Burning Out
Noah Sebastian x GN!Reader
Summary: Boyfriend!Noah has a panic attack after a disaster while shooting a music video and shuts down. There's one thing in the world that can comfort him in that moment, and that one thing is you.
Content Warning: Detailed description of a severe panic attack (Pls take care of yourself and do not read if you think you may be triggered)
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The crew moved steadily through the warehouse carrying large wooden structures, wheeled cases, props, and camera equipment. Orie, the band's video producer, directed them all as they gathered everything needed to build the set. Lighting panels and LEDs shined bright, heating up the room. Techs finished setting up the drumset and amps for the performance shot as the guys ran around getting ready to start filming.
Noah looked in the mirror, running a hand through his hair and adjusting the collar of his shirt for the 1,000th time. Shoot days always stressed him out. This band, this whole project was his entire life. He took on a lot more than being the frontman. From producing the music, to finances and taxes, to touring and travel logistics, to meetings with the label, he was heavily involved in it all. It was a lot, but no one would care about it as much as he did. This was a huge video for them to pull off. Indoor and outdoor scenes, several extras, CGI, complex sets, and a rather small budget to get it all done with. Everything had to look perfect. Everything had to run smoothly.
Orie called the band out to begin blocking for the performance takes while the crew continued to build the structure for the narrative scenes. Noah took one last glance at his reflection then stepped out of the dressing area, heading towards the platform. They arranged themselves on the set as cameras and lights were positioned around them. Bright beams flashed in Noah’s eyes as they adjusted and aimed streams of light to get the shot just right. His hands fidgeted in his pockets as he took in the scene around him. People bustled around. The warehouse was packed with actors and supplies and tools. Dozens of eyes looked at him from behind cameras and through monitors. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.
“Alright we’re ready” Orie announced.
Everyone settled in their places and the song began to play through the speakers. Noah tried his best to get out of his head and let go, singing along softly with the track. Orie’s voice rose over the sound, telling the cameramen where to go, directing Noah on which lens to look into.
Across the warehouse, two men carefully maneuvered a large panel, their sight blocked by the towering structure. A third waved his arms, directing them. They carefully crawled forward step by step, narrowly avoiding various obstacles within the space. A panicked voice rang out for them to stop but it was too late. The wall hit a light bar hanging from the ceiling. Glass bulbs shattered and parts of the fixture crashed to the ground, breaking to pieces on impact. The band stopped suddenly at the sound and the music was cut off. Orie turned around, letting out a string of curses.
Noah took in the damage, seeing the lights broken within the 3 walls they had set up. His hands tangled in his hair and he let out a long “fuuuck” under his breath. The lights were rented, and even if they hadn’t been, the equipment cost thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars the band didn’t have to shell out to replace them on top of completing the project and paying everyone for their time on the music video. People gathered around the mess, crew members pointed fingers at each other, voices were raised. Orie and some other members of the film crew stepped towards Noah, directing questions of what to do his way.
He knew they were talking to him, but he heard none of it. Just a loud whirring in his ears. His heart was beating a million miles a minute and he struggled to suck in enough air to fill his lungs. His chest tightened. The faces in front of him became blurry, his vision tunneling into a hazy pinhole. He kneeled to the ground, suddenly feeling unsteady, and sat on the heels of his boots.
“Noah…Noah?” Someone repeated his name in front of him.
Ruffilo looked over his shoulder, seeing his best friend, and knew immediately. He made his way over to the group surrounding him.
“Alright guys c’mon, give him some space” he said firmly, standing between Noah and the concerned faces crowding him. Folio and Jolly watched nervously from the side. Ruffilo knelt in front of him and braced a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey, Noah..buddy” he spoke gently.
Noah panted. He licked his lips and tried to respond, the words caught beneath the knot in his throat. Thoughts raced through his head. He began to wonder if this was because of the shoot, or if something was seriously wrong with him. He felt like he might die. Nick put his other hand on Noah’s shoulder, shaking him slightly and calling his name again. Nick's voice sounded like he was under water. He couldn’t speak. Couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t catch his breath. So he choked out the only thing he could think to say.
“Y/n.”
Nick parted his lips and closed them again, looking over his shoulder as if looking for you in the crowd of buzzing people.
_________________________________
You rushed back and forth at work, juggling several tasks simultaneously. Voices called, machines whirred, laughter bubbled. You stepped into the hall for a moment before heading to tackle your next order of business, letting out a sigh at the brief moment of silence. Your phone buzzed several times in your pocket, and you slipped a hand back to check it. “Ruffilo 🐱” appeared on the screen, informing you of 3 messages from him. Probably a meme. Probably an unflattering candid picture of Noah from across the room at the music video shoot they were at. You would answer him later, you thought, far too busy at the time. However, moments later your phone started to ring. Ruffilo’s name filled your screen, and he almost never called. If it was important enough he’d leave a voicemail you told yourself and kept walking. Your hand braced the doorhandle and you were ready to jump back into work when your phone rang a second time. You pulled it out to see Nick calling once more. Now your pulse spiked and butterflies erupted in your stomach. You stepped into a quiet corner and answered.
“Hey Nick, I’m at work. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah umm, just Noah, he’s…how fast can you get here?”
“Where?” you asked without hesitation.
“Warehouse on 5th” he responded.
