the daily defecation - a diary

so, i created this blog, simply to post thoughts, photos, dialouges etc. from my daily life stuff that nobody is really interested in, but i feel like sharing anyways. things like elevator selfies, what the heck i’m having as a midnight snack or thoughts that cross my mind in the subway. other people thrash these kind of posts on their facebook or instagram, but i have enough decency to put that kind of crap in a extra blog, haha. just kidding. no i’m not. .........whatever . hi. ^_______^ and yes - i'll probably follow back.

[unimportantshizzle]

I'm actually okay

Surprised by it

But I am

Hope you - the person reading this - is well *virtual hug *

[unimportantshizzle]

Just one or two messages a week

And it was enough for there to be pain again

That burn of longingness

Even though I'm showered in bliss with what I have

I shall distance myself again

And come back to realize

That everything I could ever ask for, is right next to me

And stop longing for a speck of excitement that comes with a bunch of down-grades

I love my partner so much, to the moon and back

I feel home, safe understood, I can grow, I am trusted, I am seen

There is no person I rather spend time with, and that is the truth

Romance and deep love are to different things in my book, I don't know why

[unimportantshizzle]

[unimportantshizzle]

My real migraine face

The top picture was taken by accident

I sometimes am surprised on how different I can look....

This bottom one is taken, me trying to look normal, hiding the cramping pain I feel in my head

[unimportantshizzle]

[unimportantshizzle]

My sister commented my arms today

She said "they look really ugly"

I have a lot of scars and scabs on my arms. I scratch them open when I feel insecure - so yeah... I scratch them on a daily basis.

I manage to leave them for one and a half days. Then is cratched a few... But iw as proud I managed to not hurt myself for one ane a half days, and promised myself not to get angry with myself for scratching them.

Then my sister made that comment... Kinda funny. She is a feminist, and she is anti body shaming, etc etc... I know she regretted it the moment she said it. It hurt me, but just a bit. Enough to cry tho....

Now I put creme on all open wounds, trying to let my skin do its job, and not tear it down.

[unimportantshizzle]

so i have finally decided to end my studies now for real

time is up 

i do not have enough time to start and finish my thesis

i sort of don’t mind... but of of course, the mind can’t help to compare... people just a few years olders than me..finished their studies, found a great job, travelling, living life

what i i get stuck?

i know i’m worth a lot i know i’m a hard worker when i’m good at it and can actually use my skills many people have seen that in me so have i  and i am happy my boyfriends realls sees be - the best and worst in me, and still loves me

i dont know why i’m going through these thought,.. i’ll be okay...  for now. i have time to rest. time to manage my migraines. be there for my sister when her baby comes. gonna stay in my job until the beginning of next year.  breathe. don’t compare. i am trying. I wanna use all my free time, to just help, and od little jobs and do social work but actually i should focus on helping myself learning a way with my migraines. i’m sorry to myself for feeling dissapointment 

[thefabulousweirdtrotters]

Peacock 

[unimportantshizzle]

I am okay now

I don't know what happened

What changed

But it no longer stings or aches

My heart doesn't feel like the Crack is extending

I have accepted the circumstances

There is no point in freaking out and obsessively thinking of you

You got my gift, and I know I might have gone overboard - but I really care for you

My heart loved you even though it never was able to really experience >us<

Maybe it just loved the idea of you

We will never know

And I have come to terms with that

Thank you for being the bigger person

Until we meet again, as just friends

<3

[unimportantshizzle]

[unimportantshizzle]

[unimportantshizzle]

oh dear heart, please stop doing this to yourself it hurts, it stings, it cramps, it doesn’t make this any easier i thought it might bevore, that you have moved on the second i dared to actively think of it again, the ache started growing again dear heart please let us move on now there is no point

[lyrics-and-music]

Dakota // Between You & Me

[unimportantshizzle]

I wanted to butterfly kiss every single mole of yours

Even back then

[unimportantshizzle]

Hello

[unimportantshizzle]

The thought of you doesn't ache as much anymore

You still cross my mind on a daily basis

It still stings

And I've been wondering how I could let myself in so deep

I was foolish

But don't blame myself too much

Talking to you was the best I've felt in a long time

The feeling of falling in love is a drug, that's for sure

[unimportantshizzle]

I freaking hate that I started watching this again, because someone I likes, like it, and in a way, it makes me feel like I bond with you, even thought we're not in contact....