Richard?"
"Wiggs, lay off! Okay whatever. We'll give you love bugs some privacy, alright?"
Kylie did her signature finger snap. "Great brother, we'll just-"
"Hold up 'sis', I'm not done. Bond said he appreciated us and junk, and we have done a lot for you two, so I say we make it clear that we expect compensation! We are for hire agents remember?"
"What? Y'all want pay?!" Kylie put her hands on her hips. "Is the experience of true justice in action not en-"
"I uh, agree to Richard's preposition," Wiggs added bashfully.
"Hold on," Bond muttered while digging in his wallet. He pulled out a couple of American hundred dollar bills worth 10,000 coins each and handed them out to Dick and Wiggs. "You are right, how could I have been so stingy before? Help yourself, mes amies!"
Dick jumped up and down like an excited little girl. Wiggs gawked at the amount of cash in his hand, the most he'd ever held at once actually. Kylie was surprised and jealous and babbled about how they hadn't really done much. Bond just stood back amusingly.
"Let us go," Bond said finally, grabbing Kylie's arm to lead her away. After Kylie could finally pry her eyes away from their cash, they made way upstairs. They were silent as they went up the steps, but Kyle noticed that Bond seemed to be in a particularly good mood now.
"Hey, what are you so jolly about?" Kylie asked.
"For real though, what is it?" Kylie asked seriously.
"Ha. Clever as always. Actually it was previous events. You see, you used my idea!"
"What? The- oh! That's where I got the plumber thing from? Yeah that was gonna be our disguise at Bowser's place at first. We discussed that in your car or something, right?"
"Something like that, but I am glad you bought it up. I would not have remembered it otherwise. Excellent work from you as usual."
"Oh yeah, thanks." Kylie said, trying not to smile.
"What is our plan exactly? Your idea that they know something we don't was correct. I suspect Bowser sent them a message."
"I guess so. Secret agents? That sounds like fear mongering. It's all because of stale soda, for pete's sake. Don't eat stale food!"
"Don't underestimate the power of nostalgia, mon ami."
Kylie looked to him solemnly. "Right...So I'm sorry too about last night. I blew up on you like twenty-five Bulky Bob-ombs and I shouldn't have. I've just been having a hard time."
Bond shrugged. "It's okay. This is a dire situation, after all."
"No not that." Kylie stopped on one of the steps. "It was because of you."
"Well, not you. I really do like you. It was just...your abilities..."
Bond's head sunk. "Ah. I see..."
"I guess I should explain. Back when I was new on the reporter scene, I dated this Toad guy who was a fellow reporter. His name was Mitch. He was real nice and stuff and he had powers similar to you which I thought was cool at the time. Well..after a while I realized he was stealing my scoops for the Mushroom Enquirer and was just a jerk overall. Worst thing is, I still have to work with him! Again, I'm sorry. It really wasn't personal but when you told me about yourself last night, it all came back to me..." Kylie was starting to tear up.
"Mon ami," Bond said, grabbing her shoulder, "I am very sorry you had to contend with someone who would abuse their power like that. You say you still work with him? Was he not reported?"
Kylie sniffed. "Yeah actually, but it's hard to provide evidence of mind invasion. It didn't really matter, he realized that his paper could get way more hits if he ignored the truth all together and published exaggerated bogus garbage that people eat up. So he just kind of quit doing it and is more of an annoyance than anything now."
Bond grabbed her hand as they started climbing the steps again. "You have to give me another chance, mon ami. You know I'd never invade your mind...At least not on purpose...." Kylie looked at him. "Uh yeah, it can't always be controlled. I subconsciously followed you this morning..."
Bond looked away awkwardly. "You were on my mind...Literally. I mean, you know what I mean. Listen, I'm decommissioning myself after this ordeal and incidents like that will never happen ag-"
"-You are?? Why??" Kylie demanded.
