Safe (Ben Hardy x Reader)
here’s some more ben hardy x reader because let’s be honest i am a hardy hoe at the end of the day.
on a more serious note, this fanfiction has the reader in very recent abusive relationship. please do not read this if you are triggered by mentions of abuse - slightly blatant ones at that. i understand it is not easy to get help when you’re in an emotionally, physically or sexually abusive relationship, but no one has to suffer. please please PLEASE get help. i love all of you.
1.8k words of ben x reader, nice and full of angst and fluff. enjoy! :)
It had been weeks since you’d seen any of your friends.
You weren’t sure if you could, even though you wanted to. You wanted to so bad.
But it hurt so much. It hurt too much. It hurt to move. It would hurt when they’d see you. It would hurt when they’d hug you. It would physically hurt.
But enough is enough. You had had fucking enough. One can only take so much, and you had reached your tipping point.
Every single look, every touch, every scratch, it had all built up to this moment. This moment. This liberating, freeing, albeit frightening moment. There was something about this moment.
You could do nothing but sit on the porch stairs, holding your own body as the cops carried him away. You could only look, relieved but scared. You sat there for a while, just taking in the fresh air and the sun. You’d barely stepped out of the house for a couple of weeks, calling in sick from work and working from home the other days.
The flowers you took pride in tending to had long wilted, nothing but crisp carcasses waiting to be cleaned up. You could do nothing but stare, taking in the fact that now you’d have to pick up the pace. You’d have to go back to a normal life, a life where you couldn’t stay in your living room, working with a small beam of light through the gap between the drapes. You’d have to make public appearances again. You’d have to tell your friends you’re okay, whether you actually were or not.
You put your head in your hands, just wanting to forget all of this for a moment.
Ben always told you to breathe. He insisted that people find time to simply exist. Without thinking of something else. You’d never listened to him, always joking about how he should become a hippie and move into an RV in the middle of Arizona.
But right now, you could do nothing but breathe. You let out hot breaths through your mouth, gulping ever so often. You lost yourself in the sensation, not realizing that someone had walked all the way up to you, putting a hand on your shoulder.
You looked up in startlement, finding a familiar pair of green eyes looking at you in worry.
Ben raised his eyebrows on seeing you, a slight smile creeping up on his features. “You’re alive,” he breathed out, not an ounce of malice to accompany his statement.
But it hit you harder than either of you would have thought. You tried to smile, but tears were rolling down your cheeks before you could. You could do nothing but open and close your mouth, helplessness evident in your posture.
“Oh, dear,” Ben said, clearly taken aback. He sat down next to you, putting down a box he’d been holding, wrapping his arms around you. “What’s wrong?” He asked, pulling you out of his embrace.
You shook your head, unable to say anything.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Ben cooed, wrapping his arms around you, a little too tight. You made a sound of pain, at which Ben pulled away yet again. “Y/N?” He held you out at arm’s length, raking his eyes over your body. His eyes widened on seeing the bruises on your forearms and neck. He stood up, his hands shaking as he asked, “Was it Michael?”
You didn’t say anything, simply turning your head to the floor.
“Y/N,” Ben barked, leaning down to look you in the eyes. “Was. It. Michael?” He asked again,
Your heartbeat quickens at Ben’s anger. “I’m sorry, I —”
Ben’s eyes soften immediately, slightly glossed over too. “Oh, sweetheart,” he says, his tone completely different now, pulling you up as gently as he could manage. “Come here,” he whispers, pulling you in a soft embrace, holding you like you were fragile. “Can we go inside?” He asked softly, craning his neck to look at you.
You said nothing, only following as Ben held your hand and pushed open the slightly ajar door.
Ben set you down on your couch, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head before he ventured into the kitchen, returning with a glass of water for you. Without trying to give it to you, he brought the glass to your lips, pressing his other hand to the back of your head to steady you. He set the glass down on the coffee table, kneeling between your legs. “Y/N?” He asked again, continuing when you didn’t say anything. “Y/N, please.” His voice broke on the last word. He took in a deep breath. “I need to know you’re okay, love.”
You nodded, “I’m okay.”
“Are you okay?” Ben asked again. “Really, Y/N, please be honest.” He took your hands in his. “I understand you don’t want to talk right now. Especially about… about whatever happened. But just…” He ran one hand through his hair, “Will you eat something?”
You nodded, smiling a little to ease his distress.
“Will you come to the kitchen with me?” He asked as he stood up, holding out his hand for you.
