A Real open and honest conversation with my partner, made me realize how well he actually "fits" for me.
He as well first fell in love with the concept of me - that what you see and know of me the first months or even years. A loving person, that will take care of you like no one else, seduce you with her energy and just brighten up every moment. But I'm far more complex than that, but it takes a long time until you get to see that. Until you'll see me lose my patience for the first time, or actually take time for myself.
I warned him at the beginning of our relationship: "I have multiple and multiple of layers of personality, and you won't be able to stand me once the Charme has worn off after a few months.... I'm telling you!"
He now sees and agrees that I do have a large amount of layers, many of which he never had expected - but he said that the more he got to know of me, the more he fell in love with me. And I believe him. Nobody has every seen me as raw as he has - and I never felt scared.
Today my best friend said that I shall not compare that fresh feeling of being in love (which is thrilling, groundbreaking and truly addictive) with the strong bond and love of 5 year relationship. And she's right. I read some old posts from the beginning of my relationship with J. and many things overlap. I am the only person he really enjoys talking to. He's a quiet guy overall.... But towards me, he always seemed soft.
My heart still aches with 'what if' s' and daydreams of what we could be. And I won't deny it.
But I should not concentrate on the things what won't happen, and instead focus on that amazing thing that I have now. For that is something that has grown over the past five years. It's the first time I've been with someone for so long.
We keep on growing together. Evolving. Sometimes holding hands tightly. Sometimes a phone call and miles away. Each as one individual, together as one strong bond.