Bond looked back her way, surprisingly. "Because it isn't allowed according to Super Spy HQ. I mean, I theoretically could if I behaved normal but I clearly can't."
"Don't say that, Bond," she plead as they made it to Peach's room. They stopped outside the door.
"What do you mean?" Bond asked.
Kylie crossed her arms. "I mean, don't let silly ol me and my personal issues take that away from you. We don't do the same bring, but we both work for truth and justice, don't we? I wanted your help in the first place because I knew you were the best of the best. The top dog! And you mean to imply that you could keep this under control then but not now? What's really the issue, Bond?"
Bond took a deep breath as Kyle stared him down.
"-And don't even think about lying to me, Bond. I might not have your gift but I know a fib when I see one!" Kylie said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. Bond chuckled slightly, then took off his glasses to look her in the face. Kylie was once more surprised and at his unusual eyes and found herself gazing back with the same intensity.
"Kylie," Bond said softly, "you are aware that our abilities may be affected by our emotions, correct?"
"Uh huh...." Kylie mumbled.
"Well, I guess there is no other way to say this." Bond grabbed her hand. "Kylie Koopa, I l-"
The door to Peach's room opened, revealing Toadette who was holding some dishes. "Who are you guys??" she gasped. Bond threw his glasses back on and Kylie snapped out of it. They both froze up for a moment.
"Well?? I'm calling security!" Toadette warned, putting down the dishes and grabbing her radio.
"We're plumbers!" Kylie and Bond blurted out.
Toadette let out a deep breath. "Oh why didn't you say so!....Wait, dang!" Toadette stepped forward and closed the door behind her. "I'm Toadette by the way. Did Mr. Toadsworth send you guys up here because I said something about the water taking a while to heat up? I shot myself in the foot with that excuse," she huffed.
"So is there a problem then?" Bond asked.
"No. I just needed to get him away. The bathroom is fine, sorry you guys had to go up all of these steps for nothing," Toadette said sympathetically.
"Oh the trip was no issue," Bond assured her.
"Hmm. Really now? Because there's like a thousand steps from top to bottom, and I know you plumbers don't get paid much to deal with this. I'm kind of tight with the Marios you see. Who are you guys anyway? The Noki Bros?"
"I'm a girl, sister," Kylie said, mildly offended.
Toadette flushed in embarrassment. "Oh I knew that. I guess I was just thinking about like, Smash Bros or something. You know, they have female fighters too. I mean, never mind..." There was an aura of awkwardness in the hallway after she said that.
"..So can we speak to Peach, Toadette?" Bond asked.
"No. She's away- but not OUT! Don't tell Mr. Toadsworth I said that!"
"You mean she is not here at all??"
"That's not what I said! I just can't bring her to you, okay? Bye!" Toadette put her hand on the door knob, ready to retreat.
"Toadette, wait, mon ami. We are not really plumbers, I'm Jelectro Bond, a secret agent and this is Kylie Koopa, a reporter, and we have very important information that the Princess needs to hear. We have been on the case since yesterday and I assure you we know more about what's going on that anything you heard so far." Bond spoke quickly in his signature low but authoritative voice.
Toadette frowned at them both. "Excuse me?? Our Kingdom is at stake and we are at war! Prove to me that you really know what you're talking about. And yes, I'm aware of that stupid story The Mushroom Enquirer put out earlier today. If you even bring that nonsense up, I'm calling security immediately!" Toadette spoke authoritatively as well. Bond immediately thought about how she should have been the one guarding the front doors.
Kylie fumed. The moment Toadette had mentioned the Mushroom Enquirer, she blocked out the rest and got red hot. "So Mitch really did it! He put out a half baked-baloney-sorry excuse for a-no journalistic integrity-"
"What's wrong with her?" Toadette snapped.
"Never mind. Just listen to me. Here is the proof. The Mushroom King is now showing symptoms of Mushroom Flu. You can prove this by checking with MK East hospital. Emery T., the rooftop ems can verify everything. What else do you need to know before we can see the Princess?" Bond asked impatiently.
