helloooo,
this is really personal but still, tumblr for me is a place where i can express my feelings and worries.
i’m going through a rough period of impostor syndrome and problems with my self-image which is (clearly) affecting my relationships and how i perceive myself.
this is due to my use of social media, i know it. I have always been very vulnerable to things i see online and i compare myself all the time to all the people i see, especially on instagram.
i’m reaching a point where i really can’t log into my accounts without feeling dread and anxiety which is a crazy thing to say because I’ve always loved seeing people create incredible things, i love the vlogs of people doing things they love and sharing it with others but i just can’t deal with the negative emotions i get.
this also affects how i write and what i write about because I’m trying to post ~perfect~ fics and that never comes. i write for a bit and I’m okay and content with it, but if i check for mistakes or i re-read it after a few days, i hate it. I hate how i write sentences, i hate how i portray characters… i don’t know if you understand what i’m trying to say.
that being said, i’m trying my best to write. I wrote a tsukki fic last week but i don’t want to read it and hate it, you know? i just need a little bit of time (and more therapy) to deal with it.
thank you if you have made it to the end of this post!! hope you have a wonderful end of the year!