“Yeah,” you croaked, picking up the glass as you stood up too. You hadn’t made it far when the glass slipped out of your grip, shattering as it hit the floor. Your eyes widened, heartbeat increasing as you thought of what Ben would say. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ll clean it up,” you consoled, holding your hands out in defense as you bent down to the pick up the pieces.
“Y/N,” Ben called as he crouched down with you.
“I’m doing it, Ben, just a moment.” You said again.
“Y/N, stop,” Ben said, a little firmly this time, pulling your hands away from the broken glass.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered again, unable to look him in the eye.
Ben put two fingers under your chin to get your attention, “It was an accident, right? What are you sorry about? I’ll clean it up. Let’s first get you to the kitchen, okay, sweetie?” His hands were shaking, you could see, and you were sure that it was from rage. You said nothing the entire time Ben sat you down on the stool at the kitchen counter, weeping silently as Ben went back to pick up the broken glass.
He stormed around your apartment, cleaning the glass and throwing it away, making a few trips to make sure it was all clean. He was red in the face by the time he came back to the kitchen, opening drawers and slamming cupboard doors.
Once he’d got some water in a pot presumably to make your favourite pasta, forgetting to turn on the flame, he turned around to face you, his hands resting on the counter as he breathed in and out sharply.
“Ben?” You asked, your voice meek. “Did I make you mad? By breaking the glass?” You asked, holding your hands close to your body. You were ready to apologise before Ben could say anything.
“I am mad. I am angry, Y/N. I’m pissing furious at your stupid boyfriend!” Ben snapped, his voice loud and sharp. “How fucking dare he - how could yo-“ He pulled on his hair, screaming. He made his way over to you, his eyes going wide when you flinched. “Y/N, I’m not mad at you. At all. I could never be.”
You didn’t realise you were crying until Ben was wiping tears from your cheeks. He pulled you into his chest, his shaky breaths loud in your ears. “Oh, sweets.” He cooed, letting you sob into his chest. “That’s it. Let it all out, my love.” He pressed kiss after kiss into hairline, almost as if he couldn’t contain them. He brought his hands to your cheeks, looking at you tenderly, “I promise I am never ever going to let anything happen to you again. Ever. And I don’t care if I have to go to the ends of the earth to make that happen.”
You felt a little safer in that moment alone. You knew he wasn’t lying in the slightest. You could tell he was really going to try to keep you safe. You smiled, looking down at the ground.
“There’s that million dollar smile!” Ben called out, booping you on the nose. “I love that smile so much.”
Ben was the best. Somehow these mere words were making you feel special. He always did make you feel special. And you hadn’t felt that for a long time now. You hadn’t even felt like smiling in a long while. And Ben made it seem effortless. He truly was the absolute best.
You wrapped your arms around his torso, resting the side of your face on his chest, listening to his increased heartbeat. “Ben, will you stay with me?”
“Of course,” Ben said, running a hand through your hair. “Can I ask you something? Something you won’t like?”
You let out a sound of distress, still nodding.
“Where is Michael?”
You shivered on hearing his name, your mind instantly going back to the countless times he’d made you feel worthless. “I— the cops— he’s—”
“Cops? Did you call the cops on him?” He asked, his expression a mix of relief and confusion.
“My neighbor— my neighbor saw me this morning and asked if I was okay,” you managed to get out, shaking your head to indicate you didn’t want to hear about it.
Ben let out a long sigh, bringing his arms around your shoulders. “Oh!” He tensed up suddenly, pulling out of your hug. “I made you salted caramel brownies! That’s how I found you — they’re sitting on your porch, just a minute!” He rushed out excitedly, returning a few moments later with a huge box that looked like there wasn’t any empty space in there. “For my best girl,” he smiled, putting the box down on the counter, “I know how much you love them.”
You got teary-eyed again, but this time it wasn’t out of fright, or sadness. It was because Ben was the best friend you could ever ask for. It was out of love.
“I love you, Ben.” You whispered softly, trying to ignore the visible tensing of Ben’s body at your words. “I love you. And I can’t thank you enough.”
“You don’t have to,” Ben whispered softly, walking towards you and leaning down, rubbing his nose against yours. “I’ll always be here. For you. I love you too, sweetheart.”
And he did. And he showed you that he did. He laughed with you when he realized he hadn’t turned on the flame for the pasta, then proceeding to make your favorite. He warmed up a few pieces of the brownie, watching you fondly as you ate them. He cuddled with you as you simply existed in each other’s presence. He tucked you into bed with a goodnight kiss to your forehead, smiling softly when you asked him to join you.
He held you close, and he made you feel special for the first time in a long time.
Because he loved you. So much.
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