Toadette went pale and speechless for a moment. "HOW?-" she finally gasped.
"The secret is FungusUp, mon ami!"
"Bowser used that? But he said he used air pollutants and- well that message was confidential but-"
"We need to see that message! That's the only way we can solve the missing pieces. Is Peach here or not?"
"No, she's gone to see Mario!" Toadette admitted. "And our King is sick too? I hate Bowser so much!"
"Maybe Bowser ain't totally in hot water," Kylie said, recovering herself, "he was helping Mario all the way last night. Now show us this message!"
"I know Bowser WAS helping Mario but, I can't show the video...it was a onetime broadcast but I can describe it in full I guess. In fact, I might never forget it.." Bond and Kylie, who were growing impatient with her until that point, toned things down.
"Take your time, mon ami," Bond said softly. Kylie nodded and got her notebook ready.
"Okay," Toadette muttered, holding back tears, "this is a safe place by the way. Trust me, no one else is up here. So this Dark Boo messager sent it and it was a video of Bowser himself but kind of vacant looking. Like, I didn't see the video, I only heard the message, but that's what everyone was saying later. Anyway, he started talking about how he had given Toad, Daisy, and everyone else sick the Mushroom Flu. He said he had deployed some secret agents here in the Kingdom to infect them by airborne viruses and if Peach didn't surrender in a day, he'd infect more. And so Mario and the rest went off to fight and Peach put the Kingdom in a state of emergency but she wasn't specific about anything. She figured it would be better to keep quiet about it and hope that the Mario brothers could take Bowser out in the one day than cause mass panic, you know? But Mario had put Luigi in charge or something and then Luigi put him off the team so it was just Luigi, Buckenberry, Alagold, and Yoshi on the mission now I think. Peach went off to talk to Mario because of reasons she didn't go into with me, but she said to not let Mr. Toadsworth know she's out."
Kylie put her pen down and reread her notes, Bond seemed to be thinking about the recount.
"Hmm. A clone. No.. coercion .." Bond spoke to himself.
Kylie thought of something as well. "And you say Bowser's message seemed fishy?"
"Well they said it was kind of stilted and just off in general. I guess we were so distracted by the fact that he was threatening to change all of our lives forever that we forgot about his weird delivery. Why?"
Bond clasped his hands, pleased. "Mon ami? It's all figured out! We have cracked the case, of at least the main parts of it!" Kylie and Toadette gawked.
"Bond," Kylie exclaimed, "I kind of knew you were getting at something but you lost me!"
"Bowser did not do it. In fact, he is completely innocent likely. Someone has forced him to threaten the Kingdom and throw in a red herring with the method of infection. The whole point is to move the kingdom to immediate war, and the targeting of close friends along with innocents with a virus is to sever any chance of a peaceful relationship afterwards."
"Ah ha!" Kylie said triumphantly. "That's probably why they intentionally used a disease that everyone knows could only come from Bowser's castle. It was always meant to lead to Bowser.."
"Sharp as always, Kylie." Bond smiled. "Still I wonder where the MKDCU come into the picture. We know that they were called to the hospital, but not who called them exactly."
"Yeah, me too. Hmm. Their meddling is the only reason why word of MF got out. Obviously MK East was wholly unequipped with mad doctors and all. Why would anyone call em unless they were in on the scheme?...Unless someone was sabotaging it! Now that I think about it, I wouldn't have showed up if not for the crowd they caused."
Bond nodded. "I sort of stumbled into this because of the MKDCU's incompetence at the hospital as well. Still, those are secondary points, we know what we have to do."
"What?" Toadette asked. "If there something Peach needs to know, I can contact her."
"Tell her to warn citizens of drink any FungusUp, and instead turn them in at the the Toadley Clinic, NOT the MK East hospital or here."
"Why not here? MK East is Peach's official hospital and our infirmary here is great too!"
