#boundless words

[amoonlostinmanynightmares-blog]

Is this it?

Is this it? Truly? Is what I’m feeling what many people crave, have? How can I tell? How can I know?

Well. I look at her and the world seems to fall flat around her. She swallows the roots of the earth, intakes the waters and forms into the world herself. Her eyes steal the sky and place them against the whites there. Her words a beautiful birdsong, a blackbird perhaps. Her touch, volcanic and addictive. She walks and the the sun beams against her as a continuous spotlight, when it goes the moon takes its place, pouring it's reflected light on to her bare back as her shadow over takes me. Her hand molding into mine with a grip that gives hope. Her laugh breaking through every wall there may be, every saddened memory. A smile that puts the world into a whirlwind around her.

Is this it? Truly? Is what I’m feeling what many people crave, have? How can I tell? I think I know?

[amoonlostinmanynightmares-blog]

Arrogance.

I'm so very confused. God do I feel alone, but, I want to be left alone. I don't understand this. I don't understand how I can feel both ways, a split, straight down the middle. Sat cooped up in my room, staring at my electronic screens with glazed over ignorant eyes. My head filled with thousands of thoughts, some I drown out and some I listen to as if they were the perfect symphony, shame they're a waste of time. Procrastinating my biggest obligations. Why do I always complain about how depressed I am, how alone I feel, how I'm going in a downward spiral and I'm letting myself down? I always complain. That's all I do, I never change it, I just whine and strop arrogantly. Lessons never get learned until I've been disciplined at least five times for doing the same thing, then it's too late.

[amoonlostinmanynightmares-blog]

I ache.

Proceed with naivity into the unilluminated environment

Encroach on the darkness to find the soulless and the bleak

A summer with the bluest of skies but the blackest of clouds

A chandelier drenched in dust left in its shatter

Hidden the shadow of a tarnished version cold and silent—

But ever so slightly swaying

Just leave me if I fall with splinters of chipped spine piercing me

I ache.

[amoonlostinmanynightmares-blog]

Is it too much to ask?

All I want. All I need is the corners of a smile pressed roughly against my skin licentiously. The outline of another's fingertips burning their memories into me. Engulfed in an energy that I am still yet to experience so one I can still not explain, or know. A breath heavy and lustful- blowing the runaway strands of hair that have fallen from behind my ear. An experience quite unruly.

[amoonlostinmanynightmares-blog]

Pondering predicament.

I just thought of something. I truly just did. The reason I'm alone and can't find love is because I am not allowing myself to be loved! I see someone we talk and I just, stop. It's unexpected, like my emotions, my life and my thoughts. I need to be me and allow myself happiness!

[amoonlostinmanynightmares-blog]

A met a beauty. In fact I've met a few. When I say beauty I don't mean the generic 21st century gaze upon it. I mean inner. The soul, the smile, the brain. That's what I can see, not breasts and an arse. Not thin or thick eyebrows. Not the weight of makeup on her face. I see her. I look at the emotion of each word, singling out any of the reactions that are more of an anomaly from the usual. Sometimes my judgement is clouded, or deceived. Mostly deceived. But there's one. One I see and ponder such glory. One girl who has it all. I want to understand her, get to know what makes her tick. The stories she has to tell and the passion she has right alongside them. Her story. Who she is. I want to feel her skin with my fingertips, just to feel somewhat of a connection. To look in her eyes and mean something. For once I'd like to be the beauty to someone else. I just want to burn in the blaze of her radiance.