Well I spent all day with my boyfriend yesterday 😄 he picked me up for church in the morning. We ended up going to a prayer stations thing for the missionaries connected to our church instead of the actual service. He totally started losing interest a little more than halfway through, so he started squeezing my knee and blowing on my ear. It was cute and funny. After church, we rushed out to a football game he was playing with his buddies. I knew he’d probably ignore me. I’ve played football with my brothers and I’ve watched games because my crush was playing. But he didn’t. When his team was near where I was, he ran over. I thought he was gonna put something down or something like that but he grabbed my face and kissed me “for good luck” and ran back to the game. His buddies all puckered their lips at him and said “me too” which I’m sure he knew would happen. But he did it anyway. I felt so loved. And worthy. Like he was so proud of being with me. It was amazing. He’s amazing. He played pretty well in my opinion. He looked so hot playing. I could tell right away that he was one of the best players among his group of friends. He was a particularly good receiver. I told him later that I thought he played really well, and looked really cool, but he said it was an off day. Whatever. I liked getting to watch him. 😁 so then we went to play laser tag. We invited a big group to play. I had a couple friends from school come, we had church friends join us, and he had his cousins drive in and they brought a couple friends. It was so much fun to play! I also was able to play really well. For the first game I was ranked 2nd to my boyfriend who is really really good at this game. They placed us on the same team which was super unfair because we obviously are the most familiar with the map. So my boyfriend traded teams for both games haha. We played a little together though. We killed each other a ton. We both got mvp a few times. He looks amazing in the gear honestly. When he gets really into the game… 😊 man. So anyway after 3 hours of laser tag, people all went home. Except we went out with his cousins for a beer. We ended up getting 2 pitchers (about 4 glasses a pitcher) and got some appetizers. We chatted about the game and even got into politics a little but it was all very respectful and lighthearted. They said something about us sleeping together and my boyfriend said that we hadn’t because “she won’t let me” and I gaped because while that’s true that’s not accurate at all. So I said “hold up before you even asked me out I went to ask you about whether or not you were interested in me and you said “we aren’t sleeping together if that’s what you’re thinking.”“ And his cousins died laughing. He grinned at me and said "oh I did say that didn’t I?” I nodded. His one cousin toasted him for that. His cousins are such nice guys I hope we can hang out with them more and more. After our “dinner” we went to his place planning to veg and watch netflix. But when we got there, his mom and her boyfriend were in the living room, and her boyfriend was asleep. So she told us to use her room. He complained that there was no netflix in her room but I told him not to bother his mom (who always lets us have the living room) and we had to talk more than watch something anyway. But he suggested his laptop and I said “in that case why don’t we go to your room?” (Being in his moms bedroom felt really creepy to me.) So we did. We sat on his bed and watched netflix. First his arm was around me. Then on my leg. Then we held hands. Just typical shifting to be comfortable ya'know? Then I got frustrated because I couldn’t pull my knees up because then we couldn’t see, so eventually I just laid down. About half an episode later he laid down like half on top of me. On my shoulder I guess. It felt so warm and safe and I hoped he wouldn’t move but he did. He laid behind me and kept a hand on my shoulder or an arm around me basically all the time. At one point when his mom came in to ask him something, a topic was brought up in a joking way that just happened to be really serious for me. When we were officially done watching netflix, he made me actually tell him what was going on. I had started acting strangely, I turned around completely not watching and just buried my face in his chest and held him. I wasn’t sure how to word what I had to say. And it took me a lot of tries. He was really patient with me though. What I had to tell him ended up being my biggest deepest darkest secret. The thing I’m the most ashamed of. And when I’d said it, he put his hand under my chin and made me look at him (which I’d been avoiding) and he told me that it didn’t matter to him and it was ok and it was normal. And that he still cared about me the same way. Then he said that his darkest secret was worse. And that he wouldn’t be telling me about it yet. At this, he got up off the bed and walked around the room. I sat up, watching him. I said it was fine for him to not tell me yet as long as he planned on sharing someday. We dropped it but I was worried. During the car ride home, I asked him if I could at least know how I could be praying for him. He suddenly said “screw it I have to tell you anyway.” I told him he didn’t have to but he insisted. So he explained it all. And it was darker than mine. And more serious. He almost cried. I almost cried for him. At least I know how to pray now. He said he thought I would break up with him if I knew. And I so am not leaving him because he’s struggling and fighting. I am just so so glad he confided in me. I will take his secret to the grave if I must. Oh and we also discussed the where we are going to live thing. He said “I am not dead set on [the city we live in]. I am dead set on having you. And having kids, a family, and a good house. I prefer [city we live in] but I’m alright with anywhere as long as it has some affiliation to film so I can pursue that.” Which I think is great that he wants to pursue his passion. I also had to say that I didn’t mind this city, but that I just don’t think I could live in the city. Maybe a suburb outside. He then mentioned a place he’s been looking at. 😊 so I might be a suburbanite SUV driving Soccer mom. But at least I’ll have him.💕 Ok I don’t really want to end on such a heavy note. So let me also add that while we were in his room he kissed me at least twice. Once because I said if he did I’d put away his laundry for him (that was just funny) and once after the whole serious talk thing. Then in the car when we got to my place, the first goodnight kiss became an immediate two, and then we talked for another ten minutes and I got a third after that. 😘 I had a good night hahaha. And also we have discussed things about “what if we break up” and that’s almost always how we say it “if we break up” and last night he struggled with saying those words. He said “if… If we…. If we eventually become just good friends, I would want to tell you in the nicest way possible that I wish you would look for someone better than me.” Which was sweet but also he is the best I’m not looking for better. That was the cheesiest thing I think he’s ever said out loud without trying to be corny. I think I’m really falling in love with him now. There’s no going back anymore.