"A cohort to Bowser's conspirers is still at MK East. The other must have been the doctor that jumped out of the window, and I don't want dangerous cans of FungusUp anywhere near this castle. Now, you need to tell her this, Bowser isn't to blame, and there are no air pollutants, but his threat still stands."
Toadette, still overwhelmed by the information they were spewing, gave him a worried look. "What do you mean? Even after that, we'd still be in danger?"
"Yes. You can bet that after today something will certainly happen, even if Bowser is not the one to do it. Mario, or Luigi I mean, and his group DO need to reach Bowser today, but they need to take out exactly who is the cause of this. We can't know their exact mindset, but it has to be those in high ranking league with him. Then of course, there the matter of getting in contact with Dr. Mario before those currently sick go off the deep end..." Bond's voice got quieter as the gravity of the situation sunk in.
"I'll get on it, Eldstar be with you guys," Toadette said determinedly, pickup up her dish and retreating inside Peach's room again.
Kylie turned to Bond. "Zoinks! The truth is out! Guess our part in this skirmish is over?"
Bond turned to her regrettably. "I am afraid so, mon ami. We are just the justice seekers, not the justice enforcers. It is in the hands of Mario and the rest now that they know the truth, or at least enough truth."
"Yeah, and I gotta get on the scoop of the century back at the press. I suppose it's early on the draw, but after the journalistist garbage Mitch put out, I'd better counter it with the light of justice, ya know?" Bond laughed out loud at Kylie's eagerness, his baritone voice echoing slightly in the hallway. Kylie started to giggle too. "We have no business being this giddy. The show ain't over yet! Guess we'd better round up those other two. By the way, where we going for our next date?" She noticed Bond's look. "Yeah I know what you were gonna say, it don't take a psych to know when a guy likes ya!"
Bond flushed. "So it is a date then, my lovely Kylie!"
Mario and Bowser 17 continued
Toadette texted Peach with shaky hands. Explaining the whole deal went past the maximum amount of characters per text so in the end she sent off five or six. Bond and Kylie's revelation made her feel better and worse in ways. Before at least, she had a single person to blame and hate. Even through her sadness and anger, she could feel like she did know what was going on. Now though, she didn't know what was really happening. Who exactly coerced Bowser? Did they now have to deal with an even bigger villain? Then there was the fact that the plan wasn't even into motion yet. Now that Peach hopefully understood the situation, it didn't mean they were going to be successful. Knowing the truth now didn't help Toad and Daisy much, after all. The damage had been done for them.
Only one thing could comfort her now. She opened her messenger and scrolled through the contacts.
Luigi, Boo, Yoshi, Buckenberry, and Alagold stoped at a Water Land Toad House to check the map again. It was empty, surprising no one, but they found a mushroom left behind to add to their inventory. There were now six mushrooms, three fire flowers, one cape feather, two Tanooki suits, and one starman in their arsenal.
Meanwhile Alagold clicked on a YouTube video called "Mario is a sociopath". First there was an advertisement with a scene at a park. A hipster looking Yoshi wearing a scarf and holding a cell phone addressed the camera. "Can you hear me now? Oh right, with your phone plan you don't have the range that YoshiMobile has. You could be getting full coverage in all of the Mushroom Kingdom for twenty percent less than those other guys!"
"Yeah right," Alagold mumbled, furiously tapping the "skip ad" prompt that was still counting down. "I should have installed that ad block!"
"Alagold, stop!" Luigi said sternly, looking up briefly from the map he had pulled out .
"Yeah," Boo, who was just standing around, added, "content creators need that ad revenue!"
Luigi shook his head. "Actually I meant that just because Bowser didn't capture any fortresses, it doesn't mean we can have our guard down. Bowser could have deployed soliders, or worse, secret agents to stop us." Saying it out loud sent shivers down Luigi's spine. That, and the fact that this was his first hero mission without Mario in a long time.