You hung up abruptly, not even bothering to ask what was going on. You knew shoot days were hard for Noah, he had been stressed since several nights before. He got more worked up over their videos than he did shows. You ran to the staff room and grabbed your bag, paying no mind to the tasks you had awaiting you. You rushed into your manager’s office, chirping a quick “I’ve got to go. Emergency.” before slipping out. It was hard to explain the caliber of some of the situations Noah got into to other people who were outside of “Bad Omens Land.” You were never sure they could understand. His job wasn’t just any ordinary job, not just another day at the office. He had hundreds of thousands of people putting pressure on him to perform, to deliver. Sometimes it was way too much.
You sped, making questionable decisions on which traffic laws to follow, in order to make it the few blocks it was to the warehouse. You barely put the car in park before you were rushing towards the open overhead door. You locked eyes with Folio, muttering a quick “Where is he?” before Folio pointed to the back corner.
The sight of him was like a punch to the gut. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his eyes were glassy and red, bracing himself up with his hands on his thighs. You jogged over, dodging bodies and film equipment, and knelt in front of him, cupping his face in your hands and pulling his gaze to yours.
“Noah, I’m here baby, you’re okay” you said softly.
His hands traveled up to hold your wrists and he pressed his forehead to yours. You urged him to get up and scanned the vast building for a quieter space, pulling him along into the dressing room. He sat on the couch and hung his head in his hands, still breathing rapidly. You kneeled between his thighs and pulled him up to look at you.
“Let’s breathe, okay? In and out,” you modeled for him, “in……and out.”
He breathed along with you, unsteady and choked at first, then settled into a pattern of deep breaths. You unbuttoned the tight collar of his shirt and the few beneath it to make him feel less constricted and rubbed soothing patterns on his arms. His hands shook slightly and sweat beaded on his forehead. He had yet to say a word. You didn’t ask him to. You just held him as he calmed and came back to earth. Nick peered in the door and you gave him a nod, confirming everything was okay.
Noah’s voice cracked as he tried to speak, gravely from the dryness.
“Ca..can you lay with me for a second?”
It might have seemed silly to an outsider, but you knew the deep pressure helped to calm him down and ground him. He laid back on the couch and you maneuvered over Noah, laying across his chest with your head tucked under his chin. His arms wrapped tightly around you, and you nuzzled into him. You let your weight blanket over his body and listened to the sound of his heartbeat slowly returning to a normal rhythm. A few quiet moments passed. You sat up and he followed suit, leaning back on the cushions of the couch.
“I’m gonna grab you some water” you said softly, patting his thigh as you stood up.
He sipped the water quietly and you sat next to him, rubbing soothing circles on his back. He leaned into you, laying his head on your shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” Noah muttered.
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” Your heart broke at his words.
“You had to leave work to come here, we didn’t even finish any of the performance shots, I couldn’t help at all in the situation out there, I just froze, I…” he gestured to the door, “I feel pathetic.”
You shifted sideways, making sure he looked you in the eye.
“You are NOT pathetic. In the slightest. It’s amazing that you were even able to organize this whole thing. You have a very stressful job, and you don’t give yourself enough credit for that. You deserve some patience, some grace for that.”
“I was getting through it just fine and then they broke the lights and I just…just spiraled. I'm freaking out about the budget, and having to break it to the lighting company because I’m the one who handles all of that. I have to pull all this money out of my ass somehow because we still need to finish this music video and God knows if anyone will even like the fuckin song!” Noah fumed.
You could see him getting worked up again, tears welled up in his eyes.
“Hey” you called to him, wrapping your arms around his neck, “It sucks… but it’s gonna get figured out. You make some calls, make due with what equipment you have intact for today, and you make up the money some other way. I don’t know, an acoustic show somewhere, a spring merch drop, anything really, it’s just gonna take some thought.”
Noah nodded his head, his soft brown eyes meeting yours. He leaned in, pulling you in for a kiss with a finger under your chin.
“All that you need to do right now is take some deep breaths, go out there, lip sync for the video, and do your little arm waves and dances” you said with a smirk.
He feigned being offended and scoffed, then his lips curled into a soft smile.
“There’s my boy” you said, cupping his cheek and planting a quick peck on his lips.
Noah gathered himself and stood up, stretching before holding a hand out to you. He began heading towards the door before you called out for him to wait, pulling him towards you and restoring the buttons on his shirt. You followed him out of the dressing room, his head held high and shoulders back now in contrast from when you’d arrived. The crew looked in the direction of you two as you made your way over.
“Let’s get this shit rolling,” Noah called out to them.
You stood on the outskirts, watching as Noah oozed confidence before the cameras, and smiled to yourself.
Author's Note: I posted the poll for you to choose the next fic and Y'ALL VOTED FOR NOAH TO SUFFER LMAO fear not I am actively working on the Folio fic as well, it will be posted probably Wednesday, if not than during the weekend. I love you all XOXO Lila
TAGLIST: @platespaghetti @r3prise @branika182 @itsfarbettertolearn @nixsxxx @takeme1st @sleepycactus-omens @icybansheesoul @anything-morethan-human @fear-its-beauty @mapsychoticimagination @anonymousspirit @copper-locks @babeomens @booksnchaos @chey-n @foliosdrumstick @heavilyfadingpower @nikki-plum
