Straight from the outset: no names. Not even going to bother with pseudonyms (too much effort and hard to remember).
So my Tinder adventures begin here. I'd been using it for a week or so, first enjoying it as a game to see how many matches I could accumulate, and as a way to generally just perv on guys. Heterosexual woman here.
I was hesitant to actually meet people at first, which probably defeats the purpose of using the app in the first place. Partly because of the idea of meeting a random stranger, where the assumption is that sex will occur. But I think the bigger thing was the fear of disappointment.
Disappointment that the guy wasn't how I pictured. Disappointment that I wasn't how he pictured. Disappointment that the encounter wasn't enjoyable. Disappointment that we might part ways straight away and I would hate myself. Disappointment in myself.
This is generally how Tinder conversations go, in my experience. This might happen over a day or two, it might happen over 15 minutes.
This conversation taught me my first Tinder lesson: if he uses the word snuggle, he wants sex. Straight up. When has a guy ever used the word snuggle and meant that he just wants to cuddle, hands where you can see them? Snuggle is a word only couples in relationships of 2 years or more should use, when sex isn't your first instinct and you've seen each other naked too many times to count.
So, Boy #1 was interested in having me come over that night to 'snuggle'. I had plans, but they could be ditched early on. Because Tinder isn't completely reliable messaging wise, I asked if Boy #1 had Facebook, so I could add him. This also allowed me to do some Facebook stalking of photos to get a better idea of who this guy was. Facebook stalking. We all do it, just accept it.
Our conversation moved over to Facebook Messenger, but it soon became apparent that he had a game early the next morning and it wasn't the best idea if I came over. No problems, we'd try and meet up the following weekend.
Saturday night came around and it was decided that I would come over around 9:30. Since it was my first Tinder encounter, I didn't know what the protocol was. Do I just walk straight into the bedroom? Do I jump him and start making out right away? Do we talk first and get to know each other?
Turns out we sat on the couch for a bit and watched whatever was on tv. I honestly don't remember. There was a bit of small talk and eventually he put his hand on my leg. Okay, so he's interested. He put his other arm around my shoulders, so I turned a bit so that my back was leaning against his chest. A little bit after, he starts kissing my neck and shoulder, and we're off.
A fairly low key start, but ladies and gentleman, sex occurred.
And then the awkwardness settles in afterwards. Where do we go from there? Should I stay? Turns out he once again had a game early the next day. Looks like I'll be heading home then. It's around 10:45 at this stage.
The awkward goodbye. Why are you trying to kiss me on the mouth? Sure, I'll speak to you later (unlikely). Have a good night (home alone). Thanks (for the orgasm?).
Needless to say, I didn't speak to Boy #1 again. Which was made more uncomfortable by the fact that I still had him on Facebook. What is the etiquette with having a one night stand on Facebook? Do I wait until he unfriends me? Do I unfriend him straight away? Do I continue Facebook stalking for my own amusement?
We are no longer friends.
I still have his phone number though. Tinder lesson #2: keep the phone number. For practicality, so you know who those text messages are from. And in case he decides to call you and you're wondering who it is and whether you should answer.