"Right, gotta stay focused! Got ya Weegee! ...Hmm, wonder when I should drink this fungus up?" Boo pulled it out of the bag.
"Gross. Never liked that crap, stale or not..." Buckenberry said, looking out of the window in boredom.
"Different strokes," Alagold teased. "When will you learn that?"
Buckenberry looked to him and rolled his eyes, incidentally catching a peek of what Alagold was trying to look up. The video title made him gasp, "How dare you, Gold!"
"What? I know that's a stupid game theory but I'm so bored! We haven't fought anything yet and we'd been walking for almost an hour!"
Luigi shot Alagold another glance, which made him finally put the phone away. Buckenberry noticed that Yoshi was extremely quiet off in the corner of the house.
"You okay?" Buckenberry whispered.
Yoshi nodded silently. Just then Buckenberry felt his phone vibrate.
"Umm, I have to go to the bathroom. That okay?" Buckenberry asked.
Luigi looked to him disappointedly. "Have we not forgotten that we're on short time? Hey, where are you-"
Buckenberry entered the stall quickly and checked the message.
Toadette texted, "Hey baby. How r u?"
Buckenberry replied, "Okay. We've made some progress. Is it better at the castle?"
"Not really. I've just got news from a spy and journalist."
"???" Buckenberry would have added an emoji, but he wasn't hip enough to know which one to use.
"Uh huh. They say Bowser is innocent. *crazy emoji* I think we can trust them tho. They know that our King is with MF too now!"
Buckenberry almost dropped his phone in shock. His sweaty hands from Water Land's humid sticky weather weren't helping. "!!!!" He managed to text.
She replied, "Yea. I know."
"Toadette. Right after Mario was kicked off the team, I spoke to him and he had a theory like that."
"Really? Get this. you do need to get to Bowser still."
Buckenberry debated. Should he let his girlfriend in on the secret? Wouldn't hurt. "Toadette, Mario told me to stall our team. He said he needed to get to Bowser before us!"
After a moment, she replied, "Peach went out to talk to Mario! She was doubting something too. Guess what MF comes from?"
Knock knock knock! Splash!
There was a loud rap on the door, making Buckenberry actually drop his phone this time, and in the toilet!
"AAAHH WHAT?" Buckenberry screamed. "My brand new on contract phone from MushroomWireless!"
"What's wrong? Did you fall in??" Luigi asked from outside the door.
Buckenberry dunked his hand into the tank to retrieve his phone.
Buckenberry kicked the doors open, narrowing missing Luigi. "I dropped it in the toilet!"
"And you say that I'm on the phone too much!" Alagold, who was also standing near the stall, mocked. Buckenberry shoved him hard and he fell to the ground.
Luigi immediately stepped in between them and he had to pull the Toads away from each other. "Stop this right now! Blue, you can get another phone later!!!"
Buckenberry stopped trying to strangle Alagold but was still seething. So much in fact, that he'd practically forgotten Toadettes's message. What was it? Something about needing to still get Bowser? Close enough, he thought.
"On the plus side guys, we found a warp pipe that will skip a world!" Boo said excitedly.
"Oh no!" Buckenberry exclaimed. "...I mean okay, but where is that FungusUp?"
"I thought it was gross to you," Alagold teased, this time cautiously standing behind Luigi.
"Shut up! Where is it? I need to see it!" Buckenberry demanded.
"Okay okay, here it is?" Boo pulled it back out of the paper bag. Buckenberry snatched it quickly.
"What's with you all of a sudden, Blue?" Luigi asked, approaching him again. "We need to move on, not fight over phones and soda!"
"I need a drink, okay? I'll even drink this garbage."
"But I found it!" Boo moaned, reaching for it back.
Buckenberry hid it behind his back. "But-"
Luigi suddenly snatched it from Buckenberry. "I will just hang on to it. Okay?? Any further objections? And I don't want another outburst from you, Blue. I don't want to have to dismiss you too."
