#bpd!percy

[happyk44]

Something something Percy and Annabeth being argumentative prior to dating because they were just friends and it was easier for Percy to not defer solely to every plan in Annabeth's head but the they started dating and his BPD took their new relationship and Percy's fears of abandonment and struggles with making friends combined with Rick's society's attitude of romance being the only "real" relationship of any value grew into a general worry of "I didn't think I'd ever be able to date someone so I can't afford lose this chance", leading to him cutting himself off at the knees in order to abide by her every whim because this is something solid and concrete he's scared of losing, forgetting who he is when he's not with her and and getting frustrated, angry, and mean, snapping bitter and cruel words when she leaves him by himself for even the barest of a second because she's supposed to be there with him at all times, she's supposed to tell him who he is, she's not supposed to leave him empty and miserable—she's supposed to love him and love him forever.

Something something Annabeth and Percy being argumentative prior to dating because budding sparks of NPD and self-righteousness clashed with any question against her perceived authority and superiority and knowledge that she knows best and is best, and it gets worse when they start dating because Annabeth's ego takes Percy's sudden obsessive fawning as proof positive that she is perfect and deserves to be worshipped and believed greater than great, which means anytime they have even the most minor of disagreements, his lack of deferral to her superiority leads her to crash out, second guessing her own mind then growing angry and resentful at him for both doubting her and making her doubt herself, her abandonment issues coiling back all her bubbling rage because she can't afford to lose him, not when he strokes her ego and makes her feel like something worthwhile, something lovable, something priceless most of the time, so she's just passive aggressive and mean when she's upset, inside fearing violently about being left behind and trying everything she can to make sure that doesn't happen.

Something something they make each other worse.

[justaz]

percy literally has bpd btw wtf

[happyk44]

actually lol the story playing out as it does but after Annabeth reunites with Percy, he looks behind her and is very quickly, "where's grover"

cue depression that some other satyr is joining them on this quest instead of Grover, who obviously decided not to come get Percy himself because he hates him

("percy, he doesn't hate you, he's just busy preparing trying to keep Gaea down with all the other nature spirits")

("HE HATES ME")

[happyk44]

Percy: I don't have abandonment issues.

Grover: *gets married and starts a family*

Percy:

Percy: Oh no.

[happyk44]

Percy when other people are busy: Ah, that's fine, no problem. We can hang out another time 😊

Percy when Grover is busy: He hates me, that's why he doesn't wanna hang out, I'm a horrible friend and he never wants to see me again, I should die, I should kill myself, I should-

[happyk44]

Thinking about Percy with BPD for the millionth time and how he thinks Grover is the most perfect special boy that everyone should be nice to and thinking about Annabeth with NPD realizing Percy doesn't see her the same way and getting supremely agitated about it

[happyk44]

Thinking about Percy who ties his personhood and identity/sense of self to the relationships he has (Sally's son, Grover's bestie, Annabeth's boyfriend) because it's easy and aligning himself to them provides a clear picture of who he's supposed to be. But often where he ends up short with this is in his concept of Nico's protector, because it's not mutual. At least not in his perception of it. Aside from the beginning of TTC, Nico does not see Percy as his defender the way Percy does.

On one hand, it provides a relief because it gives him space and leeway to develop a relationship with Nico outside of preconceived notions, but on the other hand, it denies him the framework he's used to having for developing relationships with other people. Nico sees himself on more equal footing with Percy, and while Percy would never deny Nico his strength and power, his capabilities are often ignored in order for Percy to showcase himself in the role of Nico's protector. I can see this kind of dynamic providing a stressor for both of them. Nico doesn't want to be denied his agency and will get frustrated with Percy for assuming less of him, where Percy will get frustrated with Nico for not stepping back and keeping himself safe the way he thinks Nico should.

Nico is more informed in certain situations than Percy, especially when coming across mythical figures. So while Percy would be content to listen to him and allow him to present a strategy, I think he'd become agitated at the idea of Nico being a participant in that strategy. To which Nico would become agitated at Percy's dismissal of him. He would see this as Percy not trusting him, where Percy would see his refusal to stay in the background as a direct defiance to Percy's assumed role in his life.

When it comes to Percy tying his sense of self to the people he cares about, he doesn't tend to notice he's doing it. Sort of seeing himself in the framework of "Who am I? Oh, I'm Sally Jackson's son" versus "Who am I? Im Percy Jackson". It's not odd or abnormal to him, so he can't see it, and thereby he's not able to verbalize or explain his behaviour with Nico in a satisfactory manner.

Not to mention, I think Nico calling him out on his behaviour is a stressor in and of itself, so his mood spikes and instead of trying to analyze why he's acting like this or focus on Nico's words, he just doubles down on it instead and/or splits. And then they fight and argue and Percy just thinks "this fucking little shit" the whole time, annoyed and pissed with Nico. Then, when Percy settles down by himself a few hours later, he's suddenly swamped with intense depression and misery for failing Nico over and over again.

Despite this, he still can't analyze himself. He just sees himself as a failure undeserving of being someone's protector, much less Nico's. He notices the intensity of his emotions, notices the sudden shift in mood, but it's so normal to him and so overwhelming, he can't wonder about the why. Not to mention, wondering about the why requires introspection that Percy despises because looking inwards just shows he doesn't really know the answer to "who am I?" He's Percy Jackson, sure. Sally Jackson's son, Grover Underwood's best friend, Annabeth Chase's boyfriend. Two time saviour of the world. Child of the ocean.

But who the fuck is he outside of other people?

Who he is when he's alone?

[justaz]

bpd!percy idolizing luke as his favorite person and then the betrayal happens…….do you see what I see