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HANDSOME JACK Sentence Starters

(some quotes are altered for the sake of context) (alter as needed tbh) [ ] indicates optional words

“ As you know, I am ___. ” “ A siren, who’s wisdom is matched only by your beauty. ” “ You make up in brute force what you lack in subtlety. ” “ It’s cute that y’all think you’re the heroes of this little adventure. ” “ You’re bandits, you’re the bad guys. ” “ I am the goddamn hero. ” “ Welcome to ___, kiddos! ” “ You seeing the problem here? You’re still alive. ” “ So if you can just do a favor and off yourself that’d be great, thanks pumpkin. ” “ Thanks, pumpkin. ” “ Man these pretzels suck. ” “ How’s your day been, buddy? We haven’t really talked much since I left you for dead. ” “ Hey, you think you’ll freeze to death out there? ” “ Bandit’s will get you first. ” “ My day? Been pretty good. Just bought a pony made of diamonds. ” “ Yeah, because I’m rich. So y’know, that’s cool. ” “ I’m racking my brain trying to think of a name for that ___ I bought. ” “ I was gonna called it Piss-For-Brains in honor of you but that just feels immature... Maybe Butt Stallion? ” “ Butt Stallion says ‘hello’. ” “ You’re so... Unburdened with things like intelligence, culture, morality, honor, ambition, good looks-- I could go on, but I won’t. But I could. ” “ Ah dignity! I almost forgot to mention dignity! ” “ Just turn yourselves in and I promise, your deaths will be quick. ” “ Hey, you like my speech? I was lying about the last part, by the way. ” “ I’m gonna spend a loooong time torturing you [bandit] scum to death. ” “ I got a little secret that I-- y’know what? You don’t to hear it. ” “ It’ll be nice to see a friendly face when I’m burning that place to the ground. ” “ Oh, and I have decided I will tell you my secret later on, once you’ve earned it. ” “ I couldn’t predict you were that desperate. ” “ I heard that ___ liquefies people and drinks them like flesh smoothies. ” “ My secret involves your pathetic resistance dying, and my laughing. A lot. ” “ Hooo, you feel that? ” “ That’s the sound of progress, baby. ” “ I’m smarter than you! I don’t mean to condescend, that’s just a fact. ” “ I’m sorry-- condescend, it’s a word that means ‘talk down to’. You got that, kitten? ” “ God it’s embarrassing how far behind you guys are. ” “ A staggering alcoholic who’s best friend is a bird told you __... And you went with it? ” “ Were you dropped on your head as an embryo? ” “ Wow! Bravo! Champagne! Cheers! High five! Sloooow clap! ” “ The kids gloves are comin’ off, tighten up the big boys pants because things are gonna get really, really bad for you. ” “ Even for you that’s pretty-- man that’s really stupid. ” “ I told you, I always win. ” “ I love the way you just up and trusted ___. ” “ Oh, get over it, I shot ONE baby, and in fairness it was being a dick! ” “ Hey... Y’know I think it’s finally time to tell you that little secret. ” “ I’m such a rockstar! ” “ I learned a lot about survival, about greed; but most of all, I learned no matter how badass they may be, anyone will happily lay down their life for a pretty girl. ” “ You’re kind of pissing me off here, kiddo. ” “ Which makes killing you my top priority, congratulations. ” “ That’s enough, you can stop pretending to help the bad guys now. ” “ You know [I’m]//[the hero’s] gonna win, but you just don’t die quickly. ” “ ... Yadda yadda, this jackal rushes me with a spoon- a frickin’ SPOON- and I’m DYING laughing, right? So I scoop out his stupid little eyeballs with it! ” “ I dunno, maybe you had to be there, the moral is, you’re a total bitch. ” “ Run all you want, we all know how this is gonna end. ” “ And that’s why you’re gonna die here. ” “ Funny thing: if you want to destroy a man, you don’t need to kill him. You just need to kill what he loves. ” “ I was gonna do this whole thing where I’d lure you in here and kill ya, but you just-- like just kinda showed up! Thanks for saving me the trouble, kiddo! ” “ Just gonna warn you, you’re really not gonna like this next part. ” “ This is what happens when you don’t listen. ” “ Ohhh- where the hell is- ugh I had a violin somewhere, I was gonna play it all sarcastically- god dammit it was gonna be awesome- ” “ Ohh, I can’t wait for you to see the surprise! You’re gonna like AAAAAHHH I’M BLEEDING SO MUCH!!! SO MUCH BLOOD!!! AAA! Ha! It’s gonna be great! ” “ Wooaaa, you didn’t think you were gonna get out of here alive, did ya? ” “ I want scalps, people, and I want ‘em now! ” “ Did you know that some people on this planet still believe in silly superstitions like: angels, demons, and ancient alien warriors? ” “ Hey kids, did you know that your chances of being disemboweled increase by eighty-thousand percent upon leaving? It’s a scientific fact! ” “ Hey did you know that littering is punishable by death? If not, you also oughtta know complaining about laws is considered verbal littering. ” “ Remember, we should all love our parents, but love me more. ” “ Now I have the voice of a douchebag. Great. ” “ It’s not enough! I want it all! Every planet, every star. ” “ Call me old-fashioned, but being a God sound like a hell of a lot of fun. ” “ That’s uh-- that’s cute. ” “ But we let [them/him/her] live, because that’s what heroes do. They show mercy. ” “ They will die staring at their own lungs as I rip them from their chests. ” “ What’s that saying? Don’t pick a fight with a man with nothing left to lose. ” “ I’m gonna show you just how much you have to lose. ” “ A-ta-ta-- language. ” “ Now do me a favor, and die. ” “ Nah I’m just playing, he’s still really dead. ” “ ... My [daughter/son] is dead... ” “ I will find you, and you will regret denying me my vengeance. ” “ Mm you feel that? That electricity in the air when you’re just aching to murder someone? Haven’t felt that in suuuuch a looong tiiiime... ” “ You’re too late, dumb ass! ” “ WAKEY WAKEY YOU SON OF A BITCH! ” “ When you get to Hell, tell your friends I said ‘hey’. ” “ You’re a plague. ” “ KILL GODDAMMIT KILL! HAHAHAHA! ” “ Don’t let ‘em shoot you THERE- ” “ No no no-- I can’t die like this- not when I’m so close- ” “ Holy NUTBALLS! What happened to your frickin’ face?! ” “ You tell me why you look like you headbutted a belt sander. ” “ That is a heartbreaker, but... You got something in common with ‘em now at least! ” “ Hohoho... holy crap! Did you see her head? It was like-- PBBLLT! ”