"...Whatever," Buckenberry muttered, on the verge of tears.
"No need to be so angry," Luigi said delicately, "It'll all be over soon. Let's just work together this time. Okay?"
Everyone got silent. Luigi shook his head as he lead them to the pipe. Buckenberry followed as well, with his head sunk low, disappointed at himself yet again.
Dick and WIggletron were in the torch lit basement. The downstairs area of Peach's Castle was just storage area and sleeping quarters, and the two had toured the whole little area in just a few minutes.
Dick yawned as Wiggs turned to him. "Well it is just as musty and banal as I remember. Let us explore on the ground level-"
"Halt!" a Toad said to them as they rounded the corner leading to the stairs. "State your authorization!"
"Okay 'pipsqueak the second'. We're plumbers and stuff. In fact, we were just leaving.." Dick said insultingly, but without passion. He felt like he might fall over sleep any moment.
The Toad crossed his arms and continued to block the stairway "Plumbers? Name please?"
"Richard. Call me Dick. And my friend here is Wiggs. Now let us up the stairs, or will I have to walk over you?!"
The Toad, ignoring the threat, pulled out a radio. "I'm going to need to verify your name and occupation for security reasons. Hold on."
"No, you hold on to your face!" Dick charged forward, only to be pulled back by Wiggletron.
"Security!" the Toad screeched.
"What is the meaning of this?" A British voice called from up stairs. After the sound of a few more footsteps, Toadsworth appeared.
"Mr. Toadsworth, these suspious people are down here and they attacked me!" The Toad said, pointing to Dick and Wiggs.
Toadsworth raised his hand to to silence the servant. "This is just a big misunderstanding. These must be the plumbers that were sent here, right boys?"
"Right, Mr. Old Toad Person. We were just fixing your moldy old pipes!" Dick said, winking to Wiggs.
"What? You called plumbers?" The servant asked in disbelief.
"Actually, I thought someone else called them! That is what the servant stationed at the podium told me.."
"No, Mr. Toadsworth. If you didn't do it, no one has that I know of. We've had no outcalls on our castle's phone line." When he said this, he and Toadsworth looked back to Dick and Wiggs suspiciously.
"-That is because the call was made from a cellular telephone," Wiggs spoke up, "but I can assure you that we were called and did not enter the castle under our own intuition or anything!" Dick looked to him with an expression like, 'you've just saved our tails'.
Toadsworth had a hearty laugh. "Of course! I always forget about those newfangled doohickeys! Carry on gentlemen!"
Toadsworth went back upstairs, making the Toad scoff. Dick smirked and lead the way upstairs, purposely brushing past the annoyed Toad and Wiggs waved in a friendly gesture.
Upstairs, it was still empty looking but they saw Bond and Kylie talking in an obviously romantic way on the freshly vacuumed carpet.
"Wow, I'm so surprised you two are dating at just one day!" Dick greeted them sarcasticly. Kylie and Bond turned to them.
"Oh, you're back...well how long have you known Wiggs, brother?" Kylie asked defensively.
Dick thought for a moment. "A month. Why?"
Wiggletron suddenly had a fit of laughter. "Ha ha ha! You are under the assumption that we are-"
"-Business partners! Are you not?" Bond asked.
"What is going on?" Dick asked, confused.
Bond leaned in to whisper to Wiggs. "You know what I mean, mon ami...." he leaned back. "Anyway, we can leave now. Our mission is over, everyone is paid, the proper authorities know the situation-"
"And you have a hot date now, yeah yeah," Dick interrupted. "So it's time to finally split? Well at least we got our highest pay ever. What now?" He turned to Wiggs. "Buy one of those new Mercedes-Benzs that everyone has now? Hang out with 'Munchie'? I mean that Yoshi guy?"
"I am not sure about that last option, Richard," Bond added amusingly, "Yoshi is off with the Marios to fight Bowser. Or one of them."
"Bond is talkin about that green guy...what's his name again?" Kylie pondered for a moment.
"Luigi Mario?" Wiggs answered.
"Ooooh him?!" Dick exclaimed. "Mr. Green leading the assault against Bowser? Anything really can happen in the Mushroom Kingdom!"
Bond glanced at his Rolex Submariner. "Look at that! Lunch time already?" He looked to Kylie slyly will Dick rolled his eyes. "Let's bail."
Kamek ran around Bowser's private quarters, relentlessly opening every dusty file cabinet and going through every file of Bowser's that no one had went through in years. After two knocks on the door, Ludwig and Iggy stepped in the room to find a massive mess.
"Gramps! Whatareya doing making this mess?" Iggy asked. "We don't have a maid anymore, remember?"
Kamek grunted without pausing.
"It's alright gramps, really!" Iggy said quickly, about to approach before Ludwig stoped him.
"Iggy. Let Kamek continue, we can tell him our news while he works. Ah hem!" Ludwig paused to retrieve a note from one of his jacket pockets. "As you know, Prince Bowser Junior's location is unknown, and we also know he spoke with Father before leaving. This being the case, we sent an agent specifically for him."
"Ah, our secret agents?!" Kamek exclaimed, still completely occupied in his file searching. "Which one of you useless brats chased after him?"
Ludwig hesitated, thinking about his next choice of words too deeply to even notice the insult. Iggy spoke up.
"We sent Z after him. Don't worry, Z won a track in field race in high school of something and will definitely catch up to-"
"You WHAT?!" Kamek screamed, tossing a few papers up in the air at his disturbance.
Ludwig covered his face. "I was GETTING to that! Yes, we have ally from out side of our dynasty assisting us for-"
"-Who is it? Z what? Who did you tell?!" Kamek asked, startling both Koopa princes.
"Just 'Z', gramps!" Iggy cried. "You know, Z the Dark Boo garbage collector?"
"But why, you idiots?!?" Kamek marched up to them in a conniption. "Don't you know what will happen if others know of our plans???"
"Because," Ludwig quickly interjected, "Z got in on our plans due to a completely random and unavoidable accident. Z just happened to be in the garbage room and, as we all know, our garbage shoots transfer sound much like the horn of a phonograph. You are familiar with the things, no doubt. Anyway, a message was heard, a conversation ensued, and we decided to take Z into our confidence rather than punish a servant who was only doing their job and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I rest assure you, Z is without pretense and is nothing but an asset to us in our objectives."
Kamek stared at them for a moment lost in thought. "Those good old phonographs," he mused, returning to the mess of papers he'd made. Iggy and Ludwig gave each other a glance and left the room.
"I've never seen gramps so...frantic, angry, absent minded. Really he had a bit of everything going on. He had to have set a record for strange behavior," Iggy whispered as they distanced themselves from the room.
Ludwig pouted. "Also notice that we failed to bring up our original inquiry!"
Iggy threw his hands up. "Dang! You're right! Now what?"
"I will put up a line of defense. Nothing too crazy, but enough to not make it too easy for Mario."
"You think gramps will mind us taking all of these liberties? It can't be good for his blood pressure to blow up again like that."
"True, he has been disturbed lately. Don't want to send him over the edge, do we? I AM the army general however," Ludwig said with some importance, "and I believe I am authorized for such small scale endeavors. Tea?"
Iggy shook his head. "I'm gonna do something else instead. By the way, you heard of Peach's emergency call? Mario and the rest are definitely gonna get here today."
"Yes and? Better to get this over. See you later I supose." Ludwig waved as the separated from Iggy to head for the kitchen.
Back inside Bower's private quarters, Kamek almost jumped for joy. He held the paper close to his face, so as to read the small print. After heading a few lines, he folded it up, satisfied, and left the room, not bothering to tidy up.
"Just in case..." he said to him self.
